Pulled (27 page)

So I forced myself to leave.

My heart died as I walked away. My blood felt
stagnant, soured, poisoned, no longer filled with life. I was
numb. The only feeling left was the distant tug calling me
back to him.

Blindly, I walked the streets, having no idea
where I was going. I found myself in a shopping center
and called a cab to take me to the airport. I boarded a
flight back to L.A., staring straight ahead, as it took me
away from my home, from my love, from my life. Only
now, my life was over.

We landed in L.A. and I eventually found myself
in a lounge, sitting alone at the bar and sipping on a soda
that burned as it traveled down my dry throat. It was the
only thing open, and nobody seemed to care that I
shouldn’t be there. I was so tired. All I wanted was to find a
place where I could fall asleep and never wake up.

I felt movement beside me as a stool slid back,
its legs creaking against the floor. I continued to stare into
my drink. Words were exchanged, but I was unable to care
enough to listen. A shoulder nudged me, partially pulling
me from my daze.

“Having a bad night?”

I looked up to see a man grinning from the seat
beside me. He was older than I was by probably twenty
years. His black hair was meticulously combed against
his head, his cold, almost black eyes curious as they took
in my expression. I grimaced, giving him no response
before turning away.

“You’re awfully pretty to be sitting here all alone.”
I cringed. I knew I was—pretty. Daniel used to tell
me all the time, and it was sweet, and it had made me feel
good. But something about the way this guy said it made
me feel dirty.

“What are you drinking there?”

Couldn’t he see I didn’t want to talk to anyone?

“Um, a soda.”

He chuckled beside me before calling to the
bartender. “Can you bring us another of these?” He lifted
his glass in the air, the ice clinking against the sides. The
woman set the short glass down in front me, the dark
liquid suddenly very appealing. I’d never drank liquor
before, but I figured this was a really good time to start. I
brought the glass to my lips, tipping it into my mouth and
taking in more than anticipated. I choked against the
terrible taste, my gag reflex kicking in as I tried to swallow.

I finally forced it down, chasing it with some of my soda.

Again, I heard the chuckle beside me. He was
entertained.

I refused to acknowledge him as I brought the
glass to my lips again, this time carefully, and I sipped a
small amount. It tasted awful, but I found comfort in the
way it warmed my body. I knew it was wrong to drink
alcohol to feel better. I just couldn’t make myself care. I
finished the first glass before he handed me another.

“That’s a good girl,” he whispered against my ear.

My skin prickled against his breath on my face,
warning me, telling me something wasn’t right, but the
mixture of alcohol and despair clouded my judgment.

I glanced at him. His left elbow was propped on
the bar, and his head rested in his hand as he watched
me. His face was hard and curious.

“So where are you headed?” He squinted as he
waited for my answer, bringing his glass to his lips once
again.

I shrugged. I had nowhere to go.

He laughed under his breath as he took my chin
and drew me closer to him. As he looked over my face, it
felt as though he was inspecting me.

“You have nowhere to go?” he asked, his tone
harsh, doubtful. I shook my head. He snorted through his
nose, his chest shaking, no sound coming from his
mouth.

“How old are you?”

“Eighteen.” It was only a whisper.

His eyes narrowed, and he looked me over
again. He stood and put out his hand. “Come.” It wasn’t a
request. It was a demand. I don’t know why, but I obeyed. I
felt nauseous as I touched him, my body repulsed by his.

Yet I followed him out of the airport and into a cab,
knowing I was giving away the only part of me I had left.

But the alcohol in my system argued I had nowhere to go,
no one to turn to. It insisted I couldn’t go back to my
mother. She would laugh in my face and tell me she’d
been right all along. Daniel didn’t want me. So I convinced
myself I had no other choice. I sat in the back of the cab
as he ran his fingers up and down my arm, the touch
eliciting chills, revulsion crawling through my veins.

“Are you excited?”

My dead heart quickened at his words, and I felt
scared and ashamed. Never in a million years would I
have dreamt I’d ever give myself away like this.

The trip to the nearest hotel was short. In silence,
I followed as he led me into the hotel, and I let the
numbness take over while he arranged for a room and led
me to the elevator.

I tried not to feel as he explored my body,
declaring it as his. His hands were rough and hard, never
gentle. I’d never been touched this way. Daniel had always
worshipped, adored, but this was something I didn’t
understand. It made me ill. I lay frozen under him as I tried
to seek comfort in my mind, tried to retreat to another time
and place, but I couldn’t block him out completely. Tears
streamed down my face, and I prayed for it to end.

When he finally rolled away from me, I felt the
vomit fill my mouth. I was weeping before I made it to the
bathroom. Slamming the door behind me, I spilled the
contents of my stomach into the toilet. The alcohol burned
as it made its second pass through my throat. I curled into
a ball on the cold floor, my leg hurting worse than it ever
had. I welcomed the pain. I deserved the punishment for
what I’d done.

