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Subject: Tonight

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Thu, Oct 9 at 10:41 PM

To: Emily Roberts

You're going to think I'm an insane person (too late) but last night's/this morning's empowering fairy dust of Elliot witnessing that kiss has worn off. Lucy just started dating Lyle I-forget-his-last-name-but-he-has-dreads, a sous chef at a restaurant owned by the same guys who own Elliot's place.

Anyway, the chances of Elliot being there are good and now I kind of don't want to go.

 

Subject: Re: Tonight

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Thu, Oct 9 at 10:48 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

You can't let this breakup dictate where you go and don't go. That's the height of crazy. Also: I'm bored, barely know Lucy, only know her through you and I do not want to go to a party in someone's house where I know zero people. Buddy system or bust.

 

Subject: Re: Tonight

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Thu, Oct 9 at 10:56 PM

To: Emily Roberts

It's not a major sacrifice. I'm not missing the Oscars . . . Hell, I'm not even missing the James Beard Awards because of Elliott. I just . . . for the same reason you don't want to go alone, I don't want to go period: just not strong enough mentally right now to be trapped in a confined space with Elliot.

 

Subject: Re: Tonight

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Thu, Oct 9 at 11:15 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Fine, nutball. I shall go without you and have the best night ever!

 

 

 

Subject: Ummmmmm . . .

From: David Meyer

Date: Fri, Oct 10 at 12:06 PM

To: Emily Roberts

Hey Emily,

Was really nice seeing you last night (without Mom and Dad or duck). Before I give this too much thought, I'm just going to go ahead and ask: do you want to get a drink next week? Maybe Thursday? Totally understand if you feel kind of weird about this. I feel kind of weird too, which is another way of saying I didn't tell Elliot I'm doing this. But I feel like we've more than fulfilled our “friend duties” to them the past few months, so why should we let them get in the way of our eternal happiness?!

Perhaps I'm getting a little ahead of myself. But serious about the drink.

—D

 

Subject: Re: Ummmmmm . . .

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Fri, Oct 10 at 1:14 PM

To: David Meyer

David,

It was great running into you. Totally ignoring the “do I mention this to Maddy” question because, well, it's a big question and one that doesn't need to be answered right now . . . unlike yours, which
does
require an answer: Thursday sounds awesome. Super fun night redux!

—E

 

Subject: Re: Ummmmmm . . .

From: David Meyer

Date: Fri, Oct 10 at 1:48 PM

To: Emily Roberts

This is either a really good or a really horrendous decision. But I'm okay with that if you are.

I'll be out of the office by 7:30. Does 8:15 work for you? That should give me enough time to go home, take off my suit, deliberate on which flannel shirt to wear, and come meet you . . .

 

Subject: Re: Ummmmmm . . .

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Fri, Oct 10 at 2:06 PM

To: David Meyer

Perfect.

You would think that dealing with the fallout of our two beloved pals would have made me lose all faith in relationships. Luckily, I'm a sucker for a good flannel shirt. Since you picked the easy part, you rat, I'll do the hard part: Da Silvano?

—E

 

Subject: Re: Ummmmmm . . .

From: David Meyer

Date: Fri, Oct 10 at 3:12 PM

To: Emily Roberts

Mmmmm rigatoni. I like where your head is at.

You know what? I'm just going to come right out and say it. I'm over this small plate stuff. (Sorry Elliot.) Why does every trendy restaurant advertise that like it's a selling point?

Here's a novel concept: big plates. So I will actually be full when I leave. You're welcome, America.

Really looking forward to seeing you again.

Subject: (no subject)

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Fri, Oct 17 at 8:42 AM

To: David Meyer

Good morning!

You know what's even worse than being hungover? Being hungover and having to teach long division to a bunch of kids with ADHD.

Anyway, since I just spent months doing the emotional equivalent of unfurling motivational speaking posters for my best friend, saying things like “Be yourself!” and “Don't worry about his reaction so much!” I guess it's only fair that I take my own advice and say, simply . . .

That was so awesome.

Can we do it again, like, yesterday?

 

 

 

Subject: So . . .

From: David Meyer

Date: Tue, Nov 4 at 4:34 PM

To: Emily Roberts

So Elliot keeps asking me what I want to do for my birthday. Still haven't told him that I won't be in town . . .

I'm sitting at my desk holding a quarter. Heads, I tell Elliot first. Tails, you tell Madeline first.

Call it?

 

Subject: Re: So . . .

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Tue, Nov 4 at 5:15 PM

To: David Meyer

TAILS.

(I kind of love how we're doing this btw: a little bit of chance, a little bit of trust . . .)

 

Subject: Re: So . . .

From: David Meyer

Date: Tue, Nov 4 at 5:23 PM

To: Emily Roberts

I love it too. Especially that the “this” you speak of could refer to either the coin toss or two people in a . . . relationship? :) Either way, let's do this thing.

 

Subject: Re: So . . .

From: David Meyer

Date: Tue, Nov 4 at 5:24 PM

To: Emily Roberts

Okay the coin bounced off the table. Shit.

I guess this means we just tell them at the same time?

 

Subject: Re: So . . .

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Tue, Nov 4 at 5:28 PM

To: David Meyer

Swell.

We can do it together via conference call this weekend from Montauk.

Honestly, I don't know how much Madeline will even flip out. Especially since she has a nice little cushion now. She's started dating someone. He's got a job that takes place during the day, doesn't own a single piece of vinyl, and works in finance. But I like him. He raises money for hospitals or something. They have spent literally every night together this week. I haven't seen her this happy in, well, months.

 

Subject: Re: So . . .

From: David Meyer

Date: Tue, Nov 4 at 5:34 PM

To: Emily Roberts

Well, Elliot's spent every night this week bitching about his various Tinder dates, so it appears order has been restored.

Why do I have the feeling Madeline and Mr. Raises Money for Hospitals are going to get married?

 

Subject: Re: So . . .

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Tue, Nov 4 at 5:38 PM

To: David Meyer

I think they might! I know that's silly because it's early but this relationship is clearly easy for both of them.

They both want it and she is a very happy camper. But you want to know the A #1 reason I think it's going to work out?

She hasn't forwarded me a single email of his.

 

NEEL SHAH
is a screenwriter in Los Angeles. He used to be a reporter at the
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SKYE CHATHAM
is a writer living in New York. Her work has appeared in various publications, including
GQ
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Maxim
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