Religious Love (12 page)

              My husband has entered our tenuous home. He comes into the kitchen where I’m standing in his t-shirt washing the dirty dishes. He walks behind me granting a tender kiss on my neck. Chills run up my spine like a marathon of people running for a cause. His warms hands slide down my arms into the dish water. He locks fingers with me and kisses me again.

              I don’t know how to take him at this point. I know not rather to stand still and know that God is God or run for the border. Lee pulls my hands out of the water and turns me around. I look at my husband as tears run down my face that I’ve been hiding for the last two years.

              He escorted me over to the table where dinner is awaiting him. He uses his hands as a Kleenex trying to dry the river that’s flowing down my face. He pulled the chair out for me to sit.

              “I know Queen.” Scooting me in and rubbing my tensed up shoulders.

              “What is it that you know,” sniffing and pulling myself together.

              “I know it hasn’t been easy for you. I also know that this is my fault.” He walked over to the table and began to chow.

              I take my fork and knife picking at my food for my appetite is lost. Just by him acknowledging me for the first time in a long time broke me down. I put my hands in my face and let it all out.

              “I didn’t think that you cared Lee, honestly I didn’t.” I whine.

              “I care about everything though I don’t know how to express it. This has been an ugly road for me too. I have been one-sided and selfish. I’m lashing out taking all my frustrations out on everyone but the monster that I’ve become.” He weeps before me.

              “I just want my wife back. Hell I don’t know if things will ever be the same between you and I. But I don’t want to lose you.”

              “I don’t want to lose you neither.” I said as he came over to me and pulled me close to him.

              We share this hug that sparked that old thing back. It took me back to the day we shared vows. The electricity was influencing us back into moments of courtship. I’m feeling attracted to my husband and I want him. But I don’t want to sleep another night in rejection for making advancements towards Lee.

              I didn’t have too because just like that we are in the bedroom making hot passionate love. He was inside of my mind, body and soul playing me perfectly until I came hard and crucial as he shot off inside of me back to back.

              No words were needed to be said after the dust settled and we pant for breath. I lay in his loving arms and went fast asleep. I woke up knowing that maybe our marriage had a fighting chance.

              I was ready for round two. But when I found my husband we were back at square one. He had to go away again on business. My heart was shattered with this bad news. All sort of bad memories flooded my head. I was thinking negatively, he probably was off the see another lady. I shook it off and acted like I was happy for him.

              I called Lenora and told her he would be leaving in the morning. I requested that she and the kids come over so that we could wish him well on his endeavors. She explained that none of our children were in town. I understood and invited her over anyway. She agreed. It was a day that I will never forget. A fucked up day that all my efforts were in vain and my best friend becomes a silent enemy.  I helped my husband pack his thing like I always would. Lenora arrived soon thereafter.

                           **********

              I notice that we were out of sage and bell pepper for the chicken dressing. I excused myself from our political conversation and headed to Kroger’s.  That was the longest drive, long enough for me to think about life and how fucked up it can be.

              I pulled up and went into the store. I figured. Why stop at sage and bell-pepper? I might as well do the one think that I hate and get it over with; grocery shopping. I spent the next hour and thirty minutes filling up my cart.

              After a long wait in the line, the bagger put my groceries in the car. I gave him a meaty tip and headed back to my house. On the journey home tears spontaneously ejaculated from my eye’s splatting on the steering wheel. I go into an anxiety attack. My heart is racing so badly. I pull over, pop the glove compartment, grab the brown paper bag and breathe inside of it until I’m calm. I sit here until my nerves are coming back to me.

              Lenora couldn’t wait for Denien to leave the house. She needed to talk to Lee about some things that she had been holding inside. The beat down that she gave Nicole brought back a lot of memories between her and Lee. She watched the car go down the driveway and waited a few extra minutes. She waited for the call that Dee would always give him when she made it to her destination, letting him know that she was safe. A little bit of jealousy sneaked into her heart when he said, “I love you too.”

              She sucked it up as her heart hit the pit of her stomach. She got mad love and respect for what they have. But as of lately, she was growing weary at watching the two of them grow beyond anything they ever shared. She was mad at herself because the life the two of them got, he once wanted it them. She was too blind to see. And to keep him close she befriended his entire ex’s. And eventually she would have him back in her arms, bed and daddy would always come back home. It wasn’t like that with his relationship. They shared one night of intimacy while he was dating Denien. Even then, he didn’t stay not even for morning breakfast.

              Lee went outside to the patio and proceeds to get the grill started. As the flame started to dwindle and coals turned slightly grey. He asked Lenora to bring the steaks that marinated all night out on the patio. She did as he asked her too.

              She glided outside on the patio and handed him the silver platter of T-Bone Steaks. She made it her business to rub his hand like she use to do on olden days. It startled Lee to the point where the tongs hit the cement ground.

              “Don’t worry I got it,” She bent over in front of him knowing that he used to love her big round ass.

              She picked them up and attempted to place them in his hands. Lee paid her no never mind. He slid each T-bone on the grill and grabbed the corn on the cob.

              “You can sit it on the table.”

              “Wow” She slammed them on the table.

              “Girl what is your problem? Is your period on or something,” He squint his eyes at her with confusion because they were just having a good time.

              “How long are you going to stand here and keep pretending?

              “Pretending?”  He answered a question with a question.

