Pulled (24 page)

I heard movement upstairs and braced myself.

Things with Nicholas had been interesting.

I’d never gone back to his room after that night. I made the guest room my own and refused to al ow myself to be used in that way again. I knew he had no qualms about getting what he wanted elsewhere. When I first came to Chicago, I’d made an effort to do the normal things I thought a wife should do; thinking if I had a role to play, then I should play it wel . I’d packed the chicken salad and the bread I’d baked, and headed to Nicholas’s office. I’d opened his office door to find a naked woman in his lap, his pants pooled around his feet. He’d acknowledged me by tel ing me to, “Close the fucking door.” He’d come home that night and never said one thing about it or acted any different. I’d felt nothing but relief in finding them, hoping it meant he would come to me less often. I learned quickly it didn’t.

But that didn’t matter now. I promised myself that night three weeks ago I’d never let him touch me again.

I heard footsteps on the stairs as I poured my first cup of coffee, ignoring Nicholas when he came in the room.

The air surrounding us was tense. We’d said very few words to each other since that night. He’d crossed a line when he hit me, and he knew it. Never would I let things go back to the way were, even though I sensed he expected it to. I could feel his anger simmering, always on the verge of exploding.

I knew it was just a matter of time.

“Melanie.” I looked up in shock, surprised he’d spoken to me. “Shane is coming by to pick up these papers. He’l be here in about a half an hour. I was supposed to take them, but I’m running late for a meeting.” He flopped a large, legal-sized, manila envelope down on the counter.

I nodded but otherwise continued to ignore him shuffling around the kitchen as he gathered his things. Only when I heard his car pul out of the garage did I begin to relax. Curious, I reached over and grabbed the envelope, nearly dropping it when I saw what was written across it.

“Montgomery Oncology.” Daniel. These papers were for Daniel.

My palms became sweaty as I contemplated.

It was true I’d driven by his office every day for the last three weeks, but I’d never stepped foot inside. Could I bear to be that close to him? To maybe catch sight of his wavy hair as he walked down the hal way, hesitation in his step when he felt me? To possibly see his eyes fil ed with their love for me even if it were only for a second?

I dialed Shane’s number before I al owed myself to think of the consequences. Shane dithered over the idea but ultimately conceded and promised he would tel Nicholas he had dropped them off himself.

“Just a glimpse, Melanie,” I promised myself as I ascended the stairs. I stil hadn’t moved al of my things out, resigning myself to showering and dressing after Nicholas had gone.

I rushed through my shower. Trying to relax would be futile. My stomach was in knots, protesting against the anticipation igniting a path through my veins. I dried quickly, slipping into my robe and wrapping a towel around my head.

“Humph.” I hesitated when I walked into the closet.

I settled on a white-col ared blouse with the sleeves rol ed up and a black skirt that barely passed as business casual.

It was snug at the hips and tapered out to flow loosely down my thighs, coming to rest right above my knees. I slipped into some black round-toed pumps and stood in front of my mirror. It was conservative but cute, and it would just have to do as not a single emotion swirling through me even came close to resembling one of confidence.

I walked down the stairs, tension building with each step. My body knew each one brought me closer to him.

I took the now very familiar path to his office, my fingers kneading the steering wheel as I tried to give myself reassurance for the reason I was doing this. Was I trying to torture or comfort myself?

It was blatantly clear that seeing him this one time would never be enough or fulfil my need for him. Every time I felt him near, I only wanted more. Right now, though, I was wil ing to fool myself into believing anything.

The first wave of energy hit me as I turned onto his street, the pul seeking me out and drawing me near. He was here. My foot pressed down on the accelerator, my body instinctively traveling faster. When I reached the front of his building, I pul ed into the first space I could find, and I gave myself a minute to compose myself. How was I going to walk in there as if this was nothing and I was simply handing the receptionist a pack of papers?

“Come on, Melanie. You can do this.” I breathed in as I coaxed my nerves to settle.

I just needed to get in there and get out. I would take with me a visual, a picture of where he spent his days so I could place him there in my mind as I thought of him each day.

