Princess Ces'alena (65 page)

“M’daddy!” Hope’s head popped up with wide eyes. “Ca’na see’im mommy? Pweas ca’na?” She asked with such an imploring expression, Lena’s heart squeezed. “Oh baby, he is in the big house, the mansion with his father-…”

“M’gra’pa Mo’is?” She asked, shocking Lena. She wasn’t sure where she’d gotten that bit of information. It was nothing she’d ever told her. “Umm, yes and - Ms Katherine.” She added finally.

“M’daddy come see’me?”

“No Hope. He can’t - remember what mommy told you. It could be dangerous for him to see you. He mustn’t ever see you. If he did, mommy could lose you like I did your brother, Michael. Remember?” Lena whispered gently. Hope’s head lowered quietly. “I wan’see m’daddy.” She mumbled. Lena sighed, reaching for the towel. Picking her daughter up out of the tub, they sat on the bed as she dried her and rubbed oils on her skin.

“Mommy…” Hope whispered her name. “I wan’see m’daddy.” She said so quietly, Lena ached within. Tears came to her eyes. “Mommy…I wan-…”

“I know Hope…I know.”

“M’daddy won’luf me?” She asked in her tiny voice.

“Oh my precious baby…yes!” Lena picked her up and hugged her tightly. “Your daddy would love you. He would love you with all his might…as I love you.” Lena felt like crying.

“Ca’na see m’daddy? Pweas?” She tilted her shiny little face back, cupping her mother’s cheeks to look into her eyes. Lena felt a surge of love so powerful, it almost did her in.
‘God - look what he’s given to me. How can I continue to deny him?’
She felt so drained suddenly, he’d been back for only a night, and already her battle within had once again intensified. “I tell you what. Maybe tomorrow, we can sneak a peak at him, alright?”

“Yes mommy!” Hope brightened. “But remember Hope, he must not see you. You cannot say anything to him, just look.”

“I won’ mommy. I g’ gul’.”

“Yes you are a good girl…you certainly are. I love you.” She hugged her close. “Now, let’s get into bed, and mommy will tell you a story.” Lena promised, grabbing the brush and brushing her hair a few strokes when she asked to her surprise. “Y’luf m’daddy mommy?” Lena’s hand froze in mid stroke. Swallowing, she started again, this time slower. “Yes…I love your daddy…and I love your daddy’s little girl.” Hope turned smiling with bright eyes. “Th’s me mommy! I m’daddy’s lil’gul.”

“Yes you are.”

After she’d told Hope a story and she’d fallen asleep, Lena walked out on her porch, leaning against the post to her right at the top of the steps. She couldn’t resist looking up at his balcony in hopes that he would come out. She wanted to see him so badly, she fought down the urge to throw caution to the wind and sneak up to his room. She wanted to hide away there and wait for him. Just to see him. It didn’t matter if he had no desire to see her, she wanted to know with her own eyes that he was there. Her body trembled with the knowledge that he was so close, remembering vividly his touch.

She closed her eyes thinking of their last encounter. Had it not been for Hope crying out, she would have given herself to him. She didn’t care if it would have been out of anger, just as long as she could be filled again with him. Even the scent of him made her dizzy with desire. Her eyes popped open.

‘
Wrong line of thought Lena.’
She told herself. It was too much water under the bridge for them. She’d done too much to hurt him.
‘Even if I did finally tell him about Hope. He would probably hate me all the more. Knowing that I’d lied. Oh what’s the use? It’s over, and that is what I must accept. I have to.’
She gave one last longing look, and turned entering her cabin - latching her door. Just then Manny stepped out on the balcony.

He’d tried to fight it, but he had to come out and see if maybe…just maybe - she might be there for him to see. He just wanted one look at her. To see how she had faired in his absence. To his disappointment, she wasn’t there.

He saw a dim light in her cabin, a shadow crossed over the glow, and then it went out. Just the mere visual ghost of her image sent his heart to hammering. He’d tried to hurry through dinner the best that he could without seeming anxious. He stood there a while letting the humid night fill his senses.

“I’m home Lena…I’m home. If only you - cared…” He turned and re-entered his room.

Thomas stood hidden beside the citrus bushes. He had been there for sometime thinking, sucking on a pipe, slight swirls of smoke drifting up as he digested what had just occurred. First Ceś alena coming onto her porch. He stood secretly watching her. Unable to get himself to approach her anymore that evening. She kept looking up towards the balcony above him…and he hadn’t been certain why. But then as she went inside there came a sound from up above. Carefully he leaned out a bit looking up, to see Manny’s fingers on the edge of the balcony rail as he stood — Thomas imagined — staring at Lena’s cabin.
‘
So that’s what you were looking for. For him.’
A moment later, Manny had mumbled something, it wasn’t clear…but whatever he said, one thing was very discernible. Thomas had heard him say her name.

