Rules of the Game (16 page)
Authors: Neil Strauss
5.
 
Keep in mind that this is just an exercise. When dating, remain open to the unexpected. If you're looking for someone who fits this bill exactly, you might overlook an even better match when she appears but doesn't meet your preset criteria.
In the meantime, this list will provide you with endless criteria for disqualification. On the simplest level, you can ask what her favorite films are and then act as if her answer is a deal breaker. “You actually liked that? That's it. I'm going home. Nice meeting you.”
If you want someone who's adventurous, ask her: “What's the wildest, craziest thing you've ever done?” When she answers, disqualify her by saying, with a smile, “That's great. You and my grandma would really get along.”
There's an endless list of potential criteria to screen her on, from her dancing skills to her preferred ice cream flavor to her lack of an Olympic gold medal (because you only date women with Olympic gold medals, so she'd better hurry up and get one).
The point of screening is never to make a woman feel bad about herself but to set yourself apart from the hordes of men who will sleep with anyone indiscriminately.
The opposite of disqualification is qualification, or acceptance. When used together, these two techniques are very powerful.
If she says or does something good, give her a positive, accepting statement (“I like your attitude”); if she says something that could be perceived as negative, tease her with a disqualifier (“Note to self: Do not date this girl”).
Taking control of an interaction by alternating back and forth between these two polesâpunishment and reward, validation and invalidation, approval and disapproval, qualification and disqualification, push and pullâis one of the key ways to amplify attraction.
Like everything else in the game, push-pull should be doled out humorously and not cruelly. One way to make the process fun is to put her on a point system: Give her points for good behavior and subtract points for bad behavior. If you want to push it further, tell her that she can claim rewards at certain point thresholds: At forty points she gets to touch your bicep, at eighty she gets the first three digits of your phone number.
Perhaps the most fun form of push-pull is inventing a relationship prematurely. Tell her with a laugh that you're going to make her your girlfriendâon Fridays onlyâor joke that you're going to marry her on the spot. Then, moments later, pretend to be upset by something she just said or did and change the status of the relationship. Tell her you're demoting her to your Tuesday girlfriend, or you're filing for divorce and she can keep the cat.
Disqualification can take myriad forms. Here are a few more to help with today's field assignment.
Remember, if you say these with a smile and a sense of humor, you'll come off as a great flirt. If you say them seriously, or as though you mean it, you're just an asshole.
Save her from you
. Often, trying to drive someone away is the best way to get her to chase you. Tell her you're the kind of guy her mother warned her about. Or say, “A good girl like you should probably be
talking to a nice boy like that one over there.” Not only does this make you seem fun and dangerous, but it inspires her to live up to that reputation as well.
Give yourself a monetary value
. This can be done by pretending it's a privilege to talk to you or touch you. If she takes your hand, pull it away and joke, smiling, “Hey now, hands off the merchandise. That'll be forty dollars.”
Put her in the friend zone
. This is something women often do with men, but men rarely do with women. It can be done flirtatiously (by telling her she's like the little sister you never had), or more seriously, by telling her she'd make a great friend.
Go over the top
. Exaggerate her greatness and pretend to be an awestruck admirer. If you say this in a wry, superior way, you'll actually end up conveying the opposite.
Reverse roles
. Everything she doesn't want a guy to do, jokingly accuse her of doing to you. Tell her to give her obvious pickup lines a rest, to stop treating you like a mindless piece of meat, to quit trying to get you drunk and take advantage of you because you're not that kind of guy. The more unlikely the scenario, the more effective your accusations.
Employ her
. Jokingly offer to hire her as your assistant, your web designer, or some other job she'd never do. Then, of course, fire her moments later.
Be the snob
. All those immature things the popular girls in school may have said to you, you may now say to her. Examples include: “Uhh, whatever,” “Not so much,” and “Yeah, you would say that.”
Be the authority figure
. The annoying things your parents and teachers told you are also fair game. Playfully tell her she's starting to get on your nerves, she's in big trouble, or she's just earned herself detention.
Make her compete
. Threaten to leave to talk to your friends, the waitress, or those “more interesting girls over there.”
Challenge her:
Tell her you're not sure yet if she's cool enough, adventurous enough, or mature enough to hang out with you.
