Pushing Reset (4 page)

Chapter 11

Of course Brandon felt like an ass for the rest of the day. He had no business questioning Jude about his sex life. It had been that irrational jealousy and in a way Brandon was lashing out because he felt like he was losing his mind. As a result, Brandon was left with a shit load of guilt for cross examining Jude and judging him.
When would he have time for a real relationship? He’s too busy keeping your life together,
Brandon groaned as he pushed away from his desk and stood. He found Jude on the back patio nursing a beer. Brandon sighed as he reclined in the chair next to Jude’s.

“I was thinking I’d stop at the pet store after I drop Noah off at school tomorrow and get him one of those tiny red-eared sliders in a small aquarium. Kind of like the set-up you had when we were eight,” Jude said as he watched two squirrels fighting on the lawn. Brandon grinned and nodded.

“Sure,” he agreed as he rested his elbows on his knees. “Look, about earlier…” Brandon cringed as he looked over and Jude raised a brow. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business and I don’t want you to think that I believe you’re doing anything wrong.” Brandon paused and Jude’s eyes searched Brandon’s.

“But you asked.” He sounded almost disappointed and Brandon rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to figure out what to say.

“That had nothing to do with you, really. I’m going through something and I think I was just taking it out on you. I can’t come at you about those stupid songs because they’re funny and working or for making me sit through half an hour with Bitchy McBitchface because I should be doing those things. So, that was all I had at the moment,” Brandon explained and Jude leaned forward.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked and Brandon shook his head quickly.

“No. It’ll pass. Maybe part of me wishes, deep down, that I knew how to be more like you and could pull off something easy and casual.” He sat back in his seat and Jude’s lips pursed as he stared at Brandon.

“Are you saying you want to start banging chicks in bar bathrooms and in parking lots?” Jude asked carefully and Brandon’s head pulled back in shock. Jude laughed as he grabbed Brandon’s knee and squeezed it playfully. “Because I can show you how to download a few hook-up apps and with the right clothes and a few good lines, we could get you laid tonight,” he teased (at least Brandon hoped he was teasing) and Brandon ignored how warm Jude’s hand felt on his leg. He shook his head again.

“No. I really have no desire to do any of that. But I think that maybe I’d be a better father and friend if I could now and then. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me.” Brandon groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face. “All I know is that I have no right questioning how you spend the little time you give yourself away from me and Noah. Fucking rob banks, for all I care. You deserve whatever it is that makes you happy,” he sighed as he reached for Jude’s shoulder and Jude looked unusually solemn as he stared back at Brandon. It settled in Brandon’s gut like a brick. “If you ever want more for yourself, I’ll understand. You don’t owe me anything and I don’t expect you to sacrifice your happiness for us.” Brandon hoped he looked less terrified than he felt. Jude nodded softly before he took a long drink. When he looked back at Brandon his eyes were intense.

“I know I don’t owe you anything. But this is what I want. I’m happy here with you and Noah. I meant what I said about not wanting anything that would take my time away from you two.” His voice was low and clear and Brandon took a deep breath as the tension left him. Jude narrowed his eyes as he watched Brandon. “Unless you’re ready to move on and you think I might get in the way,” Jude said and Brandon couldn’t help but laugh.

“I promise, I’m not planning to move on and you’d never get in the way. If by some bizarre twist of fate I did lose my mind and got involved with someone, they’d have to be ok with being third on my list of priorities and I doubt anyone’s that pathetic.” Brandon stated and Jude chuckled as he held up his beer in salute.

“Well, it looks like we share the same relationship goals. You’re just better at entertaining yourself.” He winked and Brandon rolled his eyes.

“You’d be pretty disappointed there too. I’m kind of an all around failure,” he mumbled and for a moment he was sure Jude blushed before he jumped to his feet.

“If you need instructional videos I can send you links,” he teased and Brandon snorted. Jude offered a hand and Brandon let him pull him to his feet. “How about you make it up to me by going with me to the Buckley’s tomorrow?” He gave Brandon a wide grin before he pulled Brandon into a quick hug. Brandon disguised the soft moan that slipped from his throat at the feeling of Jude’s warm, hard body pressed against his and his soft, drugging scent with an exaggerated groan.

