Rule (36 page)

I was hurting but I was also sick
and tired of my love and affection not being enough for anybody.  I had loved
Rule longer and harder than anyone else in my life and that still wasn’t enough
for him to look beyond his own hurt feelings and sense of betrayal to work
things out with me.  I was still pissed that he had spent the week prior to the
bomb being dropped trying to act and behave in a way I had never asked for or
wanted, but when I was alone at night and crying in bed I had to admit that
while it was misguided it was still a really sweet gesture and if things hadn’t
gone so south we could have totally gone somewhere great with everything.  I
remembered telling him to beware of how bad things could be if we tried to do
this and somehow even finding him in bed time and time again with every skanky
girl this side of the Platte River couldn’t hold a candle to this complete
freeze out.

I tried really hard not to worry
about what he was doing or who he was doing it with, but every day that passed
it seemed more and more fatalistic.  Whatever he had felt for me wasn’t enough
to get him past the hurt he was feeling and it came nowhere near the heart
wrenching emotion I had for him so as much as it nearly killed me, as much as
it pained me to let it go after so much time I had to get over him, had to work
at moving on because even if he did get back in touch with me there was just
too great a chance he had relapsed into his old ways and there was just simply
no way I was going to survive that kind of betrayal from someone I cared so
deeply about.  So instead of languishing about it I forced a smile every day,
picked back up the shifts I had dropped at work, threw myself into my school
work and spent as much time as I could with Ayden and Cora.  I was carful every
time I was around Cora to give nothing away and she was just as carful to
never, ever mention Rule or anything having to do with him.

To say my parents were excited that
Rule was no longer in the picture was an understatement.  My dad was so happy
he took my newly repainted BMW and traded it in for a Porsche Cayenne because I
was complaining one day about wanting an SUV to have when it snowed.  I tried
to refuse it, because I didn’t need to be bribed considering Rule had
effectively left me, but the title was in my name and the BMW was already gone
so I begrudgingly accepted it.  My mom was even worse.  She called every day to
check on me.  The woman that had never had the time of day for me was suddenly
overly interested in everything I did and everyone I spent time with, I think
she was trying to subliminally let me know that as long as I kept unsavory
characters out my life I would eventually gain her approval. 

The funny thing was now that Rule
was gone I didn’t want it.  I would have taken being disowned and disinherited
a million times over if it meant I could just get him to talk to me, just get
him to feel one half of what I had always felt for him.  I think my disinterest
made both my parents nervous.  They were so used to dangling approval and
acceptance in front of me like a golden carrot that now that it held no appeal
for me they didn’t know what to do.  Having the power now should have felt
exhilarating or exciting but instead just left me hallow.  I should have fought
them sooner, should have felt this way as soon as Rule and I started whatever
it was we had been doing.  I wasted so much time it just made me pile more
sadness and regret on top of what I was already managing.

“Thanks Lou.”  I gave him one of
the strained smiles that I was becoming a pro at and let him scoop me up in a
bear hug as he walked me to my car after my shift.  I hadn’t heard a word from
Gabe in as many weeks as I hadn’t spoken to Rule, but it made me feel better to
know someone still cared enough to make sure I was safe so I never turned Lou
down when he offered to see me to my car, plus this was an odd night on for me
meaning I had just picked up a shift because one of the girls was sick so Ayden
wasn’t working and I was alone.  In fact my roommate seemed to have shaken out
of her funk and was on a date with a very cute physics major that just happened
to be as opposite from a rock and roller as one could get.  She had gone out
with him twice this week and seemed a little more like her old self so I was
happy for her even if it meant it was one more night I spent wallowing in
misery by myself.  No one said the road to recovery was pretty after all.

Lou set me back on me feet and gave
me a peck on the forehead.  “I miss that young man of yours, Shaw.  He was a
smartass but a good kid.”

I sighed because at least once a
week I had this conversation with Lou.  “I know.  I miss him too.”

“Take care girly.”

“I always try.”

