Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette (5 page)

Now, back to that third step to getting invited back: going beyond the obvious “please” and “thank you” when someone’s hosting you at their home. Here’s how:

PITCH IN.
Ask the host if you can bring something or do anything to help prepare for the event. And don’t forget to offer to help the host when they’re prepping the food and washing the dishes.

WORK THE ROOM.
Strike up a conversation with the girl who is standing by herself and help introduce her to the others in the group.

HELP WITH CLEANUP.
After dinner, help clear the table. (Unless, of course, the host used a catering company and the pros are in charge of serving and clearing.)

BRITT:
BREN, WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF THE HOST INSISTS THAT YOU DON’T LIFT A FINGER? SHOULD YOU LISTEN—OR HELP ANYWAY?

BREN:
Some hosts prefer to do all the heavy lifting. As a guest, you need to respect your host’s wishes. If you offer to help with dinner, dishes, or post-party cleanup and your host insists you sit down and relax, listen to them and enjoy being a guest.

STAY UPBEAT.
Nobody likes a Debbie Downer, which means that even if the traffic was brutal, the parking was impossible, or you had a case of the Mondays, quit your whining.

MINGLE.
Don’t cling to the host the whole party. Introduce yourself to new people and make your way around the room.

BE RIGHT-HAND READY.
Carry your drink (and your clutch, if you decide to hold on to it) in your left hand so you can shake hands with people easily.

BE SINCERE.
Compliment the host on their home and the effort they put into organizing the event.

STASH YOUR PURSE.
Discreetly ask the host where to put it for the evening instead of plopping it on the sofa.

BE “GLUTTON”-FREE.
Don’t eat
too
much. If the host has prepared a divine appetizer that you just can’t get enough of, try not to monopolize that tasty dish.

TAKE A HINT.
Follow your host’s cues for when to call it a night. Last-call hints include:

•
The invitation specified an end time

•
The host starts cleaning up

•
The host turns off the music or the lights

•
The guest of honor has left the party

•
The host says, “This was so much fun, I’m glad you could make it!”

TIDY UP AFTER YOURSELF IN THE POWDER ROOM:
That means drying off any water that splashed on the counter and making sure you don’t leave the hand towel in a ball on the floor.

YOU KNOW THE DRILL.
Express your gratitude for everything your host did to make it a fun evening. It’s always nice to mention something specific, such as how beautiful the flowers were or how much you enjoyed the delicious roasted chicken.

FOLLOW UP.
Write a handwritten thank-you note (and call, if you’re so inclined) within two weeks of the event. Be sure to include thoughtful details from the gathering. (See
Chapter 7
for tips on how to write memorable thank-you notes.)

RECIPROCATE.
If possible, invite the host over to your house for dinner or even just appetizers and drinks before going out to dinner.

Whether you’re hosting or visiting, a few days with friends is the perfect way to get some quality bonding time with those who are nearest and dearest to us. To help you rock as a hostess or be the picture-perfect guest, keep these etiquette tips in mind.

BEFORE THEY ARRIVE.
Confirm how they will get to your house. Will you pick them up from the airport? Or will they drive to your place? If they’re driving, make sure they have the address and explain any tricky directions as well as parking instructions.

Next, make sure your guest room is stocked with the essentials: a bed fitted with clean linens, pillows, and a duvet or warm blanket. Fill a carafe with water or leave bottled water on the nightstand. Additionally, check that all of the lights in the guest room work, empty the trash can in the bathroom, and make sure there is plenty of toilet paper.

WHEN THEY ARRIVE.
Offer to help your guests with their bags and show them to their room. Ask if they have any food aversions or allergies, so you can tailor the meals and/or restaurant picks accordingly. Soon after they get to your home, offer them something to drink and eat, as they may be parched and famished after their journey.

BRITT:
IS IT TACKY TO ASK YOUR GUESTS TO STRIP THE BED SHEETS BEFORE THEY LEAVE?

BREN:
If your guests ask if they need to strip the bed and you would appreciate this, then definitely let them know that would be great. Otherwise, I’d suggest you not ask them to strip the bed. You don’t want to make them feel like they’re the reason you’ll be stuck doing extra laundry.

I adore having houseguests. I love everything from preparing the guest room to taking them to our favorite restaurants. But at the end of their stay, I am ready to have some “me” time again.

The most important thing a guest can do is stick to the three-day rule. Why three days? Well, like the old adage says: “Houseguests are like fish: After three days, they start to stink.”

As long as you stick to the three-day rule and follow a few other etiquette guidelines outlined below, your friends will be eager to invite you back.

•
CALL THE HOST.
Confirm the dates you’ll be staying, as well as your arrival and departure times, and ask about activities for the stay so you can pack accordingly.

•
BRING A HOST GIFT.
Chances are that you know your hosts well if you’re staying in their home, so this is a great opportunity for a personalized or unique present, such as:

•
Bottle(s) of wine, a bud vase, a coffee-table book on a favorite topic or place of theirs, or a gourmet food item

•
Bonus Points Gifts: A picture frame (engraving is a great touch), or monogrammed linen dinner napkins

•
FOLLOW THE “NO SURPRISES” RULE.
Don’t assume you can bring your pets, children, or additional guests. Always run things by your host first so there are no surprises.

•
IF YOU’RE LATE, COMMUNICATE.
If you’re stuck in traffic or your flight is delayed, text or call your hosts to let them know.

BRITT:
IF A FRIEND INVITES YOU TO THEIR VACATION HOME, SAY, SOMEWHERE THAT REQUIRES AIR TRAVEL AND PACKING LIGHT, CAN YOU SEND A GIFT AFTER THE WEEKEND IN LIEU OF BRINGING A HOST GIFT?

BREN:
Always try to tuck a small, travel-friendly host gift in your carry-on or luggage (monogramed cocktail napkins are one of my favorite host gifts for this reason—they’re a cinch to pack). But if packing a gift is a challenge, then yes, write a thoughtful thank-you note and send a gift immediately after the weekend to show your gratitude.

•
FOLLOW YOUR HOST’S LEAD.
For instance, if your host is a morning person, try not to snooze till noon.

•
BE TIDY.
Although you’re on vacation, you’re not staying in a hotel—so make the bed each morning and be tidy.

•
REMEMBER THAT MANY HANDS MAKE LIGHT WORK.
Offer to help your host, whether it’s prepping appetizers or washing the dishes.

•
PICK UP THE TAB.
If you dine out during the visit, insist on paying for everyone once or twice. After all, your host probably shelled out some dough for good vino and fancy cheese.

[
BRITT:
A hospitable host will try to convince you that she’d way rather have you kick back and relax, but trust me on this one: Help out as much as you can by just jumping right in to clear the table or slice the lox. It’s a lot of work to have someone stay at your house for a few days, so if you can ease the burden at all, your host will love you for it.
]

•
CLEAN UP.
Leave your room and bathroom as you found it.

•
STRIP THE BED.
Check with your host to see if she would like you to strip the bed or leave it as-is. If she takes you up on your offer, remove the sheets and leave them folded at the foot of the bed. Straighten the duvet or blanket and pillows so the bed still looks “made” and presentable.

•
PACK UP.
Double-check the drawers and closet to make sure you didn’t leave anything behind.

•
SHOW YOUR GRATITUDE.
Thank your host for a wonderful stay, giving specific examples (say, a restaurant or activity) of what you particularly enjoyed.