Restraint (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (37 page)

Green and gray eyes fuse together, dual victims and victimizers as our bodies betray us.
I try to restrain myself as little whimpers of pleasure sneak past my lips.

“
What’s your name?” He whispers across my face.

“Kat,” wheezes out.

The boy bends down. His lips feather against mine as he speaks, “Call me Ezra. Say my name,” he pleads.

“Ezra,” falls from my lips.

My body releases the ultimate betrayal as he pours inside me. I tighten all of my muscles against the need to writhe. I bite into the solid chest above me, repressing the sounds trying to escape my throat. My fingers squeeze his and his squeeze mine in return.

Moments pass as we freeze in our shame. A throat clearing
brings us back to the present. Ray’s expression is awed. For once his is speechless. Even with my body broken and violated the thought of unnerving him brings me great pleasure.

“Good job, s
on. She was a virgin, wasn’t she?” He’s pleasant, not at all like the rapist he is.

“Yes,”
Ezra says in shame.

He slowly eases out of my body. The movement causes me to wince and dig my fingernai
ls into the backs of his hand- and it’s not from pain. The boy looks down at me with a similar expression- a mix of shame, guilt, and pleasure.

He brushes my hair from my ear and whispers, “I’m sorry for what I’m about to do. If you survive, I promise I will find you.
Kat, we will be together again,” he swears.

…My body thrusts off the bed in a silent scream. The death moan pours from my throat until my lungs are deflated of air.

My mind no longer feels the need to protect me from my memories. Nothing is blurred or fuzzy, it screams with absolute clarity.

Chapter Thirty-Five

“Hi, baby girl.”
I smile in relief when she answers the phone instead of my mom. Ava is perceptive, she knows when to not ask questions. My mom will hound me until I break down sobbing, spilling my guts.

“Momma
, what’s wrong? You sound sad.” Ava’s concern almost does me in.

I haven’t cried since
I remembered. I spent an hour in the shower screaming into a towel to muffle the sound. It’s been four days and I haven’t heard from or seen any of the trio, or Kayla. It’s great to be banished.

I’ve also learned how much I’ve come to depend on my assistant.
It’s fun trying to keep your staff, clients, and edits flowing while taking your own phone calls and making appointments. One thing about the extra work load is that I haven’t had much time to think- that is until I try to sleep. The memories return in the dark morning hours before sunrise. They have helped me come to terms with my decision.

“
I am sad, baby girl. I just miss you so much, that’s all. Listen, I’m coming home. I don’t think this living apart is good for either of us.”

“I thought you were sending for me when you saved
up for the school we picked out,” Ava sounds upset, and it breaks my heart. Every night when we spoke on the phone, she’d ask if we were any closer to our goal. I have the money saved. I was waiting until the winter break between semesters. I wanted it to be a surprise. I’m glad I hadn’t told her or she’d be even more heartbroken.

“Don’t worry. This is what we need. I need to see your face and hear your voice
every day. I can’t live apart from you because you are a part of me. A mother and daughter should be together. I even miss arguing with you,” I fondly say.

“Don’t gi
ve up on your dream for me, Momma,” Ava murmurs into the phone, and I can hear her disappointment. “We’ll be okay.”

“You’re too grown up for your age, Ava. You really need to be a kid. I’m not giving up anything to be with you. You are my greatest joy, best accomplishment- you are my dream. I have to go someone’s knocking a
t my door. I’ll be home soon. I love you, baby girl.”

“I love you
, too, Mom.” Ava hangs up just as Aaron enters my apartment.

“What
can I do for you, Aaron,” I warily say. Last time I saw Aaron he was wicked pissed at me, and I highly doubt his stance has changed over the past few days. Aaron is a big burly guy with a huge teddy bear heart, but I have a feeling he’s a grudge holder.

“I was just checking on you,” Aaron
says as he sits opposite me on the love seat.

“Di
d your master send you looking, or were you actually curious?” I try to keep the hurt and anger out of my voice. It’s not about the past, it’s about the present. It’s about how Aaron treated me after I was with him, how he froze me out like I was dog shit because I made Ezra own his bad decisions. I understand Aaron choosing Ezra over me, I would expect nothing else. But Ezra was wrong and he was being punished, end of story.

“Both,
” Aaron reluctantly admits. I snort at his reply. No way in hell did he want to see me. No doubt Aaron was ordered because Ezra is through with me.

“How’s it been the past few days with Cortez? He hasn’t been too rough ha
s he?” Actual concern infuses Aaron’s voice. The concern defuses some of the anger I feel toward this man. I still feel used, but not angry for it.

“Huh?”
I grunt.

“Ezr
a can’t be around you right now and Cortez said that he was taking care of you for awhile.” Ah! This was Cortez’s way of buying me some time- smart man! I think I just fell in love with the charming bastard a little bit.

I pretend that my broken heart doesn’t throb at the
Ezra can’t be around you right now.
What am I… diseased?

“Uh- yeah. Cortez knew I needed a few days to myself
… so… ah... I didn’t know he would lie to you guys. Actually, that surprises me.” And in a way, it doesn’t. I have a feeling that Aaron freezes Cort out, too, and that Aaron and Ezra gang up on him.

“When was the la
st time you saw him?” Aaron angrily ask.

I debate lying, but we’ve had enough lies between us to last a lifetime.
“The night of Ezra’s punishment.” I think for a moment- calculating time. “About twenty minutes after he was told to walk me those two inches to my apartment.”

