Relinquished (21 page)

He nodded and was quiet for a moment. “I’d like to keep Jules out of the loop as much as possible.  I’m not saying we lie to her, but let’s not offer anything prematurely.  She’s been through enough already. I don’t think her being stressed out is going to add anything to the solution. Now that she’s been on the news, and everyone knows what happened, I can sense how nervous she is about being noticed.”

“Speaking of which, I got a call from the district attorney’s office this morning regarding Travis Malcolm’s parole hearing.”

Holden tossed the pen he’d been fiddling with onto the desk.  “What the fuck did she want?”

“They saw Jules on the news and read in the police report that I was the one who called in the fire. They’re looking for Jules and asked if I knew where she was. According to the lawyer assigned to the case, they’ve been trying to locate her for a while now since she’s the only victim of Travis’ that is of age and can testify at his upcoming parole hearing.” 

Before Holden had a chance to respond, we heard Jules at the door.

Oh shit.

Holden’s wish to keep her out of the loop may have been squashed already.

“They finally found me?” she asked with shy contentment.

Her response totally threw me off.  I’d assumed that would’ve bothered her, then I thought about the whole reason why she was in the bar when it was set on fire.  She now had an address, and that little thing probably thrilled her.

She confirmed my suspicion. “I didn’t have a way for them to find me before.” Her demeanor quickly changed, however, as she shrugged. “But it doesn’t matter.  I’m not going to testify.”

Frustrated, Holden stepped up to her and took her hand. “Not testifying, why? After what he did to you and now his son? Why wouldn’t you do everything you can to keep him in prison where he fucking belongs? Are you afraid of reliving it?”

She swallowed hard, glancing down at the floor. “No, I relive it every day, whether I talk about it or not. I’m just tired, Holden. You don’t understand. Ever since the day Travis entered my life, he’s had an impact on everything I’ve done. I just wanna move on and start living.”

Well, damn. She made a valid point, and I understood how the experience of all those years still affected her. But the fact that she still carried it around like a festering sack of shit would be the key to keeping him detained for the rest of his miserable life.

“Of course,” Holden said tenderly. “It’s your decision to make, but can I ask that you keep in mind that this is your chance to finally have your voice heard?  I know the news reported that none of you girls got to speak on the stand. It’s quite possible your words could have the power to keep him locked up for good and not out on the street, able to hurt another little girl.”

I was beyond impressed with my little brother. If I’d been the one to tell her that, she probably would’ve been pissed, but Holden definitely knew how to get to her, whether he was doing it on purpose or not.

She blinked quickly, getting emotional. “Someone else can talk. My voice hasn’t meant anything in the past, and it won’t make a difference now.”

I blew out a long breath before addressing her. “Jules, you’re the only one who can testify.  Everyone else is either too young or …” There was a long pause, but I had to say it. “Gone.”

She dropped her head while closing her eyes for a moment. “I’ll think about it.” Playing with her bottom lip, she glanced up at my brother, speaking solemnly. “I’m going to lay down for a bit.  My head is starting to hurt.”

He wrapped his arms around her, and her eyes automatically closed again as she melted into his embrace. “Take one of those pain killers by the nightstand. As soon as we’re done in here, I’ll come and check on you.”

“Okay.” She gave him a pensive look as he kissed her forehead and let her go.

Once she was out of earshot, Holden walked toward his chair, ready to make a plan. But my phone buzzed before we had a chance. I had just finished reading the message from Carr when Marcus came barreling into my office.  Within seconds, everything came to a screeching halt.

No fucking way.

“Did you get that?” Marcus grunted.

Holden looked back and forth between us.

I nodded grimly. “Yes. I have no fucking clue what he’s planning, but we need to step everything up. Nobody is to take this lightly.”

“Got it.” Marcus left like a bull in a china shop.

Anxious, Holden threw his arms in the air. “What the hell’s going on?”

There was no way to lighten the blow. “Sam was spotted down the street from the gym…but he managed to get away.”

Shortly after we settled in at Dante’s house three weeks ago, Holden and I decided to put a label on our relationship.  I’d never had a boyfriend before.
Boyfriend?
Wow, that was still so strange to say, but every time he heard me call him that, his face lit up. And damn have I fallen hard for him and the way he makes me feel. Over the last six months since we’ve known each other, he’s cared for me like nobody ever has.