“Please don’t make me go,” Brandon begged and Jude’s lip pushed out as he stepped back.

“I really don’t want to go alone,” he whined and Brandon threw his arms up in defeat.

“Fine.” Brandon waved in the direction of the house. “Dinner should be just about ready,” he said and Jude did a victory dance as he jogged toward the door and pretended to spike his beer.

“Speaking of goals, I expect there’s a good chance I’ll score tomorrow,” Jude announced as he pulled the door open and the heavy weight returned to Brandon’s gut.

Chapter 12

Brandon had had enough. Once again, Jude convinced him to go to their neighbors’ pool party only to disappear. The Buckley’s were loud and always drank too heavily. Some of the other guests had already left and Brandon felt like they could leave without looking rude. His head was throbbing and Sally kept cornering him to talk about her niece. Brandon felt his temper stirring and excused himself to find Jude. He didn’t appreciate being forced to attend a party and then being abandoned.

After searching all the logical places, Brandon was just about ready to give up and let Jude find his own way home. For some reason, his feet carried him upstairs. He crossed the gallery and his head tilted as his eyes adjusted to the dark. A barely audible groan reached him and Brandon moved silently down the hall, hugging the shadows until he found Jude.

The moonlight spilled through the window and Jude was wrapped in a silver glow as he leaned into the corner at the end of the hallway. His head was thrown back and his legs were spread wide as the Buckley’s youngest son kneeled before him. A soft smile curved Jude’s lips and his hand sifted through the boy’s hair as his head bounced against Jude’s groin. Brandon knew he should back away and leave but his feet were stuck and his body felt like it had turned to stone. Jude breathed the word “Yes” and Brandon felt his nerves tighten.

Then, Jude’s eyes opened and found Brandon’s. He expected Jude to stop everything or tell Brandon to leave but his smile only widened. Jude kept his gaze locked on Brandon as he slid his other hand into the younger man’s hair and began to thrust against his face. The young man moaned in delight and Brandon saw a hand slide under Jude’s shirt, up his stomach. Brandon swallowed his gasp and his cock became painfully hard. He wanted to look away but Jude’s eyes held his. Brandon saw Jude’s chest start to heave and lust swelled within Brandon.

“I’m about to come, Dylan,” Jude whispered calmly, his eyes still connected with Brandon’s. “I want to come in your mouth and I want you to swallow it,” he said just before he arched from the wall and his mouth stretched open on a silent scream as his eyes drilled into Brandon’s. The young man moaned as he sucked greedily and Jude’s body shuddered as he clasped the young man’s head. Jude grinned drunkenly at Brandon as he was licked clean and Brandon shook his head as he backed away silently.

Brandon waited in the foyer until Jude joined him several minutes later. Apart from looking extremely relaxed and slightly drunk, Jude appeared relatively normal. Inside, Brandon was a mess. He mumbled to their hosts and stumbled out to his car. Jude followed and hummed softly as he got in after Brandon. As soon as he started the car, Brandon pinched the bridge of his nose. His head was throbbing almost as hard as his cock. He didn’t want to think about why he was so painfully turned on or that he’d got that way watching Jude with a boy that couldn’t have been more than twenty. Brandon looked at Jude and felt a rush of irritation when Jude smiled cheekily at him. Brandon scowled and Jude rolled his eyes and looked out the window. For the life of him, Brandon didn’t understand why he was angry. And why did he have to be so jealous? Was it because Jude had gotten off when Brandon could count on two hands the number of times he’d touched himself since Emma died? That was no one’s fault but his own, certainly not Jude’s. Brandon definitely didn’t care about the Buckley’s son. It was Jude. For a moment, the idea that Brandon had been jealous that he wasn’t the one touching and pleasuring Jude flitted through his mind. He shook his head violently and Jude raised a brow. Brandon focused on the very short drive as he tried to clear his mind and force his body to relax. Why did he suddenly have to want Jude?

As he turned the car into the drive, Brandon forced the whole confusing mess into a box and tucked it into the back of his mind. He couldn’t think about all of that when his head hurt and his body was that tense. What Brandon needed was a hell of a lot of bourbon and sleep. Everything would be clearer and bearable in the morning.

