Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette (4 page)
Read Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette Online
Authors: Brittany Deal,Bren Underwood
Tags: #table manners, #thank you notes, #social etiquette, #entertaining, #dating etiquette, #thank you note etiquette, #bridesmaid etiquette, #maid of honor etiquette, #how to shine as your best self, #tech etiquette, #modern manners, #win friends, #etiquette expert, #proper social behavior, #respect, #social conduct, #charming, #etiquette advice, #good manners, #wedding etiquette, #move on over Emily Post, #polished, #self-help, #etiquette guide, #build confidence, #how to be your best self, #guest etiquette, #manners, #hosting, #host etiquette, #elegant, #being a great guest, #nice people, #social media etiquette, #the power of appreciation, #Etiquette
Think for a minute about a dinner party or event you recently attended. Close your eyes and visualize the flowers, the table setting, the lighting, and even the sound of the music and the scent of candles.
As you reminisce, use these tips to make your next event unforgettable.
CREATE AMBIANCE.
Place light-flickering candles, such as a hurricane candle, on your coffee table, a scented candle in the powder room, and votives on the dining-room table. And add fresh flowers by designing your own arrangements or picking them up from a florist.
TURN ON MUSIC.
Keep the volume low enough so guests are still able to talk. Use Pandora or Spotify for endless playlists you can stream through your television or phone. My go-to stations include Michael Bublé, Coldplay, and David Gray.
THINK SMALL.
Monogrammed cocktail or dinner napkins add a personalized touch. Try Mark & Graham for chic yet affordable napkins you can customize.
MAKE IT EASY ON YOUR GUESTS.
Use place cards to prevent guests from nervously shuffling to find a seat at a dinner party. Bonus: They also enable you to seat people together with common interests and encourage new friendships.
You know that friend who is totally the “hostess with the mostest?” The one who blows you away, whether it’s a simple girls’ wine night or a fancy dinner party? And everyone attending is always like, “How does she do it?”
Well, while her hostess charm may appear almost mystical and impossible to copy, the secrets are in the small touches:
1.
Greet your guests. When your guests arrive, greet them individually and introduce them to each other with thoughtful detail. Offer them a drink and take their coat and/or handbag.
2.
Don’t let anyone go thirsty. Keep an eye on your guests’ drinks and offer a refill or top-off when needed.
3.
Prepare a coffee nightcap. Traditionally, coffee and tea are served with dessert or after the meal. Have both available (decaf, too) to offer to your guests.
4.
Tailor your meal to your guests. If you know your guests love a certain cuisine or just visited a country, make the food from that region in their honor.
5.
Get fancy and print a menu. Print out the menu on stylish paper and leave it at each place setting.
6.
Make party favors. For larger gatherings, put together a parting gift, like a small bag of homemade oatmeal chocolate-chip cookies or sea-salted caramels.
[
BRITT:
PS: If you have time in your day to do number 6, I want your job.
]
BRITT:
BREN, IF A GUEST BRINGS WINE OR FOOD AS A HOST GIFT, IS IT NECESSARY TO SERVE IT?
BREN:
This depends on the circumstances. For instance, if a guest brings a selection of gourmet jam and scones to a dinner party, the host doesn’t need to serve the treat. However if a guest brings a bottle of wine or food item that is appropriate for that evening, it’s a good idea to serve it at your party. If in doubt, ask the guest if he or she would like you to serve the item.
THE GRACIOUS GUEST RSVPS ASAP
Let’s start with the first step toward getting invited back for more parties: RSVPing. If you receive an invitation, my motto is “RSVP ASAP.”
Hosts rely on RSVPs when coordinating an event and ordering food, drinks, and supplies, so it’s respectful to reply as soon as you can. If you need to double-check your calendar, add a reminder on your phone so it doesn’t slip off your radar.
WHEN YOU’VE BEEN INVITED TO AN EVENT BUT CAN’T MAKE IT.
Thank the host for including you, but let them know you have a prior engagement and that you’re sadly unable to attend. (Also, you don’t need to explain what the prior engagement entails).
IF YOU’VE ACCEPTED AN INVITATION AND SUDDENLY CAN’T ATTEND.
Let the host know ASAP and apologize for the change of plans.
IF YOU’VE DECLINED AN INVITATION BUT CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE AND YOU CAN NOW ATTEND.
Unless the host is a close friend or relative, stay committed to your original reply. It can put your host in a sticky situation and make them feel obligated to include you in a meal, place setting, and so on at the last minute.
The second step to getting invited back is
punctuality
. Be timely, but don’t arrive more than five minutes early. If you’re running late, call or text the host to let them know and also tell them your approximate arrival time. Anything more than twenty minutes late is not “fashionably late”—it’s rude. We all know that things come up and stuff happens, so if you’ll be significantly late, call the host to let them know, apologize, and make sure it’s OK to still attend.
[
BRITT:
One time I hosted a birthday dinner for a friend, and one of the guests showed up forty-five minutes early! My hair was still wet, and I hadn’t finished putting out the appetizers, so when she arrived I felt stressed trying to get her a drink and entertain her while also finishing my preparations and blow-drying my hair. Being on time is good . . . but being too early is just as bad as being late.
]
So, now you know to always RSVP and arrive on time. Next is a little refresher on how to be the thankful, helpful, conscientious, conversational, and social girl at the party who makes the host’s life a breeze. But first, let’s cover the Gracious Guest Platinum Rule.
A host gift is an etiquette must. When choosing a host gift, think of the host’s preferences: Do they adore dark chocolate? Is their favorite indulgence a bottle of rosé? Perhaps they love peonies? Here are some gift suggestions to help you choose the perfect present:
•
A fancy, scented candle that the host probably wouldn’t splurge on
•
A small, potted succulent, seasonal plant or floral arrangement
•
A bag of gourmet coffee and muffins (or cinnamon buns!) for the next morning
•
A bottle of the host’s favorite wine, or one that you love
[
BRITT:
Someone once brought me “Squirrel Brand Nuts” as a host gift for a long weekend. They are the most decadent, delicious treat I’ve ever had, and they come in a cool box. Now I order them in batches on Amazon so I can bring the same lovely gift for others.
]
