Resplendent (29 page)

My skin prickled. I looked down and saw tiny goosebumps appear on my arm. I rubbed until they faded and pulled down on my long sleeved burgundy cardigan.
Someone is watching me.
I glanced around the Starbucks I frequented suspiciously, wondering if any of the patrons were looking my way. No one made eye contact, and I looked down again at my cup. I blinked hard once and took a deep breath. I had to relax. Anxiety and stress was not going to do me any good, and I was in no position to handle either with everything else going on. Ever since I moved and found out about the baby, I’d been edgy. It was driving me bonkers.

“Are you sure I can’t get you anything?” Darcy asked cheerfully, as she pulled her chair back and sat down.

“I’m good, but thanks.” I smiled at her and glanced at her coffee. A pumpkin spice latte. I felt a pull inside and I brought my palm up to press down on my chest. I thought back to the time I called Andres years ago and announced the fall menu. We had laughed at pumpkin spice, thinking it would taste terrible. Then found out it was, in fact, delicious. It became a favorite tradition every year thereafter. It still hurt to think about him. It was as if our fight had happened yesterday, instead of sixteen weeks ago.

“You okay?” Darcy asked curiously, eyeing my hand. Her French manicured nails wrapped around the paper cup as she blew gently into the opening of the lid.

I faked a smile and reached down for my briefcase. “I’m fine, just lost in the past.”

I felt ancient carrying this around. I’d gotten used to bringing my laptop, but considering the weight of carrying it around, my leather portfolio worked better.

“Keep in mind,” I said and pulled out my portfolio. “That since I just moved here, most of these images were taken in Boston.” Luckily, I had two coupled friends that had let me take candid shots and I could pass them off as engagement sessions.

Darcy waved her hands in the air, dismissing what I said. “That’s fine, I love Boston. I’ve been there a few times myself.” She rested her face in her palm and looked at me eagerly.

I studied Darcy’s features and imagined her fiancé to be just as good looking. She was petite with light blonde hair cut in a bob and sky blue eyes. She reminded me of a young Jenny McCarthy.

I flipped through the images until I found the “couple” category and slid the folder over to her.

“
Oh
, these are great!” she said enthusiastically. It was always nerve wrecking to show my work to strangers, but her bright eyes and wide smile confirmed her appreciation. I nervously turned my cup around and around. It had been my craving that morning and I hadn’t even drunk half of it.

“You don’t have any beach images, correct?” she asked without looking up and ran her fingers over the pictures.

“Not engagement.” I inwardly cringed and prayed this wasn’t a deal breaker. “I do have family portraits at the beach so you can compare lighting and colors,” I suggested, and tapped my finger on the side of the album, indicating she needed to look toward the back.

She flipped quickly until she found them and gasped. “Yes! I love these!”

I exhaled slowly and relaxed my shoulders.

“Where were these taken? The beach is beautiful.”

“Palm Beach,” I said proudly. The family she was looking at had been one of my guinea pigs on a new lens I was trying out, and they were a breeze to shoot.

“Well, I definitely want to schedule this upcoming spring. Do you have the availability?” She clasped her fingers together and beamed at me.

I flipped through my cell phone and pulled out the calendar application. To Darcy, it seemed like I was a busy girl, but I was still so new in this business, I didn’t have a heavy flow of clientele. The only date I needed to keep free was in April.

“Do you think March or May would work?” I slid through the months till I reached April and glanced up.

“May would be perfect,” she chirped.

We coordinated which Saturday would be best for them. I couldn’t help the smile on my face as she signed a contract I had drafted, with Di Angelo’s help. The fundraiser had helped me immensely since he sent a lot of people my way. They were mostly young couples who were on a budget and couldn’t afford his services, but for me, it meant the world. I gathered the experience and they received memorable images. I signed my name below hers and gave her a copy, along with my business card. The Dragonfly Images logo was printed beautifully on the top left corner. I had always dreamed of naming my company after my mother, who loved dragonflies.

