Rule (30 page)

“You have to promise not to bail on
me when I get lost, Shaw.  You have to promise to just wait it out until I can
find my way back.  I need to know you’re at the end of the tunnel when
everything goes black.”

“I know how to wait for you Rule
and I don’t mind doing it as long as you promise not to shut me out.  I can’t
do this with you, be so wrapped up in you and what’s happening between us if
you’re going to close the door on me when it gets to be too much.  My heart
can’t take that.”

“I know.”  But I wasn’t sure that
was a promise I could keep.  My default was to return to what I knew and that
was distance and space so that I could protect myself.  “I can do my best Shaw
but I told you all along I’m not real sure how to do this whole relationship
thing and I’m scared shitless I’m going to do something to screw it up.”

She leaned forward and let her
hands glide up around my back and across my shoulders.  She pressed a soft,
open mouthed kiss to the center of my chest and it made my entire life zero in
on that tiny point of contact.

“Well you can be scared alone or we
can be scared together.  I prefer the second option but if you need some space
to get your head around it and figure out what you want I can make that happen. 
I want to be with you Rule, but I’m not going to be here with you if it makes
you hurt and makes you freak out.  We both deserve better than that.”

I wasn’t sure at this point it was
about what I deserved or not but I wasn’t stupid enough to let what I had with
her get demolished under the weight of doubt I couldn’t control.  I finally reached
out and pulled her to me in a suffocating hug that pressed all her length
against all my bare skin.  I had spent plenty of time with her this morning,
making her beg, turning myself inside out but that didn’t seem to matter, my
cock reacted under the towel letting her know that whatever was going on inside
my head had no bearing on how my body felt about her.  “I’m just messed up
Shaw.  I’m sorry that I get this way but the last thing I want is to chase my
tail all alone.”  I kissed her, letting her feel the things I couldn’t say as
they burned through my blood.  I wanted her always and the idea of that made my
knees weak. 

She let me devour her mouth, let me
get my hands all tangled up rough in her hair, let me press her up against the
closest wall and press an insistent erection against her all without complaint
or argument.  There was no gentleness, no concern for skill or whether or not I
was making it feel good for her, all that existed was a blinding need to get
inside her, to make her feel the emotion that was making me go crazy.  I needed
to syphon off some of the want and need and the only way to do it was to get it
out of me and into her.  Her head made a dull thunk against the wall and I felt
her suck in a tense breath and still none of it gave me pause.  The towel hit
the floor and my t-shirt offered no resistance as I rushed through getting both
of us naked.  Somewhere in my head I knew I needed to slow down, needed to get
control back that my hands were too hard on her, that my mouth was going to
leave marks but I couldn’t pull it in.

She whispered my name, tried to get
me to slow down but I didn’t care.  I was ready to just move in her, to burry
all the fear and uncertainty blindly inside her warm body but this was a girl
that knew all my tricks, knew that I was operating from a place where I
probably wouldn’t even remember what I was doing in the morning and she wasn’t
going to let me turn her into another faceless conquest that I used to find
silence.  Since I no longer had hair and was so much bigger than her she had to
resort to digging her nails into my scalp and pressing her teeth down on my
invading tongue to get me to jerk back and give her some breathing room.  She
struggled to catch her breath and pushed away from the wall by planting her
hands in the center of my chest and giving me a hard shove.

I stumbled back a step and shook my
head back and forth.  “Casper,” I wanted to apologize, wanted to tell her I
would never devalue all that she was coming to mean to me on purpose but she
didn’t give me a chance.  She stood up on her tiptoes and put a small hand over
my mouth.  Her green eyes were big and there was a mixture of desire and
trepidation in them that twisted my heart into a knot.  This girl just simply
understood me and wasn’t going to blame me for all the crazy that I had built
up inside of me.

“Just don’t, Rule.”  She moved her
hand and kissed me with a million more levels of care than I had just shown
her.  “You need me to take care of you right now so I’m going to do it but I’ll
be damned if you don’t know its me.”

