Rule (32 page)

“I just want to make sure you’re
doing it for you and not for Rule.  What if you guys break up and the next guy
you date is all straight laced and proper?  Pierced nipples might not work for
your next boyfriend.”

I gave her a bored look and tried
to calm my nerves.  The truth was doing it had nothing to do with Rule.  I was
back to feeling like I had no control over my life again.  The thing with my
car and the way Gabe was still influencing my day to day life, the pressure
from my parents about everything from my hair to Rule, the way Rule disappeared
inside himself when I started to get too close it was all closing in on me and
I needed something that was just for me.  I wanted this little something that
was my choice, a decision to alter my body that no one else had any say in.  I
was having migraines more frequently, three in the last two weeks and if I
didn’t do something I was going to shatter apart in too many pieces to put back
together.

“If I Rule and I break up you
really think the next guy in my life is going to be all clean cut and preppy?”

“I don’t see why not.  You dated
Gabe for six months and he’s about as opposite physically from Rule as one can
get.  I bet pierced nipples would send him into cardiac arrest.”

“I’m never dating anyone just
because I’m supposed to again, and I’m not planning on dating anyone besides
Rule for the foreseeable future anyway so let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

The truth was things had been
strained between Rule and I for the last week.  I didn’t know what it was but
he was treating me like I was spun sugar and going to break apart at any
moment.  When he didn’t think I was paying attention I would catch him staring
at me with a confused look in his gaze like he was trying to figure out what I
was still doing there, or why he was still around.  He was obsessively
concerned about my safety and making sure I was never ever alone and even
though we still spent every night together at alternating homes the time we
spent in bed had morphed from passionate and out of control, to moments that
felt tender and fleeting and while it was nice and hard to complain about it
didn’t feel like him and it was starting to really concern me.  I didn’t know
how to address it because it wasn’t like there was anything actually wrong, he
was still emotionally present, still attentive and clearly willing to try like
I asked him but something was off I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was.

“If your father finds out he really
will make good on pulling his tuition check for next year.”

My dad had finally gotten tired of
me ignoring his calls and had ambushed me at the apartment last weekend.   I
had tried to explain the situation with the car, tried to make him understand
about Gabe and his threats but none of it did any good.  All my dad was
concerned about was how things looked for him and mom the requisite threat
about tuition had been lobbied about but it held no weight with me.  I told him
if he pulled my tuition I would gladly get a job as a striper to pay my way
through med school and he hadn’t liked it one bit.  I knew the threat would
only keep him off my case for a brief minute but for now that was all I needed
if he wasn’t going to take my back against what was going on with Gabe.

I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him
but I don’t think Rule pushing him around had really sent him to ground.  Ayden
mentioned she had heard some girls in one of her classes talking about me and
from the sounds of it his new mission was to trash my reputation on campus with
a series of foul lies and outrageous stories.  Luckily I was pretty immune to
hearing awful stuff about myself from growing up in such a judgmental and
hatful household or else I would have been freaking out even more and contemplating
changing schools to just get away from it all.

“Yeah he would, good thing that’s
not something he ever has any opportunity to see.”

Cora opened the door with a little
metal tray in her hand that looked sterilized and smelled like hospital grade antiseptic.

“You ready?”

I swung my legs up and around so I
was lying back in the chair and tried to control my rapid breathing.

“As I’ll ever be.”

“I’m fast so it’ll be over quick. 
Just remember you have to keep them clean so for the first three to four weeks
don’t play with or let you know who play with them even though he should know
the rules by now.”

I laughed as she told me to strip
out of my tight V-neck Henley and bra.  I shivered involuntarily at being so
exposed but Cora was reassuring and even though I knew she wasn’t really into
it Ayden held my hand and watched what was happening with rapt attention.

“First I gotta mark you to make
sure they’re even and straight on both sides.”  It was weird to have someone
even though that someone was a friend handle my body in such a way.  The tip of
the marker was cold and it made me shiver but not nearly as much when she put
the metal clamp on the first light pink tip.  Her two toned eyes stared into
mine and I felt my nails dig into Ayden’s palm.  “Okay babe take a really deep
breath and when I tell you let it out slow and even.  You’re going to feel a
lot of pressure from the needle pressing through and then the jewelry being put
in place just keep your eyes on me and keep breathing.”

