Relinquished (3 page)

As close as Dante and Holden were, I imagined that they’d talked about me. But for my own sanity, and from what I’d seen of his character, I chose to believe that Dante was not the kind of guy to give someone something out of pity. The calculated moves I’d seen him make did, however, have me wondering if his offer came with strings attached. 

Bending over, I grabbed my battered duffle bag that had a few of my dirty work clothes in it and headed out the door, making sure the lock clicked behind me. I rolled my eyes when I noticed a few advertisements for pizza and Chinese food hanging from the handle.  It seemed like every time I touched any of the door knobs of the places I stayed in there was something new hanging from them.  I couldn’t complain, though. That was how I found my waitressing job.  I’d wondered what kind of business advertised job openings that way, but once I got the position, I couldn’t have cared less.

Peering over the railing, I noticed the parking lot was fairly empty this morning. Probably because all the johns had already left my neighbors’ rooms.

My gut grumbled as I made my way down the stairs, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten anything since work last night. But that would have to wait until lunchtime when the Baptist Church fed the homeless. Although I technically wasn’t homeless, they were always nice enough to let me eat. And I wouldn’t exactly call this shitty place a home.

One of the few benefits of my job was that I got one free meal during my shift, so dinner was covered most nights unless, like tonight, I wasn’t working. Food was definitely not part of my budget, so I ate quite a bit of greasy fast food off the dollar menu. It was a good thing I walked everywhere or my ass would probably be the size of a house by now.

The only meals I did enjoy were with Holden, but his company had more to do with it than anything else.  At first, I’d avoided going out with him because I couldn’t afford much, but I finally caved and let him pay when he’d assured me it made him happy, and it was the gentlemanly thing to do.  I chose to believe he was being truthful since he was the first gentleman I’d ever met. Coincidentally, we’d started going to nicer places once I let him start paying.

Yanking open the motel’s office door, I prayed that Maggie was working the front desk and not her perverted son. No such luck. I could smell his strong BO before I even saw him. If I hadn’t trained myself not to throw up when I smelled something rank, I would’ve puked last night’s meatloaf sandwich right on the dingy green carpet.

Grimacing, I pushed forward. It was either deal with him now or carry my cash all over town. It made me nervous as hell walking around with money in my pockets. I still looked over my shoulders, suspicious of everyone around me, and the last thing I needed was to wind up sleeping behind a dumpster in an alley.

I held my breath and hesitantly stepped forward.

His bushy eyebrow raised as a devious smirk appeared. Yellow teeth flashed when he spoke. “Hey, Juliana. I’m glad you’re here.” His eyes landed on my chest before rising back up to my face.

My stomach gurgled hearing my name come out of his mouth.
Disgusting bastard.
I didn’t even want to know what he was thinking. “I’m covered for tonight and tomorrow night but wanted to pay for the rest of the week.”

Frowning, he glanced at his monitor while using one hand to tap on the keyboard. “My computer’s stuck so I can’t give you a receipt.”

I don’t know what made me do it, but I leaned forward to take a look. I almost gagged out loud when I saw a picture of a guy jizzing all over a girl’s face on his frozen screen. Instinctively, I glanced down, catching the sweaty pig holding his exposed junk.   

I met his eyes, careful not to open my mouth and let his pungent smell in.

“Like what you see, sugar?”  His eyebrows wiggled. “We can work out other arrangements for some of your stay, y’know.”

Overwhelming disgust hit me as I flew out of there and dry heaved outside. I heard him scrambling behind me, which sparked a fire under my ass to get moving. The street in front of the motel was always busy, so I rushed out onto the sidewalk, making sure he wasn’t following before I slowed down to catch my breath.

Dammit!  Why did I let that piece of shit get to me?  

It seemed no amount of history made me numb to shit like this. I still hated being put in these situations, but this was my life. I just had to stop letting it affect me so damn much.

But just picturing that screen brought Alex O’Connor to mind, and a shudder crept down my spine. If I were ever desperate enough to take Mr. Film Producer up on his offer, that could be my face on some other horny fuck’s computer screen while he jerked off, leering at me.

No. No fucking way.

I wasn’t stupid. I figured after the guys at the bar gawked at me all night, they might have me on their mind while they polished their rockets, but they didn’t have an actual picture. At least, I hope they didn’t.

There was no way in hell I would be calling O'Connor.     

