Red Sun (36 page)

I couldn’t even look at him.  “Dad, just go.  I need to be by myself.”

He took another deep breath and then got up, traipsing down the stairs slowly.  I wanted to get her out of my life.  That was impossible seeing as how she’s married to my father, but the next best thing was to get rid of the check she’d given me – the less debt I was in with this woman, the better.  I unzipped my purse and unfolded the check as I walked back down stairs.  My father was in the living room trying to fix the TV and I could hear the water running in the kitchen which meant Alicia was washing dishes.  I looked down at the check in my hand and thought of what I wanted to say just before walking into the kitchen.

“Excuse me,”
I said far more politely than she deserved.  “I need to talk to you for just a second.” 

Alicia turned the water off and stood in front of the sink without turning to face me.  She was still washing a plate, but could now hear what I had to say.
  “Go ahead.”

I shifted my weight to one foot.  “Look, I just wanted to give this check back.  My father says you mean well, but…..I don’t need your money.”

She looked at me from over her shoulder, and then cut her eyes when she turned back around.  “Once you give it back don’t come to me with your hand out later looking for anything,” she said dryly.

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, Alicia.  There’s nothing that you could ever do for me that I can’t do for myself.”

“Hm….” She scoffed.  “Says the child who’s breathing in my air as we speak.  I don’t recall you
ever
paying a bill around here.”  She laughed a little.  “And yet here you are.  Looks like you do need me for something.  Without me, you wouldn’t even have a roof over your head.”

I felt my blood running hot through my veins.  “Whatever.  All I came down here to do is give you back your check.  I don’t
wanna argue with you.”  I placed her check on the table and then set my feet in motion to turn around and go back to my room, but then Alicia spoke again and her words stopped me dead in my tracks.

“Your low-class mother didn’t kn
ow how to accept my help either,” she said under her breath.

I was in shock.  “What did you just say about my mother?”  My voice was just above a whisper.

“You heard me!”  Alicia hissed.  “I tried for
years
to give that woman extra money behind your father’s back so she could get herself together.”  Alicia was still washing dishes like our conversation was light and easy which it wasn’t.  “I didn’t think anyone could be as lazy and irresponsible as she was until I met
you
.  I think she got a kick out of being one stupid mistake away from messing everything up. I
knew
that at least one of you little snot-nosed crumb snatchers was gonna end up in my house.  That raggedy car was the main thing I tried to get her to get fixed.  All she had to do was take what I was offering her and get the brakes right and none of this would be happening.  The accident could’ve been avoided, you’d be with her where you belong, and there’d be peace in my house.”

I
stared at the back of her head, hoping that my father was standing somewhere nearby witnessing this whole event.  There were fresh tears running down my cheeks and I felt a rage brewing in me that I’d never felt before.  All of these horrible things that she was saying about my mother were the only thoughts in my head.  There was no trace of reason, no trace of restraint.  At that moment, I was so infuriated that I couldn’t even remember my own name.  All I wanted to do was hurt her.  When she turned to look at me, never taking her hand out of the dish water, there was a smile on her face. 

“Wipe your face and grow up, Solei.”

I could hardly see straight.  My vision was blurry and my head was spinning.  Reality was pulling further and further away from me with each second that passed.  I wanted to hurt her.  The closest thing I could find to throw at her was the phone, so I reached beside me without my eyes ever leaving her and listened to the cords snatch out of the wall as I launched it toward her head.  It smacked into the window above the sink when she ducked.  The window shattered and the phone was now somewhere outside in the backyard.

She was shocked, but not too shocked to react.  I was starting to come back to reality when I
saw her hand emerging from the water.  Time seemed to be moving in slow motion because I could see the entire event unfolding before my eyes in detail.  Water dripped from her hand and the glass that she was holding caught the reflection of the overhead light as she cocked back to gain momentum.  When she hurled it at me, I instinctively lowered my head and threw my hands over my face to shield me.  The shards of glass made a deafening noise as they sprayed around the room and then fell to the floor.  All of this had happened so quickly that my father hadn’t even made it into the kitchen yet to see what was going on.  By the time he appeared in the doorway, Alicia and I were both out of breath and glaring at one another.