Gathering my last bit of courage, I stepped out, something I’d tried once, the day after first seeing him, but my feet had been unable to carry me. I had never tried again. This time I pressed forward, my steps loud in my ears as I crossed the street. Daniel’s presence was a dul buzz in the back of my head, growing each second, becoming a steady throb. I inhaled and closed my eyes, swinging the door open. I was overwhelmed by the energy in the room. There was no oxygen to breathe, only Daniel, the one who supplied life to my lungs.

I stumbled as I entered the room, and I struggled to maintain some sort of composure. The room was silent except for the clinking of a keyboard and the pounding in my head.

Tentatively, I walked forward. The woman behind the desk halted her strokes to look up and smile at me.

“May I help you, dear?” I braced myself on the counter. It was difficult to make my mouth work. My jaw locked in restraint against every part of me that demanded I seek Daniel out, but I control ed myself and handed the woman the envelope. “Um, yes. I have a delivery for Dr.

Montgomery from Borel i & Preston Contractors.” Okay. Job done. Now it was time to run. I couldn’t handle being here. He was just too close. I had promised myself weeks ago I would keep my distance and al ow us to love each other through that space, and it was clear now I’d crossed that line.

I whispered, “Thank you.” Before I could turn to leave, she pushed the envelope back to me.

“Dr. Montgomery asked that I ensure he was able to speak with the person who delivered this, if you don’t mind?” Her eyes were kind.

I gulped down the nonexistent air in the room. I knew I should run, escape, but secretly I’d been hoping this would happen—to see him, talk to him. Just once. He’d never told me goodbye, and somewhere inside me, I wanted that resolution. I wanted him just to say it, to end the confusion I felt. But was I real y ready for that rejection? To hear him say I wasn’t enough? And what would it change anyway? My soul would always belong to him just as his belonged to me, no matter what words he said.

The longing to see him ultimately won. I nodded and took the envelope back in my hands.

She pressed a button on her headset and spoke into it. “Dr. Montgomery, your delivery from Borel i & Preston is here.”

She bobbed her before saying, “Yes, doctor.”

“He’l see you now.” She stood and started around her desk as the front door opened and somebody came through. She had a look of apology on her face. “He’s the first door on the right. Can you find it okay?”

“Sure,” I muttered mostly to myself as she turned to help the person who had come in. I stared down the hal way. Both fear and longing consumed me. I wil ed myself to walk, but every footstep was heavy, dragging with what I feared I would soon be regret. I stal ed outside his door, and my heart listened to his. I could feel it pounding, drawing me forward.

I didn’t even knock. I turned the knob and pushed the door open, my feet locked in place when I saw him.

Daniel. I blinked several times as I took him in. He was leaning over, bracing himself with his palms flat on his desk. He must have realized that it was me just before I opened the door. He had his head cocked up, his hazel eyes wide.

I couldn’t move. I felt as if I was caught in time and the second hand was unable to tick on.

He final y rose, cautious and slow. His eyes were fierce and desperate, a fire that I’d never seen before burned behind them. They drew me in. My feet moved of their own accord, and my arm dropped from the door.

Silently, it closed behind me. Everything in the room was stil , except for the energy crackling between us.

“Melanie,” he cal ed to me, a whisper directly to my heart, pumping it with life. I was mesmerized as he wet his dry lips. He held his shoulders rigid. His brow was heavy with tension, his chest trembling with his staggered breaths. I felt him; felt his longing, desire, hunger. And I knew he could feel mine. My body quivered under his intense stare, muscles twitching in anticipation. My knees went weak when I saw him snap, undecided no longer.

I could barely register the movement before he rounded his desk and his lips crashed against mine. His hands sank into my hair, pul ing my body roughly against his.

It felt as if my body had burst into flames with his sudden touch. Everything about him was overpowering, consuming, dominating. My body sang with joy at the connection. It was rough yet gentle at the same time.

I pressed into him, my chest against his, and I could feel our hearts beating in rhythm. Digging my fingers into his neck, I struggled to get closer. We were desperate as we clung to each other. We needed to feel, to chase away the scars engraved on our hearts, to erase some of the hurt. His hands rushed with need, twisting through my curls. They moved down my back and then up to my hair again. His lips pressed into mine, ice and fire and sweet—

al Daniel. I breathed him in, memorizing the way he smel ed, his scent heady with need.

