Resplendent (24 page)

I quickly dialed Peach’s number without a second thought.

“So, you’re alive,” she deadpanned.

I cursed myself. “Peach, I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened —”

“Seriously, Dre? It’s past two in the afternoon! Now is when you decide to wake up? I mean come on...”

I slowly sat up and swung my legs over the bed. “I don’t know what happened. I only had a couple more drinks after you left, and then I blacked out. I don’t remember much of anything.” What the fuck had happened? I remember Jessica coming by and then -

“Blacked out?” she repeated, I heard noise over the background. If she wasn’t home, maybe I could meet her wherever she was. I looked down and realized I was butt naked.
What the fuck?
I ran my hand over my face.
God, I have to snap out of it.

“Yeah, I just got up and saw your calls. I’m going to shower now and meet up with you,” I said.

She let out a short breath. “Forget it now, I’m almost done eating and Sebastian is on his way here.”

What?

“Sebastian? I thought he lived in Boston?” My eyebrows pulled together.

“He does, but he decided to surprise me and come down. All the way from Boston. At least I can count on him.”

I opened my mouth to say something when my bedroom door opened wide. I placed the comforter over myself.
Carmin! What is she doing here?

“Ready for breakfast, Sleeping Beauty?” she asked with a smile on her face. Her hair was wet and her body was wrapped in one of my towels.
Oh fuck!

I tried to think of something to say and then realized Peach was waiting for me on the line.
Shit, did she hear anything?

I placed my hand over the mouthpiece.

“I’ll meet you in the living room,” I whispered.

“Okay, don’t take too long. You slept FOREVER and I’m starving!” She was practically screaming! I wanted to strangle her. I placed the phone back to my ear and grimaced.

“Blacked out, huh?” Peach said, accusingly.

I closed my eyes and exhaled.
Fuck my life.
“No, Peach. I did, I’ll have to call you back.”

“Don’t bother, Dre, get back to what you were doing.” And then the line went dead.

When I got to Carmin’s house, she was outside, pacing.

“I’ve been calling you!” she yelled and walked toward me. I got out of the car and left it running — this would be quick.

“What
the fuck
were you thinking, Carmin?” I asked and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her to the steps that led to the front door. “You couldn’t come and talk to
me
first?”

“I didn’t know she’d react that way,” she said, feigning innocence.

Stupid bitch trying to ruin my life.

“I
told you
, it would crush her to even find out we were together. I don’t even really remember that night!”

I ran my hand down my face and leaned on the porch column trying to calm down. “What did you tell her?” I asked quietly and glanced down at her stomach. She saw the movement in my eyes and rubbed her hands on her jeans. “So she told you,” she said softly.

I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest. “Why would you tell her first and not me? Where is she?” I uncrossed my arms and started pacing instead.

She shrugged and looked away. “I don’t know. I was just so excited that when she came over, I couldn’t wait to tell her. I’m not sure why she stormed out. I haven’t seen her since.”

I stood in front of her face and stared her down. “And you didn’t think to call her or go see her?”

“For what? So we can have another screaming match? So she can upset me and —” her voice cracked, “— and the baby?”

I glanced down at her stomach again.
This can’t be happening to me.

“Have you gone to the doctor? How do you know for sure this isn’t just a mistake?” I ran my tongue along my dry lips.
This can’t be real.
Maybe she was wrong. Those home tests were sometimes wrong, right? She placed her hand in her back pocket, and my heart drummed in my ears.

She pulled out a small picture and placed it against my chest.

“I’m eight weeks,” she said. Two months ago? No way, that night wasn’t that long ago. As if hearing my thoughts she answered me, “The doctor counts from the date of my last period.”

When I looked down and grabbed it, I could see a black and white ultrasound picture. It looked like a tiny wiggly bubble inside of a big circle. Small white spots came up before my eyes. I blinked. This can’t be real. This had to be photoshopped or a trick. She couldn’t be pregnant.

I shook my head. “I don’t care what he counts. It can’t be.”

She smirked. “I can assure you, it is.”

I gave the picture back to her.
No
. I couldn’t look at the picture anymore, and I swore I would not feel any connection to it. Condoms were never something I forgot, no matter how drunk I got. I had been careful my entire life. I’d waited for Peach for so many years. I shouldn’t be having this discussion right now — especially with Carmin.

“It’s not mine,” I said softly. Deep down I knew it, but saying it out loud didn’t seem to change the outcome.

The sound of the hard slap she gave me across the cheek vibrated in my head, and I slowly turned to face her. I was stunned but had no words, so I didn’t say anything.

She walked over to me and placed her finger on my chest, her eyes welling up with tears. “I’m not going to do this by myself, Andres. You
will
help me.” She held the picture to her chest and walked inside the house.

My mind was my enemy. It wouldn’t let me focus when I needed to focus. I lay on my bed and stared up at the ceiling fan. I narrowed my eyes and told myself to pay closer attention to the number of rounds it made over my head. The setting was slow enough so that I could count. One, two, three, four…

It seemed like so much time had passed, even though it’d only been a month. Just like that, I lost count and the humming from the fan distracted me. I began to close my eyes and wished I could get a good night’s sleep. She haunted my dreams. I desperately clung to the last moments I saw her. The last time I held her hand. The last time we made love.