I was filled with anxiety as I walked down the busy sidewalk. Damn it, damn it! My cash was still tucked away in my bag, and a familiar feeling I hadn’t been able to shake for months began to creep up my spine. Though I hadn’t caught anyone, my instincts told me I was being watched, like some specimen under a microscope.

My eyes darted around, assessing my surroundings, but nothing looked out of place. It was just a typical street—pedestrians, honking cars, delivery trucks in front of businesses and off in the distance, a parked policeman talking to a skateboarder through an open passenger window. He was probably giving the poor guy shit about riding his board on the sidewalk.

I tried to calm myself, act normal, but it was impossible. I felt completely off my game, and my stiff body language and nomadic eyes were probably clear signals to every thug out here that I was an easy target.

Pretending to tie my shoe, I stopped at a bus bench and relaxed my shoulders.
Get it together, Jules.
The scraggly strands of my ponytail shielded my face as I rolled my head side to side, stretching my neck muscles. Spending time at the gym today would be a perfect opportunity to work out some of my nervous tension.  

Spotting an open staircase on the side of an office building, I walked over and took a seat to find my bearings. My eyes darted around while my arms wrapped protectively around my bag. I attempted to soothe myself through breathing and focusing on something positive. I rarely let myself daydream. That was way too scary, but my fear of freaking out on the street was far worse.

Breathe.

I closed my eyes momentarily, allowing visions to appear of the only men I’d ever enjoyed spending time with. I’d met Holden and Dante Riley shortly after I started my waitressing job, six months ago, and they’d quickly become my favorite work distraction.

Dante was the older brother and had a powerful intensity about him. I would always feel him in the room before I ever saw him. Holden, on the other hand, brought a sense of stability and playfulness. It didn’t matter where my head was. Whenever he was near, my shitty reality was a fleeting thought.

Opening my eyes, a slight smile appeared on my lips as I pictured them. They’re polar opposites, yet had some of the same mannerisms and facial expressions when they spoke. Dante was very professional and wore a suit every time I’d seen him, no matter the weather. Then again, unlike Holden, I’d never seen him outside of the bar. It seemed as though each and every inky strand on Dante’s head knew its place and didn’t dare step out of line. Even his dark eyes held some mystery.

Holden had more of a casual, trendy style and his messy, caramel-blonde hair had a mind of its own, while his piercing blue eyes captivated me every time he looked my way. I loved spending time with him and envied his laid back, peaceful demeanor. He reminded me of all the things I wanted in life but had never been given the opportunity to have. I never fooled myself into thinking we were anything more than buddies, though. Besides holding my hand and occasionally kissing my cheek or forehead, he’d never led me to believe he wanted anything more than friendship.  

Dante didn’t come up often when Holden and I were together, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he knew how often his brother and I hung out.  Not that it mattered because Dante and I weren’t close, but I was curious what Holden had told him about me, about us.

Unlike Holden, Dante was a man of few words and seemed to be more of an observer. His eyes would confidently scan the room off and on as he sat back and watched my every move. If another guy looked at me the way he did, I would’ve been freaked out. But there was something very calming about his commanding power. It didn’t pass my attention that the guys at the bar seemed to leave me alone on the nights the Riley brothers were around. I’d caught a few stare downs between them a handful of times. These guys made me feel something I hadn’t experienced before—protected.

I loved watching their interaction when they didn’t know I was looking. Seemingly without any effort, they each commanded respect in the room. I would love to be able to do that someday.

Women flocked to their table, but neither seemed interested in the bar tramps that hung around. And a big part of me rejoiced at that.

There we go.

My grip on the bag loosened as I felt myself calming down.

Man, I wished Holden was going to be at the gym today.  I missed him when he traveled, which was a very new feeling for me.  I’d never wanted to spend all my time with a man before.  Then again, the only guys that had ever been in my life were there out of convenience for both of us.  They’d get the sex they wanted, I’d get a place to stay and food to eat.

As I heard footsteps above me, I stood up. Time to get off my ass and keep moving. Story of my life.            

I was in a better frame of mind by the time I stepped through the glass door of the gym. The modern reception area was extremely impressive, complete with polished concrete floors, leather furnishings, stainless steel fixtures, and glass walls everywhere I turned. Although I appreciated the design, all I could think about was what a bitch it must be to keep this place spot free. Maybe I should apply for a job here since I didn’t mind cleaning. My heart wouldn’t be broken if I left my waitressing job to work in a nice place like this.