“We’ll coordinate the exact location and time when it gets closer,” I told her and started to pack everything neatly inside my briefcase.

The chair scraped on the floor as she stood up and brushed the hair out of her face.

“I’ll start searching for outfits as well.” She smoothed out her top and ran her hand over her flat stomach. I rubbed my own, remembering when I had a flat stomach. I’d gained twelve pounds since I’d moved here and had to work to keep it under control. Sitting alone at home, all I wanted to snack on lately had been sweets.
Why does chocolate have to taste so good?

I extended my hand but she pulled me in for a hug instead. I laughed and hugged her back; this was one client I liked.

We walked out together and I waved at her as we went in opposite directions. I breathed in the cool breeze that immediately hit my face. It was only a little past 10:00 AM in early November and the news cast had said it would be a beautiful day. I was lucky to have found a studio apartment a block away from a Starbucks. I could live here forever, even if I just wanted plain milk.

I sent a quick text to Brittany:
I got another client! ☺

I pulled my sunglasses over my head to look at a red coat in a store window. I sighed. I missed fall in Boston. One moment I was happy to be here and the next, I just wanted to run north and take Brittany up on her offer to room with her. Speaking of which, my phone pinged.

Brittany: Awesome, gorgeous! Your celebrity status is climbing!

Me: LOL! Maybe in twenty years! I’m just happy with how it’s going

Brittany: How’re you doing girl?

I waited for the light to give me the okay before crossing the street.

Me: All is good! Stop worrying! I love you, xo

Brittany: CALL ME if you need me! Xoxo

I smiled.

Me: K, Mom

I put the phone back in my purse. By the time I reached my building, I was out of breath and annoyed at myself. I vowed to go online as soon as I walked through the door and look up every exercise video I could find. I would start immediately, no more fooling around. Surely, I could walk at least a half hour a day and do some arm exercises, nothing strenuous. I was buried in my own thoughts when I rounded the corner and skidded to a halt.

An icy sensation ran over my body, as I saw who was standing in front of my door. My keys in one hand and briefcase in the other, I stood rooted to the spot.
What is he doing here?
I exhaled slowly and tried to think of what to do.
Should I turn around and run?
I couldn’t! This was
my
house!

We stood staring at each other, and I blinked rapidly, praying this was all just a figment of my imagination. This wasn’t happening right now. But when he glanced down at my stomach, I knew he was real. His hair was disheveled and longer than I was used to seeing, his eyes a pool of darkness and cheeks hollow.

The only sounds around us were the wind rustling the palm trees in the parking lot and the keys in my hand as I fisted them. I couldn’t be here right now and I bent my knee in an attempt to turn around.

Andres lifted up his hand. “Stay,” he pleaded, his lips in a hard line.
Stay
. I hated him for using that word on me. I narrowed my eyes. The last five months blurred through my mind as I recounted everything I’d been through and what he had done. I wasn’t breathless anymore, I had a ball of fire that bounced everywhere inside and lit me up.

“No,” I said firmly.
Who does he think he is?
Did he think he could control me with that one four letter word? I had listened to him once and it hadn’t worked out.

He walked over to me and I took a step back. But Dre was faster, and before I knew it, he was standing directly in front of me.

“Mine?” He reached to place a hand on my swollen stomach, but I slapped it away. He flinched at my gesture. I didn’t want him touching me, touching us. I wasn’t ready.

I wanted to push him away, yell at him, and beat his chest like a drum, but his eyes held me together. They were cloudy and downcast. I drew my eyebrows together and realized I had yet to answer his question. I had debated calling him and telling him so many times I’d lost count. The conclusion was always the same. I had to wait for the right moment. I wouldn’t get caught up in the middle of his life with Carmin.

Now, I had no choice but to tell the truth. This time, I ran and he followed.

