Relinquished (5 page)

At least Holden seemed to have a little more faith in me. He was the one that kept encouraging me to go to school and thought I had the potential to do more with my life, given a chance. Then again, he had said he wished he’d thought of giving me the membership first.

I shook my head and soaped my body. These guys were beginning to confuse me. It would’ve been better if they’d offered me a job. I didn’t need their freebies. I wanted to be seen as someone who took pride in bettering herself, not taking the easy road. It broke my heart to think they saw me as some loser.

Another few minutes in the shower, and my mind was made up. I was going to earn this membership by working here. The warm water beat down on my head as I squirted some of the shampoo from the dispenser on the wall. The scent of mango filled the steamy space. This certainly wasn’t the same cheap shit I used from the dollar store. A girl could definitely get used to this.

Once I was dried off, dressed, and almost done blow drying my hair, I realized that was the first shower, in I don't know how long, that I hadn’t had a flashback.
Huh.
I would be taking more of them here.

Enjoying the lavender in the air, I took a deep breath and headed out. Now showered, wearing jeans, and what looked like a designer t-shirt, Holden was sitting on a black leather chair just outside, fiddling with his phone. “Hey,” he stood up, “ready for lunch?”

I held up a finger, doing my best not to gawk at him. “Yeah, but can I ask a question first?”

Curiosity covered his face as he slipped his phone into his back pocket. “Sure.”

I was nervous as hell but tried to hold my head high like I actually had my shit together. “I don’t like getting things for free. I earn my way. So do you have any odd jobs I can do around here that would cover
the monthly cost?”  I pulled the strap of my bag up on my shoulder, bracing myself for his answer.

He looked at me like I was being ridiculous, yet there was something else in his expression. Respect, maybe? “Jules, I’m not going to have you do crap around here to use the gym.”  My eyes followed his index finger as it tapped his lips. “We do however need someone to help out in childcare. Ever worked with kids before?”

Kids? Hmm… “Not really, but I love children.” Now I was starting to get excited. But like when most good things attempted to come near me, I waited for the familiar hammer to crush my hope.

Unsurprisingly, that mallet dropped the very next moment in the form of a tall, dark-haired, suit-wearing asshole with eyes as dark and cold as Mt. Everest.

“She’s not working here. We would need to run a background check.” Dante spoke from the entryway, staring at me as he joined us. I couldn’t fight it this time. My head dropped as my eyes closed.
Humiliating.

Holden turned his back on his brother and offered me a sweet smile. “Do me a favor and wait for me in the reception area. I’ll be right there, then we’ll go to lunch, okay?”  

Peeking
around his large frame, I found Dante gritting his teeth, then I gave a quick nod and walked away obediently. I only made it as far as the doorway when I heard Holden’s lowered voice. “What’re you doing? She’s not one of your whores, you know. There’s more to her than that.”

When I spied from around the corner, I caught the tail end of Holden backing Dante up against the wall. He wasn’t using anything other than his steps to eat the distance between them. 

Irritated more than anything, Dante didn’t appear to be backing up in fear. His glaring eyes seemed more like the kind an exhausted parent would give after the drama of their two-year-old child throwing their fifth temper tantrum of the day. After seeing how he dismissed that slutty whore in the cardio room, I wondered if Dante had any regards for another human at all, even his own flesh and blood. 

As I moved out of sight, I heard him retort, “I’m well aware of that,
brother
.”

I leaned my back against the wall, just on the other side of where they were arguing.  Thankfully, both of the bimbos that had been behind the counter earlier were now standing in Vince’s office door, talking to him and Christina, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying.

“Leave her alone.”  That was the second time I’d heard Holden’s gruff voice today. “And why the hell would you give her one of those fucking memberships in the first place, huh? Just to have her come in here and treat her like a leper? She’s not yours, and you know damn well how I feel about her.”

I gulped at that.
Feelings? For me?

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that,” Dante ground out. “Things have already been set in motion, and you have no idea who she is.”

“Neither do you.” Holden spat.

“That’s where you’re wrong. I know everything I need to about her. Trust me on this one.”

Oh shit. What does he know?  
And why did he mention the background check as if he knew I was hiding something?  

I pushed away from the wall and rushed toward the exit, noticing a heated conversation going on in Vince’s office between him, the receptionist, and Christina. I’d just made it to the door when I felt Holden run up behind me.

“Hey, where are you going?  I thought we were grabbing lunch.” I knew he could see it, the pain and embarrassment all over my face. “Don’t let that jackass scare you off. This is about him, not you.”

I didn’t want to talk about it. “No, it’s not that. I completely forgot I was supposed to help stock the bar today.”

He gave me a doubtful look. “But you have to eat.”