As I approached the receptionist, I cleared my throat. I’d never been inside a gym before and didn’t know what to expect.  The lost look on my face must’ve given me away.

“Welcome to Fit Lyfe,” the receptionist with a too-tight sports bra greeted me. “Is this your first time?”

I stepped up to the sleek metal and glass counter and handed the card over. “Yeah. Dante gave me this.
” Damn, I hope I can pull this off.

After she’d flipped the card over, the smile disappeared from her not so perky lips. “Oh, I see. Give me a second, and I’ll get someone to help you.” Her long blonde ponytail bounced as she strolled past another girl behind the desk and sauntered toward an office.  

There was a huge, muscular guy sitting behind a desk. He looked like one of those men you see in bodybuilding magazines. I tried unsuccessfully not to gawk.

They both glanced suspiciously at me through the glass, killing any confidence I’d managed to build up. Anxiously picking at my cuticles, I contemplated bolting, but I really wanted to see the rest of the gym. I’d always been fascinated by new things, and I hated letting my irrational fears get the better of me.

Sneering, Ms. Attitude trotted back.  “Vince will take care of you from this point.”  Her wrist flicked, gesturing toward the open door where muscle man now stood. If it weren’t for his friendly smile, I would’ve been intimidated.

I huffed out a whispered breath, “Thanks.”

As I approached the office door, I heard behind me, “What’s so special about her?”

Were those bitches talking about me?

My paranoia was sneaking up on me again.

The guy I assumed was Vince stepped aside, then shut the glass door behind us. “Don’t let them get to you. They’re just jealous.”  He offered his hand. “I’m Vince Peterson, the manager here. What’s your name?”

I looked over my shoulder toward the girls, then back to Vince.

Jealous?  Over what?  I just walked in here.

His hand continued to hold mine until I answered, “Oh, sorry. Juliana Donovan.”  

A knowing smile appeared on his lips before he headed back to his chair and motioned for me to take a seat. “Jules, right?” My body stiffened, and he peered up from his desk. “Dante told me you might be coming in.”

“Oh.” Relaxing my shoulders, I took a seat and placed my bag on the floor.

He jumped right into his spiel about how important exercise was and that Dante would probably want a hand in designing my routine based on my needs. I thought that was strange, but judging by Dante’s body, I wouldn’t doubt he was also a personal trainer.

Vince typed away on his laptop, curiously looking up at me every so often. I noticed a wedding ring on his finger and wondered what it would be like to be married to The Hulk.

He finally cut to the chase. “I’ll get everything set up so you can start today.”  

“Um,” I stuttered. “I kinda wanted to try it out first.”  I hoped he couldn’t read my real meaning—that I’d only come in for a free trial.

He gave a genuine smile, then reached back and picked up the pages that the printer had just spit out. “Here’s the contract. I just need your personal information and you’re all set.”

I bit my lower lip. Was it normal to fill out a contract when you were only working out one day? Picking up the printouts, I scanned through the terms. “Um, I think there’s a misunderstanding.” I pointed to the line that read:
Lifetime Membership.

Vince sat back and laced his fingers over his taut stomach. “Really?  Dante said he wanted you to have unlimited access to all our facilities, at no cost to you. He normally only gives out monthly passes. This is a first for him. I figured he told you.”

My mouth gaped open. “A free lifetime membership?  That’s too much.”

He shrugged. “That’s what he told me to give you. Want me to call him?”

I shook my head. “No, that’s okay.”  I was too embarrassed. Was it that obvious how pathetic I was? Dante was just pitying me. He knew I didn’t make shit at my job. That had to be it. 

I didn’t think he would do that, but why else would he give this to me? And in the end, what would it really cost me?

Oh well. I was already here. Grabbing the pen, I filled in the blanks, using the motel information as my home address before handing them back. We would talk about this the next time I saw him, though.

Vince’s eyes skimmed through the documents. “I’m going to need a copy of your driver’s license for your file.”

Fumbling through my bag, I pulled out my California I.D. and placed it on his desk. “Will this work?  I don’t have a driver’s license.”

He jerked his head back slightly. “Really?  I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone over the age of eighteen that doesn’t drive.”

I lowered my shoulders, fighting the urge to look down at the ground. “I’ve never had to drive.”

