Richard Yates (21 page)

“She just kept saying I was really brave and then talked about how she knew because she noticed that foods I normally wouldn’t eat were missing. She kept saying ‘a mother’s instinct.’” There were no openings until the next afternoon at the hospital. The next morning Dakota Fanning told her mother she didn’t want to go until the next day because she wanted to see Haley Joel Osment before leaving and her mother said “I don’t know what to say” and walked away and then said she got the day off from work because she thought Dakota Fanning wanted to go today and that she wouldn’t be able to get another day off, that it was hard enough for her to get today off. “She said she’s worried that I don’t want to go anymore and that I’m trying to push it off and that the longer I wait the more I will lose my ‘momentum of helping myself,’” said Dakota Fanning in mhp-yates-01.indd 167

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an email. “I don’t know what to do. What do you think?”

Haley Joel Osment said she should tell her mother she was going tomorrow no matter what. He said he was going to shower very fast. He refreshed his email account and saw another email from Dakota Fanning. “She talked to me,”

said the email. “She started talking about how she was trying to ‘juggle too many things at once’ basically implying she just wanted me to leave so she wouldn’t have to worry about me while she is at work getting ready for the show that’s the biggest one of the year.”

Haley Joel Osment showered and put on clothes and

shaved. He thought about Dakota Fanning having stayed home two days from school while putting in contact lenses and then read an email from her that said “I listened while she was talking to the doctor about me and I talked to her sometimes and she told the doctor that her stress about my brother and the things happening to my brother were probably the main cause. I told her that was wrong and she just kept talking to the doctor and said ‘well, she doesn’t think that but you know’ and then the doctor said that for insurance purposes I have to be evaluated by a doctor fi rst and then get a referral from them to go to the hospital.” Haley Joel Osment called a taxi and went to Dakota Fanning’s house and he and Dakota Fanning talked about the hospital. People on message boards had said that in hospitals it felt like a competition for who was most extreme with their eating disorder and that patients who gained weight were viewed as weak and nurses were viewed as enemies to be defeated in a game of deception and camaraderie in which patients banded together to secretly continue to be bulimic or anorexic.

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They decided it would be better if she did not go to the hospital.

The next morning Haley Joel Osment went to New York City and then Georgia. In the airport he met the editor of a magazine that had published his poetry and another author and they went in a minivan. The editor asked Haley Joel Osment if he read the new Lorrie Moore story in the
New
Yorker
.

“Yes, it was very depressing,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’m so glad,” said the editor. “I loved it.”

They drove for about an hour. Sometimes Haley Joel Osment leaned forward from the backseat and answered a question using one or two words and stayed leaning forward a few seconds then slowly leaned back in his seat.

They stopped at a house. Haley Joel Osment sat on a sofa and stared at things. Everyone seemed to be in their 30s.

One person had a baby. One person was pregnant. More people arrived and then everyone went to a bar. Haley Joel Osment read his poetry to about forty people and met Julia and talked to Dakota Fanning on his cell phone. About seven people including Haley Joel Osment went to a vegan restaurant known for its use of nutritional yeast. Haley Joel Osment focused on eating and did not talk. Sometimes he heard Julia say something and thought “Julia is funny.”

The next day in the editor’s poetry class at the University of Georgia Haley Joel Osment answered questions about how to get published and what internet magazines were good and then stood on the university’s campus. “You can go explore by yourself, I won’t be offended,” said the editor. “Okay,”

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said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m going to fi nd the internet.” He went to the university’s library and read an email from Dakota Fanning that said a transformer exploded at her school and everyone got to go home. He walked to a taco place and ate a bean burrito. He met the editor and they drove to someone’s house and Haley Joel Osment went to their computer. “Hi,” said Dakota Fanning on Gmail chat.

“Hi,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“How are you,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment and stared at the computer screen.

“Did you walk home?” he said after about ten seconds.

“When is the reading,” said Dakota Fanning. “No, I took the bus.”

“Sometime tonight, I don’t know,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“What did you do this morning,” he said.

“Can you tell me what you did this morning so we type at the same time.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m typing.”

Haley Joel Osment typed what he did and pushed enter and read that Dakota Fanning woke at 6:00 a.m. and had pissed the bed. It was bad because she also pissed the bed the night before so the mattress cover wasn’t on because it was being washed. She cleaned the mattress and washed the blankets and changed her clothes and read the page of things Haley Joel Osment typed for her to read aloud each day and then did Pilates in the living room but without her Pilates DVD and a little less than usual because she was late from having to clean the bed. She made a smoothie mhp-yates-01.indd 170

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and showered and went to the computer and drew Haley Joel Osment a picture and emailed him. She put on clothes and made lunch and walked to the bus stop. She listened to music on the bus.

“What did you make for lunch,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Broccoli slaw with tempeh, and an apple, and I also ate a pear I got from the lunch lady during school. I drank an Edensoy box and ate a package of carrots.”

“How did you make lunch,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I just threw it in a box and cut up tempeh. I didn’t cook anything, I did it in like one minute.”

“Why didn’t you say that the fi rst time instead of saying you just made lunch.”

“I’m sorry,” said Dakota Fanning. “I should have been more specifi c.”

“What did you do when you got home,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Did you have to buy the soymilk or did they have it,”

said Dakota Fanning.