Although it was scary as all hell, I’d finally let down my walls completely and opened up to him. I’d confided every gritty, disgusting detail about my life. It was such a relief letting it all out and sharing my horror stories with someone who I knew cherished me. It was beyond freeing. I tried to give it to him in small doses because I could see how difficult it was for him when he listened to everything I’d gone through.

Still, he was so sweet and made silly promises about always being there for me and never letting anything bad happen ever again.  I loved his caring nature and the fantasy he painted, but I was also aware that it wasn’t reality. Bad things happened, even when people cared.

I’d always been cynical when people called their significant other their soulmate. Honestly, I thought it was a bunch of bullshit made up by romantics with their heads in the clouds. But now that I’d found mine, I was a believer.

I could no longer imagine ever loving or wanting another man. He made me feel safe and treasured, and my stomach filled with butterflies whenever he simply turned toward me to offer that knowing look meant only for me.

It has taken time to heal, though, and it hasn’t been all fun and games.

Security guys were constantly lurking around, and the fear of Sam somehow finding me still hung in the air.  Shortly after we started staying with Dante, Holden began to baby me like he was afraid I might break at any moment. He’d gone from being protective yet easygoing, to a little overbearing. I couldn’t even step out in the backyard without him making sure it was safe first.

We still hadn’t had sex, and every time I tried to initiate something, he’d casually avoid my advances. It was really starting to bother me, and I tried to tell myself it was my own insecurity, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he sometimes viewed me as a victim and untouchable. 

God, I hope not.

As we drove to the gym for our daily workout and training, I noticed him biting his bottom lip and staring out the windshield as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. His window was cracked open enough to let in a little springtime air that tousled the hair on top of his head. It looked adorable, but I hated seeing him this way.

“Are you okay?” I asked, gently setting my hand on the steering wheel.

“Hmm?” He looked at me like I’d taken him out of a trance. “Oh yeah, I’m just trying to figure something out.”

I was curious if it was something we’d already talked about. “Anything I can help with?”

He kissed my knuckles tenderly as we turned onto Lake Avenue, where the gym was located. “Nah.  Just stuff I’m trying to sort out.”

Oookay. That didn’t help.
“Such as?”

He grimaced and let go of my hand, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I’m trying to think of a way to convince Dante to cancel the fundraiser this year.”

My head jerked back. “The one you guys talked about over dinner a few weeks ago? Isn’t that event in San Francisco?”

“Yeah.”

I blinked at him, unable to understand why he would want to do that. “Doesn’t it bring in a lot of money for the battered women’s organization you guys run?” I’d been in awe of them the night they told me about it. I’d known I was lucky to have them in my life, but that night brought my respect for them to an all-time high.

“It does, but Jules,” his eyes turned grave, “it’s not safe to travel right now.”

“Not safe for who?” Me, I was sure. But was it also not safe for them?

His expression was completely serious. “For you.”

“You want to stop this event because of me?” I shook my head. There was no way I’d let that happen. “No. You’re not asking Dante to cancel it.  Too many women rely on the help. You guys go, I’ll stay behind.”

He was quick to answer as he pulled into his spot and parked. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

“Then we’ll all go.  You can’t cancel an important fundraiser because one guy is after me.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned to face him, ready to argue my points.

His deadpan expression quickly fell into the reassuring softness of the man I had grown to have faith in.  I knew he was having a difficult time grasping that someone wanted me dead. He’d made it clear that he didn’t want me to deal with issues he could take care of himself, including the emotions he was trying to conceal right now.

“Holden, I’ve been given a second chance at life, a few times now.  I’m not going to stop living or ask anyone around me to.  If I did that, then he’d win.  He may not have killed me, but I’m sure he’d be just as happy to see me huddled in a corner, living in fear because of him.  Not happening.” 

“How do you keep such a positive outlook?” He chuckled and shook his head.

I actually laughed out loud. “Are you kidding me?  I’ve always focused on the worst part of every situation.  You’re the one that made me believe in possibilities.” Corny but true. Just being around him brightened me up. Even when he was about to work my ass off at the gym.

