Rule (34 page)

I scowled at him.  “Yes I’m sure we
didn’t have a fight.  Did you just come in here to harass me or did you
actually want something?”

“Trying to change the subject?”  I
called him a nasty name and spun back around in my chair. 

“If you’re just going to be
annoying I have to finish this back piece I’m working on for a client.”

“I got my medical release today. 
The doc from Carson called a little while ago.  That means I’m going wheels up
at the beginning of next week.”

I spun back around.  He was trying
to look relaxed but I could see the tension around his mouth and eyes.

“Your shoulder is going to be up to
it?”

“That’s what they tell me.”

“How about you?  Are you going to
be up to going back to it?”

“I guess I don’t really have a choice. 
I would feel better leaving if I knew things with you and Shaw were straight
and she didn’t have some lunatic stalking her, and that mom had agreed to get
some help but I guess miracles only happen in the movies.”

I grunted and rubbed my hands over
my hair that seemed to be getting longer by the minute.  I was tempted to shave
the mohawk back but for whatever reason in my head Shaw shouldn’t be with a guy
rocking hair like that so I was keeping it normal and natural even though she
told me on a regular basis how much she missed the hawk.

“Shaw and I are fine so don’t worry
about it, as for mom, well there’s nothing I can really do to help you with
that.  Promise me that you’re going to be safe.  No more driving over bombs.”

“That wasn’t in the plan the first
time.  Look I’m going to tell mom and dad, you know they’re going to want to do
something since no one knows when I’ll be back or what condition I’m going to
be in.”

“Rome I can’t go through that with
mom again.”

“I’ll tell dad to set something up
at a restaurant or something.  I’ll make sure he knows it has to be a family
event which means you will be there and so will Shaw.  I’m not asking little
brother I’m telling you.  I’m about to go back to the desert for who knows how
long and I deserve a good family memory to take with me.  Everyone can just
suck it up for one night, I deserve that.”

“You saw how well it went last time
and that wasn’t even with me provoking her.”

He sighed and pushed to his feet. 
“Do this for me Rule, please.”

I didn’t want to, not when things
with Shaw were weird and not after my mom had made her feelings about me so
clear, but there wasn’t much I would deny my brother and there was nothing I
wouldn’t do for him when he asked me to please do it.  I growled a lot of
really dirty words and let my head fall backwards.

“Let me know when and where.  I’ll
tell Shaw but you can’t get pissed and go back to the war all mad if mom does
what she tends to do and makes it ugly.”

“I don’t understand why we can’t
all just be a goddamn family for once.  I really don’t feel like that’s too
much to ask.”

“You’re right, it’s not and I will
do my part.  Okay?”

“Thanks bro, you’re only half as
bad as everyone thinks.”

“Shut up.”  I laughed and went back
to my drawing.  “Just so you know I’m going to miss having your bossy ass
around.”

He walked over to me and put me in
a head lock.  I struggled in vain trying to get loose but he was just too big
and easily manhandled me.

“I’m going to miss your smart mouth
and shitty attitude as well.  Though this hair you have going on is stupid and
not at all you so I won’t miss that one bit.”  He finally released me when I
got a solid fist into his ribs.  He let me go with a grunt and I pushed the
nondescript locks out of my face.

“You’re just worried that when I
have normal looking hair that people will start to realize I’m so much better
looking than you.”

He lunged for me again and we
wrestled around for a little bit like we used to do when we were kids, only now
Rome was giant and had a solid fifty pounds on me so it wasn’t much of a
fight.  He left with a promise to call and order something for dinner and it
gave me a small measure of satisfaction to notice he was rubbing his ribs on
his way out.

I pulled my phone at and stared at
the screen.  I hated that I was struggling with what I wanted to say to Shaw,
that I was worrying over what words to use.  I was so used to just saying and
doing whatever I wanted that this controlled and locked down version of myself
was getting old before it even started.  I wrote out a quick message:

-
      
Rome
just got his medical release.  He’s going back to the desert on Monday.