I did what she said and after the
initial pain that admittedly had a couple of surprised tears welling in my eyes
it was just more uncomfortable than painful.  She repeated the process on the
other side and just like that it was over and I was pierced.  She asked me if I
wanted a mirror.  I took it and admired her handy work.

I had pretty nice breasts already,
they weren’t huge or anything outrageous but they were firm and high and my
nipples were always a nice, pretty pink.  The silver hoops were similar to the
ones in Rule’s eyebrow and the one in his lip but the ball at the center of
mine was a bright aquamarine globe.  They were sexy and feminine and I freaking
loved the way it looked.  I took the aftercare instructions and climbed back
into my clothes.  I felt the little piece of me that had been flailing over the
last weeks lock back down and I smiled at Cora and gave her a hug.

“I love it.”

“You should.  It’s over the top
hot.”

Ayden nodded as she pulled on her
coat.  “I didn’t think it would suit you but I was wrong they look really girly
and sexy.  I can see now why you wanted to get it done.”

Cora lifted her super blond
eyebrows as I shoved money into her hands.  “I know you said you would do it
for free but I want to pay you.”

She shook her head and tried to
hand it back but I refused to take it.  “I would like to consider us friends
now and I don’t take advantage of friends so please just take it.”

She frowned at me and moved around
to pick up all her equipment.  “If you wanted a tattoo and Rule or Nash offered
to do it for free would you let them?”

“Rule yes, Nash no.”

She sighed in defeat then.  “Well
fine then.  Let me know what lover boy thinks, not that I think he’ll be able
to hide his shit eating grin.  I swear his mood entirely revolves around how
the two of you are going at it.”

I pulled my long hair out of the
collar of my coat and tried not to wince as the movement caused my new addition
to move uncomfortably against my bra.  “So how’s he been lately?”  I was
curious but I also really wanted to know.

“Fine, more mellow and maybe more
quiet than usual, but good.”

“Well that’s good I guess.”

“You don’t sound so sure about
that.”

I shrugged not sure how to explain
it.  “Rule has never really been a mellow guy.”

“No he hasn’t but maybe you just
have given him a reason to be.  Maybe he’s happy and has everything he wants so
there isn’t a reason to be all angsty and agro all the time anymore.”

I would have been thrilled if I
thought she was right but I knew Rule and none of it sat right with how he was. 
“Maybe.”

She gave me another hug, carful of
my chest and ushered us out of the shop.  “Don’t get your panties all wadded up
over it there is nothing wrong with mellow.”

“Thanks Cora.”

“Anytime now scram so I clean this
up before regular business shows up and the guys have to get here and set up.”

Ayden gave me a searching look as
we exited into the cold.  “How did you get the guard dogs to let you off the
leash this morning?  Rules has a fit whenever you try and gallivant around
without someone on your heels.”

“I told him I had a hair
appointment and that you were going with me and wouldn’t let me out of your
sight.  No guy wants to go spend an hour in a salon, especially a guy like
Rule.”  She lifted her brows at me when we got to the  rental I was currently
driving.

“So are we actually going to go get
our hair done?”

Since I wasn’t a liar and hated
being dishonest with him I had indeed made both of us an appointment to get the
works done.  “We are, only it’s my treat this time because we have to make a
stop first and it’s kinda out of the way.”

“Where at?”

I pulled out onto Colfax and headed
to the highway in the direction of Brookside.

“Where are we going?”  I knew Ayden
was curious but when I woke up this morning and Rule had been so cloyingly
polite and kind there were two things that I knew I had to accomplish that
day.  The first was done and the second, well I wasn’t sure but I felt like the
second might end up being even more painful.

“I just need to swing by and see an
old friend really quick.”

“In Brookside?”

“Just outside, let me just get
through it first and then I’ll explain.”  I drove silently through the
mountains until we got to the small cemetery on the outskirts of Evergreen
listening to The Dawes play melancholy songs that fit my mood the entire way. 
It looked more like a ranch than a cemetery and I had always thought it was so
ironic that Remy was buried so far out of the city on such a quiet piece of
land when he had been so buoyant and so full of energy and life.  I parked in
the visitor’s lot and pulled on a pair of gloves and a hat because I wasn’t
sure how long I was going to need and it was even colder up here at a higher
elevation than it was in the city.