“I know it’s you Shaw.”

“Good because for a minute there I
wasn’t sure and I can’t even being to tell you how much that pissed me off.  Now
shut up and let me help you out of the dark.”

I went to grab for her, to wrap her
up and hold her close but she evaded my hands and slithered around so that she
was on her knees in front of me.  I stopped breathing for a second when her
lips landed somewhere below my navel and my abs contracted hard enough that it
hurt.  We had messed around plenty but this wasn’t and area she had seemed
ready to venture into before now.  My dick quivered in anticipation as the tip
of her tongue traced the outline of the mermaid I had inked down there where the
long tail curled right around the base of my cock.  I didn’t know how far she
was willing to take it so I gingerly placed my hands on the top of her head. 
Her hair felt like silk against my fingertips and I stop moving just in case
anything I did was going to make her stop.

“Shaw.”  I wasn’t sure if I was
going to ask her to keep going or to stop because I wasn’t sure how much I
could take.  I felt wound up too tight and too ready to break as it was.  “You
don’t have to do this.”  I meant it when I said it but I also knew there was a
good chance I would die if she decided to stop.  Her mouth was damp and warm
and the apadravya piercing I had through the tip of my dick and the Jacob’s
ladder that was spaced out on the underside pulled the sensitive skin taunt
when she closed it over the eager flesh.  My eyes squeezed shut as I hit the
back of her throat and every sensation I had ever experienced up to this point
in my life ceased to exist.

I had received head from a bunch of
different girls in my lifetime, had enjoyed it pretty much every single time
but there was something about having Shaw on her knees before me, having her
suck and pull me into her pretty mouth that made this experience better than
all the rest.  I was breathing hard and my knees were suddenly feeling like
they weren’t going to hold me up anymore.  My cock throbbed in time to my
heartbeat and flesh that was sensitive suddenly felt to tight and ready to
split into pieces.  I didn’t have the words to encourage her or to tell her
what I liked and didn’t like, not that it mattered because just like with
everything else we did in the dark she seemed to have a natural aptitude for it. 
She played with my piercings, her quick little tongue darting in and around
metal that heated and cooled as she moved her mouth around it.  I sucked in a
breath and tried to stave off the impending orgasm but there was no controlling
it.  I gasped her name in warning, tried to tug at her long hair to let her
know that she might want to get out of firing range but she wasn’t having any
of it.  She finished me off like a champ, placed a kiss on my quivering stomach
while I tried to get my mind back in working order and glided to her feet in
all her naked glory.  She lifted a blond brow and flipped her now tangled and
messy hair over her shoulder.

“I’ll always take care of you Rule,
in fact I like doing it because it makes me happy and it feels good but I’m not
ever going to let you use me to work out your demons like you did with all
those girls that came before me so you better learn the difference.”

I didn’t answer her because she was
right so instead I picked her up by the waist and tossed her on the bed.  I
didn’t need to give her time to get ready for me I was pretty sure that working
me over better than anyone ever had, had done a good job of turning her on and
making her wet and slippery.  Her folds were already slick and ready for
whatever I had to give.  When I moved inside I made sure the top ball of my
piercing rubbed against her most sensitive parts.  Now that we had sex with
nothing between us I knew even if I wasn’t particularly stellar in the sack
that having all that jewelry down there could and would create a sensation that
got her off regardless, not that I didn’t always make it my goal to make her
lose her mind.  She hooked her legs up around my hips as I moved in and out of
her and let her eyes fall at half-mast.  I was braced up above her and her
hands were wrapped around my biceps.  I was pretty sure I could die a happy man
having her look up like that at me, with having her moan and writhe beneath me
as pleasure shot through her body and made it clench around mine.  I had never
really given much thought to monogamy and committing to having sex with only
one person over and over again because I had never really seen that as a path I
was going to take.  With her I knew it to the bottom of my soul that I would be
happy just having her, making her fragment and break apart.  When she moaned my
name low and needy it triggered my own release and I buried my face in the
delicate curve of her neck and growled like a feral animal.  After we were both
wrung out I collapsed on top of her in a boneless heap and felt her wrap her
slender arms around me.  I kept my face pressed into her neck and gave her a
series of butterfly kisses with my eyes closed.

