Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette (3 page)
Read Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette Online
Authors: Brittany Deal,Bren Underwood
Tags: #table manners, #thank you notes, #social etiquette, #entertaining, #dating etiquette, #thank you note etiquette, #bridesmaid etiquette, #maid of honor etiquette, #how to shine as your best self, #tech etiquette, #modern manners, #win friends, #etiquette expert, #proper social behavior, #respect, #social conduct, #charming, #etiquette advice, #good manners, #wedding etiquette, #move on over Emily Post, #polished, #self-help, #etiquette guide, #build confidence, #how to be your best self, #guest etiquette, #manners, #hosting, #host etiquette, #elegant, #being a great guest, #nice people, #social media etiquette, #the power of appreciation, #Etiquette
[
BRITT:
If you’re part of a couple, you know how glorious it is when the two of you finally find another duo that you can do things with. As much as men roll their eyes at our love of the “double date” (the DD), it’s the fellas who have an easier time bonding when they’re thrown into the foursome dynamic.
Most men are pretty simple: As long as both guys have something in common—say, sports or love of craft beer—they will probably get along just fine. As for women, well, we either instantly click with the other gal or we pray that there will be enough wine to make it through the evening.
Now, let’s say you and your man find that ideal double-date duo with whom you both get along. You invite them over for dinner—it goes perfectly—and the four of you start to talk about all of the future brunches and happy hours you’ll do together.
But a few weeks go by and you haven’t heard from them. I mean, it’s their turn to invite you over, since you hosted last. You decide to invite them to brunch anyway. After numerous attempts, you finally get your perfect DD couple on the phone, and they say their calendar is
really
busy over the next couple of weeks.
“Oh, of course!” you say. “How about sometime next month, instead? We are wide open, so whatever works for you.”
“That sounds wonderful,” they say. “Let’s touch base next month when the timing gets closer.”
“Great! Can’t wait!” you say, gushing at how nice they sound on the phone. But later you start to wonder:
Did we just get shot down for brunch?
In that moment, you realize your perfect DD couple is just not that into you.
Maybe they didn’t appreciate your boyfriend’s grandpa-like jokes or your incredibly detailed stories at the dinner table (if this strikes a little too close to home, don’t miss the handy conversational etiquette tips in
Chapter 6
). Or maybe that couple simply wasn’t the right friendship fit for the two of you. But in case your hosting or guest-related etiquette was a little rusty (maybe you served a Philly cheese steak to a vegan), we have the etiquette tips to get you on the right track.
In the end, we all want other people to like us and actually
want
to hang out with us. Being etiquette savvy on how to host as well as be a great guest will help you keep and strengthen your friendships, as well as make new ones. After all, “busy” calendars are always open for those who make us feel comfortable, special, and appreciated. And if you find that after you’ve brushed up on these dos and don’ts and this DD couple is
still
hard to pin down, then it’s time to ditch them like your old BlackBerry.
]
HOW TO BE A HOSPITABLE HOST
When I was twelve years old, I attended a sleepover at one of my best friends’ houses—but this was no ordinary sleepover. Sure, there was the pizza and ice cream and DIY pedicures. But as we started watching our PG-13 movie in the den, all I could focus on was the clinking of wineglasses and laughter flowing out of the dining room down the hall.
My friend’s parents were hosting a dinner party while the two of us giggled in the next room. Even at the young age of twelve, I was fascinated by how a stunning table setting and an elaborate, holiday-worthy feast could make a cozy Saturday evening in with friends a special event. Right then and there, I vowed that I would host similarly fabulous dinner parties when I was their age.
Fast-forward several years and I’ve kept that precious promise to myself. While some people rejoice when friends invite them over, I’m that friend who loves doing the inviting—whether it’s a small dinner party with family, a baby shower, a birthday party, or having houseguests for a long weekend.
So, what’s the secret to being a wonderful host—and learning to love hosting? I think it’s as simple as this: create an atmosphere where your guests feel comfortable and welcome. If your guests’ comfort is your compass when planning and executing a party, you’ll win anyone over, every time.
In this chapter, we’ll go into everything from whether or not you need to serve the wine your guest brought to how to appropriately thank someone else for being an amazing host. But first things first: the invitation.
It’s the first thing your guests see and it sets the initial tone for the event. Invitations—digital or printed—work great for gatherings of ten or more (think: cocktail parties, bridal or baby showers, holiday parties, formal celebrations, and birthday parties).
When hosting formal celebrations, such as a bridal or baby shower, it’s a modern-etiquette must to use fancy invitations (aka those pretty paper invitations) sent via snail mail. Use Paperless Post Evites for more informal get-togethers, such as a Super Bowl party or a small birthday party.
I bet you are wondering if texts or e-mail invites are ever modern etiquette–approved? The answer is yes! Use this method when you’re hosting friends for the weekend, a small dinner party, or an impromptu get-together.
As a host, one of the surprisingly tricky little tasks you’ll have will be tracking down your RSVPs. It’s kind of like herding cats. Some guests will reply immediately, making your life as a hostess a breeze. Others will wait until the last minute or worse, not respond at all.
If you have yet to hear from some of your guests, try calling, texting, or e-mailing them, as it may have slipped their minds to RSVP.
[
BRITT:
I planned a birthday dinner for a close friend not too long ago, and I followed up with all of the non-responders via e-mail. One person never responded, and sadly, after three e-mail follow-ups, I gave up on her. Turns out she wasn’t blowing me off; my e-mails got stuck in her spam filter, so she never knew about the party. I felt horrible for not calling to double-check that she received my e-mail invite, since she would have loved to come to the party. Let my story serve as a lesson to future hosts everywhere.
]
What makes a gathering special? Details, details, details! Think monogrammed cocktail napkins, soft background music, striking floral arrangements, and of course, an attentive host. Guests remember those kinds of thoughtful details. That’s what’ll leave your party people captivated—and perhaps even inspired to host their own amazing shindig.
To make hosting a dinner party memorable instead of meh, here is a collection of tips and tricks.
When preparing for an event, make a to-do list ahead of time so you can stay on track. Make sure your list includes:
•
Grocery list/bar list
•
Décor/ambiance list (florals, candles, music, etc.)
•
Ample serveware, glassware, dinnerware, linens, napkin rings, salt and pepper shakers, etc.
•
A tidy house (including the bathroom that your guests will be in and out of all night!)
I actually keep a list of all our friends’ food preferences and allergies so I can refer to it whenever we host. A little OCD? Maybe. But I definitely know that my vegan and gluten-free friends are touched when they find plenty of food options that they can enjoy.
[
BRITT:
These days, there are so many people who are gluten-free, vegan, vegetarian, or just pickytarian. If you don’t want your guests to offload bits of food to your innocent doggie, try to remember to ask about their likes and dislikes ahead of time.
]
’Nuff said.
[
BRITT:
For a dinner party, assume one bottle of wine per two people attending. You don’t make friends with water . . . just sayin’.
]
