Red Sun (37 page)

“
Evenin’ folks,” the man said politely in his thick southern accent, using his light to indiscreetly peer into the back seat while he spoke.

“Good evening,” Jolon and I both responded.

“You know why I pulled you over tonight?”  He asked.

Jolon took a deep breath.  “I was going a few miles over the speed limit I believe.”

The officer laughed a deep hardy laugh.  “A
few
miles?  Try thirty, son.  You headed somewhere special or just trying to keep us lawmen on our toes?”  He joked.

Jolon smiled a little.  “I just got distracted for a second and didn’t realize how fast I was going,” he explained.  It didn’t look like he was nervous.

“Well, let me see your license and registration so we can get this over with.  I’ve got work to do and I’m pretty sure you have somewhere to be.  If not you wouldn’t have been driving like a bat out of hell, right?” He yawned, shaking his head as he tried to fight off fatigue.

Jolon grabbed the two pieces of paper from the dashboard again and handed them over.  He lowered his gaze when he cleared his throat. 
“Um….officer?  I know you’ve got a job to do, but I seem to have left my wallet at home on the table.  My driving record’s clean – is there any way you could let that slide?”

The cop sighed and looked down at the registration, reading Jolon’s name.  “This is you, right?”

Jolon nodded.

“Let me see what I can do.” 

When he walked away, I looked back out the window.  There was still bitterness and tension in the air so Jolon and I were silent while we waited for the verdict.  It must’ve been nearly ten minutes later when the officer finally returned with the paperwork

“Now the license thing I’m gonna bat an eye at, but I could
n’t ignore the speeding.  Only sited you for 10 over though; saved you a couple hundred bucks or so by dropping it, but that’s the best I could do,” he explained.  He looked over at me again and then back at Jolon.  “Where’d you say you kids were headed again?”

Jolon thought fast.  If he’d told the man we were driving all the way to Conway he would’ve de
finitely had second thoughts about letting us go, so lying was in order.  “Actually this is our exit here.  Just got a few more miles to go, sir.”  The officer looked us both in the eye suspiciously, knowing that this wasn’t entirely true.

“Alright then.
  Shouldn’t be a problem if I follow you then should it?  You know…..just to make sure you folks make it safe.  Don’t need more po-leece taking up your time while you explain why you’re without ID, now do ya?”

Jolon sighed and forced a smile.  “No…..don’t want that.”

The officer nodded and then walked back to his cruiser.

“Now what?”
  I asked.  “He’s gonna follow us and we don’t even have a destination!”

“Relax,” Jolon breathed. 
“There’s a little cheap motel not too far from here.  I remember passing it all the time when I’d come this way with my dad making drops.”

A m
otel?  I froze up. 

“I’ll just pretend to check in until the cop takes off and then we can head back out.”  That eased my mind a little.  The thought of spending the night with him was out of the question.

Fifteen minutes later, we were in the parking lot.  Jolon shut off the truck and then opened his door. “Be right back,” he said as he closed the door behind him.  I watched him walk in, but felt my heart drop when the officer got out of his car too, following Jolon inside to see to it that we weren’t trying to pull a fast one on him – which we technically were.  Jolon turned quickly when the officer caught the door behind him and smiled a devious smile.  This was turning out to be bad.  Jolon kept his cool, said a few words to the front desk attendant, waited while the girl typed something into her computer, and then accepted a key from her.  I held my breath the whole time up until then, gasping when I realized that he hadn’t found a loop hole out of this situation.  I sat there, watching the entire thing unfold from my seat in shock.

He walked back to the car slowly with the off
icer, smiling weakly to hide his true feelings.  The officer tipped his hat once and then finally paced back to his cruiser.  He didn’t pull off right away – instead he sat there, still watching. Jolon stopped at the back of the truck first to get my bags, and then came around to tap on my window.  When I met his gaze, he motioned for me to get out and follow him to the room directly in front of the truck.  I waited, watched him open the door and set my bag inside before doing as he asked. 

“You
coming?”  Jolon asked, glancing in the direction of the police car again quickly.

I
too stole a glance at the man from the corner of my eye and then nodded, taking a step in Jolon’s direction.  I truthfully needed a minute to think this thing through, but I didn’t
have
a minute – we were being watched.  When I passed by Jolon as I walked inside, I still could not believe this was happening.  I looked around and then sat on the edge of the bed nervously, realizing that there was only one – not a good sign.  Jolon closed the door behind us and stood there waiting. 

“Is he gone yet?”  He asked.  I sat up a little and glanced out the window.

“Leaving now.”               

We both sighed in relief.  This night was in no way turning out the way I intended for it to.  Here I was in one of the most uncomfortable situations ever and there was no way out of it. 
Jolon stared in my direction just a few seconds longer than he meant to and then dropped his gaze abruptly to the floor.

“I’ll umm…..be out in th
e truck if you need anything.  Otherwise, just wake me in the morning.”

I stared at him curiously. 
“You’re sleeping outside?”

He continued to stare
at the ground and nodded.  “I thought it’d be best.  They were all out of double beds, only had kings left, so……”  He paused. “I’ll be fine.  Get some sleep.” His tone was much sweeter now than it was in the car.

I
watched him intently as he turned to leave and then closed the door behind him.  I had a clear view of the truck from the window beside the bed, so I continued to watch him spread out a blanket in the back and then climb in and get settled.  The things I’d said to him in the car were my realest and truest emotions and it felt good to get them out.  Maybe he didn’t appreciate any of it, but I sure felt a whole lot better.  I watched him shift and turn over, trying to get comfortable, causing me to remember from experience how unkind that metal truck bed can be.  I stared a moment longer and then got up and put on my PJ’s.  Before turning off the light and getting under the covers, I checked on him through the window one last time and saw him lying still. 