“What in the world happened in here?”  He asked, looking around the room and assessing the damage.

“You should ask your child that!”  Alicia pointed at the broken window while she spoke.

“Dad, I…”

“Solei, did
you
do that?”

“Yes, dad, but
she….”  I was trying desperately to explain my side before Alicia’s silver tongue persuaded him.

“Have you lost your mind?  You could’ve killed her!”  He yelled. 

“But she threw….”

“Go,” my father said without even giving me a chance to defend myself.  When I didn’t move right away, he yelled, “Now!”

I balled up my fists, considering the odds of me making contact if I lunged at Alicia, but my plan was foiled when my father stood in front of her protectively – like I was the bad guy.  More tears came and I ran to my room to keep either of them from getting the joy out of seeing me cry.  I slammed the door behind me and held back the urge to scream.  I needed to leave.  I couldn’t stay in that house for not one more second. 

I called Kaya.  The phone rang twice and she picked up. 
“Yeah.”  It was clear that she still wasn’t happy with me.

“I need a favor and if I wasn’t desperate, I wouldn’t be asking.”

“Well, is it something that’ll take more than an hour?  Cause I’m sort of trying to make some plans.  I was getting ready to call Jolon in a few.”

My heart sank.  Everything seemed to be going wrong today.  “You know what?  Never mind.  I’ll work it out.”

“Cool,” she replied without even protesting a little, and then the phone went dead.  My mouth fell open.  All I did was stick my nose a little too deep in her business and
this
was her reaction?  Unbelievable.

The next person I thought of was Elan.  He picked up right away.  I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat before speaking.  “Hey, you busy?”

“Um…not really.  I’m actually on my way inside the house.  Can I call you back in a sec?”

“Sure…..but don’t forget me.  It’s really, really important.”

“I don’t think I could forget about you if I tried,” he said, actually drawing a smile out of me despite how bad I felt.

“Ok, talk to you in a few
.”

When we hung up, I sat there clutching my phone in my hand
, doing the best I could to wait patiently.  Already a half hour had passed and my phone hadn’t rang once.  I sighed and decided to call Elan again, thinking that maybe he’d forgotten after all.  It rang and rang and then eventually went to voicemail.  I must’ve called about ten times back to back without getting him.  I looked at my door and remembered the evil that lurked somewhere on the other side.  She was out there telling my father her twisted version of the story, no doubt.  And she had a hold on him that I couldn’t break, which meant that she was going to win yet again. 

I picked up my phone one last time and prayed that Elan would pick up this time; he was my only escape.  No one else would be willing to drive all this way to rescue me from here. 
Again, no answer.  I felt that same urge to scream.  That’s when the idea hit me; maybe I could get a hold of Jolon and have him get in touch with Elan and have him call me.  Without thinking twice about what I was doing, I dialed.  When he said hello, my heart skipped a beat just at the sound of his voice.  We hadn’t spoken since that infamous night and it seemed so surreal that he was on the other end of the phone – that he’d even answered knowing it was me calling.

“
Uhhhh….Jolon?”  I stuttered.

“Yeah, what’s up?”  He asked, sounding as if I’d awakened him.

“Sorry to bother you, but I need a favor.  Is your brother home?”

He yawned. 
“Yeah, asleep on the couch.”

I have to admit – my feelings were a little hurt.  What happened to
“I couldn’t forget you if I tried?” 
Was him getting a little rest more important than me?  I made it clear that I was calling for something important, but he failed to check and see if I was alright.  Not to mention that he didn’t think to call me on his own the day before or return the call I’d made to him that day either.  There was definitely a pattern here.

“Want me to get him?”  Jolon asked, interrupting my thoughts.
  His voice was hoarse like he’d been sleep for a long time and I started feeling bad for waking him.

“No……no
it’s fine.  I’ll just talk to him later.”  I was in a daze thinking about how far from Elan’s mind I’d have to be to simply be forgotten like that.

I had my finger on the “
END
” button, but stopped when Jolon called out, “Wait…..why’re you crying?”

“What?  I’m not.”  I really wasn’t…..not anymore.
  I was shocked that he detected that something was off -
Elan
hadn’t even noticed that something was amiss.

