Pulled (29 page)

She’d blamed me after all.

I couldn’t remember getting back to the airport,
but somehow I found myself standing at the ticket counter,
handing the woman my credit card. Her lips moved, but I
heard nothing she said.

I didn’t feel the plane take off or land, only being
jostled into action by the man next to me, gathering his
things to depart.

My parents had called relentlessly over the last
twenty-four hours. My phone constantly beeped, urging
me to answer. I couldn’t deal with them right now. That
meant acknowledging my Melanie was gone, and I was
not ready to do that yet.

I drove home, dazed, but all too soon the
emotions welled up within me, ready to burst.

“You have to get home before you lose it,
Daniel.” I could make it. I just had to get home. Our home.

As I pulled into the driveway and stumbled out of
my car, the first wave of grief overtook me. The tears
flowed freely and a bitter laugh escaped my lips as I
thought of her telling me this was the only home she’d
ever know.

I grabbed the picture of us at my graduation from
the shelf and threw it against the wall, shattered glass
falling to the floor. “You fucking whore!” I screamed at her
as my rage boiled over. As soon as the words left my
mouth I regretted them, I knew they were a lie. I could
never blame her. She was perfect.

And yet, she wasn’t.

I just didn’t understand how she could do this. I
knew she loved me. I had always felt it and never
questioned it. I tried to hold onto that knowledge; It was the
only thing I’d ever have.

I picked up the broken frame and looked at my
girl, her beautiful face filled with so much joy. I’d taken that
all away from her.

I hadn’t slept the last two days, and I collapsed
onto my bed. I pulled my pillow into me, seeking some
form of comfort and imagining it was Melanie holding me.

In the other room, my phone alternated between
buzzing and ringing, but I couldn’t bring myself to get out
of bed to answer it. The pain was too great.

I tried to will myself to die, to just fall asleep, and
to never wake. Instead, I would drift off to a sleep filled with
nightmares that should have destroyed me, waking to a
reality I prayed would finally end me.

Had it been minutes or days? I couldn’t tell.

“What?” I mumbled to myself, lifting my head
when the front door clicked. “Shit.” I hadn’t locked the front
door when I had come home. I couldn’t deal with anyone
right now. My parents would be worried, but I couldn’t face
them.

My bedroom door opened, and Stephanie
peeked through the crack, allowing a stream of light into
the room.

“Daniel?” she called.

Damn it. Stephanie.

We were supposed to hang out a couple of days
ago, and I had forgotten to let her know I was going to
Dallas.

“Steph, just go. I can’t talk right now.”
She hesitated.

“Please!” I croaked, my voice rough from crying.

I should have known Stephanie would never
leave. She pushed the door open and climbed onto the
bed. I turned away from her, but she was insistent,
reaching out to rub my back.

“Daniel, you know I’m here for you. What’s going
on? I mean, I’ve been worried sick about you. I left you at
least ten messages.”

I couldn’t answer her questions. She ran her
fingers through my hair.

I wasn’t facing her, but I’m sure she could feel my
body tremble as I tried to hide that I was crying.

“Daniel, look at me.”

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to allow her to see me like
this or not, but I gave in, turning around to face her.

“Oh, Daniel, what happened? You look awful.”

“Melanie left me.” I said it and it hurt.

She looked at me for a few seconds, still running
her hand through my hair. I thought she was going to say
something else, but she leaned forward and kissed me
instead.

I tried to pull away, but she pressed herself
closer and whispered, “Please, let me make you feel
better,” as her lips moved against mine.

Part of me wanted to push her off, but another
part just wanted to feel anything other than the ache.

Maybe if I gave in, it would mask it even if it was only for a
few minutes. So I kissed her back, hard.

Everything came pouring out of me, and I gave it
to her as if she could somehow take some of the burden
from me. Tears began to spill from my eyes as I held her
body roughly against mine, pressing myself into her. I tore
her shirt over her head, not caring what was underneath.

Her hands felt wrong against my skin as she ran
them up under my shirt, removing it. But I let her anyway.

“Please, just for one minute, let me forget.” I
spoke to myself, trying to will it all away, unaware I’d said
the words aloud.

“Yes, Daniel, forget,” she pleaded with me as she
removed the last barrier between us. I slammed into her,
praying it would fill some of the void I felt inside.

It only grew.

“Why am I doing this?” I shook my head against
the crook of her neck, trying to will the guilt away. All I
could see was Melanie’s face.

My heart cried out for her,

“Melanie...Melanie...Melanie,” longing for the only thing
that could make it complete.

“I’m not Melanie,” she said, her voice bringing
me back. “It’s Stephanie.” She reached out and touched
my face. “Let her go. Don’t you see it? Now we can finally
be together.”

Was she insane? Roughly, I pushed her away.

What had I done?
I quickly gathered her clothes and
tossed them at her. I had to be clear.

“Stephanie, I will never love anyone but Melanie.

I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.” I shook my
head at the mistake I’d just made, digging through the pile
of clothes on the floor to find my underwear.

“No!” She shook her head, vehement. “I can feel
it, Daniel. This all happened for a reason. It was the only
way for us to find each other.”

I felt sick. I had trusted her and thought she
cared about me as a friend, but it was now clear. How
could I be so blind? For the first time in my life, I wanted to
hit a girl.

