Relinquished (9 page)

Still makes me wonder…

My chest tightened as a single tear fell from the corner of my eye. “Scott and the other driver both crashed their cars and died that night.”

Holden scooted his chair closer to me and held my hands in his. “Jules, I’m sorry.” His eyebrows knitted together, concern covering his face.

“The report said tire tracks confirmed that a third car was involved, but they never located it.” I pulled one of my hands away and wiped the tears that fell before looking around the room to see if anyone was watching us. If they’d noticed me crying, they were being respectful by not staring. 

Holden took my hand again as I shrugged my shoulder. “That’s why the judge took mercy on me.  My court appointed lawyer told the judge that I’d only been driving because I was trying to stop Scott. After that, I didn’t really care what they did to me.” 

His face fell, but I saw no pity, only genuine concern. “What did you do after that?”

“When I was walking out of the courthouse, there was a guy there with my duffle bag, which freaked me out.”

Holden frowned. “Who was the guy? What did he want?”

“Turns out, he was a friend of Scott’s. He wouldn’t tell me much, except that Scott talked to him a few days before the race and gave him instructions to look for me in case there was a problem. He gave me my bag and an envelope with the money Scott and I had been saving up and a note.”

“What did it say?” he asked carefully, almost as if he was ready for me to shut down.  But I’d gone this far.

The corners of my mouth lowered as I shook my head. “He said that I was in danger and shouldn’t ever go back to the house.  To use the money to get far away and start a new life.  What it didn’t say was how he knew something was going to happen, and I’ve racked my brain since, wondering what was going on that I didn’t know.”

I spaced out, still wondering those same questions. “The next day, I jumped on a train and moved back to Pasadena. I’ve been bouncing around from one motel to another, working shitty jobs ever since.” Glorious life, right?

Holden swallowed. “Did anything ever come of the warning?”

“I can only assume he was talking about retaliation from the other street team. They were our only enemies, but since one of them died along with Scott, I figured there wasn’t any revenge to be had.  I left town anyway, just in case.” I reached out for my drink. The sweetness of it was a total contrast to my mood. Quietly, I added, “I admit, I do sometimes feel like I’m being watched.  I’m sure it’s just my paranoia, though.”

“When do you feel that?” His body went somewhat stiff, and he intently peered at my face, as if he was searching for answers.  It was like a trigger had gone off in his head that shit just got real, and he needed information pronto.

But I didn’t want him to worry about me. Nonchalantly, I pushed a few stray hairs behind my ear. “I don’t know, just here and there.  When I’m walking somewhere or when I’m at the library.  I’m sure it’s just my imagination.  I mean, if they wanted to do something to me, they already would’ve.  It’s not like I’m hiding, out of reach.”

We sat in comfortable silence for a while as he rubbed his thumb back and forth across my knuckles. “I can help you, Jules.  Please let me.”

I shook my head, needing him to understand. “That’s exactly why I haven’t said anything.  I need to figure this stuff out on my own.  I can’t let you sweep me up and take care of me.”

He huffed through his nose. “Why not?”

The waitress chose that moment to come by. “Can I get you anything else?”

Holden shot her a dirty look, surprising me. “No, just the check thank you.”

Without another word, she dropped it off, then rolled her eyes as she turned and sauntered away. Earlier she’d looked at him like she wanted to eat him rather than serve him, which had bugged me, so I wasn’t heartbroken that she now thought he was a dick.

“Please give me one good reason why I can’t help you.” His pleading tone was getting to me.

“Because I don’t function that way,” I said, getting defensive. “I have to look out for myself. I always have.”

A spark of anger flashed in his eyes as if I was just being a stubborn child. “But I care about you, Jules. You’re not alone anymore, and you deserve a fresh start.”

I took a deep breath, speaking calmly but firmly. “I care about you, too, but that doesn’t matter when it comes to earning my way. It’s just a part of who I am. Holden, I’m not one of your broken souls. Be my friend, support me, and give me advice when I ask, but don’t treat me like one of your clients.  Please understand.” I tacked on that last part to lessen the severity of my words. Hopefully, he wouldn’t take it as a total rejection.

He leaned back in his chair, frustrated. “Jules, we are friends. That’s why I want to help.” He sat there for a moment, bobbing his knee, clearly lost in thought. “How about a compromise? What if you got a job out here?” He motioned around. “And you can pay me whatever you can afford.  My house is paid off, so whatever you want to pay is fine.”

Wait. Is he inviting me to live with him? He must be insane.

I began to shake my head before he ranted on, “Come on, Jules, think about it.  You would have your own bedroom, I wouldn’t expect anything from you, roomie.”  That heartwarming smile of his made its appearance, like he was trying to buy me with it.  “I can help you figure out your license issues, and you can borrow the International to get around. If you want to go to school, I can help you look into that, too.” He lifted his hands up. “Totally up to you.”

Was this really happening? How had I gone from leaving my shitty motel yesterday morning to now being offered to stay in a million dollar, oceanside home?

There was no way I could accept it. It wouldn’t last. Holden would get sick of me, find out all my secrets and be disgusted.

I looked out of the window once more before blinking hard. “No,” I said softly.

His shoulders sagged, and I found myself wanting to comfort him. Maybe there was a way. Maybe I could accept. Maybe…

Not yet, though. I needed to pacify him until I had time to process all of this. “How about if we just leave things the way they are today, and I’ll think about it.”