“Then something else is wrong.”  I could hear his bed creak in the background
and pictured him now sitting on the edge of it trying to wake up.

I sighed.  “I’m cool.  Don’t worry about it.”
  Again I tried to hang up.

“Do you need help?  Did something happen?
”  There was genuine concern in his tone.  The fact that he actually cared was completely unexpected. 

I narrowed my eyes as I stared out the window.  Where was this sudden urge to take care of me coming from?  I paused before responding. 
“I was just trying to get outta here, but it’s looking like I’ll have to wait until Sunday.”

I heard his b
ed creak again.  “Where are you?”

“
Uh…home.”  I paused.  “Look, don’t worry about it, I’m fine…..really.”

“
I’m already up; I may as well make the drive.”  I heard him grab his keys.

I looked at
the time.  “Jolon, it’s already nine; you’d be doing good to get here before midnight.  It’s too late for you to drive all the way out here.“

He sighed, sounding a little frustrated.
  “It would’ve taken Elan just as long to get there, right?  What difference does it make who shows up as long as somebody shows up?”

I didn’t respond
– he didn’t expect me to.

“Just text me the directions.
  I’ll call when I’m close.”  He hung up before I could attempt to stop him again. 

Chapter Fourteen

Instead of having Jolon come here to the house, I told him to meet me at the elementary school playground a few blocks away.  I took my time packing the few things that weren’t already in my suitcase – my bodywash in the shower, hairbrush off the dresser, shoes in the closet.  As soon as I finished, I sat and ran through a checklist in my head, making sure I hadn’t left anything in the dryer or in the hamper.  When I was sure I had it all together, I put everything by my door and waited. 

At 11:40, I decided to head out.  If I was lucky, my father wouldn’t try to stop me
, but I knew the chances of that happening were slim.  At the bottom of the stairs, I slid on my tennis shoes and then opened the front door.  “Where’re you going?”  My dad stood from the couch and looked down at my bags.  Alicia sat there unmoving, not caring in the least whether I stayed or not.  Although I couldn’t see her face, I pictured her with a smug grin.

My eyes shifted to the door when I replied,
“Anywhere but here.” 

He exhaled and put both hands on his hips.  “Solei, we’ll
discuss what happened tomorrow morning.  I think you both just need to calm down and get a good night’s rest.”  He tried to take my suitcase from my hand, but I snatched it back.  His eyes narrowed.  “Look, I know emotions are still running high, but after everything settles down in the morning, we’ll all get this thing sorted out.”

“It’s already sorted,” I replied, glaring at him as I spoke.  He hadn’t even come to my room to see if I was alright or to get my side of the story
.  What Alicia says goes, which was getting old really fast.  As I stood there staring at my father, I felt myself detaching from him. The closeness that was starting to develop between us since moving to Conway was being severed with one short visit with Alicia.  One too many times he’d taken his wife’s side over mine; and she was without a doubt dead wrong this time. I felt that lump coming back in my throat, letting me know that tears were following closely behind it.  I hurried to open the door and stepped out onto the porch. 

“At least tell me where you’re going.  Is someone coming to pick you
up?”

I rolled my eyes and ignored his question. 
“Maybe I’ll call you in a few days,” I said coldly, not bothering to look back in his direction as I trudged down the steps leading to the sidewalk.  My father knew not to say anything back because the information I’d given him was all he was going to get out of me. 

I had the worst headache ever, but I just needed to make it to the playground –
my temporary refuge.  The walk took just under ten minutes and I was glad to sit on the swing and put my bags down.  I leaned my head against the cool metal chain and drifted forward and back aimlessly while I watched the stars.  It wasn’t until now, being out of the house, that I finally let myself breathe.  While Alicia’s never been hospitable toward me, tonight she’d taken things to a whole other level.  The things that she said about my mother were unforgivable and I’d never be able to erase them from my mind.  Why couldn’t my father have shown up a minute earlier and heard the horrible things that she said?  Then he would’ve understood why I responded to her the way I did.  She deserved what she got and then some.