“How about some
Call Of Duty
?” Jude asked as Brandon parked the car. Brandon shook his head.

“Go to hell, Jude.” Brandon grumbled as he pushed the door open, jumped out and strode swiftly into the house.

Chapter 13

Jude’s jaw hung as he watched Brandon storm into the house.
What the hell was that?
Jude wondered as he got out of the car. He rushed down the hall and found Brandon in his office swallowing a mouthful of bourbon. Jude shut the door and let his head fall to the side as he studied Brandon.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jude asked as he approached the bar and Brandon shook his head. Jude knew Brandon didn’t want to discuss it but he wasn’t letting it go. “Why are you pissed? You’re the one that chose to watch,” Jude said as he grabbed the bottle from Brandon and poured himself a drink. Brandon stared at him for several moments before he shook his head again.

“It seems like a stupid risk to take, Mrs. Robinson,” Brandon mumbled and Jude shrugged.

“We’ve been hooking up for about a year, whenever he’s home from school.” Jude admitted. “It’s not like he’ll tell anyone. It was pretty harmless.” Jude watched Brandon over the rim of his glass as he sipped. Brandon looked at Jude incredulously.

“Harmless? Couldn’t you have waited until you had more time and someplace a little more private?” Brandon asked as he reached for the bourbon. Jude shrugged again.

“I knew I wouldn’t need that long. Don’t you remember what it’s like to just want your dick sucked?” Jude winked and started to grin but stopped when Brandon shook his head slowly. Brandon looked down and tried to hide the blush that spread over his face. Jude felt his eyes widen.

“You haven’t had… No one ever…?” Jude cringed when his voice cracked. He knew that Emma hadn’t put out very often and he certainly couldn’t picture her doing it but someone must have before her. Just the thought of Brandon’s cock had Jude hardening again as heat flooded his groin. How could anyone with a pulse pass up the opportunity to explore Brandon’s body with their mouth? At the thought, Jude felt a twinge in his jaw. He took another long sip of his bourbon as Brandon continued to stare into his drink and shake his head softly.

“I didn't do anything before Emma, I was never really comfortable enough to try with anyone,” Brandon confessed before he downed his drink. Jude could only stare and blink as he absorbed Brandon’s words. Shock was quickly replaced with pity. Brandon had never really experienced intimacy or sexual pleasure. Jude set his glass down and pulled Brandon into a gentle hug.

“No wonder you’ve been in a shitty mood. You can’t keep living like a monk, you’ve got needs,” Jude said softly as he patted Brandon’s back. His intention had been to comfort Brandon but Jude heard a soft moan escape Brandon’s throat. Jude pulled him closer and he felt Brandon’s erection pushing against his thigh. Jesus, he was hard and very large. Jude pulled back and tried to look at Brandon. He kept his head turned but Jude could see that Brandon was blushing. “You’re turned on, Brandon,” Jude accused. Brandon shook his head and tried to step back. Jude pulled him tight and pressed against him. Brandon squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. Jude’s eyes narrowed as he stared at Brandon. “You’re really turned on,” he declared.

“Let me go, Jude,” Brandon growled as he tried to push away. Jude shook his head.

“What is it? What you saw earlier or the idea of getting your cock sucked?” Jude whispered. Brandon clenched his jaw as he tried to twist away from Jude.

“Don’t,” he ground out. Jude wasn’t sure if it was all of the alcohol, how good Brandon felt in his arms, the haze of lust Brandon’s now very large and obvious erection had caused, or maybe all three but Jude felt bold and deep down, he knew what Brandon needed. And once the idea formed, it overwhelmed Jude and he knew he wouldn’t be able to let it go.

“Let me do it,” Jude whispered as he released Brandon. Everything within them and around them became still, it felt like the world had stopped. Brandon’s brows pulled together and his lips formed an O and a ragged breath rushed through them.

“What?” Brandon rasped as he took a step back. Jude stepped forward, not wanting to let Brandon too far out of his reach.

