Religious Love (9 page)

Chapter 20: Far Away

              It was like clockwork, Lee and I made it our business to communicate daily. We would skype, talk and text. It was in our away times, our love grew stronger.

              I must admit, there were lonely nights which played dangerous tricks on my mind. He was in a foreign place, surrounded by beautiful women. It wasn’t him that I did not trust; it was those women. I could feel them wanting to be close to him. I can’t explain it but I could hear them discrediting my love for him, to make advances.

              I grew angry and sometimes frantic; the man I love was getting attention from other women. I started to question if my love was enough to sustain him while we are separated from one another.

              Two months had gone by and my love was scheduled to come home. I was excited. While he was away, I was getting my body back in shape. I wanted to be everything that Lee was missing when he walked through the door.

              I packed up our little ones and took them over to my mother’s house so that we could have some alone time; if you know what I mean.

                               ***********

              I got in my car and his ring-tone went off on my cell. I smile to myself thinking, “That’s my baby,” and then I answered.

              “Hey, there’s my King!” I screamed with happiness, probably clogging his eardrums.

              “Quit all that foolishness,” He yelled back into the phone laughing at my love struck ass.

              “Damn I have missed you, where are you at?” I asked.

              “I’m about 100 miles away from the city. And Queen; I’ve missed you too.” Lee said.

              His words are crawling deep down into my soul; the goose bumps on my arms had confirmed his spoken endearment. I got a chill and shook myself back into reality.

              “Are you hungry? I can have you something prepared by the time you get home Bae.”

              “No, I’m good on all of that, Dee.” He inhaled tiredly.

              “Okay. Well I will see you when you get home.”

              “Ditto Queen” Lee ended the call.

              I looked at his picture on my phone and cried. Lee is my absolute everything our love is inseparable God is our link. Oh but when he walks through that doors, nothing holy will be going on in the house.

              I made my way to bathe and body works. He loves candles just as much as me.  I copped a few trinkets and a lot of candles and set up shop.

                           **********

              It was dusk outside, the fog was blinding, thick enough to cut with a knife and serve it at a tea party. I slowed down, not giving a fuck about the drivers behind me with all of their beeping car-horns, stemming from road rage.

              I grabbed all the bags from the trunk and hauled them inside of the house. I kicked my shoes off at the front door and sat them inside of the shoe rack. I ran upstairs and made a steaming hot bubble bath.

              “By the time Lee gets here, the water will be just right.”  I pull my clothes off and walk around in the nude, preparing a night to remember with my husband.

              I turn on some Urban Jazz and start to get this show on the road. I take the red and white candles out of the box and shape them into a heart on the floor. I grab two sets of satin sheets, one red, and the other white. I carefully drizzled, the matching rose pedals carefully across the floor. I grabbed the purple electric lighter, lit each candle and dimmed all the lights until the mood is perfectly set.

              I hear the muffler on Lee’s truck as it scurried up the drive way and entered the garage. I run to the bathroom, jump into the tub of purple bubbles. I’m trying to position myself just right. I’m stuck on putting one foot out of the tub so he could see my florescent purple toenails, or just be bent over facing the wall with bubbles covering my pussy. I got it; I’ll just sit here and look pretty until Lee comes to join me.

              Lee opened the door, “I’m home Queen!”

              “I’m in the tub,” I sing in a melodious way.

              “Aw shit, I’m coming!” Lee entered the bathroom.

              Damn Lee is looking good to me, “Take them clothes off and join me!”

              He did. I watched him get down to the shell of his perfect body. I look my husband up and down. This sinking feeling hit my belly, I’m trying hard to hold back what I’m feeling.  But the gift and curse, God has given me won’t let me keep still. I tremble with anxiety. Something, something just isn’t right. I’m empathetic and I know, I hope whatever it is, is fixable.              

                                                         ***********

            Em-paths are highly sensitive. I have the abilities (sensitivity) to another's emotions and feelings. Emphatic people have a deep sense of ‘
Knowing’
that accompanies empathy and are often compassionate, considerate, and understanding of others. And my soul is connected strongly to Lee’s. I feel every emotion that he carries. I can literally feel his headaches, heartaches and emotional pain. I’m in to damn deep with this man. Sometimes it makes me feel like I’m losing my mind, not able to decipher if those are his feelings, or mine. In this case these feelings belong to him. This time I will remain calm instead of jumping to assumptions causing drama. I’ve expressed my ability to Lee, on several occasions, but he begs to differ in his disbelief of my gift. I just want to enjoy our moment.

