Read Bottom Up (27 page)

 

 

 

    
David

Jul 28, 9:30 PM

Elliot
   

Jul 28, 9:34 PM

    
David

Jul 28, 9:41 PM

 

 

 

Subject: Hey

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:06 AM

To: Elliot Rowe

Hi hi,

So just looking at my trusty calendar here and it looks like “The Book of Mormon” is upon us. I have not seen a Broadway show since “Wicked” and that was with my mom. I forget how this works, but I assume you have the tickets in your possession? Should we meet up beforehand or at the theater? Lmk.

M

 

Subject: Re: Hey

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:15 AM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Actually, you around tonight? Wanna grab a drink?

 

 

 

-------- Forwarded Message --------

Subject: Re: Hey

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:15 AM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Actually, you around tonight? Wanna grab a drink?

 

Subject: Hey

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:06 AM

To: Elliot Rowe

Hi hi,

So just looking at my trusty calendar here and it looks like . . .

 

Subject: [Fwd: Re: Hey]

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:19 AM

To: Emily Roberts

I am so totally getting dumped.

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: Hey]

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 12:46 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Oy. It's posssible he feels the same weirdness you do and just wants to see you sooner rather than later to make it go away . . . ?

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: Hey]

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 12:53 PM

To: Emily Roberts

Nope, nope. Dumped dumped dumpety-dumped. I'm telling you. Elliot doesn't “grab a drink.” I don't think we've ever been together and not drank. I'm not saying we're alcoholics, just that . . . “grab a drink” to me is super “I'm going to get in and out and do this in public so you don't make a scene” whereas “hang out” or even “haven't seen you!” would be different. I know it sounds like a small thing but it's not . . . I know him. The “sorry for the short notice” also bothers me on a number of levels I can't even get into.

 

 

 

Subject: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 10:54 PM

To: David Meyer

Well that did not go over well.

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: David Meyer

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 10:56 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

One second getting popcorn.

Okay . . . begin.

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 10:58 PM

To: David Meyer

Do you want me to start with the part where she called me “an emotional vegetable” and said we should “just pull the plug,” or the part where she said that I was more interested in being “in a school play about a relationship than in real intimacy”? I have a lot of starting points. Or when she accused me of using her to get a cookbook deal? (Which, sorry, but I didn't need your help to tell me to use Google.)

The ending point was that she basically told me to fuck off.

At one point, she got up to go to the bathroom, and the bartender comes over, pours me a shot of tequila, and goes, “This one's on the house, buddy.” So . . . yeah.

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: David Meyer

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:02 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

The school play metaphor is definitely better than my mountain climbing one. What did you say?

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:06 PM

To: David Meyer

Well I started off by saying that it was obvious this wasn't working and that we just fundamentally weren't (aren't) a good match. Which I thought she would respond to, but she just kind of looked at me, like, “and . . . ?” so I kept going, and said that I didn't feel like this had any long-term potential and so I didn't want to waste her time—and that was the line that really set her off. I mean I wasn't expecting her to say, “You're totally right about everything, glad we're on the same page, by the way I have a great girl for you!” And I probably did not handle this in the most efficient way, which I guess is why she really bristled at the “don't want to waste her time” line. But I still wasn't expecting this much, uh, resistance. I mean, she kept being like, “Well, if you do X, Y, and Z differently and text me back quicker and make plans and just be more ‘present' things won't be this difficult.” Which was basically arguing MY point of us fundamentally not being a good match, but I don't think she appreciated my connecting those dots.

Also I hate the word “present.” Like I'm the only person in New York on my fucking cell phone.

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: David Meyer

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:07 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

Wow. I'm sorry, man. That's a bummer.

I mean I genuinely do like Madeline and did think there was a universe in which it worked, but I hear where you're coming from. You can't force it if it's not working.

Well, I guess you can, if you really like someone. That's presumably how people stay married.

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:12 PM

To: David Meyer

That was kind of the subtext of what she was saying: if you liked me more, you'd be willing to put in the effort. Which I guess is true: if you're with someone and things aren't totally working, you ask yourself, “Is this a person I could maybe be with forever?” And if the answer is yes, then you try and figure it out, and if it's no, then that's that. Obviously the answer is going to be “no” a lot more than it's going to be “yes,” so it seems somewhat masochistic to focus on why the answer is “no.” And this is unlike her but she made an off-handed comment about her body not being good enough. I was like, “I eat doughnuts for breakfast four days a week, have you seen me without my shirt on?” And she was like, “Sorry, I don't mean to be superficial but I'd be interested in reading the statistics about how many supermodels get broken up with.”

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: David Meyer

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:16 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

Well the same five dudes seem to date every supermodel, so I'm pretty sure they get broken up with all the time. Otherwise the math wouldn't work.

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:17 PM

To: David Meyer

Maybe I should start going to therapy.

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: David Meyer

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 11:17 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

I bet Ellie can recommend one.

 

 

 

Subject: yo

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Sun, Aug 3 at 9:00 PM