“I want to do it. I want to suck your cock, Brandon.” Jude couldn’t stop his tongue from sliding along his lips at the thought. Brandon’s eyes followed Jude’s tongue and a soft squeak escaped his throat. He shook his head slowly as he stared at Jude’s lips.

“What? No. You don't know what you’re saying,” Brandon insisted as he took another step back. Jude grinned wickedly as he advanced.

“Believe me, I do,” Jude said softly as his eyes dropped to the front of Brandon’s jeans. Brandon was now so hard, Jude could clearly make out the shape of Brandon’s cock through his jeans. His eyes flicked to Brandon’s and he grinned seductively. “I want to suck your cock, Brandon.” Jude let his hands skim along the waistband of Brandon’s jeans and he jumped.

“Stop saying that! You’re drunk, Jude,” Brandon argued as he tried to push Jude’s hands away. Jude slapped Brandon’s hand and shook his head.

“I’m not that drunk and I’d want to if I was completely sober.” Jude let his eyes pour into Brandon’s, letting him see how much he wanted him as his hand cupped the bulge in Brandon’s jeans. Jude groaned as he curved his hand around Brandon’s erection and let it slide. Jude knew that he was well endowed but Brandon was larger and damp heat caused the fabric to cling to him. Brandon froze and his eyes searched Jude’s frantically.

“Why?” Brandon asked hoarsely. Jude shook his head again as he backed Brandon toward the sofa.

“It doesn’t matter. You need this. Let me do this for you,” Jude said softly as he started flicking the buttons of Brandon’s jeans open. Brandon’s chest started to rise and fall rapidly and his hands clenched at his sides. Jude slid his hand into the front of Brandon’s boxer briefs and he almost wept when it closed around Brandon’s cock. It was so hot and perfect and the end was covered in slick pre-cum. Brandon gasped and started to shake. Jude wrapped his free hand around Brandon’s head and forced him to look into his eyes. “This doesn’t have to mean anything, Brandon. Just relax and let me give you this,” Jude said as he started to stroke. Brandon hissed then whimpered as he grabbed Jude’s shoulders.

“Why?” He groaned as Jude released his face and pushed Brandon’s jeans over his hips. Once he was in position, Jude let go of Brandon’s rigid length and pushed him back so he fell onto the sofa. Jude made a shushing sound as he lowered to his knees between Brandon’s legs.

“I want to do this for you. Stop asking why and let me,” Jude commanded as he let his hands slide up Brandon’s thighs. Brandon’s head fell back and all the air left his body in a long, slow sigh.

“We shouldn’t do this,” he said weakly.

Jude leaned forward and inhaled, letting the smell of Brandon’s body fill him. He smelled like soap and need and it drove Jude wild. He was beyond caring about anything else but the feel of Brandon’s thighs beneath his hands and the large, glistening, straining cock that was teasing his lips. Jude pressed his tongue to the base of Brandon’s erection and let it glide slowly toward the tip. Brandon gasped and his hips tried to buck off the sofa but Jude held him down. His tongue swept over the head and the slippery sweetness of Brandon’s pre-cum coated Jude’s tongue and he moaned in delight as he started licking up and down the shaft greedily. Brandon’s cock tasted like soap, a hint of salty skin and something divine that made Jude ravenous. Brandon’s breath hissed through his teeth and he clenched his jaw to stifle a shriek as Jude rose on his knees and closed his lips around the head of Brandon’s cock.

“Jesus, Jude!” He whimpered.

Jude moaned in agreement as he took Brandon’s thick length as deep as he could. He relaxed his throat and let the head rub against the back and caressed the shaft by sliding his tongue around it as he swallowed. Brandon panted and his legs shifted and stretched restlessly. Jude tightened his lips around Brandon’s cock and raised his head slowly causing Brandon to arch against the sofa. Just as Brandon’s cock was about to slip out of Jude’s mouth, he let his tongue swirl around the head before taking Brandon deep into his throat again. Jude repeated the motion, steadily increasing the pace until his head was bouncing over Brandon’s groin. Brandon moaned deliriously and Jude started to tug gently at Brandon’s saliva soaked balls as he sucked hungrily.