“Definitely,” I answered and my response snapped him into action. He pinched the inner corners of his eyes before pulling me into a tight embrace. Whether I was ready to be touched or not, he rocked me back and forth in desperation. My briefcase fell, as he tugged my hair to the side and layered my shoulder and neck with kisses. His shoulders were shaking as he held me. I wasn’t sure what to do. I rubbed my hands up and down his back. He ran his nose along my skin and inhaled, lightly kissing my cheek and forehead. When he held my face between his hands and pulled me up, I gasped. His eyes were inflamed and two tears trailed down his cheeks. The only other time I’d ever seen him like this, his father had been dying. My lip trembled, and my chest ached to see him this way. I wanted to reach out and wipe away the tears.
Be strong.

I wiggled out of his grasp and took a step back, my hands crossed over my chest. I inhaled sharply and swallowed.

“I love you, Savannah.” He lifted his hand to run his fingers down my arm. “You’re the only one for me.”

My eyes shut and I took a step back. “Dre, I -” What could I say? We would never work. It had been proven to us over and over. I wanted to run into his arms, and at the same time, I wanted to leave town as fast as I could. Brittany would leave a bed open for me if I asked. When I opened my eyes and stared at him, I wished I could have erased the distraught look he was giving me.

I started to slowly walk backwards. Unsure of how much more of this I could handle. Who was I kidding? There was no way I could be here right now, home or no home. I’m sure there was somewhere I could hide until he went away. I fought with myself to look away from Dre as I turned to leave.

“Carmin’s baby is not mine.” He placed his hands in his pocket and stared at me, eyebrows pinched together.

I tilted my head to the side, but my body didn’t move an inch. “I don’t believe you.”

He pulled his phone from his pocket and waved it in front of me. “I have proof.”

Think, think, think
. I could say he was a liar and throw my briefcase at him before running inside to the safety of my home or … hear him out. I would have to see whatever proof he had, but it wasn’t an easy feat to lie about this. But why would Carmin lie? One of them was lying, and my curiosity won the best of me. I nodded at him and reached down for my briefcase.

“Come inside,” I said and walked to my door. This wasn’t a conversation to be having outside my home. My fingers were trembling, and I clenched them together in an effort to control my nerves. Just knowing he was here, behind me, had me twitchy. Once inside, I rested my keys and briefcase on the dining table. My hands were held together in front of me.

He walked over to me and extended his hand. “I want to touch you.”

I held my palm in the air to stop him from coming any closer. “First, show me the proof.”

I might have been shaking, but I would get this over with first before we carried with the rest of the conversation.

He unlocked his phone and started searching for what he was looking for, before finally selecting some options and then resting the phone on the dining table.

I thought he was going to
show
me something, documentation stating the baby wasn’t his, but I guessed it was something I had to listen to instead. At first, all I heard was static and then a few seconds later some rustling.

Voices in the background made it clear that it was Carmin and Andres having a conversation. I leaned my hands on the back of the chair and placed my foot behind the other. Within minutes, both my hands covered my mouth as I gasped hearing Carmin’s confession. After Andres yelled at her, the noise stopped. I stood there, mouth open and Andres grinding his teeth.

“That’s all I had since the phone fell after what you heard.” He grabbed his phone and put it back in his pocket. I was speechless. How could I ever look past her betrayal and forgive her for what she did to me? To Dre? To us?

“Did she say why?” No excuse could explain away her reasons for purposely going out of her way to fuck my life up. She had just proven herself to be one of the vilest people I’d ever known.

He held his head up and crossed his arms. “I think people like her see a sliver of happiness in someone else and they want that too. They are so consumed with jealousy — they think they own the right to take.”

I tried to move forward but my steps faltered, and Andres immediately stood by my side and held my arm. “You okay?” he asked, his voice laced with concern.
No. None of this was okay.

I nodded and rubbed my forehead. “You could have settled down with her,” I said quietly.

It was hard to believe what I’d just heard on the recorder. If he wouldn’t have hired someone to find me, and if he wouldn’t have risked choosing one family over me, he could have been living a life with Carmin and be none the wiser.

He lifted my chin to look at him. “I refuse to settle down with anyone but you.”