I was still in deep thought when a
set of headlights across the parking lot caught my attention and simultaneously made my palms start to sweat – I wasn’t ready to see Jolon, wasn’t ready to be so close to him, wasn’t ready to for any of it – but I no longer had a choice – he was here now.  When the lights went dim I saw the driver’s side door open and then Jolon stepped out.  I stood from the swing and reached for my suitcase that was leaning against the pole and then walked toward him, seemingly in slow motion.  I had to take a deep breath with each step.  When we met halfway across the grass, he stood there and stared for a few seconds.  I suppose I did the same.

“Hey,” he forced out eventually.

I was almost too nervous to speak, but managed to reply with a weak “Hey,” before having to look away. 

Jolon looked me up and down and then came to his senses.  “Oh, let me take your bags.”

I smiled a little and thanked him.

We walked
to the truck side by side – silent.  I waited by the door while he tossed my things into the back and then he came to let me in.  I started having second thoughts as soon as I stepped foot inside his truck.  Was it a mistake calling him?  Was this something that I should keep from Elan?  What happened to Kaya trying to call Jolon to hang out?  Would he have gone with her if I hadn’t called him first?  The sound of my door slamming brought me back to consciousness.  I watched him come around and then climb in beside me.  I could feel his eyes on me when he started the engine.  It was a little unnerving.

“Your hair…..it looks nice.”  His tone was unsure.  Maybe he thought he shouldn’t compliment me out of respect for his brother.  Or maybe he wasn’t sure if I was still mad about him putting me off.

I turned to look out the window instead of at him.  “Thanks.”

“Sure,
” he added hesitantly. 

If I’d thought this all the way through, I probably would’ve
just waited until the morning and prayed again that Elan decided to answer.  Calling Jolon wasn’t a good idea.  I could smell him in the air and that alone was making this a difficult trip.  I couldn’t deny that I was still very strongly attracted to him –
very. 
He’d apparently jumped right out of bed without bothering with putting on more clothes than he was already wearing – not even a shirt.  His dark sweatpants were riding low enough on his waist that I could tell that he had on nothing else underneath.  The deep indentations at his hips made me breathe erratically when I stole another glance, quickly turning away to look out the window again.

When I sighed, I caught his attention.  “You ok?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” I lied.  I was definitely having a hard time.

He was quiet, but I could tell that he was getting ready to say something.  “If you don’t mind me asking…..what happened tonight?  You sounded pretty upset on the phone.”

I sighed.  “I mind you asking.”

He nodded. 
“Fair enough.”  There was a pause.  “I suppose I deserve that.”

I folded my arms over
my chest and repressed the urge to nod my head in agreement.  Once he realized that I wasn’t quite ready to let bygones be bygones, he didn’t say anything else.  In fact, we rode in silence until my phone rang.  I think we both expected it to be Elan.  I actually had a glimmer of hope that he’d awakened from sleep and realized that I was still waiting to hear from him…..but I was wrong.  When I saw that it was my father, I rolled my eyes and ignored it.  He ended up calling back four more times and each time, I didn’t pick up.  The last time, he finally left a voicemail, realizing that I wasn’t going to answer.  Jolon turned down the radio while I checked it to see what he had to say.

“Shoot,
” I sighed and leaned my head back on the seat when I hung up.

“What is it?”  Jolon
asked, briefly taking his eyes off the road when he turned to look at me.

I didn’t answer his question right away.  First, I shoved my phone back inside my purse and set it on the floor in between my feet. “My dad – h
e’s on his way back to Conway too so we can talk.”  I ran my fingers through my hair. “He’s the last person I wanna talk to right now.”

I stared at
the yellow road markers, now having to think of an escape
from
my escape.  Why couldn’t my father just leave well enough alone?  Me leaving early would give him more time alone with his precious Alicia and I’d have time to think and clear my head.  But leave it to him to jump the gun and try to fix things right away rather than giving me the space that I needed. 

Jolon reached into the backseat and grabbed another CD. 
“Well, do you have family around here?  Maybe I could take you there for tonight and just come back for you tomorrow or in a day or two.  Would that buy you enough time?”  He asked nonchalantly, like driving all this way twice in one week was no big deal to him.

“No, I co
uldn’t ask you to do that.  That’s too much driving.”

“If I minded, I wouldn’t have offered.”  He waited for me to respond.  “Is that what you want?”

I thought about it and then shook my head.  “No, I’ll just face him tonight I guess.  May as well, right?”