Vince called over to him from his office door, “Hey, Holden, we need you in here.”

Crap, I hope that’s not all about me.

Holden looked conflicted when I said, “Don’t worry about me, I’ll eat something at the bar.” He didn’t need to know that I was lying. And before he could convince me further, I turned and jogged away, yelling over my shoulder, “See you later!”

He didn’t try to catch up, but I heard him curse under his breath.

I decided then that my dependence on these brothers was definitely unhealthy. I’d need to figure out how to keep my distance, especially if Dante somehow knew the truth about my past.

I didn’t get to the church early enough for lunch, so I ended up eating french fries and a junior burger from some fast food joint. The greasy food sat at the bottom of my stomach like a lead weight. Better than the hunger pains, I guess.

Throughout the day, dark clouds weighed heavy in the sky, threatening to open up and pour rain.  My thin t-shirt did little to protect me from the chilly air. I needed to find a place to hang out indoors, but I wasn’t up to hitting the laundromat yet.  Glancing at a nearby clock, I decided to go to the library since it was the one place I could find solitude, and after all that shit happened this morning, I really needed the retreat.

Holden looked a bit sad when I’d let it slip a few days ago that our town library was the only place I had ever felt at home and the one thing I could count on. I almost kicked myself for saying anything until he began to trace my knuckles with his finger and asked if he could join me sometime.

Between his touch and the thought of him sitting next to me on one of the big comfy couches, so close that I could feel his breath on my neck, had sent an embarrassing shiver down my spine.  He’d noticed my tremble and playfully laughed it off, thank God.

I wouldn’t object to him going with me, but I couldn’t imagine he’d ever understand how magical libraries were to me. I’d never been a big reader, but the moment I walked through those doors, it was as though I’d stepped into a different world. I welcomed the peaceful quiet, the musty smell of old books, and the comfort of the shabby furniture.

One of the few possessions I’d held onto for dear life was the library card I’d gotten back in high school. I wasn’t sure I would even qualify for one now since I didn’t have additional proof of my address.

A whole new world had opened up to me when I found out that card gave me access to one full hour a day on the internet. Once I figured out how to use the search engines, I felt like I’d been given a free round-trip ticket to anywhere I wanted to go.

I never used social media sites because, let’s face it, besides Holden, I didn't have any friends to socialize with. And even though I was stuck in the same county I’d grown up in, I definitely had no interest in connecting with people from my past.

When I fired up the internet, the usual national headlines popped up.  The one that caught my eye was about the White House getting closer to selecting a corporation to protect them from further computer hacking.  I hadn’t even read that they’d been hacked in the first place, but things like that made me thankful I didn’t have my own electronic devices.  The last thing I needed was for some cyber-criminal to have my private information.

As I’d hoped, nobody bothered me while I scrolled through countless websites during my allotted hour. I researched different places and things to do, dreaming of a life I couldn’t imagine living. It probably seemed odd that someone who’d never been anywhere outside the U.S. would be so fascinated by other people’s travels, but I couldn’t help myself. When we’d done that career assessment in high school, my results said I’d be some sort of world traveler. Unfortunately, those tests didn’t know shit about my reality.

The second thing I always looked at were the employment listings. The only things I qualified for, though, were the jobs that listed
No Experience Necessary
. They always seemed to have the shadiest ads, too. Everything from private dancers to cleaning ladies. I have to admit, I read the posting for
Beau Monde Domestic Services
, a high-end house cleaning company, a few times.  The pay listed was more than I made including tips, and I had to ask myself if it really would be that bad cleaning toilets for the rich and famous. Some clients even offered living quarters.

Saving the best for last, I finally clicked on the Globe Trekker website. I loved watching the archived episodes and even broke down and bought some earbuds from the dollar store not that long ago. Sadly for me, the next guy kicked me out of my seat before I could finish the video on
The Fiesta of San Miguel, Bolivia
.

Stepping away, I pulled my duffle bag strap over my shoulder and headed for the front door, dreaming about the colorful festival I’d just seen when I spotted Holden leaning against a wall nearby. And he was watching me.
Shit, how long has he been standing there?

“I wondered if I’d find you here today.” He pushed away from the wall and flashed one of his heart-melting smiles.  No matter how much I wanted to deny it, this guy made me feel alive and full of hope, but at the moment, I was ashamed that I’d lied to him earlier.

I gripped the strap of my bag tighter and took a deep breath.

He placed his hands on the side of my face and ran his thumbs along my cheeks, encouraging me to look at him. “Hey, it’s okay.” His soft words drew my eyes to his. “Jules, tell me the truth.  When do you have to be at work, or anywhere for that matter?”

I cleared my throat and gave him what he wanted to hear—the truth.  “Tomorrow night.”