My new car was awesome; I’m not
going to lie.  It purred like all good sports cars should but had no trouble
navigating the snowy and icy downtown streets as I made my way all the way
across town to my apartment letting The Avett Brothers sing me really sad songs
about broken hearts all the way.  It was late, well after midnight so there
wasn’t really anybody out and about considering it wasn’t a weekend.  A dog was
barking from somewhere and I shivered involuntarily as I climbed out of the SUV
because it was cold and dark so I automatically hated this part of my trip home
and it just drove home the point that I was really and truly on my own now and
that just burned deep in my gut.  I was lucky to get a spot right in front of
the building and scurried to the security door because my uniform wasn’t meant
to be worn outside even at the tail end of a Denver winter and punched in the
code.

I blew warm breath on my fingers
and dug around in my purse for my keys.  Normally I had them out a ready to go
but lately I had been so distracted by all the noise in my head and the heavy
weight in my chest that maintaining my personal safety had fallen somewhere
towards the bottom of the priority ladder.  I had just pushed the key in the
lock and was getting ready to turn the deadbolt when a deep voice said my name
from over my shoulder.  For a split second I was excited, unbridled relief flooding
through me because the only guy that I figured would be waiting at my apartment
for me was Rule, plus he knew the code to get in from when we were dating, but
before I could turn around and do anything hard hands grabbed me by the back of
the neck and shoved me face first into the door.  I gasped in shock, some part
of my brain flashing that I should be screaming for help right now but the door
swung open with the flick of a wrist decked out in an all too familiar Tag
Heuer watch and I went stumbling forward as rough hands pushed me inside.

My purse went flying and I was so
stunned to see Gabe standing before looking as pressed and polished as usual,
but with crazy eyes and a demented grin on his face that I couldn’t even move.

“How did you get in here?”  I knew
this wasn’t good.  I wasn’t safe with him, didn’t want to be alone with him at
all but the apartment was tiny and there weren’t many options to run to.  I had
mace in my purse on the floor and the Taser Rule had bought me was resting
uselessly in my new car, and right about now I was really regretting I hadn’t
let Rule leave his gun over here all the times he had asked when we were seeing
each other.

Gabe ran obviously agitated hands
through his dark hair and watched me like any other predator watched its
intended prey.  “I told your mother that we were working towards reconciliation
and wanted to surprise you.  She gave me the code.  I followed you home from
work since the freak is obviously out of the picture and the military monkey
hasn’t been around I figured now was as good a time as any for us to get on the
same page.”  He was so cold, so matter of fact I didn’t even think he
understood he had just forced his way into my apartment and that I was
trembling in fear.  I crossed my arms over my chest to try and bluff away some
of the terror I was feeling but he just continued to watch me like he was
mentally taking me apart.

“We aren’t even reading from the
same book, Gabe.  You need to go because in like two seconds I’m about to start
screaming my damn head off.”

He shook his head and made a
tisk-tisk sound.  “Well you see Shaw things have really gone to shit for me. 
Ever since your thug of a boyfriend made me look like a pansy and my dad pulled
the plug on my credit cards because of that little stunt you pulled with the
restraining order things have been going downhill.  I’m failing my political
theory class, my fraternity wants me out because apparently it’s not okay to
let some guy with the IQ of a sewer rat make you look like a sucker on your own
campus, my parents are furious with me over the restraining order and the
internship with your mother’s campaign I wanted fell through because she simply
didn’t have time to get it together.  So you see Shaw, ever since you decided
to be a selfish whore and turn your back on all the great things we could have
I’ve been having to work double time to get what I deserve.”

He was crazy, flat-out off his
freaking rocker.  I was trying to edge away from him because I knew if he moved
close enough to get his hands on me things were going to go from terrifying to
unimaginable horrible.

“I’m sorry you’re having a hard
time with things Gabe but you shouldn’t have messed with my car.  It pushed
Rule over the edge.  I told you to leave me alone or you wouldn’t like what he
was going to do.”