              The closer Lee got to the tub, I wanted to get out and get dressed. That was my impulse instead; I greeted him with some head. Lee greeted my mouth; if his cock could talk it would speak to my tongue and esophagus in such a way. “Damn I missed you.”

              Instead, he moaned and groped my back until my mouth was full of his cum-juice.  The messed up thing is that, it used to be so sweet, the juice is bitter like vinegar; I spit him and his nut out of my mouth.

              It struck my husband, “Baby, why didn’t you swallow?” He said as he looked at his cum on my wet breast.

              “I couldn’t, it’s nasty.” I said as he got in the tub with me.

              “Maybe it’s something I ate.”

              With disgrace I scoot over but my spirit is far from his. “Yes um, maybe.”

              We are wet in awkward silence. I could not find any words to say whatsoever. We lock hands attempting to enjoy the peace. But deep down I feel like there is a breach of contract concerning our marriage vow.

              His belly spoke, “How am I going to tell her this?”

              “Just say it,” I responded.

              “Say what,” Lee interjected.

              “Say whatever you feel like you need to say.”

              I rose up and looked at Lee. His face was confused like it would always be when I was in empathy mode.

              “There you go with all that mumbo jumbo,” Lee wrapped himself in a towel.

              “What the fuck do you mean?” I asked, got out of the tub and followed him into the living room.

              He lay down on the sheets, “Thank you this is beautiful.” He said with an attitude like I was the problem.

              My attitude aggressively matched his, “Whatever!”

              I blew out all the candles and turned the lights back on. I attempted to turn the kitchen lights on and got shocked, my hands are soaking wet.

              Lee busted out in laughter, “Are you alright?” He came to my aid.

              “Sit your ass down, don’t worry about me.”

              Lee got up and grabbed my hand, kissed it and picked me up over his shoulder. I wiggled trying to get away from the stronghold of his grip.

              “I’m so tired of your bullshit!”

              He laid me on the sheets and ate my pussy.

              Though we were doing what we do best, I have shut down. There was no love making and for the first time, I feel like I’m just something to do. I pushed Lee up off of me, wiped my dripping cookie with the red sheet and went over to the table. Lee knew that there was something terribly wrong with me.

              “Denien, we need to talk about our marriage. Don’t get me wrong, the love is there but I need to come clean on a lot of things before we can move forward.” Lee stated as he rubbed his palms. When he did shit like that; things were never good.

              “I’m listening.”

              “Well the best way for me to tell you this is to go ahead and say it. I don’t think we should’ve gotten married this soon. I feel like things were fine the way they were. The only reason, I married you is because of the pressure that you put on me.  I just wanted make you happy and allow all your dreams to come true.”

              My eyes bucked.

              “You shouldn’t have let me walk around like a fool pretending that you really wanted to be with me.” I hit the table with my fist.

              “Blow that smoke up someone else’s ass! Who in the fuck is the bitch, that’s who you should’ve married? You were lying all this time; you may as well come clean! The fuck, why propose then Lee!”

              “See that’s why I don’t like talking to you about anything, it never fails, always taking things that I say and twist them around, to make yourself the victim.”

              Lee got dressed and walked over to the door. I jumped in front of the door.

              “You’re not going anywhere!”

              “Get away from the door Dee!”

              “Hell no, you are going to talk to me! And stop running from me Lee. Every time we have a big issue you always run away. Not today.” I pointed my finger in his face.

              “Okay I tell you what. Before I say some shit to hurt your feelings more than I obviously have, let me take a breather. I promise when I get back; we will talk. I don’t want to argue with you. Can you please let me do that? It’s not a matter of arguing, it’s about communicating.”

              “You don’t know how to communicate if so we wouldn’t have walked down the aisle living in this masquerade. Go ahead and take your so called breather and tell the bitch I said hey while you are at it!”

              I move away from the door and grant Lee his fucked up wish. He grabbed his coat, gave me a hug and walked out of the door. When the door shut, I knew it was the last time that I would see my husband. I sat at the table gathering my thoughts trying to figuring out what to say about this big bombshell, my husband just dropped on me.  I’m so pissed right now. I’m about to get drunk that’s what’s about to happen.