I figured since she was working
that she wouldn’t respond right away plus it wasn’t like we had been engaging
in any kind of deep philosophical conversations as of late.

-
      
Oh
no!  Are you okay?

I’d already lost one brother so the
idea that my remaining one had a job that constantly placed him in jeopardy
most definitely meant I was not okay, but there wasn’t anything I could do
about it.  Rome’s sense of duty was part of what made him who he was and I
respected it and respected him far too much to let my feelings cloud any of the
fleeting time we spent together.

-
      
I’ve
been better but he seems okay with it so what else is there to do?

-
      
Do
you need me to come over after work?

-
      
I
thought you had homework.

-
      
I
do but if you need me it can wait.

I did need her.  I wanted to hold
her and love all up on her but not because she was feeling sorry for me but
because she wanted to be with me too.  I glared at the phone and at how complicated
things seemed to have turned overnight.

-
      
Naw
I’m straight, but he wants to do a family dinner with EVERYBODY before he
leaves.  He’s going to have dad set it up.

-
      
How’s
that going to work with things between you and Margot?

-
      
Not
just me, you’re coming too.

-
      
I’m
not worried about me.

-
      
Rome
seems to think that since he’s shipping back out she’ll behave if he asks her
to but I have my doubts.  He thinks if we do it some place public she’ll
behave.

-
      
It’s
so sad you guys even have to worry about that in the first place.

-
      
Not
the only one with family problems Casper.

-
      
No
you’re not.

-
      
Have
a good night.

There was a long pause and I didn’t
think she was going to say anything back but after about five minutes my phone
beeped with a new message.

-
      
I
miss you Rule.

I
didn’t know what to say to that because I wasn’t the one pulling away for once
and I was right here so I just clicked the screen back off and went back to my
drawing.

The
next night I was the one blowing off spending time with Shaw because I decided
it was a great idea to take Rome out and at least attempt to get him laid
before he went back overseas only I ended up face down in a fifth of Crown and
seeing double so I’m pretty sure I failed and ended up being the worse wingman
ever.  Rome and Nash dropped me on the bed after practically carrying me home
and it wasn’t until well after eleven the next morning when I was attempting to
shower and fake being human enough to show for work that I noticed I had three
missed calls and five missed messages from Shaw.  They were all variations on
the same thing, where are you, what are you doing, why aren’t you answering,
should I come by, are you going to come by?  They all made me cringe and swear.
 I felt guilty as hell because had things not been so strained between us I
would have just called her before I left or asked her to come with, but last
night I had enjoyed just being my normal self and not putting any effort into
being anybody’s perfect anything.

I
was about to try and call her to explain when Rome came out of the hallway
bathroom running a towel over his head.  “You alive?”

“Barely. 
I need to call Shaw.  I was too messed up last night to let her know what was
going on.”

He
gave me a sharp look.  “I already called her.  She texted me last night
wondering what you were up to so I told her you were loaded and out of
control.  She sounds sad, worse than that she sounds sad because of you.”

I
growled a little and rested my elbows on the kitchen counter.  “I know but I
don’t know what I did wrong.  I almost beat her ex to death in a parking lot
and realized if I was going to act like a caveman I was going to lose her and
not be around to protect her so I’ve been minding all my p’s and q’s and let me
tell ya I had no idea how many of those little fuckers there were and ever
since I started she’s been acting like I cheated on her or did some other
horrible thing.”

“Rule,
she liked you just fine when your p’s and q’s were all over the map.  Stop
trying to be something you aren’t and just let her love you.  It’s not hard,
besides dad called and dinner is tonight at Ruth Chris downtown at six.  I
already told Shaw so unless you want to grovel and apologize then you don’t
need to call her.”

“They’re
coming here?”

“Dad
thought it would be good for mom.  He thought maybe getting her out of
Brookside would break some of that hold the past has on her.”

“I
guess we’ll see.”

“Rule,”
I turned to look at him and was struck by the sincerity in his eyes.  “Thank
you for doing this for me.  I know it isn’t easy for you.”