He seemed somewhat pacified. “Okay, but now that I’ve made the offer, I’m not going to drop it.  There are no strings attached, I promise.”

That I believed. But what if I wanted strings? I eyed him for a moment. “I come with a lot of baggage, Holden.” I had to warn him.

He raised his eyebrows like it was no big deal. “I’m just looking for someone to make me dinner here and there. Maybe throw in a load of clothes occasionally.” At that, his silly grin returned. Damn, he was cute when he wanted to get his way.

Well, he was gorgeous all the time really.

Closing one eye, I offered a tiny smile. “I thought you said no strings.”

“Okay, so maybe just the dinner,” he said sheepishly. “I really like baked pasta dishes, by the way.” He winked, attempting to make me laugh.

Flicking my wrist, I smacked his hard abs and fought the urge to let my hand linger.

He stood and stretched his arms above his head before grabbing my hand and helping me up. “Let’s get out of here and hit the art gallery so I can show off my future roommate.”

I sort of hated how much I liked the way that sounded, but it made me smile nonetheless.

Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he led us out of the cafe and onto the breezy sidewalk.

My mind was buzzing. His offer was tempting. More than tempting. I was barely making it on my own, and there weren’t any signs that things were going to get better. And it wasn’t like he was suggesting I get a free ride. This could be my last break at making something of my life. Coming home to him every day would just be a bonus.

By the time we reached the gallery, I found myself wanting to say yes, wanting to give in.

Would it be so wrong?

Standing in the middle of the bedroom, I took a look around as I pulled my work shirt over my just showered, wet hair.  Could I really take Holden up on his offer? I turned to see the ocean view through the window for the umpteenth time since we got here yesterday. Biting my nail, I calculated how much money I had in my bag and how much my check was going to be on Friday.

I wondered how difficult it would be to take the bus from here to the bar until I found another place to work in the area. Certainly, no tears would be shed if I had to leave my job for another one by the beach.

As I moved around the room, I started to get excited about the possibility of living here in Holden’s guest bedroom. I ran my hand across the soft comforter when he yelled from the top of the stairs, “Hey, Jules, Dante’s been blowing up my cell. When the phone rings downstairs, will you tell him I’ll call him back?  I’ve gotta shower right now if we’re going to get you to work on time.”

My skin tingled as I envisioned him standing upstairs, butt ass naked, ready to jump in the shower.  I wished I had the confidence to call in sick and join him.  The reality was that I needed tonight’s wages and tips so I could pay for a few more nights at the motel while I considered his offer.

“Sure!”  I yelled back, almost laughing when I heard the ringing from the first floor. Dante sure was persistent.

I bounced down the stairs, carefree, but was a little out of breath when I finally made it to the kitchen and looked at the caller ID. “Hey, Dante,” I puffed out, thinking about how natural it felt to be a part of this home, then remembered how humiliating my last interaction with Dante had been.

Clearing my throat, I held the phone between my ear and shoulder as I began to nervously pick at my cuticles. “Um...Holden said he’ll...uh, call you back when he gets out of the shower.”

“Who is this?” Even though he’d been a jackass to me at the gym, I was stunned at the edge and accusatory tone in his voice.

Cocking my head, I stared out of the window as a group of bicyclists rode by. “It’s Jules.”

He seethed between what I imaged were gritted teeth, “So that’s where you were last night, huh? Why’re you answering my brother’s phone?”

Last night? Why would he care and how would he know I hadn’t been anywhere else?

Not only that, he had no right to treat me like I didn’t belong. Holden was working hard to make me feel welcome, and I wasn’t about to let his pompous dickhead brother undo our progress. “He told me to say he’d call you back.  What’s your problem, anyway? And what do you mean ‘so that’s where I was last night’? Are you tracking me?” Maybe that was why I’d been feeling watched lately. Maybe it had been Dante checking up on me, seeing if I was worthy of his brother.

Ass.

“You being at Holden’s house is the problem,” he ground out darkly. “He’s not supposed to have you there.”

Irked, I ran my hand down my damp hair. “So you think you have a say in Holden’s and my friendship? And you didn’t answer my question about watching me.”

He huffed out a breath, seeming to try to reel in his anger, but his words didn’t reflect that. “I don’t owe you any explanations, and you and I both know he isn’t just looking for friendship. You simply don’t fit in our family.”

Defensive because of his hurtful words, I shot back, “So what, are you ordering me to stay away from him now? Because
you
are the ones that came to the bar, and
you’re
the one that gave me that damn pass.”

He growled, literally, through the phone. “Don’t be fucking coy with me, Jules.  I’ve since had you investigated, and I know everything.  If you care at all, you won’t see him again.”

My jaw hit the floor as I tried to comprehend what he’d just said. My voice was shaky. “How dare you, you asshole. I don’t give a fuck what you think you know about me, and you have no right to talk to me like that. I’m not one of your fucking sheep. Plus I’ve already told Holden about my past.” Some of it anyway.

I knew I was getting under his skin. From what I’d seen, nobody talked back to him, including Holden.  As pissed as he was, I imagined the veins in his neck bulging. “Listen, Holden’s naïve. He lets his emotions lead him and doesn’t think with his brain.  My brother has no idea what’s good for him.  Do you really think you’re what’s best for him? Come on, Jules, think about it.  We’ve worked our asses off to establish the image we have, and I refuse to let him throw it all away because he feels sorry for you.”