“What!” Aaron jum
ps from his seat as he yelps.

“Sit your
ass down,” I grumble, sick to death of the theatrics. I just want to move on with my life. “What’s the big fucking deal?”

“What if you… what if you remember
and we weren’t around?” Aaron says in a panic.

“Since
I haven’t remembered, it makes no sense to me why that’s an issue,” I smoothly lie. I remembered four nights ago… and every night after… and every morning… and every waking moment. I dealt with it just fine… all alone. Being alone has left little distraction. The past and the present have been throbbing in my mind like a sore tooth.

“Ez
ra is going to be pissed,” Aaron promises.

“Run along and go tattle, then.” I wriggle my fingers at him. “Be off with you.” Aaron narrows his eyes at me.

“What did I do to you that pissed you off so much?” Aaron gazes at me with huge confused, blue eyes.

“Seriously? You have to ask me that?”
I incredulously ask.

Aaron just looks confused and lost and very, very young
. I forget how emotionally stunted Aaron is when I’m looking at his very masculine body, but when I’m talking to him...

“You chose Ezra over the punishment he earned. Even if I tickled him
with a feather as punishment, you would’ve been pissed. You think the Earth revolves around Ezra Zeitler. The sun and moon set for him. The stars shine because of his greatness.” I say dramatically.

“What the fuck, Katya, s
ince when do you have a hate-on for Ezra?” Aaron spits out at me.

“I don’t hate him. That statement was about you,” I hiss.

“I- I- don’t get it,” he stutters out.

“If someone pulled
a gun on us what would you do?” I quickly blurt out.

“I’d
save Ezra. You know that,” Aaron honestly admits, and all I can do is shake my head.

“Exactly.” I say no more. He proved my point.

“What do you think everyone else would do?” He asks in confusion.

“Ezra would try to talk them out of it, saving everyone
even if it meant sacrificing himself. Cortez and I would do the same thing, except we’d go after the gunman. A moving target is harder to shoot. Plus, we may save someone else in the process. You’d save Ezra while sacrificing the rest of us.”

“I don’t get it,” Aaron
mumbles again.

“I know, Baby Boy, that’s the point. I c
are about you. I just can’t hand you my heart. You already have a number one in your life. You said Ezra can’t be around me right now. Well, I can’t be around him, either. Ezra has too many number ones in his life, making the position meaningless, and even then, I’d land in the number two position after three other people. I’m worth more than that, even if he doesn’t think so.”

I move to stand before Aaron
. I stroke my fingertips down his cheek. It’s hard to look at him and not feel the pleasure he gave me. I lean down and kiss him good bye- softly- a brush- feather light.

“Good bye, Aaron,” I whisper against his lips. His eyes sheen
, letting me know he reads my underlying meaning.

“Ezra’s away on business. Please, do
n’t do this,” he pleads. “I don’t know how to stop you.” Aaron’s voice holds barely leashed panic.

“It’s alright, Aaron, I promise.” I crawl in
to his lap, and allow him to hold me while I cry. “I already know,” I whisper in his ear. “I already know. You held my wrists. I remember.”

“I’m
so terribly sorry,” Aaron sobs out. “I hate myself every day for the things that monster made us do. We all regretted you the most. We left you as bait. You saved us by letting that monster rape you. I’ll never forgive myself for as long as I live.”

We hold each other and sob. I feel a part of me heal as Aaron cries with me… as he holds me. “I know,” I whisper.
“I forgave you all a long time ago. Subconsciously, I knew who you all were.”

“Why are you going?”
Aaron’s tone is childlike, lost.

“I don’t belong here. I didn’t earn this job. Everything was out of pity. You all need to heal
, and how can you with me in your face. Ezra has Adelaide, and I really do hope them the best. Cortez- well, Cortez is just Cortez.” I chuckle instead of bawl like my heart is screaming to do.

I kiss Aaron
one last time. This one is longer, full of desperation as much as it’s full of agony and acceptance.

Chapter Thirty-Six

I close my eyes on the forty
-minute flight home and remember my last moments in the life I had for what felt like a blink of an eye. After Aaron left me, I walked to Ezra’s office and moved the chess pieces to end the game. I checkmated his black king with my white queen. I couldn’t bring myself to remove his king from the board, though. I placed king and queen side-by-side on his end of the board.

I made Monica’s day when I told her I was leaving. She said if I hadn’t, she would have told Zeitler that I was playing with
Cortez and Aaron at Restraint. She threated that there had to be some sort of violation for messing with an author, and the owner’s right hand man. I laughed in her face and wished her well. Damn, I would have loved the look on Ezra’s face when she brought that information to him. Hell, she was at Restraint spanking her own boss.

I
placed the key to my apartment on the counter and left with a few bags. Everything in the place was Ezra’s. Actually, everything I thought I had in that city was Ezra’s- job, friends, home, and furnishings. Ezra placed his victim in a gilded cage. I’m no one’s victim. I want to make my own journey, not one provided for me.

This morning as I sat at my desk staring at my daughter’s photo
, I was struck with a memory. Ava has an expression that is like no other- except for one other.

Three years ago- I had just finish
ed testifying at the Monster- Ray Hunter’s parole hearing
.

I was walking down the hall at the courthouse and heard a man’s
smoky laugh. It hit me deep- soul deep. I looked to the sound and met a pair of stormy gray eyes. They widened when they saw me. He captivated me, tall, lanky, smoky gray eyes, and fair hair and skin.