Fear consumed me during the drive to Melanie’s house. Every doubt I’d ever had about myself came to the surface, tel ing me I wasn’t good enough, reminding me of what I’d done. I tried to shove it down, to stamp it out, and to al ow only the assurance of Erin’s revelation and the promise of the pul from within her house to guide me. Yet my stomach was stil in my throat. I gathered al of my courage, bracing myself against the possibility that Melanie could, once again, reject me. But I was through living with the questions; it was time to get answers. I would deal with the consequences later.

My palms were sweaty from gripping the steering wheel. I’d been sitting outside her house for more than twenty-five minutes. I swal owed hard, wiping my hands against my jeans. I opened the car door, and her presence intensified. My feet no longer felt heavy and quickened in anticipation. This was it. I bounded up to her porch, standing in front of her door. Another wave of uncertainty washed over me, leaving me unsure of myself again. I felt like I would go crazy with the constant surge of emotions, each one pushing me forward or dragging me back.

I lifted my hand and hesitated before rapping against the wooden door. The bel somehow felt too formal.

Why I even bothered, I didn’t know. Melanie would have already known I was near.

I ran my hands incessantly through my hair as I waited for her, dread creeping through my veins. The house remained completely stil . I banged against the door, this time louder. “I’m not leaving until you talk to me, Melanie.” I leaned my forehead against the door and pounded my palm against it. Her presence was so strong, I felt as if I could touch her. I realized then she was leaning against the other side, the door our only barrier.

“Please, Melanie,” I whispered against the wood, my heart begging her. There was a shift in the air and the sound of metal sliding. The door cracked open, but only a lock of her brown hair was visible.

“You shouldn’t be here, Daniel.” As much as she wanted me to be believe what she said, I knew she was lying. The pul was overwhelming, and even if I’d wanted to, I could never have walked away.

I pushed against the door, nudging it open a little more. “We have to talk, Melanie, and I’m not leaving until we do.”

I felt her give in, and the door swung wide open. I tried to gather myself as I stepped forward.

I stood in a massive living room, the furniture pristine, unused, and completely uninviting. I cringed, thinking of Melanie living in this place. There was no hint of her in it whatsoever. The house was devoid of any warmth.

Slowly, I turned back to her, mental y preparing myself. My breath hitched, a lump forming in my throat when we came face-to-face. She was so beautiful that I couldn’t think straight. She appeared to be in her pajamas, pink sweats resting low on her waist and a pink tank top. Her creamy shoulders were exposed, accentuating her brown curls resting against them.

But I only al owed myself to focus on her face. Her expression was so sad and guarded, her emerald eyes glistening as she fought to hold back her tears.

It was hard to breathe with the weight on my chest.

Everything rode on this one moment.

“Melanie.” How did I even start? The pul to hold her was so intense it made it difficult to form words, but I fought it. We had to talk.

She stood feet from me and waited, her breathing even, though she couldn’t hide the tremors rol ing through her body. She looked so scared, so broken, but even that couldn’t mask the love shining in her eyes when she looked at me. I couldn’t help but vocalize my own.

“I love you.”

Her lip quivered, and she sucked it in, her eyes never leaving mine. Tears broke loose, running quickly down her face. “I know.”

I swal owed, and al owed the pain to come. I wouldn’t hold back. She had to know how deeply she’d wounded me.

“What you said in my office the other day…I couldn’t live another day with you believing that I don’t want you. You have to understand, nothing was more devastating than finding out you’d left me.”

The painful memory flashed in my mind.
“She’s
not here.” Peggy looked at me in confusion as if she
thought I should know exactly what she was talking about.

“Melanie got married, Daniel. Didn’t you know?”

“What?” Melanie’s forehead crinkled, her voice suddenly high. “What are you talking about; the day you found out I left you?”

“When I went to Dal as to get you, Melanie. The day your mom ripped my heart out.”

Peggy’s voice fil ed my mind.
“She’s happy,
Daniel. Let her go. Find someone that makes you happy
like she has.”

“I hardly slept or ate for nearly five months. I spent every minute worrying about you, dreaming of you, longing for you. I tried so hard to respect your wishes to stay away and let you heal, but it was too much. I had to come for you.” The words were laced with my disappointed, each one more heated as the anger I’d always ignored was released.

It was never my intention to come here and hurt her more, but it was time we were honest with each other.

“Do you have any idea what that felt like? Finding out that the one person I loved most in this world had left me for someone else, and she never even had the decency to tel me goodbye? Even then, I never stopped loving you, wanting you—ever.”

Melanie’s face twisted in rage.

“How dare you,” she seethed, inching closer, her hands bal ed in tiny fists, “come in here, and lie to me after al this time! If I wasn’t good enough for you, you should have just told me. Even though it would have broken my heart to hear you say it, you know I would have respected it, accepted it.” She was in my face now. “But to find her in
my
house! It was cruel, Daniel.” I could feel her anger dissipate, hurt taking its place. Her hands that had been fisted at her sides now fisted in my shirt.

I stared down at her, my mouth hanging open as I tried to process what she was saying.

“Who?” I stuttered.

“Stephanie!” Melanie screamed.

My hands trembled at the mention of Stephanie’s name.

How the fuck did Melanie know about Stephanie?

I reached out grasping her upper arms, forcing her to look at me.

“Melanie, please.” I was begging, pure and simple. “That meant nothing. I was so broken after you left I...I—”