              Two months later; sitting in this dark house full of depression, I’m not my happy self. I wear the garment of depression and condemnation is my dreary accessories. I’m the shit in my own darkness so full of my black zone. I don’t want anyone to see me, but me.

              Look at this house! I can’t believe that I did this to my blessing. My anger has allowed the devil to reign. I enjoyed smashing glasses into the wall. I got a crazy thrill out of taking our pictures and throwing them into the paper shredder. I cut all of his clothes, burned each piece, then took the ashes and rolled a blunt and smoked puffed him out of my life.

              I’m sitting here looking anorexic and reeking of funk. I have not washed my as nor eaten in 30 days. I need to clean up my house but fuck it; no one’s coming over to this empty home. 

              I can still hear the argument echo in my ears and it’s killing me. The voices are treacherously tormenting me to the point of admitting myself into an asylum. I wish my eyes would honor my disconnection notice and shut the water off. I’m tired of crying and lying to myself.

              I’m so freaking pissed off at God. He lied to me and broken his promise. I thought that it was something he was unable to do! Why did he tell me who Lee was and not honor his word. I see now, why people don’t believe. Fuck love and all of its creation.

              My nerves are on edge and if this damn phone rings one more time. I’m going to throw it out of the window. I don’t want to talk. I don’t even want to see my children because they look just like his cowardly ass. I want to stay mad and live in my own pool of heartless pity.

              I can’t help asking myself, who the fuck do he thinks he is, to run game on me? Guess I’m the next whack ass contestant on the “Price is Right.”  I’ll never understand people that have lost so much; they can’t realize when they’ve won.

              I don’t want the world to see, I’ve failed my marriage. A marriage, which the world loved and respected, has been presented falsely to my friends and family. How am I going to face them? Shit. I won’t right now, but I will go wash my stinking ass.

              I walk up the stairs in dread and weariness. I enter the bathroom and look at the old water and rose petals. I refuse to cry. I open the cabinet and pull out the soft scrub. I spay until the tub is full of foam and there is nothing left in the blue and white can. I clean the tub and turn on the shower.

              The steam covered the bathroom mirror. I wrote with my finger,
’ you’ve abandoned me, love don’t live here anymore’
. Refusing to cry has gotten the best of me and the tears are falling like big drops of rain. How can I ease this damn pain? I don’t know if he’s ever coming back again.

              I’m looking in the mirror at a phenomenal woman doing exactly what she’d promised to never do; get caught up in the waves of a man. And now this woman is lost at sea sinking deeply within. I chuckle at my dumb ass; “Stupid bitch” is my new name.

              I hop in the tub and look down, noticing my forgetfulness to clean the grim. Thoughts of the scum reminded me of how I was snagged, tagged and bagged by my own damn foolish thinking. I jump out of the shower quickly and wipe my feet on the red rigid bathmat that is one step away from a permanent stay in the dumpster.

              I proceeded to clean it out and put the cleaning products back in its proper place when I finished.

              As I’m getting my hygiene back up to par, the bottom of the tub is dirtier than it was prior to me cleaning it.

              “This is fucking ridiculous.”

              I hear Pearl in my head, but I’m not trying to be overwhelmed. I begin to hear my mother’s sweet voice. The words she spoke to me, along with my bridle party started to ring like and an Amber Alert. The sweet voice is repeating over and over again. “Fight for your marriage.”

              I turn the water off, grabbed my house coat from behind the door and air dried; while cleaning the rest of the house.

              Now that my house is spic and span; the spirit of the Lord is over taking me. I’m at so much peace. Although, I would give it all away just to know if Lee was okay. No amount of money could take away what I’m feeling deep down inside. Lord, please help me. Suddenly, there is a knock on the door that I just might answer being that, I did just ask for help.

Chapter 24:  2 Months Prior

              Lee slammed the door of his home in shame. He ran to his car shirtless with his jacket open. He jumps into the car, beating on the top of the steering wheel like it was the one with the problem. He starts up the car and pulls off.

