Salvation (30 page)

“
Very.
”

His lips curled.
“
Good. So talk to me. Help me understand why you
’
re holding back.
”

My pulse suddenly spiked, starting a frantic rhythm as adrenaline surged through me. How could I tell Nate I was battling to safeguard my heart from being crushed, without letting him know the depth of my growing feelings for him? My legs repeatedly tapped up and down, so I raised our hands onto the island top, hoping Nate hadn’t noticed.

“
Tell me.
”
His voice was so kind I felt compelled to give him an explanation.

“
I
’
m scared.
”
The enormity of the conversation we were having so soon engulfed my thoughts. With a trembling hand, I picked up my glass, needing a drink.

“
What are you scared of?
”
The tenderness in his tone left a painful ache in my chest. It was dangerous, forcing me onto an edge I was frightened to fall off.

What am I scared of?
It was a loaded question. I couldn’t give him the honest reply I wanted to. I couldn’t say
you
and the million things you make me feel. Of loving you, and having my heart broken when you realise you can
’
t give me what I want, and find yourself in the arms of another woman.
“
Of looking into those wonderful blue eyes and seeing something I can
’
t have.
”

His eyes widened.
“
It
’
s too late for that.
”
His hand came to my face, lovingly brushing my cheek and moving down my jaw.
“
You already have me. I
’
ll never hurt you again, Kara.
”

I sucked in a breath and lowered my gaze, not wanting Nate to see how bared I was.
“
Don
’
t make promises you can
’
t keep.
”

He lifted my chin.
“
It would kill me if I did.
”

I saw truth in his eyes. I swallowed the butterflies that had woken in my belly. All my basic instincts told me to run
—
to
him. There was something in this remarkable man beside me I needed.

“You told me you wanted a relationship and I’m trying to give you that.” His mouth thinned. “Am I not doing it right?”

I placed a hand over his and leant into the touch, holding him to my face. “You are. More than I expected.”

His brow drew in. “Don’t let me drive you away. What’s preventing you from giving us the commitment we deserve?”

Nate’s penetrating eyes could see into my soul—I was certain of that. Why else would he be encouraging me to open up if he didn’t know I needed to do it? Needed to free my mind and body of this burden I’d carried for far too long before I could move on. He saw something in me that needed healing.

“
You won
’
t drive me away so long as you
’
re honest with me.
”
I slipped off the barstool and stood between his parted legs, settling both hands on his hips. I wished I could tell him everything but had no idea where to start.

His arms came around me, resting on the curve of my lower back.
“
I don
’
t have to
try
to feel anything when I
’
m with you.
”
The rasp of his last word caused my already raging heart to miss a few beats.
“
Whatever it is, it
’
s just there.
”
The shy smile that banished the last of his concern melted the defences in me he
’
d so accurately pointed out.

“
You give me courage to be myself again,
”
I breathed against his mouth.
“
I haven’t had that in a long time.
”

When he smiled into my kiss, the butterflies in my stomach took off like a tornado. I gently teased the long silky lengths of his hair through my fingers.
“
I thought we
’
d be so different. But we
’
re not. Not where it matters, anyway.
”
I cast my eyes around the designer kitchen.
“
Materially, we
’
re
very
different,
”
I said dryly,
“
but none of this is important to me. You are.
”

I broke away from his adoring gaze, knowing if I didn
’
t, words would be said that were too premature. Too heavy for now.

“
I love when you pull my hair,
”
Nate murmured hoarsely.
“
It reminds me of making you come.
”
He tugged my waist, encouraging me to look at him.
“
And there you go again.
”

“
What?
”

A broad smile touched his lips.
“
Blushing.
”
I shoved his shoulder.
“
Come here,
”
he whispered, moving in for a kiss.

It was excruciatingly tender and full of honest affection. His tongue moved in languid exploration, as though we
’
d never kissed before. Teasing, tempting and quickly making me forget all my fears. My nipples puckered through the t-shirt as they skimmed his bare chest, my body growing lax and compliant as Nate
’
s hands slid over my arse.

The amorous moment was interrupted by the vibration of his mobile as it whirred on the countertop.

“
Ignore it,
”
he implored. Curving my hands over broad shoulders, it was easy to obey his order. My head fell back as his mouth slid down my neck. It rang again.

He held me tight against him and reached for the phone. He saw the caller display and glowered, muttering his disdain under his breath.

“
Answer it,
”
I told him as it continued ringing in his hand.
“
They
’
re not giving up.
”

“
Yes,
”
Nate snapped into the phone. He rolled his eyes.
“
I
’
m fine, is there a problem?
…
Where are you?
…”
His tone was brusk and growing impatient. Then he snickered.
“
I don’t think so.
”

Reluctantly, he let me slip out of his arms. I sat back down and poured us some more wine. He wasn’t pleased with the interruption, nor the direction the conversation was heading. His whole body radiated tension and unease. The carefree, open man slipped away as his face turned grim and pained.

Nate eyed me warily, letting the caller do all the talking. Then he pushed off his stool and tilted my chin up.
“
A lot can change in a month,
”
he said, his tender gaze never leaving mine. The softness of his voice was at odds with the rigidness of his frame.

I tried to smile, but my jaw clenched tight with anxiety.