Yeah, that was a lie.  I drove in street races with my old buddies too many times to count.  And I’d be lying if I said I hated the thrill, but Vince didn’t need to know that I’d already been busted driving without a license and couldn’t even apply for a new one until I paid the thousand dollar fine. It could be so much worse, and I should be thankful, but the judge may as well have told me that I wouldn’t ever drive again. Thankfully, the cops had no idea that not only was I driving illegally, but I was one of the drivers in the race they’d broken up a few miles away.  

Vince seemed to catch on to my somber mood, and before my mind could take me further down that dark road, he attempted to reassure me. “No problem. This works.”  After he scanned my card and gave it back, he noticed the next thing I’d hoped he wouldn’t. “You missed your phone number.”

Ugh!
Holden had asked me about this several times, too.  Not only could I not afford a phone, but I’d never had anyone to give my number to before.

I grimaced. “I broke my cell and haven’t gotten it replaced yet. Once I have a new number, I can give it to you.”

That earned me a strange look. Apparently, I was the only person on the planet that wouldn’t make having a replacement phone a top priority.

He leaned his arms against the desk, studying my face. “You’re nothing like I expected.”

Expected?
My eyebrows narrowed. “Why would you expect anything?”

He raised his hands, apologetic. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve known Dante a long time, and I’m surprised he didn’t say more.” Pushing his chair back, he stood up. “Let’s get a photo for your card, then I’ll show you where the locker room is.”

Shit. A photo? I glanced down at my haphazard outfit, barely refraining from running a hand through my messy hair. Oh well.

He took the picture, printed out the membership card, and we were on our way through the reception area when blondie announced, “Mr. Riley called to say he was just going into a meeting, but to expect him in about forty-five minutes.”

Mr. Riley? Hmm. It wasn’t just my imagination. Dante commanded respect everywhere he went.

Vince nodded. “Thanks. Call my cell when he gets here if I’m not already in my office.”

As we made our way toward what looked like the locker room, he glanced at his ringing cell, then nudged the door open for me. “Go drop your things off in there, then meet me back in the lobby and I’ll give you a tour.”

I didn’t have an opportunity to respond before he was on his phone, stalking away.

Subtle purples and earth tones, as well as the smell of lavender, hit me when I stepped in the expansive locker room. This space was nothing like the ones at my high school. I hated that place. It reminded me of the dark, stale basement Travis would take us to.  

The comforting smell and serene setting was exactly how I imagined a spa would feel, based on pictures I’d seen in magazines and online. The locker wall resembled beautiful cabinets with light wood and white trim. I couldn’t help but touch the soft, thick towels folded neatly on a nearby bench. Everything felt clean and fresh, so unlike most of the places I was used to.

I opened one of the lockers and found instructions on how to slide my new membership card in the slot and
retrieve the key. Placing my stuff inside, I made sure my belongings, including my money, were secure and followed the instructions carefully until the key popped out. Smiling, I tossed it in the air then caught it on my way out.

Back at the reception area, I felt someone quickly approaching behind me. Instinctively, I froze as I felt a large hand run across my back, then Holden stepped in front of me, wearing running shorts and a t-shirt, his skin glistening with sweat. His messy, dark-blonde hair looked like he’d just run his fingers through it, and his captivating smile and blue eyes soothed my nerves immediately.

“Jules.” He tilted his head playfully. “Finally decided to take me up on my offer, huh?”

“Hey, Holden.” I never knew how to act around him, but this was more awkward than usual.  Man, I hope I didn’t screw up. “Actually, since you were traveling, and I didn’t have any plans for my day off, I figured I’d come and check the place out.” I bit my lip, hoping he bought that.

His smile widened as he placed his hand on my upper arm. “I got back late last night.  You’d know that if you had a phone.” He smirked and rubbed his palm up and down my bicep. “Want me to show you the place?”

No matter how innocent he meant it to be, I loved when he caressed me. I’d lived most of my life without the luxury of touch. Well, except the unwanted kind.  I never realized what I was missing out on until Holden placed his hand in mine for the first time a few weeks ago, and since then, he’d gotten in the habit of touching my arms and face.

Goosebumps broke out on my skin as I tried to focus on what we were talking about. I pointed toward the office. “Well, um, I guess I’m a member now. Vince said to wait here and he’d give me a tour.”  I didn’t know why I said that.  Of course I’d rather have Holden take me around.

The same irritating bitch from behind the counter butted in. “Yeah, Mr. Riley gave her a
free pass
.” She smiled coyly and smacked the gum in her mouth.