              “What in the fuck is wrong with me? I’m a coward. I have got to end this, nip this in the bud and fast. Denien doesn’t deserve any of this. I mean, she can be a stone cold bitch at times. But she is my woman. If I can’t say anything else, she has been good to me. She is faithful, passionate, loving, caring and very compassionate. Sure she is not the prettiest thing smoking, but she is beautiful to me. And no matter what I have done in the past, she has stood by my side. I feel stupid for allowing things get this far.” Lee said as he turned up the radio and cleared his mind while traveling back 100 miles away from home.

              “I will not do this to that woman. I just hope that this is not the last straw on the camel’s back. When I get home and the rubber meets the road, please God; give my wife understanding to the point where a divorce is not an option. I promise this time, I will do right by her until my dying day.” He said a prayer as he pulled up to a white house with a picket fence.

              He looks at the window and waves back at a guilty secret peeping through the living room curtains. She opens the door, steps outside in a silk lilac robe with flowers imprinted on the sleeves.  She takes off running to a man that does not belong to her. The wind of the breezy night blows her robe open revealing a little more than skin.

              As she jumped into Lee’s arms to share a kiss, her feelings become overwhelmed by his rejection. Lee puts her on her feet and ties her garment into a tight knot.

              “What’s wrong baby,” Nicole asked with worry.

              “Nicole, we need to talk.” Lee expressed in a regretful way.

                            **********

              Lee was finally in her presence, after plenty of steamy, late night sexual talks shared while away from home. Nicole missed Lee with everything she had to give. She was hoping they could pick up where they had left off many years ago. She wanted Lee to be her lover once again, not because she loves him. She wants him for what he has to offer, that mean green.

              She found Lee at a social media gathering and they exchanged numbers. Nicole has a man but the cake would be better if she could eat it too. Nicole persuaded Lee, pretending to have problems on her own personal home front.  When he told her he was happy. Her response was, “Okay we can still be friends.

              There it was, hook line and sinker. She had him where she wanted. They spent time having long conversations about Denien and him, including some rocky times they shared in the relationship. Nicole was extremely crafty and just that quick she took Denien’s communication and time away from her. They traded places and now Nicole’s voice was the first and last that Lee heard before he drifted off to sleep.

              Soon after, the conversations were no longer about the happy couple that was having trouble in paradise. The conversation transitioned to the times he and Nicole shared as a couple. The chick was cold blooded.

              Nicole started sending pussy pictures to Lee. Just like Samson he looked back instead of deleting and got caught up in her seductive web of lies. He started believing the seeds of discord from her mouth. She infiltrated his mind with words that meant him no good. She dropped her poison into his garden and his mind became clouded with weeds. He started to believe that Denien was a liar and a cheater. He started to believe that her love for him was just her way of getting in good. Nicole made it her business to tear down his wife’s character and be the one standing there to mend his broken heart.

                          ************

              Nicole grabbed his hand to walk him into the house. Her excited made Lee more uncomfortable, very cautious about the news that he was about to break to his former lover. He slid his hands from her lock of happiness. She put her uncertainties, desires and chain reaction from her bruised-ego on mute. They walked into her home and Lee closed the door behind Nicole.

              Her heart rate was full adrenaline. She’d hoped whatever Lee had to tell her, was good music to her horny ears. Nicole sat down on the sofa patting it for Lee to come and take a seat.

              Lee looked at her confirming her feelings; it wasn’t going to be pretty.  He used sign language as his hands declined with a ‘no thank you.’ His head tilted to the side.

              “Baby what’s wrong,” Nicole went ahead and broke the ice.

              “Everything is wrong, Nicole.” He responded.

              She got up and slid over to Lee with the hurt- face. Her heart sunk to the bottom of her stomach. She was prepared for Lee to break her heart a second time. She tried to hold in the anger and assumptions.

              “Look at me Lee, what is it? Please just tell me.” She begged of him.

              “There is no easy way to break this down to you. I know that you still love a brother and all, but there is no room in my life for you. I apologize if I’ve led you to believe, that something more than friendship, is going to come out of this.” He explained to Nicole in a way that she could get the big picture.

              Her head sunk. “What do you mean when you say, “There is no room for me in your life? She asked as she opened her robe.

              “I love my wife!” He yelled as he tied her robe again.

              “If you love your wife so much, tell me why you are here?”

              “Because that’s what men do Nicole.” He talked to her with his hands.

              “No. I think you just got what you wanted from me, like you did the last -go- around.”