The next morning Manny came out to go into the fields with Jordan and Leon. It was early morning when he passed Lena’s cabin heading for the barn. He made an earnest effort not to look her way, deliberately slowing his stride when nearing, in hope that she would come out. Lena knowing the way of his routine when he was home; was up extra early, waking Hope as well. They sat at the window hidden behind the curtains as he walked by at a snails pace. He practically stopped directly in front of her cabin, turning around as if looking for someone or something behind.

Mother and daughter stayed back far enough in the shadow so that he couldn’t see them, but they could see him, full and clear in the bright morning sunshine. Lena fell in love with him all over again. Her heart pounding as he stood before her cabin…not an ounce of the love she’d felt for him lessened in the time of his absence…if anything …she loved him more.

Manny stood stalling, at the same time calling himself insane. Feeling ridiculous, he finally strode off. Hope giggled spying on her father, it felt like a game they were playing. “Ooohee mommy…I’li m’daddy.”

“Good. You should like him. Mommy wants you to love him.”

“I’luf’em mommy…I’luf’em.” She nodded her little head to assure her mother. “Good girl, now come along. I have things to do in the mansion.”

“I won’ go momie.”

“You can’t sweetheart, you must stay with Mazie. Everyone is home today, so you must stay with her, alright?” Hope made a pouting face. “Don’t be like that honey. I’ll hurry through the day, and I’ll come and get you as soon as I can. I promise. Now come on, I have to dress you, and put your hair up, and rub the cream on today.”

Two weeks went by with Manny home, and a lot was pressing on him once again to make some hard and fast decisions. For one, Thomas Sandoval was grating on his nerves. The man never let slide an opportunity to make a subtle comment concerning Lena. Calling her full name in such a silky manner, he deliberately gave Manny the impression that they were close, and sometimes hinting, without really saying it…that he’d slept with her. Unbeknown to Thomas, he was courting with death. Twice already Manny witnessed him coming out of her cabin. The first time it was in the afternoon as he was coming in from the fields with Jordan, the two were inseparable.

Jordan hoped that Manny would just bring her up once in conversation, if he did, Jordan would tell him, Thomas was all puff and show, but no action was happening. However, Manny never asked.

The second time he saw him come out had been at night, Manny had come to Jordan’s. They were sitting quietly, when finally he blurted. “I want to rip that strutting bastard limb from limb. I want to beat him with his own arm. I want to snatch those white ruffles from his shirt and choke him with them until his eyes pop from his head. Who the hell does he think he is - strutting about as if he owns the place? Do you like him?”

“He sooo sch-weet.” Jordan added scrunching up his face. Manny laughed, and added, “He so sweet, he can just stir his pinky in his tea. Don’t need no sugar.”

Then there was Katherine.

Who was very determined to share his bed. Several times he’d awakened deep into the night to find her crawling into bed with him. Once or twice, completely naked. The first night attempt, it shocked him so he started to throw her out as she was, without thought to her feelings. Trying his hardest to exercise some type of decorum, he restrained himself while holding her hands away from him.

“Why won’t you make love to me? I’m your wife…I love you.” Very calmly he’d return.

“Katherine, please…don’t do this to yourself, I would think this sort of thing beneath you. You’re a beautiful woman - don’t reduce yourself to begging any man to make love to you.”

“Even?
Even!?
Please - out of my room before this turns into opposite of what you seek.” He warned quietly. The look in his eyes, and the tenseness of him, made her back off of the bed. She picked up her wrap putting it back on and departed, stopping at the door just to let him know. “I won’t give up. I love you… and somehow…you will come to love me.”

He gripped his hairline, if his hair had been long enough, he would have pulled it as he leaned back against the headboard. Again, he wasn’t sure how much he could stand. Leaving was becoming…once again attractive.

Then his mind switched to thoughts of Lena. They had finally run into each other and when their eyes did meet for the first time since his return, he thought his knees would buckle under him. She was even more beautiful than in his dreams. There was a glow about her, a sensual maturity about her movements.

No matter how she pretended, he saw her eyes light up when she saw for the first time again. Both stopped suddenly, not sure what to do since all that had passed between them. Both recovered at the same time, and looking down and away, they carried on without a word. Yet they experienced the racing of their hearts, with such a power, it left them short of breath.

Another time, he had come into the study where she was cleaning and polishing. He stared with such intensity, she trembled. Everything in him wanted to shut the door behind him, and take her again. Aye, like a bloody pirate despite her protests. The thought brought on such an erection he was unable to hide it, she noticed it – noticed him, from knowing him. Right then and there he was seized with a need to do it. Seeing him move toward the study door, she figured his intent and made quick her escape, panicking she squeezed through the door just in an instant space of time.

All Manny had needed to do was grab her, reaching out to do so, he snatched his hand back balling his fist to restrain his need. Only to later on, hear her laughter at something Thomas had said.

He entertained fantasies of choking the man to death, then hiding his body to revisit and torture again. Just the same, they were visions only, nothing that he would actually do because regardless of what Thomas said and did…
he
was the one guilty of marrying a woman he could never love. He was the one guilty of leaving and allowing him the room to move in. Thomas was a burden he was forced to bare.