Rules of the Game (17 page)
Authors: Neil Strauss
The list is endless. Any line a guy might use to hit on her, you should say the opposite. And anything she might say to a guy who's hitting on her, you can say to her instead.
It's that easy.
For most of you, disqualifiers won't come easyânot because they're difficult, but because they go against everything you've been raised to say around women you like.
Tone is everything. Except for when you're actually screening someone to see if she meets your relationship criteria, most disqualifiers should be delivered playfully. If you appear serious or upset when you accuse her of hitting on you or not being cool enough for you, she'll think you're a psycho.
Most disqualifiers should also be delivered casually and offhand, as if you're not seeking or expecting a reaction. If it's obvious you're just using the dis-qualifer for effect, it loses its power and becomes just another form of neediness.
Though being rich, successful, and good-looking is normally a good thing when it comes to the game, it isn't with most disqualifiers. The point of the disqualifier is to raise your status to her level or above. But if she thinks your status is already far above hers, then most of these comments will make you sound obnoxiously arrogant rather than playfully cocky. So evaluate the situation before getting too hardcore with the material.
Finally, if you dish it out, be prepared to take it. She may respond to your disqualifier with a sharp comment of her own. If she does, don't panic. This a good thing. It's called flirting. Just be prepared with an even more clever retort to fire back. If you're stuck for an answer, just nod your head, smile, and say, “Respect,” as if she's met your approval.
MISSION 1:Refine Your Identity
Today we're going to focus on the most important piece in the game: you.
In nearly every successful approach, at some point you'll be asked what you do. If you've mastered disqualifiers, your initial response will probably be to tease her for asking “interview questions” and then to claim to be a professional hopscotch player. If she persists, however, you're going to have to answer truthfully, or else she'll think you're hiding something.
The work question is an opportunity that most people waste. One student used to answer, “I'm an engineer.” Engineering, of course, is a noble pursuit, but he felt like it made him sound boring to women.
When I asked him what he was working on, he said he was going to school to learn about new mobile phone technology. So we developed a better way for him to answer the question. Now, when women ask him what he does, he responds, “I'm designing the mobile phone of the future.”
Same occupation, different identity.
In your Day 11 Briefing, there's an exercise that will help you refine your identity and articulate what you do in a crisp, compelling manner. Your mission is to fill it out and learn to succinctly express what makes you special without bragging.
Approach and Continue
Approach groups of three or more people that include at least one woman. Use an opener that contains a time constraint and a root.
When you're finished with the opener, continue the conversation by adding the following movements and lines:
1. | Pretend you're about to leave, but take no more than one step away. |
2. | Look back at the group and ask, out of curiosity, “Hey, how do you all know one another?” |
3. | Be ready to respond with a question or comment. It doesn't have to be anything clever or complex. If they say they're friends from work, ask, “So where do you all work?” If they say they're related, say, “That makes sense. I wonder which one of you is the black sheep.” |
4. | You may now leave if you wish, with your all-purpose closer, “Nice meeting you.” |
5. | You may also choose to continue talking to the group if the conversation is going well. If anyone asks what you do, answer with the identity statement you created today. Try to use the statement in at least one of your interactions. |
The task is complete after you have followed steps 1 through 3 with three different groups of people.
Master Your Inner Game
Too many of us have no idea what goes on inside our own heads. We don't understand our emotions, our passions, our frustrations, our needs, our thinking patterns, and why we sometimes act the way we do. And even when we do understand these things, we often find it difficult to change them.
One of the best books on this subject is
Mastering Your Hidden Self: A Guide to the Huna Way
, by an ex-marine named Serge Kahili King.
Though I recommend reading the entire book, for today's assignment I asked Stylelife senior coach Thomas Scott McKenzie to prepare a report summarizing its application to attraction. If your inner game needs a new set of rules, this document just may change your life.
1.
What are your primary jobs, hobbies, and/or courses of study? Answer based on how you actually spend your time, not on what you think will please women.
2.
Which of the items you listed above best defines you?
3.
What are the most interesting or adventurous aspects of the job, hobby, or course of study you selected? List each aspect, along with the ways it could affect people.
4.
Now imagine you're a recruiter for the job, hobby, or course of study you selected. Using the template below, prepare an advertisement to attract people who aren't involved in the field and know little or nothing about it. Your goal is to make the job or hobby sound important and exciting.
Become a
and you can