              “Pretending like you, don’t love me anymore!”

              “Where is all of this coming from Lenora?”

              Tears filled Lenora’s eyes. She began to breakdown knowing that she loved Denien with all of her heart. But as a woman she wants her husband back. She walked over to Lee, took the corn away, sat it on the table and went to embrace him. With all due respect he walked away from her.

              “I don’t know what is happening right now but I don’t like it.”

              “But don’t you remember me.” Grabbing his hand and putting it on her vagina.

              “I’m sorry but I don’t.” He responds.

              “I think that it’s best that you go back home.” He requested.

              “Oh, so you’re kicking me out now. That’s how we doing it!” She acted a plum fool inside of another woman’s home.

              “Yes that’s how I’m acting. You’re disrespecting my marriage! Before I disrespect the mother of my children; I’d rather you just leave and let me enjoy my time left here in peace.” He said bringing his tone back down to earth.

              “Just tell me that you remember and I’ll leave.” She wipes the tears from her eyes.

              “Remember what?”

              “Do you remember when we fell in love? We were young and innocent then. We were care free living the good life. I remember it was the first time you told me that you love me.” She said with a delightful gleam.

              “Honestly as much as I would like to remember. Lenora I can’t,” looking very serious at her.

              “Oh you must remember. We were at the river-walk and you proposed to me on that same day. I was so happy and excited that I asked the jogger to take our picture. I had on a long blue dress and you had on a Black blazer and some denim jeans.

              The jogger told us that we make one hell of a couple and blessed our engagement. We shared a passionate kiss and when there was no one around. You took my virginity. We were a wild couple.” She tries to jog his memory.

              “Yeah it’s time for you to leave.” His face turned red.

              “Fuck it then!”

              “Fine, fuck it. You can let yourself out.”

              “I’d rather stay and wait for Denien so we can catch up on some girl talk. Tell her about the time we were intimate while you two were involved. Yeah, that’s right.” She threatened.

              “When did you and I have sex while we were involved?”

              “So you going to act like you don’t remember?”

              “I don’t!”

              “I love my wife and the only memories I want to have are the vague ones that I can recall and creating new ones.  I’m not going anywhere. All this other stuff is not cool so scratch it before I loose respect for you. Again let yourself out the door.

              “But Lee,” She yelled.

              “Are you still talking? Good-bye Lenora. 

              She tucked her tail and walked away with embarrassment. The look on her face told it all. Crushed that she was not in his heart like she thought and it was time to move on. She hated to be told no. Lenora sucked it up for now until it was time to strike and spit it out.

              I’m sitting here listening to all of this real shit that’s going on in my home. I want to smack the fuck out of her. I just want to dismantle her head and change it over my fire place. But I don’t have time for the chain gang, at least not over no dick.

              She had the nerve to put his hand on her stank ass pussy. In my home this bitch is real bold. What kind of woman takes it upon herself to create a problem like she just did? A woman who is still in love with her husband, that’s what kind of woman.

              If it had not been for Lee putting her in check; I would have lost my cool. Now, I got to love this bitch the long way. Hell I don’t even know what to say to this walking billboard of jealousy. The disloyalty of it all is what’s fucking me up.

              She put on quite a show, really had me going on this big family type of façade. She could have fooled me. After all that I’ve done to condition myself for her presence being in our lives like that; and look at the thanks I get. I feel so used and all I want to do is cuss his ass out for allowing this to go on.

              At least I know that my premonition of them being intimate was not off by a long shot.  I’m not going to even be mad at it about the intimacy part because while we were going through, I did my dirt too. I will not be a hypocrite. The way I’m felling, if she was on fire I wouldn’t even piss on her to put her out. The audacity to befriend me just so you could be close to my husband is so beyond me. But that’s bitches for you.

              I play it cool as she walks into the house looking like she saw a ghost.

              “What’s wrong, you leaving,” I pretended to care even though a part of me is laughing in her fucking face inwardly.

              “Girl you scared me,” grabbing her purse, “Something came up.” She stuttered a clear indication that she was telling a bold faced lie, to my face.

              “I bet it did.” I shake my head at this clown.

              “I’ll call you later!”

              “Don’t worry about it, I’m good.” She can kiss my ass at this point.

              She left my house. I went on the patio with my husband. I want to talk about this shit so bad and yet want to enjoy our time. Shit, why address the truth when you already know what time it is? I know where I stand with my husband. And there is not a damn thing anyone can do about it.  Not even Lenora. One thing for sure and two things for certain, I dint come this far to be stripped of everything that I love.

              Since she chose to jump out of her lane, it’s my duty to put her back on the right side of the road and park that bitch. I’m not using any signals, blindsiding her with the truth, and she won’t see it coming. I got to nib this shit in the bud, my way and on my terms. 

              You got to do it every now and again to these common law hoe’s out here these days. I love Jesus but he got to go on the shelf. I’m not to be fucked with. She has taken my kindness for weakness bringing out the bitch in me. The bitch in me that is in rest in peace mode; this beast has risen. If Lenora got any sense she better watch out.

              For now, I’m about to fuck “MY HUSBAND.” Then I’m going to suck all over “MY HUSBANDS DICK.”  Let “MY HUSBAND” fuck me in the ass. Let my husband eat on this sweet pussy of mine. I’ll be seductively bonding, with MY Husband until he leaves again.

                     
To Be Continued…….