“They have it,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I got the mail, went to the bathroom, and ate an apple then made a smoothie and ate cereal and granola,” said Dakota Fanning. “Then I took the mattress cover upstairs and put the blankets in the dryer and put the other blanket in the washer. Then I came upstairs to check my email.”

“We’re leaving soon,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Was your lunch good,” said Dakota Fanning. “Do you know where you are going to for dinner.”

“Yes it was good, I don’t know where for dinner.”

“Will you be able to use the computer again,” said Dakota Fanning.

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“No,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“What were you typing,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I wasn’t typing,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Oh, it said you were. Then it stopped and you just typed ‘no.’ Will you be home around the same time?”

“I don’t know. Have you lied to me today or yesterday.

Tell me the truth now.”

“No,” said Dakota Fanning. “I haven’t lied to you today or yesterday.”

“Were you interested in anything I did today? Tell me the truth.”

“Yes,” said Dakota Fanning. “Were you nervous when you went to her class?”

“Never mind,” said Haley Joel Osment. “What are you going to do now?”

“I’m going to get changed and then exercise.”

“I feel really shitty,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning said something about a hotel.

“There isn’t anyone I want to tell anything to,” said Haley Joel Osment. “And I don’t like what I’m doing. And I’m surrounded by people I don’t want to be around. And no one is interested in it enough to want to talk to me about it. I’m really fucked.”

“I’m an asshole,” said Dakota Fanning.

“That looks good,” she said vaguely.

Haley Joel Osment began typing something then

stopped.

“What did you type?” said Dakota Fanning. “Do you

have your phone with you?”

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I just tried calling,” said Dakota Fanning.

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“What are you going to do now,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Everyone’s fucked, don’t worry,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I’m going to get changed and exercise. And go to the bathroom too probably.”

“It’s 2:40 p.m.,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “What do you mean, do you want to know more.”

“When you get home things might be better,” she said.

“What are you doing after you exercise,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Are you emailing me a picture. I’m going.

This is stupid. I felt annoyed after the fi rst fi ve seconds talking to you. You didn’t say anything after I said ‘okay.’ No interest in what I did in class. I had more interest in your routine. I’m going now.”

At dinner a poet who had moved to Uruguay with another poet was discussed. The restaurant had an open kitchen and Haley Joel Osment looked there a lot and didn’t talk. They drove to Emory University and Haley Joel Osment read his poetry. Someone asked Haley Joel Osment to submit to their internet magazine. Haley Joel Osment stood eating red grapes.

He saw that he had a voicemail. Someone he knew from the internet walked toward him and introduced himself. Haley Joel Osment asked the person if he worked in an offi ce.

“Yeah, pretty much I just do things on the internet all day,” said the person.

“I have a voicemail I want to check, it’s from my girlfriend’s mom,” said Haley Joel Osment and ran into a stair-well. The voicemail said Dakota Fanning was not in her room and was not answering her cell phone. Haley Joel Osment called Dakota Fanning’s mother. “I’m thinking she mhp-yates-01.indd 173

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might have gone to your place,” she said. “Did you leave your key with her?” Haley Joel Osment said the location of the key. Dakota Fanning’s mother checked the location and said the key wasn’t there. Haley Joel Osment called Dakota Fanning and she answered after many rings and said she rode her bike to his room after biofeedback to draw things and decorate the room to surprise him and was happy at fi rst but then got depressed and ate a lot of his cereal and fell asleep on his bed.

Around 1:20 a.m. Haley Joel Osment was at someone’s house alone in the dark at their computer asking Dakota Fanning many questions on Gmail chat. “I told you everything,” she said. “I didn’t lie. I made a mistake. You’re angry at me. I told you I would disappoint you and I didn’t want to tell you not because I was afraid but because I didn’t want you to get angry and I knew you would get angry so I tried to prepare you but you are angry.”

“Feedback is at 4:00. Tell me exactly what you did from 3:00 to 4:00.”

“I went to feedback like 15 minutes or more early,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Tell me exactly what did you do from 2:40 to 3:40.”

“You are angry,” said Dakota Fanning.

“No I’m not, I said ‘tell me exactly what you did from 2:40 to 3:40’ so I can decide what to do with my life using the facts. If you are lying I need to know that. Tell me so I can sleep.”

“I’m not lying. I feel like you only do this to fi nd lies, that you ask questions just expecting to fi nd something I lied about.”

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“Yes, so what? I want to know if you are lying. So what? Tell me what you did from 2:40 to 3:40 please, this is getting stupid. We didn’t just meet. You lied to me for 4

months. If you aren’t telling me I’m going to sleep now.”

“I know,” said Dakota Fanning. “I just didn’t expect to be treated like a criminal in a cross examination. I have to think fi rst so I make sure I don’t forget anything. Okay then. I’m typing.” Haley Joel Osment said he didn’t expect to be treated like an object to be manipulated and that Dakota Fanning should be expected to be treated like shit after lying for four months. “You’re right,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I’m sorry I said that. I should expect to be shot in the head really.” She typed what she did before biofeedback which included eating a lot of food without throwing up.

Haley Joel Osment said there still was missing time.

“This is all my fucking fault,” said Dakota Fanning. “I fucked everything up.”

“So are you going to go eat more now?”

“No,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m going to do my

work.”

“I’m going to sleep,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Thank you for at least telling me the truth, but I don’t completely believe it. Thank you for telling me some of the truth.”