My soul called out for Daniel, begging him to
comfort me, to take it all away. I prayed he’d know, no
matter what I’d done or what I subjected myself to, that he
would always be my only love.

I braced myself on the toilet and pulled myself
up, reaching for a towel to clean my face, hoping it would
wipe away some of the shame. I stared at my reflection in
the mirror, my dead eyes haunting me. I allowed myself to
shed one last tear for the girl I once knew before accepting
what I’d now become. I braced myself and stepped into the
room, clinging to the towel wrapped under my arms, and
stared at the stranger as he aimlessly flipped through
channels. He glanced at me, his attention still on the TV

as he said, “You’ll do.”

I flew back to Dallas the next day. Nicholas
Borelli sat next to me in the first class section, his posture
relaxed as he read the paper.

He had just finished giving me, well, instructions.

He told me of the
job
he was essentially employing me to
do. That was the deal. I would play the happy little wife and
attend to all of his needs. In return, he would give me an
escape. I could leave everything behind and not have the
constant reminder of the life I once had.

Of course, I knew I’d always carry Daniel with me.

I could never escape him. I felt it as Nicholas and I
touched down in Dallas. I felt it when we went to city hall
and signed papers that made us husband and wife. I felt it
when we went to Mom’s and I sat and I lied and told her I’d
fallen in love. The words were so foul, my mouth bled. I felt
it as I tore through my room, trying to rid myself of every
reminder of Daniel and Eva I could find. And I felt it three
days later when I boarded the plane to serve my sentence
in Hell.

“You didn’t want me!” I cried over and over.

Daniel’s rejection was fresh as the scars ripped open.

I wanted him so badly. I’d almost given in and become that person I refused to be. I didn’t know how I had ripped myself from his arms. I had to be strong. I had to be strong. And the only way to do that was to stay away from Daniel Montgomery.

Once again, I stood helplessly and watched her drive away. Would this torment never end?

I knew I’d pushed her too far. We needed to talk first, get everything out, and I’d given in and al owed my desire for her to drive me. I’d began to whisper in her ear, to calm her, to tel her we needed to talk, halting when I sensed her mouth moving soundlessly against my cheek.

Her words were distinct and utterly untrue. “You didn’t want me.”

I shook my head, perplexed. There wasn’t a moment in my life when I didn’t desire her, crave her. How could she have ever believed I didn’t want her?

This couldn’t be happening. I wouldn’t let her walk out of my life again without knowing the truth.

I turned on my heel, yanked the door wide, and rushed through the lobby.

“Was that who I think it was?” Dad stood at the end of the hal way, panting. He leaned one hand against the wal for support, the other clutching the front of his jacket.

Apparently, he had heard the ordeal and came running. I nodded, unwil ing to take the time to explain the situation to him. I had to get to her.

I rushed into my office, grabbing my keys from the desk. Frantical y, I searched for my wal et, strewing papers across the floor as I pushed them out of the way.

Dad appeared in the doorway, his eyes troubled as he surveyed my office, trying to put the pieces together.

“Daniel, what the hel is going on? How did she find you? “

“She’s married to Nicholas Borel i,” I mumbled as I continued rummaging through my desk.

He stared blankly; the name meant nothing to him.

“Borel i & Preston.” I raised my eyebrows at him while I continued to sift through the items on my desk.

His body stiffened, his eyes wide and disturbed.

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath, looking around anxiously. “What happened? What did she say?”

“Not a whole lot was said.” I wasn’t about to go into detail about what did happen. “She just kept saying that I didn’t want her. I can’t fathom what would ever make her believe that. I have to find her and make some sense of this craziness.” I spied the black leather lying beside my chair on the floor. I whipped it up and shoved it into my back pocket, grabbed my jacket, and started for the door.

Dad stepped in front of me, blocking my way.

“Whoa. You need to take a step back, son. You’re agitated and irrational. It’s quite obvious she was upset and wanted you to give her some space, so that’s what you need to do.” His hand was firm against my chest, but his face was compassionate.

“The last time I gave her space, I didn’t see her for nine fucking years, and there’s not a chance in hel I’m going to let that happen again.” This time I was going to fight for her, and I was going to win.

“I understand that, Daniel. I’m not saying to stay away from her forever, but you need to give her some time to calm down.”

I ran my hands through my hair and took a step back, trying to let go of some of the tension coursing through my body. He was right. I needed to think this through before I scared her away forever.

“I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now.

I’ve watched you suffer more in the last nine years than any one person should ever have to. But you need to realize the seriousness of this situation. I know you love her...” He hesitated, waiting for me to look him in the eye. “But have you even considered the fact that she’s married? I’ve always hoped and prayed she’d come back to you, but breaking up a marriage.” He winced as he said the last words, probably thinking his words would cut me, but where they should bring me guilt, I felt none. He hadn’t seen her with
him.