“You make me think everything will
be okay.”

She turned her head to give me
better access to her neck and rubbed her hands lightly up and down my spine. 
“All we can do is try, Rule.  I’m willing as long as you are and I’m not
delusional, I’ve known you a long time and know it isn’t always going to be
easy and fun that things like pizza and a quiet night at home have the ability
to send you into a tailspin but I’m here as long as you recognize what is
happening and agree to try.”

I snickered a little against her
damp skin which made her shiver.  “If freaking out means I get you to go down
on me to get me to stop acting like an idiot I can’t promise to knock it off
any time soon.”

She swore and swatted me on my
ass.  I fell asleep with her wrapped up in my arms and her soft laughter in my
ear.  The tunnel was long and dark and sometimes no matter how good my
intentions were the walls tended to close in on me but if Shaw was willing to
be my light at the end then there was no way I wasn’t going to try.

***

We were both quiet the next morning
when we got up to go back to her car.  We stopped at the corner coffee shop for
breakfast and neither one of us seemed overly eager to rehash the events of the
night before.  After a solid night’s sleep and waking up to her peaceful and
innocent face I had my head back on straight and was calling myself all kinds
of fool for letting my usual hang-ups pull me in such a dark direction the
night before.  Pizza and quiet time on the couch was nothing compared to all
the heavy shit I now had rattling around in my brain after she made me come
clean.  I was ashamed that she knew I had been trying to use her body to
escape, to take something that was so different with her and on such another
level and drag it down to where every other sexual encounter had begun and
ended.  If Shaw hadn’t called me on my shit and just let me go it would have
been the end for I us.  I knew it and I was pretty sure she knew it.  Allowing
me to put her in a box with all the rest was something she wouldn’t stand for
and I was eternally grateful.

It had warmed up just a tad from
last night so the icy spots on the sidewalks were now mushy puddles of dirty
slush.  We navigated around them while balancing hot coffee and trying to stay
warm.  She had parked her car off the street a couple blocks over from the shop
in one of the neighborhoods.  I was getting ready to ask her if she was
alright, if everything was still cool between us but she came to a grinding
halt and I almost ran into the back of her.  I swore softly as the hot coffee
splashed over my hand.  “What the hell Shaw?”

She didn’t move and I had to jump
back when her coffee slid out of a suddenly lifeless hand and clattered on the
snowy ground.  She lifted a shaking hand to her mouth and before I could ask
again what was wrong a pickup truck that was waiting to make a left hand turn
moved and I caught sight of her car.

All the windows were smashed out,
the headlights and been shattered; all four tires were on the metal rim on the
ground the slashed rubber sitting lifelessly around them like tattered
material.  The pristine black paint job was now marred with ugly red spray
paint that had even uglier words blazed across the surface.  The hood had the
word ‘whore’ in huge letters and along each side of the car from front to trunk
were variations on the same thing.  It was bad and considering what kind of car
she drove it was also going to be extremely costly to fix.

 I could see that she was shaking
so I put an arm around her shoulder and tugged her to my chest.  At first she
resisted, standing stone still, eyes locked on the senseless destruction but
when I applied just a little more pressure she came willingly and I tucked her
head up under my chin.

“We should probably call the cops.”

She shuddered against me and I felt
her head move ‘no’ under against my throat.  “No.  What’s the point?  His dad
will just cover for him again and make it all go away.  Besides it’s not like
there is any proof he did it.”

I hated that she was probably
right.  “Do you want me to take you to school?  I can get this taken care of
for you while you’re there.”