I shrieked because apparently
bringing up Rule was the wrong thing to say.  Gabe moved faster than I would
have thought he was able to.  He chased me as I peddled backward trying to keep
as much space between us as I could.  Unfortunately he caught me in the living
room and even though I fought he was just bigger and stronger so he grabbed me
by the throat and we struggled all the way to the floor.  I kicked an end table
over which made a huge racket and earned me a back hand across the cheek that
split the side of my lip open.  He sat all the way across my middle, pinning my
arms to my sides and wrapped a hand around my throat.  My eyes were watering
from the tears of fear and the struggle I was now having breathing.  I clawed at
his squeezing hands and flailed my legs but he just bent over me and continued
to tighten his hands around my neck.

“You think I care what that loser
thinks?  You think I give a single fuck what that degenerate wants to do to
me?  He’s nothing.  I told you all along that he wouldn’t stick around, now
look at you.  All alone and finally doing things my way, I told you I would get
my way, I always do.”

I needed to get away from him, he
was going to kill me, seriously kill me.  My vision was starting to blur in and
out and my lungs were on fire, but he just kept squeezing and sitting on me
while telling me all about how we were getting back together and how I was
going to call my mother and have her reconsider her actions about his
internship now that we were a couple.  I shook my head back and forth trying to
gasp for any air and managed to get my hands between us enough that I jabbed my
nails hard into the underside of his biceps making him wince and reel up enough
that I could crawl a little bit away from him.  I sliced my hand open on a piece
of the broken lamp as I scrambled to get my feet under me only to be dragged
back down by a cruel hand in my hair.  I grunted as his weight landed squarely
on my back and had to blink away a steady flow of blood as the side of my head
made contact with the leg of the overturned table.

“Ayden is going to be home any
minute.”  My voice was thready and thin from the pressure he had put on my neck
but it wasn’t like it mattered anyway he simply jerked me back to my feet and
pressed me so that I was folded in half over the back of the couch.  I was
trying desperately not to think about how little of a barrier my work uniform
offered in the way of deterring him but he bent his face low to mine not
seeming to mind in the slightest that blood was getting everywhere.

“Who cares?  You’re my girlfriend
Shaw, you belong to me.  If your roommate comes home you’re just going to tell
her things got out of hand while we were making up.”

He put so much of his weight on my
back that the way he had my hand wrenched up behind my back couldn’t take the
torque and with a sickening pop that made both of us jerk my shoulder found its
way out of the socket.  I screeched in pain and went limp on that side.  Fear
and panic rose up hard and fast in my throat as I struggled knowing that I had
to get to my purse for the mace or the kitchen for some kind of weapon to use
against him.  He let go of my hands now that one was totally useless and put
one on the back of my neck to keep me bent over the couch while he used the
other to start tugging and pulling at the bottom half of my uniform.  He was
muttering all kinds of broken sentences and talking about how he was going to
make sure that I understood we were a couple.  He was rambling about getting
married and making our families one and I was starting to seriously cry because
there was no way I was going to let him violate me in that way.

Fortunately part of the lamp I had
kicked over landed close enough to the couch that a piece was imbedded in one
of the cushions. While Gabe was busy tugging and pulling at my clothes I
wrapped the fingers of my good hand around it.  I could feel the little ruffly
shorts I wore under the uniform start to rip and that was enough to spurn me
into action.  The only thing I could reach from my prone position was the meaty
part of his thigh and I wasn’t sure that I had enough strength to do any real
damaged but I swung the glass shard as hard as I could and heard him swear as
he suddenly jerked back.  I slumped to my hands and screamed bloody murder as
my weight landed on my injured arm.  I crawled across the floor while he
struggled to get the glass out and managed to get to my purse.  I was just
struggling back to my feet as he was thundering towards me but I got the mace
out and the nozzle turned toward him and gave him a full dose right in the face
while he bellowed like an injured bear.  I squeezed the mace in my good hand
and bolted out the door.  I was sure I looked like an escapee from an insane
asylum, I was crying hysterically, had blood all over my face and could barely
talk because of the damage to my throat, but none of that mattered because as
soon as I made it to the security door I ran smack dab into Ayden and collapsed
into a blubbering mess as she caught me.