The number you have dialed is no longer in service.

I’d lost count of the number of times I’d heard that message. Four weeks without so much as one word from Peach. I’d left messages in the beginning and tried to explain myself, but she ignored each one, and now her number was disconnected. I just wanted a chance to have a single conversation.

After Carmin showed me the ultrasound picture, I went back to Savannah’s. I went there every day that week, thinking she must’ve forgotten something and would come back to pick it up. The only person that showed up was the landlord and they wouldn’t give me any information. Not that I blamed them. If I went by there again, I’m sure I’d see my face on a flyer posted on every apartment building with a heading that said: “Beware of creepy ex-boyfriend.”

I asked Carmin to give me her new address, but she said she didn’t have it. I would call her out on the lie, but how could I prove it? And to be honest, I didn’t think Peach talked to her either.

Carmin barged into my room. “I’m hungry.”

I sat up on the bed and tightened the towel that was around my waist. “Don’t you ever knock?” I asked, annoyed that she had begun to make herself extra comfortable in my house. “I asked you to wait for me in the living room.” I stood up and stared at her.

She smiled and gave me a once over. “It’s not like I’ve never seen it before, Andres.” She rubbed her little pouch belly as if making a point.

I sighed. Peach should be the one with my kid. She had become a part of me. Fuck!

Carmin walked over to me and grabbed my hand. “You look stressed.”

“I am stressed. The baby—”
might connect us in a way that I’d never thought was possible
, was what I wanted to say but I didn’t.

She leaned closer and placed her hand on my waist. “The baby will be fine. You’ll be a great father, Andres.” She smiled at me. Her brown eyes were shining and her thick hair was loose, bangs parted to the side. As pretty as she was, it just didn’t feel right having her arms around me. I could feel her fingers brush over my abs and I knew she liked what she felt. When I realized I couldn’t go to sleep at a decent hour, I had hit up Porky’s 24-hour gym instead. I went almost every night till two in the morning, when my muscles would finally scream for some rest. I might have looked better but that was only the exterior. Everything Carmin found sexy, Peach would have dismissed. She would have only seen the tired look in my eyes, the fact that I hadn’t shaved in a week, and that I continuously tossed and turned each night.

Carmin didn’t have the infectious laugh that Peach had; she didn’t know me like the back of her hand.
She
hadn’t been there for me when I needed her. But she had my child, and the child was my future.

“I need to get dressed,” I said. I immediately saw the hurt in her eyes, although she tried to hide it. She let go of me and closed the door behind her. I sat back on the bed, my elbows on my knees and I rubbed my face.

What am I going to do?

I glanced at the dresser and reached out to grab my phone. I was going to dial one more time. This,
this
would be the last time I called her. I let out a breath and waited.

The number you have dialed
–

I groaned and pressed
end
, throwing the phone on my bed. I’d just have to do what I had to do. Her number was disconnected, I didn’t have a clue where she lived, and nothing came up under her name when I searched the internet. I was going to report her as missing. Could you report someone missing if they didn’t want to be found? That was legal, right? I tried to come up with ways that I could make this sound legal. She didn’t have parents, so I could be the one to do it. I was losing my goddamn mind.

I wished my dad was alive so he could tell me what the fuck to do about all of this. I got dressed quickly and walked out to the living room. Carmin was flipping through the channels.

“Order pizza,” I told her and looked down at my phone. I wondered if I could find a way to locate Peach’s Boston friends instead. I knew her best friend’s name was Brittany. I just needed to figure out the last name.

“We had pizza last week,” she said grumpily. I shook my head; Peach surely wouldn’t whine this much if she were pregnant. I sat down on the opposite end of the sofa, and my eyes fell to Carmin’s hand that was rubbing her stomach. In just eight weeks we’d know the sex of the baby. Would Peach find someone else that she wanted to have babies with? Waves rolled in my stomach. It felt like an anchor was pulling me down. Carmin was my quicksand and I didn’t know how to pull myself out.

“Order whatever you want,” I said. She sucked her teeth.

“I think the baby wants to go
out
to eat.”

I inwardly rolled my eyes. The baby was her excuse for everything. Dammit, it was a good excuse that got me every time. She was learning to use the kid as her playing card, and I didn’t like it.

“I’m tired,” I tried my own excuse, which never worked.

“You’re always tired. We barely spend any time together.”

We barely spend any time together because we’re not a couple.
But I didn’t say that out loud. I got up and grabbed my keys, walking over to the dining table for my wallet.

“I’m tired because I worked 10 hours today and 58 hours this week.” I tilted my head and thought about Savannah. “I can’t do this, Carmin.”

I saw her squint her eyes as she placed a hand on her hip. “Do what?”

I gestured between us with my index finger. “This.” I lifted up my hands to do air quotes. “The couple thing.”

She licked her upper lip and stood her ground. “Is that how you were raised, Andres? Did your father teach you to give up on
family
?”

My father
. I ran a shaky hand over my face. No, no, he wouldn’t have told me to quit. He would have told me to man up and take care of what’s mine. But what if I was unhappy? I glanced at her belly again, which was now covered by her hands. I thought about what was nestled inside, in the warmth of her belly. It wasn’t the baby’s fault.