              “Let me interject Nicole. Back then we were a couple. Now, I don’t know what this is. I do know the shit is not cool one bit.” He turned around to leave her home and life.

              “Lee wait; please don’t do this to me.” She coached her begging skills hoping to get a pass from Lee.

              “Do what to you? What you need to do is come clean with your man, forget about me and move forward. I don’t feel for you, like I feel for my Denien.  And when I get home to my wife; she will know the truth.” He explained to her.

              “But Lee! You and I are good together. We make a perfect team. Together, we can soar like eagles baby. The difference between her and me; I know you, like the palm of my hand. I know when you need space and when you need to be touched. You said it yourself Lee. You said, you hate the fact that she is sensitive and clingy, all church like and shit. The fact that she wants to be up under you makes your intestines queasy, remember.”

              He raised his voice, “I remember well. Do you remember that I was venting to you. A woman, which is supposed to be my friend. Huh? Do you remember that! You’re just like the rest of these thirsty ass hoes. Lose my number; dismiss me from your petty ass mind!”

              He walked out of her home, Nicole followed him. “Okay I’m sorry! Well can you at least tell me what did I do wrong?”

              “You and I have wronged our partners in a way that I can’t accept any longer, Nicole. I give my wife this same talk about being honest and here I am, a full-fledged hypocrite.” Lee reached into his pocket for his keys that were not there.

              He went back into her house to grab his car keys off the stand. He moved swiftly but not swift enough, Nicole barricaded her shapely body in front of the door, taking the house keys and locking the screen so he couldn’t get out of the house.

              She ran towards the refrigerator, “Let’s just talk it out, I made your favorite.” She pulled out a New York Style Cheesecake and a fruit basket made from her loving hands.

              “There is nothing left for you and I to discuss. I love my wife; that’s who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Damn! Now unlock the fucking door!” Lee pointed at her, then at the black door.

              His pissed off demeanor, made take the keys from her bra, and do as she was told.

              “But Lee.”

              “There is no but Nicole.” He said while making a getaway in strong hope to get back to his wife and face the music.

              “What about all the sex-ting, the pussy pictures and late night conversations we shared?”

              “What about it, Nicole? You are a grown ass woman who had full knowledge of my relationship status. Don’t blame me for how you’re feeling.”

              Lee stepped off of the porch, his right foot dipped into a deep pot hole. He fell backwards hitting his head on the cement steps.

              “That’s what the fuck you get, you insensitive asshole! I hope that fall knocked some sense into your bullheaded ass.” Nicole erupted with laughter until she saw that Lee was unresponsive, there was massive amounts of blood non-sparingly leaking from his head in two places. The left temple and the back of his head was swollen immediately with goose-egged clots the size of golf balls.

              She screamed, knelt down before his body, put two fingers to his neck and discovered, Lee was not breathing. Immediately, her nurse-skills kicked in and she proceeded to administer CPR.

              “Wake up Lee!” She yelled, repeating breathing techniques into his mouth while pumping his chest.

              She failed. Nicole flew into the house, put on some clothes and called 911. They kept her on hold so long, panic sat in cause’ the more time that was wasted, Lee was losing oxygen. She used all of her strength, pulled him into his car and bucked 100 miles per hour, until they reached Clarke County Hospital.

              They pulled up into the emergency department. She blew her horn until the medics came out of the sliding doors, put Lee on the gurney and worked with him.

              She paced the floor, not knowing the outcome of his life, made her think long and hard. She pulled out her cell in the waiting room, took a deep breath and called Samuel to apologize for breaking it off with him, justifying her behavior as PMS. Samuel loved Nicole and agreed to catch a flight into town in hopes of bridging the distance between them. She agreed and waited for the Dr. to deliver the status of his condition.

*********

              Two hours later. Dr. Palmer went into the waiting room. He tried not to startle Nicole. She was sleeping so peacefully. He shrugged her shoulders gently until Nicole’s eye’s opened followed by a mean stretch.

              “Excuse me!” He yelled after nudging for the ump- teen time.

              “Dr. How is he?”

              “The good news is that he is stable, but, the bad news, he lost a lot of blood during surgery. We had to administer a blood transfusion. The trauma to his head is very severe. As of right now ma’am; we don’t know how it will affect his long-term memory.  Are you his wife?”