My fingers traveled to his hair. I curled the ends around my fingers, and a shiver traveled up his spine.

His head tilted, and my lip tingled as he ran his tongue across it. My mouth opened to his, drawing him in.

There was no teasing or testing. His mouth was aggressive against mine, sucking in my bottom lip as he bit at it.

Rough. Hard. Perfect. I felt myself being pushed back into the door, his body flush with mine as he moved against me.

I moaned into his mouth. Oh, how I had missed this body.

I felt every inch of him as he pressed into me. I ran my hands over his shoulders and down his arms, his muscles firm under my touch. His mouth attacked mine, frantic in his kiss. His lips were incessant, his tongue hot and wet.

He fisted one hand in my hair, pul ing it tight, exposing my neck to him. His movements slowed as he licked down my sensitive skin, seeking out the spot behind my ear he knew would ruin me. He sucked, tugging with his lips, lingering at the delicate hol ow below my jaw. I drew in a ragged breath, and my emotions caught up with me. He remembered.

He kissed his way back up, finding my mouth again. His hand massaged the back of my neck, the skin afire with his touch. The other trailed down my side, his fingertips digging into my ribs as he went, igniting an ache deep within me.

I gasped when he roughly grabbed the back of my knee, hooking my leg over his hip, grinding into me. His hand traveled up the exposed flesh of my thigh, his thumb rubbing circles; coaxing me, persuading me, demanding a reaction. I pushed back into him, my body deprived of his for far too long.

“Melanie, my love,” he whispered, the words vibrating against my lips.

“Daniel,” I rasped into his mouth.

He pul ed back, his eyes hooded and flaming in their intensity as they sought mine. I couldn’t look away as I peered deep into his soul. His love was never ending but shrouded in vast regret, grief imprinted on his heart. He ran his nose along my cheek, murmuring in my ear, this time the words dripping in sadness. “Only you.” Those words resonated in the air, and as much as I knew he wanted to convince himself that they were true, they weren’t.

The weight of what I was doing crushed me.

Thoughts of his wife and child lay heavy on my heart, and I remembered how we had gotten here in the first place. He hadn’t chosen
me.
He didn’t want
me!

My hands trembled, and I shook my head. I tried to keep my thoughts from pouring out, but I couldn’t. The feelings of complete rejection I’d swal owed down and harbored for al these years came bubbling to the surface and spil ed over, mixing with the tears running down my face.

“You didn’t want me.” My words were barely audible, but I knew he heard them. I pul ed back, desperate to remove myself from the spel he had me under. He jerked his head back, meeting my gaze, his eyes clouded with confusion.

I pushed against his chest with my hands. “You didn’t want me!” It was hard to speak. The words stuck in my throat and came up between sobs. “You have her!” He had chosen a different life, and he couldn’t take it back.

“What?” His hand released my thigh, and he stepped back. “Melanie, please don’t say that! I’ve always wanted you. Only you.”

I squeezed my eyes, shaking my head, desperate to remove myself. I had to get away. I had promised myself I would never become this person, someone who would steal away the same thing that had been taken from me.

Daniel had a family. As much as I would always love him, that had to come before my need for him. I turned to flee, unable to be in his presence a second longer.

If I stayed, I’d only take more of what wasn’t mine.

I flung the door open. Daniel tried to grab my arm and pul me back. “Please, Melanie! Please, don’t leave,” he begged. I refused to look back. I hit the hal way, pushing myself forward and forcing myself away.

He was right behind me, pleading. “Please, Melanie. Don’t go.” I shook his hand from my arm when he reached for me again. My heels were slick against the tile floor as I raced through the lobby. In my periphery, I was aware of his secretary jumping to her feet, her face stunned as she watched the scene unfold in front of her. The tears came harder when I realized what I’d just put Daniel through here in his office. I couldn’t even remain professional for five minutes! My steps didn’t falter as I flung the glass door wide open, never slowing when I darted across the street.