“I’ll leave the keys so you can run
the heater and mess with the radio.  I’m not sure how long I’m going to be.”

Ayden’s amber gaze was liquid with
sadness and understanding.  She gave me a quick one armed hug and shooed me
off.  “I’ll be fine you take as long as you need.  You can spring for a hot
stone massage if it takes you too long.”

“Deal.”  That’s why I loved this
girl.

My boots crunched on the snow as I
made my way to the back of the lot where the grave stone sat so cold and
sterile, just one more shade of gray on the barren winter landscape.  There was
a bright spray of red roses lying on top of the stark white plot and it made me
smile.  Remy loved red, loved things that were vibrant and eye catching, anything
that suited his personality.  Not caring that the ground was frozen and covered
in snow I knelt down and traced his name with a gloved finger.  Tears
immediately filled my eyes.  I moved my hand along to glide over the huge
horseshoe both the surviving Archer boys had insisted go on their siblings
headstone.  Turned upward it was said to keep all the good luck in, Rome liked
the symbolism, Rule liked that it was a visual representation that tied the two
of them together for eternity.

“Hey handsome.  I’m sorry it’s been
so long since my last visit but things have been…intense.”  I laughed
humorously.  “I have a feeling if you were here you would be laughing your ass
off at everyone and shaking your head at all of us.  I miss you so much and
every single day I think it would make things so much better if I could just
call you, that you would make everything make sense and keep it all together. 
Doing this is a million times harder without you.”  I was crying in earnest now
and couldn’t really see the headstone clearly any more.  I flattened my palm
over his name and concentrated on taking deep breaths in and out.  “I’m
sleeping with your brother and if you thought I was a silly lovesick fool
before you should see me now.  I’m freaking out because he’s being too nice.  I
know, only I would worry about my boyfriend being too nice but we both know
Rule and something is up he won’t talk to me about.  By the way how weird is it
that I’m calling Rule my boyfriend?  My heart turns over every time I do it and
sometimes I feel like my entire world is in his eyes and yet he still closes me
out, still shuts down and makes it so very hard to
just love
him. If you
were here I would make you pull it out of him and he would tell you because he
always did.”  I sighed and let my head fall forward.  “I wish you had told
them, Rule and Rome.  I wish you had trusted them enough to let them in like
you did for me.  You’re mother has gone off her rocker because Rule still
refuses to be your carbon copy and as a result your family is in tatters. 
Maybe if everyone knew, if you had tried to let them know everyone deserves to
be loved no matter how they choose to live their lives it wouldn’t be like
this.  Your dad is coming around but still trying to keep Margot out of the
loony bin and Rome, poor Rome is just a giant Ping-Pong ball trying to protect
everybody and make everything okay but he has no help, he needs you to be the
mediator like you always were.”

My knees were freezing and my pants
had long since soaked through.  My teeth were chattering and I had quickly
learned that super cold weather and nipple piercings were not exactly a great
combo.

“I have a crazy ex that is in turn
stalking me and harassing me and it’s making my life hell.  My parents are
convinced I should marry him and move to Cherry Hills, Rule hates him and
there’s a good chance if the ex keeps it up is going to murder him and it just
makes things that are already complicated and no fun even more awful.  I have a
sneaky suspicion that if you had been around you would have seen through all
Gabe’s polish and shine to the tarnish underneath and I wouldn’t have ever
ended up in this situation in the first place.  I miss having you protect me
from myself, your brother is all about keeping me safe and I think he really
honestly cares but he’s so busy keeping me safe from everyone, himself included
that I don’t think he sees that I can be my own worst enemy and he keeps
talking about messing things up between us and I don’t have the heart to tell
him that he can’t ever mess up bad enough to make me stop loving him, but there
is a good chance that like everyone else he’s going to see what I have to offer
isn’t all that great and want more than I can give.  It’s so convoluted and
twisted I can’t even believe we got as far as we have.”