Brandon gripped the cushions of the sofa desperately and his chanting of Jude’s name became frantic. Jude knew Brandon was close. Part of him wanted to draw it out, so he could keep Brandon in his hands and mouth, so he could keep tasting his beautiful cock while he listened to his name pour from Brandon’s lips. The rest of Jude was desperate to taste Brandon’s come. Jude wanted to drink him in and make Brandon a part of him forever. He didn’t know what would happen after Brandon got off, after the night was over and the next day was upon them but Jude knew he had to make this moment count and he had to take all he could. Jude started to suck harder and used his hand to stroke Brandon firmly in time with the rise and fall of his head. Brandon was incoherent and babbling as he writhed and bucked on the sofa above Jude.

“Oh, my God!” Brandon gasped as his head thrashed against the back of the sofa. “It feels… I’ve never felt like this,” he moaned as he clutched at Jude’s shoulders. “It’s too much, I can’t take it!” Brandon clenched his jaw as his body arched. Jude knew that Brandon was trying to fight his release, that it was overwhelming him. He didn’t stand a chance. Jude sucked hard as he raised his head and looked up at Brandon. He trapped Brandon’s eyes as his lips clung to the head of Brandon’s cock.

“You’re about to come, Brandon,” Jude murmured against the tender, silk smooth skin and Brandon sobbed as Jude stroked the shaft firmly while squeezing Brandon’s sack. “I want you to fill my mouth with your come, I want to taste you,” Jude commanded before his lips closed around the head and he took Brandon deep in his throat again, sucking ruthlessly. Brandon swore breathlessly and his hands closed around Jude’s head.

“Christ, Juuuuude!” Brandon moaned. “Your mouth, it’s so good! I can’t… Oh, God, I’m…” Then, Brandon gasped and twisted before his body froze.

Jude felt Brandon’s balls pull tight and his cock contract before it started to pulse. Brandon screamed like a wounded animal as come burst from the end of his cock, deep into Jude’s throat. Jude’s eyes flared as stream after stream of Brandon’s come flooded his mouth. He swallowed quickly, not wanting to lose one drop of Brandon. He tasted salty and crisp with a slight sweetness. Jude hummed rapturously as he gently sucked and lapped at Brandon’s cock, seeking the last traces of Brandon’s come before he had to release him. Brandon moaned softly, drunkenly as his hands stroked Jude’s face and sifted through his hair. Jude knew that Brandon wasn’t aware but for Jude, it was the most beautiful moment of his life. Briefly, he let himself pretend they were lovers and Brandon was caressing him affectionately, loving him back.

When Jude finally pulled his lips from Brandon and looked up, Brandon’s eyes were shut and a relaxed, goofy smile curved his lips. Warmth spilled through Jude’s chest. He couldn’t remember the last time Brandon looked so happy. No matter what happened, he would never regret giving Brandon so much pleasure. But he knew that Brandon would start overthinking and that the bliss of the moment would be shattered if they talked, so Jude quickly buttoned Brandon’s jeans and pulled him to his feet.

“Up to bed with you,” Jude ordered as he guided Brandon to the door. Brandon nodded jerkily as he leaned against Jude.

Once they were in the hall, Jude pushed Brandon toward the stairs and followed him up, a hand pressed against his lower back to keep him moving steadily. When they reached Brandon’s room, Jude opened the door and looked around. Jude sat Brandon on his bed and tugged his shoes off. Jude pushed against Brandon’s chest and he fell back onto the pillows with a contented sigh. Jude felt more heat burst within his chest and tried not to imagine being in Brandon’s room, settling into bed with him every night as he swung Brandon’s feet onto the bed and Brandon gave up trying to keep his eyes open.

“I saw stars, Jude,” Brandon mumbled softly as he rubbed his face against his pillow. Jude smiled and his body became light as he brushed the hair from Brandon’s brow. Jude had never felt so much joy and peace as he did in that moment. He’d give anything to be able to make Brandon look that happy and relieved every night. Not wanting to break the spell, Jude silently backed away from the bed and out of the bedroom, shutting the door carefully behind him. In the hall, he said a silent prayer. Jude knew that he would never regret what he’d done, he just hoped that Brandon wouldn’t either.