“
Why are you in LA?
”
he asked them, moving to the huge windows so his back was to me. One hand reached across his chest to the opposite shoulder.
“
Look, it
’
s late,
”
he sighed, his voice lowering as he rubbed the back of his neck.
“
I have to go, I
’
ve got company.
”

Taking my wine with me, I slid off the stool, deciding to give him some privacy. Nate turned, studying me carefully. He moved the phone away from his ear and covered it with his right hand.
“
Sorry about this, Kara,
”
he said as I headed out the kitchen.

I made a show of it not bothering me as I disappeared back into the breakfast room. At the end of a long hallway, a large dining room flowed into a massive lounge. Dimmed down-lighters and a limestone fireplace added to the warmth of the striking room, furnished entirely with Italian made contemporary pieces in earthy tones.

The door in the middle of the sweeping floor to ceiling windows was unlocked when I tried it. I stepped out onto the huge wraparound balcony. The hum of traffic and nightlife drifted up from below as Los Angeles sprawled beneath me, its grid of lights twinkling as far as the eye could see. The lit skyscrapers of Downtown loomed to my left in the distance.

“
Here you are.
”
Nate
’
s arms came around me from behind. He stepped us back from the glass perimeter edge.
“
What are you doing out here?
”

“
The city always looks magical from up high.
”

“
I guess so,
”
he said, cautiously peering over my shoulder.
“
I don’t come out here very often.
”

“
Why not?
”

“
I
’
m not a fan of heights.
”

I laughed out loud and spun around.
“
Why live in the penthouse if you don’t like heights?
”

“
Because it
’
s the best.
”
He smiled unapologetically and shrugged.
“
If you think this is impressive, wait
’
til you see the view in New York.
”

Hearing him talk about a future together filled me with optimism. My happiness was reflected in his gorgeous face.
“
You busy next week?
”
he asked, grinning widely.

My joy was short-lived.
“
You
’
re going back?
”

The smile on his face fell.
“
On Sunday.
”

My body sagged as his words sunk in. A knot formed in my stomach. No sooner had we got together, we were going to be parted again.

Nate cradled my head into his shoulder.
“
New York is great in summertime. Come with me?
”

“
I have a job.
”
I eased back.
“
I couldn’t drop everything and jet across the country.
”

Nate was mulling something over in his head, his brow furrowed.
“
Let
’
s go back inside where it
’
s cooler.
”

I wondered if his odd mood had anything to do with his earlier phone call.
“
I need to finalise work for next week,
”
Nate apologised, closing the door behind us.
“
I want you to make yourself at home.
”

“
Are you always working?
”
I asked as we strolled back to the staircase.
“
Even at weekends?
”

“
Not if I can help it.
”
He gave my shoulder a squeeze.
“
I
’
ll be as quick as I can.
”

“
Can I have a shower?
”

“
Sure, I set a few items out for you earlier, but use whatever you need.
”

I handed him my glass and climbed the stairs, feeling the weight of his gaze on me. At the top, I turned. Nate stood, hand tucked into his pocket and smiled when I met his gaze. Then he sauntered, in that sexy way, out of sight.

I stepped under the huge shower head and let the powerful jets of hot water run over me without wetting my hair. I was the right kind of sore as I carefully washed between my legs. Nate
’
s earthy shower gel brought a smile of remembrance to my mouth and a wild fluttering in my stomach.

I
’
d always shied away from eye contact when I made love, but with Nate it was different. He was so commanding, so enthralling, I couldn’t
not
look. I enjoyed watching him seduce me, get so lost in me, encouraging me to open up with his praise. And it was thrilling to let him watch me.

I finished up in the bathroom and decided to wait for Nate in bed. That was when I discovered his considerate gift, carefully laid out on the ottoman bench
—
a gorgeous sand coloured satin chemise with contrasting steel blue lace on the bodice and hem.

The bed was magnificent. A huge, custom-sized leather frame in tobacco grey with upholstered cushions to soften the headboard. The crisp white linen, luxurious against my nude skin, smelt freshly laundered. I wasn’t surprised by its comfort, likening it to falling asleep on a cloud.

I switched off the table lamp and curled around a pillow. It was a poor substitute for Nate, but would do until he joined me.

THE bed dipped next to me.
“
Shhh, go back to sleep.
”

I shifted from my diagonal position to make room, then curled around Nate
’
s warm, naked body when he slipped in beside me. He must
’
ve showered because he smelt unbelievably good.
“
I
’
m not tired,
”
I mumbled, settling against his chest.

“
Then you
’
re a better actress than I
’
d hoped,
”
he murmured dryly. That made me smile. He moved my hand so it was flat over the beating of his heart.
“
Sorry I took so long.
”

I lifted my head. The dimmed hall light illuminated the room sufficiently to see each other, yet provided a cloak of darkness for me to hide behind and shed my inhibitions. Even though we
’
d made love only a few hours earlier, I had the sudden urge to claim another orgasm from him.

“
Is everything okay?
”
he asked quietly, tugging his pillow higher behind his neck. I nodded, searching for something
—
anything
—
to give me an indication he
’
d be receptive to what I was about to do. His hand slid over my nude skin.
“
You
’
re not wearing my gift.
”