I was hypnotized when he flashed another fierce smile. “So you don’t have anything going on for the rest of today or tomorrow?”

“Besides laundry, no.” I lifted my shoulder, showing him the bag.

Stepping to my side, he tugged on my hand. “Good.  You do now.”

We walked through the long open aisle that led to the back door.  I’d never actually used that exit before since it went to the parking lot.

Just outside, I halted.  

He frowned at me. “What’s wrong?”

I pulled my hand from his and warily grabbed the strap of my bag again. “Where are we going?” It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, but I’d had the rug pulled from under me too many times today.

He circled me and wrapped his arms around my stomach, then kissed my neck. Holy shit, that made my entire body tingle. “I’m kidnapping you and taking you to my favorite place.”

When I spoke, a breathy voice came out, surprising me. “Is it kidnapping if I go willingly?” We never really flirted, but I wasn’t complaining, even if I didn’t know where we were going.

He chuckled against my skin. “Come on.  Let’s go.”

A cool breeze hit us as we weaved through the parking lot, hand in hand. Stepping up to a brand new sports car that didn’t even have a license plate yet, Holden opened the passenger door and swiped his hand in the air, directing me to get in.  

I glanced around. “Where’s your International?” The handful of times I’d let him drive me around, we’d been in his older model SUV.

“At home.  I just drove this down from the dealer in San Francisco.” He pursed his lips.  “Too pretentious?”

“Nah,” I said as I slid onto the soft leather seat, barely holding back a sigh.

Heaven.

As he sat in the driver’s seat, I smirked at him. “You know, I had a friend who used to say only rich, spoiled boys and men going through a midlife crisis drove sports cars.” And Scott, my old partner in crime, would’ve added, ‘and car thieves like me.’

“Oh yeah,” Holden challenged, “and would you agree with this
friend
of yours?”

He gave me one of his signature smiles while revving up the engine. The sound reminded me of a life I’d lived so long ago.  A time that was just as fucked up as the one I was currently living, but at least I hadn’t been alone then.  Well, not physically anyway.

Shaking those thoughts away, I gave my snarky response, “Maybe.  I haven’t decided yet.”

Snickering, he headed toward the freeway. “Sorry to steal you away from laundry day, but we’ll get that taken care of, too.”

I crossed my ankles and leaned against the door. “Seriously, where are we going?” I wasn’t nervous or afraid at this point, just extremely curious.

Gunning the engine, we flew up the onramp and sped across the highway until we ended up in the carpool lane.  Man, I missed the exhilaration of being in a speeding car.

“Manhattan Beach,” he said matter of factly, as though we’d driven out there a million times together.

“We’re going to the beach?”

He nodded and shot me another grin before focusing on the road. I sat back, stunned. It may seem silly, but I’d lived in Pasadena and the surrounding area most of my life and had never been to the beach. But I wondered if the weather would cooperate when I remembered the heavy, dark clouds in the sky above.

“But isn’t it going to rain soon?” I felt Holden’s warm hand on mine and immediately felt calmer. Apparently, I was on edge.

“Relax. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to, but I’d love to show you where I unwind.”

“No.  I wanna see, I’ve just…never been there before.” I bit my bottom lip. Who lives in southern California all their life and hasn’t gone to the beach?

“Well, then you’re gonna love this.” He switched on some music and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “So tell me something I don’t know about you.”

Oh shit. I hadn’t told him much yet. Well, nothing too personal.  How should I answer that?

The inquisitive look on his face was sexy as hell, and if he kept looking at me like he really did care, I might open up and share way too much.  Which would, of course, scare the shit out of him.  No, I needed to keep things light just as I had so far.

“Um…” I rubbed my lips with my index finger, pretending like I was contemplating. “Until this morning, I’d never stepped foot in a gym.”

He lit up with curiosity. “Now that’s surprising, but I don’t mind being the one to teach you anything you want to learn.”

My heart fluttered up a storm in my chest. If this feeling didn’t only happen when he was around, I’d swear I had a murmur or something. When we spent time together, I forget about all the jacked up things waiting for me when I got back to reality, and I wanted to find a way to hang out with him as long as possible.

He casually placed his hand on the top of my seat’s headrest and tilted his head to the side. “What about driving?  You never wanted to learn?  I can teach you that too if you like.”

I had to snicker at that.  Shortly after we’d first talked, he spotted me walking from the motel to work one evening and was shocked when I told him I didn’t drive. I don’t expect him to fully understand since I imagine he’d had his own car the moment he turned sixteen and got his license.

When he’d first asked questions out of curiosity, I told him what I tell everyone else.  Everything is within walking distance for me, and I don’t need to waste money on a car. If he only knew the whole truth. “I never said I didn’t know how.  I said that I don’t.”