He brought my palm up to his chest as he rested his head back on the seat and closed his eyes. I felt his erratic heartbeat under the thin material of his t-shirt. “Do you know how much I love you?”

It took me a minute to let his words sink in. “Did you just say…you love me?” I couldn’t believe I was even saying it out loud. I knew my feelings for him, but I didn’t know he was there yet.

His face became serious as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “Yes.” He pulled my hand, inviting me to climb over the console and sit on his lap.  My knees ended up in an awkward position on top of his thighs, and I stared at him dumbfounded.

Grabbing his shirt in my fist, I searched his face for any hint that he was lying, but I saw nothing but genuine love. And a little bit of uncertainty because he knew it was hard for me to believe him. 

It took a moment, but I finally let my body melt into him.  “Nobody’s ever told me that before.  As terrifying as it feels sometimes, I love you, too.”

He swiped a few loose strands of hair out of my face as I licked my bottom lip in anticipation. “Oh, baby girl,” he sighed. “I’m honored to be the first to ever tell you that I love you. I’m also planning on being the last.” He raised his eyebrow in silent meaning.

Then, leaning in, he kissed me. Our breathing picked up as desire pounded through my body.  I couldn’t get enough of him. It didn’t even matter that we were right outside his place of business. We both seemed to forget where we were.

His fingers threaded through my hair while he devoured my mouth. I lifted my legs and scooted forward until his hands grabbed my hips to stop me. He broke free from our kiss, closed his eyes, and leaned his forehead against mine, attempting to catch his breath. Tears stung my eyes as rejection stabbed my heart, but I touched my puffy, tingly lips with my fingertips to remind myself that he had just told me he loved me.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, swiping his thumb across my cheek.

“If you love me, why don’t you want me?” Embarrassed, I covered my face with my hands.

“Look at me, Jules.” He moved my hands out of the way. “Sweetheart, why would you think I don’t want you?”

I sniffled. “You keep stopping me whenever I try to touch you.”

Tension built in the creases around his eyes and mouth, and he let out a long sigh. “Oh baby, I’m struggling so hard to be gentle with you.  You’ve been through so much. I’m trying to show you that I want all of you. Not just your body.”

Swallowing back a choked sob, I nodded as I took in his thoughtful words. “I already know our relationship means more than just sex, but, Holden, I’m not fragile. I won’t break, and I need reassurance that you want me as much as I’ve been dying to have you.”

He dug his fingers into my ass cheeks and yanked me toward him until I was pressed against his hard erection. “This is how much I want you.”

Holy shit.
An involuntary moan vibrated up my throat. I’d been craving this physical intimacy from him, but even now, I was afraid he’d pull away too soon.

His lips grazed my collarbone as our quick breaths filled the car. “You do that to me. The moment you walk into the room, bat those beautiful eyes at me, pucker your lips, and
fuck me
, those soft breaths you make near my ear and on my neck drive me insane. I nearly lose all control when your skin even brushes against mine and every damn night when you wiggle your sexy ass into me while you’re asleep.”

Holy-fucking-hell.
I was so ready for this.

I felt his body throbbing under the thin material of my yoga pants, setting my skin on fire.  My desire began to take over, and I didn’t care where we were, I wanted him.  Needed him.

My lips had just touched his again when the sound of a car horn pulled us out of our lust-induced haze. We both glanced over, realizing Marcus was staring from his SUV parked next to us.

I buried my face in Holden’s chest, embarrassed but still aroused. “Holy shit, I forgot he was there. He probably thinks he works for the horniest people around.”

Holden threw his head back, laughing his ass off.

“It’s not funny.” I pulled away and smacked his chest before opening his door and stumbling out of the car. “And you’re the one that’s going to have to walk into work with a hard-on.”

He barked an even louder laugh as he stepped out. “I totally forgot about him, too.” But that grin of his made it clear that he didn’t care. “And you can just walk in front of me.”

Men.

I gave him a dirty look. The mean kind of dirty, not the hot kind of dirty like we were a few seconds ago. “Well, let’s get this ass whooping over with.”

I suddenly felt his hand on my butt, and I turned to see him smirking at me as he said, “Speaking of asses…”