“I’m
learning easy things never really pay off.  It’s the things that make you work
that really matter.”

“You’re
still a little punk that can’t hold his liquor but somewhere along the line you
really did turn into a man I’m proud to call my brother.”

We
stared at each other for a long moment and I would kill before I admitted it
but my eyes totally welled up.  I cleared my throat and pushed off the counter.

“Thanks
Rome, now I gotta go see if I still have a girlfriend or if I managed to drink
myself single last night.”

I
was thinking about his words as I dialed Shaw’s number only to be sent to
voicemail.  I just had to let her love me; I wasn’t sure how to go about that
but I knew whatever I was doing now wasn’t working.  After her recorded
greeting I left a gruff message, “Hey it’s me.  I suck and I’m sorry.  I should
have called.  I’m sure you were worried and if you had pulled that shit with me
I would have been climbing the walls.  Really I don’t have an excuse other than
things have been off with us for a little bit and I’m trying to figure it out. 
Call me when you get this if you want.  I’ll see you later tonight.  Really I’m
sorry and I promise to stop trying to do things different when the old way was
working just fine.”

I
didn’t know what her response was going to be I only knew that I had screwed up
and that I hoped it wasn’t too late to fix it.  I finished getting ready for
work without hearing from her.  I burned through my first two appointments with
no word from her and I was starting to worry.  I knew she had class today but
that didn’t normally stop her from hitting me up between sessions.  I was
tempted to call her again but worried about what getting sent directly to
voicemail again would do to me since I was already hanging on by a thread.  I
was cleaning up my final appointment of the day when I finally got a text from
her:

-
      
I’ll
see you at dinner.

That’s
was all.  There was no I forgive you, no yes you suck now let’s kiss and make
up, no everybody makes mistakes, no I’m so glad we’re getting things back to
normal, just I’ll see you at dinner.  What was I supposed to do with that? 
This having a girlfriend business was starting to make my head hurt and I
longed for the days where we were just cordial enemies that only spent an hour
a week together, that wasn’t remotely true but it made me feel a little better
as I plodded home and changed into something that wouldn’t give my mom a reason
to have a fit.  I put on gray Dickies and a button down plaid shirt with pearl
snaps on it and changed out of my studded leather belt for a plain black one. 
I left my boots on and made sure my unruly hair had just enough product in it
to keep it in a semi styled mess.  I still looked like me only a me that my dad
wouldn’t raze and wouldn’t give my mom anything to bitch about and I had to
admit to myself that I wanted Shaw to see that I could clean it up when the
occasion called for it, but my head was so twisted where she was concerned I
tried not to spend too much time thinking about what her reaction would be when
we finally saw each other.

Rome
and I climbed into the truck and I could tell he was nervous by the silent ride
down to the restaurant and I honestly couldn’t blame him since the last family
get together had gone so smashingly and to date mom still didn’t believe that
she held any part in the family rift.  I wasn’t sure that meeting in public and
having all this extra tension between Shaw and I was going to be a recipe for
success but I was determined to give Rome the sendoff he deserved and not let
him leave disappointed in me or with any extra reasons to worry about those he
loved.

We
parked in a crowed lot and shoved a couple dollars in the payment kiosk and
made our way to the busy restaurant.  Mom and dad were waiting out front with
Shaw.  My breath quickened and something in my chest flipped over at the sight
of her.  It had only been a few days but seeing her now I suddenly felt like we
had spent years apart.  She had changed her hair in the time that had passed;
it was now drastically two colors and looked badass next to her pale skin and
bright eyes.  Her cheeks were red from the cold and her green eyes were guarded
as we got close.  I could see my mom had a near death grip on Shaw’s arm and
that she wasn’t exactly overjoyed with our arrival.  Rome leaned in and kissed
both them on the cheek and shook dad’s hand before moving to pull open the
door.  I opted for a chin lift and a raised eyebrow in Shaw’s direction.