He di
dn’t answer.  I closed my eyes, letting the warm breeze from outside caress my face.  I was starting to calm down.  It became less stressful being in the car with him the longer we drove.  Jolon was wide awake and alert which made me comfortable enough to try to doze……that is until he turned the music down, causing me to open my eyes again as I glanced at him once briefly.

“Mind if I say something?”  He asked.

“Depends,” I replied.  “If it’s another question about what happened tonight, don’t even waste your breath.”

He smiled a little.  “No….it’s about something else – about what happened back last weekend”

I got nervous, but worked to hide it.  He didn’t need to know that that situation still had me bent out of shape.  “Last week?”  I asked, pretending that I couldn’t even recall what would’ve been significant.  I shifted in my seat, turning myself further away from him to hide my rigid body language.

“Yeah…..I owe you an apology.  You didn’t deserve to be treated the way I treated you
……and I’m sorry,” he added.  There was that phrase again –
I’m sorry
– the phrase Elan said Jolon
never
uses.  This apology made it twice that he’d used the term in my presence.

“
You’re
sorry?”  I paused to amplify the cynicism in my tone.  “What could you possibly be sorry for, Jolon?  It’s not like you took advantage of me and then didn’t want to have anything to do with me.  Oh wait…..that’s
exactly
what you did, isn’t it!”

He sighed.  “I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I took advantage of you, but I see where you’re going with this.  The way I responded afterward was totally out of character for me,” he explained.

“No, that’s the thing…..it was totally
in
character actually,” I objected.  “That’s why I blame myself!  You’d done me that same way each time you accidentally let your guard down with me.  I just should’ve been smart enough to turn you away that night.  I should’ve told you to go back to your room and leave me alone.”  The bitterness was coming from nowhere.  I didn’t even realize that I was still this upset until he made me talk about it.  Maybe it was just because I’d already had such a bad night.

The car sped up about ten miles per hour, taking us from 70 to 80.  Subconsciously, our awkward conversation was causing Jolon to accelerate. 
“Look, Solei….”

“No,
you
look, Jolon.  I’m not like the rest of these girls around here that chase you like you’re God’s gift to women or something.  I’m a real girl with real feelings – real feelings for you.”  I sat back and folded my arms.  Jolon sat quietly now, letting me get everything off my chest – probably out of guilt.  “At least they
were
real anyway.”

“What does that mean? 
How do feelings just go from being real one day to…
not
being real the next?”  He asked, trying to understand my unintentional riddle.

I got upset trying to think
of a way to explain myself.  “What does it matter to you anyway!?!?  You don’t even care!  And even if you do, you’re never gonna say anything anyway!”  I scoffed and shook my head at myself for being so naïve that night I let him get close to me.  “It must be nice to have that option – hiding how you feel and letting others make fools of themselves while you sit back and watch them fall for you knowing that you couldn’t care less about them
or
their feelings.” 

“Is that what you think?  You think I enjoy hurting you?”  He kept looking back and forth between me and the road waiting for me to respond.

“You must!  Why else would you keep doing it?”  My voice was so loud that it seemed to bounce off the surfaces in the truck for a few seconds after I’d finished speaking.  Jolon sat quietly, out of excuses that would defend his side of the argument, or maybe he just knew that I’d run out of the patience to listen to them.  I could tell by looking at his face that he was angry that he couldn’t elaborate on his side, but he didn’t want to make matters worse by letting his emotions get the best of him like I had.

I didn’t even realize that we were now barreling down the highway going nearly 100 miles per hour until the bright blue and red lights behind us brought my attention to the speedometer.  Jolon cursed loudly and then started slowing down as he veered toward the shoulder.  When he came to a comp
lete stop, he removed the keys from the ignition and set them on the dashboard.  Next he reached for his registration and proof of insurance to show the officer.  When he touched his pocket to feel for his wallet, he cursed again.

“Great,” I breathed
, rolling my eyes.  “Left without your license didn’t you?”

Jolon
looked my way sternly as if it was taking everything within him not to let me have it.  I rolled my eyes again and looked out my window while the officer approached.  The bright white light from the officer’s flashlight made me squint when it filled the car.