There,
in bed alone, I thought of everything that I possibly could’ve – my mild falling out with Kaya, Elan’s evasiveness, Alicia’s untrue statements about my mother, Christina and Vince hooking up, my father traveling all those miles over the road only to find an empty house waiting for him.  But more than any of those things, I thought about Jolon.  Maybe it was because he was so close that he was at the forefront of my mind, but whatever it was, it kept me from falling asleep and I hated that. It was already two in the morning and I was still wide awake.

I sat up again and looked at him in the back of the truck
alone.  Even after our fight we had in the car– or
whatever
it was - I had to admit to myself that I’d rather he be lying beside me instead of trying to be at peace in this empty bed.  His comfort and my loneliness had nothing to do with it.  I just wanted him next to me.  I moved my legs beneath the sheets and winced a little when I moved away from the spot I’d already warmed – another body in the bed would alleviate such a problem.  I wished that there was some way that I could justify asking him to come back inside, but there wasn’t one.  Especially not after all the things I’d said to him in the truck.  There was no way he’d let any of that go so soon.

With a sigh, I lay back on my pillow again. 
My words and actions in the truck aside; after what he did to
me
, why did I even still care about him?  Why was there still such a soft spot in my heart for him?  Is it because I love him?  Maybe.  Probably.  Is that a good enough excuse to keep my heart open to someone who’d hurt me over and over again?  Probably not.  It made me angry that I’d put so much energy into not thinking about him only to think about him even more.  Why is it so hard to forget him?  Would it have been this difficult if we hadn’t had sex?

I hated myself for still loving him in spite of what he’d put me through. 
Most women would’ve gone the other way without ever looking back.  But not me.  I was stuck like glue against my own will.  Something in me wouldn’t let Jolon go.  It seemed so unfair to pine over someone who probably hadn’t even stressed over me one sixteenth as much as I stressed over him.  I frowned at the ceiling thinking about him falling asleep every night with ease while I lay in bed awake, much like I am tonight.

I was so frustrated with myself and the situation
that I hadn’t even realized it was storming until the wind began to blow the rain against the window, startling me a little.  I quickly sat back up to see about Jolon.  By the time I got to the window, he was just climbing into the truck.  I laughed to myself while I watched him scramble.  He was soaked – soaked and too worried about what I’d say if he wanted to come back inside.  Who could blame him?  He pushed his hair back and then folded his arms over his bare chest; probably trying to decide how to get comfortable.  He wasn’t the only one. 

When the thunder started, I pulled the cover up over my shoulder and closed my eyes.  Coincidentally, the last time I’d been in a storm he was there too.  I immediately felt his lips on my legs again as my mind started with reruns of that night.  I squirmed under the covers again and tried to push the thoughts from my head.  Another roll of thunder boomed above the building and I gasped.  The sound startled me and so did the feeling of Jolon’s hands making their way up my body, just like I remembered. 

“This is stupid,” I whispered to myself.  “If he’s not thinking about me then I shouldn’t be thinking about him either.”  I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to fall asleep, but the storm outside made that impossible. 

“
Ughhhhhhhh,” I growled in frustration.  I tossed the covers off and reached for one of the pillows beside me and shoved it between my legs before turning back over.  That didn’t help the situation even a little.  I tossed and turned for about ten minutes with no relief – reality set in and I knew that there was nothing that would make the feeling go away but him.  I lay there all sprawled out, staring at the ceiling.  My will was breaking; I was seriously thinking of asking him to come inside and….
fix
me.  Surprisingly, I didn’t feel even the least bit weak or stupid for craving him even though I hadn’t forgotten the history between us. 

What would he say if I approached him with the offer?  Was he strong enough this time that he’d turn
me
down, again putting his brother’s feelings before mine?  Would he take the opportunistic route and just do it because he’d be getting something out of it too?  If he agreed, would it be out of pity because he knew he’d hurt my feelings before?  Would it mean anything to him?  Was I okay with the fact that it might not?  I asked myself question after question, never taking the time to answer any of them.  The answers were apparently unimportant because I didn’t even think twice about what I was doing when I got out of the bed and just about ran to the door with a clear cut plan already in my head – I was going to proposition him.  The worst he could say is no, right?

I was smiling when I pulled the door open, fully prepared to sprint out to his truck in the pouring rain.  But apparently, I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep.
I gasped when I saw that tall figure on the other side of the door - Jolon was already standing there with the rain beating down on him.  He stood there, still, as if he didn’t even notice it.  His shoulders were squared confidently and his eyes were set on me with an unspoken question in them – he wanted to know if I was too hurt or too mad about the way things had gone down between us before to give in to what we were both desperate for.  That answer was no – I wasn’t too mad or too hurt.  Both of those emotions seemed secondary now.  With him standing before me, dripping wet on that hot summer night I had a one track mind.

Th
e rain seemed to be the catalyst – the spark that lit the flame between us.  Something about it made him irresistible to me and it seemed to have the same affect on him.  Who knows – if this night and the last were clear and sound, maybe we never would’ve  opened Pandora’s proverbial box and we’d still be bitter and cold toward one another.  But now?  The energy between us was everything
but
cold. 

This was my last chance to sober up and change my mind.  That
chance went out the window the second I stepped aside, inviting Jolon back inside the room.  We stood there face to face for a moment, both realizing that the situation was becoming much heavier than we once thought – feelings ran way deeper than either of us could’ve imagined. What started out as a onetime fluke was about to become something altogether different.  Perhaps I was wrong about him.