Princess Ces'alena (51 page)

In the dining room all was a chatter, some laughter, more toasting and Ferrus and Ruby standing by to quickly serve. Manny sat brooding, rolling his wine glass back and forth between his fingers. As much as he didn’t want it to be so, he knew that if Lena would just, come to him…just ask for his forgiveness, he would. As much as he knew he should reject her, he wouldn’t be able to do it. There was no resolve in him to deny her. But she would have to come to him. Every time a servant came from the kitchen with a dish, he hoped it would be her. Half way through the dinner…he knew she would not show herself.
‘Please don’t let me leave here…’
He thought in anguish.
‘Just tell me it was all a mistake. That you want me still…and would never see him again, and I will accept. I will accept all. Please don’t let this night pass…please….I’ll fold…just say the word…’
His thoughts pleading in anguish.

Yet…the dinner went on, and the guests stayed late, and the night passed, but Manny had no choice but to accept the inevitable, it was over. Though the hour was late…once everyone left, he slipped off to Jordan’s where he knew he would find the strength and companionship to go through with his plans; even if it meant them just sitting in silence.

Margaret paced back and forth in her room waiting for all to grow silent within the house. They were leaving bright and early, and she was not going before she got to see Lena one last time. Seeing the woman earlier…did something to her. She had always had a soft heart - and would reach out to any if she thought she could help them. Covertly, she’d watched Manny as well… and she knew that it was his masculine pride that kept him together…but he was struggling with his imminent departure as well. All had put on a fabulous show tonight…including Morris. Over the days before the wedding, he had confided his regrets over losing the child Mikey. She had done her best to console him…telling him what she had her daughter.

“He needs time. Give it to him. That is all you can do. And while he is gone, you can make changes here. It is up to you.”

Finally with everyone quiet in the house, Margaret passed through the upstairs hall and down the servant’s stairs. She closed the kitchen door, hitched up her skirt and crossed the lawn to Lena’s cabin. Light of foot and silent, she went up the steps taking notice that her door was partially open.

She could hear a voice from inside…Lena’s. With her hand to the door…she pushed it wider to see within.

Lena’s voice was raspy from crying. Taking deep breaths to stay calm; she talked to her baby, trying, as it would seem, to comfort herself. Ma’Nicey wanted her to stay with her tonight…but she couldn’t. She wanted to be in her own cabin, surrounded by all the things that spoke of how Manny loved her.

“Everything…is going to be…alright… you’ll see Hope. I won’t have to worry about… hiding you… now that Katherine’s gone away with her mother for a while. We only have to worry about Master Morris…that won’t be hard…he pays no attention to me anyway.”

Hope sat on the bed before her mother playing with Mike’s toys and horses while Lena talked and played along with her. As Lena sat speaking in murmurs to comfort herself, she was completely unaware, because of running in so upset, that she’d neglected to check that her door had latched shut. Now sitting with her back to it, she went on, oblivious to the unwelcome visitor.

“It will be just the two of us now. We’re used to that…aren’t we?” Lena smiled down at her daughter. “Mama’s sorry…you should be sleeping. But - your daddy’s…your daddy’s leaving in the morning…” Lena closed her eyes holding them they her tears would dry, to get control of them.

“Oh Hope…I love him…so much. I don’t want him to go, but I can’t make him stay…not after hurting him the way I did.” She wiped her eyes, and smiled at her daughter despite the tears. “I just have to keep reminding myself… that I have you. You are all that is important now… protecting you.”

She caressed Hope’s soft little cheek. “Even at the cost of your daddy hating me…no one will take you away from me. No one! So you see…he has to leave, and Katherine with him…then you’ll be safe.”

Hope played on, giving a yawn to indicate she was sleepy. “Hope.” Lena called her name to get her attention from the toys. Hope looked up at her mother, wide eyed and smiling with drool running over her lip. Lena chuckled. “You sleepy…you wanna lie down and get some sleep?”

Hope turned, and using her mother for leverage, stood on the bed looking over Lena’s shoulder…something behind had caught her immediate interest.

“What sweety what you see?” Puzzled, Lena turned - and standing right beside her bed, was Margaret; her eyes tearing. Lena sat paralyzed. Shock reverberated through her system making it hard for her to breathe. Hope laughed and held out a hand to Margaret, within it…a toy for her to play with too. In her baby talk, she tried to tell her to take it. Margaret had closed the door quietly behind her when she entered, tiptoeing slow and silent listening to all Lena said.

She couldn’t believe it and was completely awed by what she saw. The amazingly rich decorated cabin, to the most amazing thing of all…the baby Lena gently spoke to. She had gone unnoticed until Lena called the child to attention, and when she looked up and Margaret saw those beautiful eyes, so large and golden, she melted, and then smiled at her.

It had all been a lie.

The supposed betrayal…Lena had destroyed her relationship with Manny to protect her child…his child. Margaret stood a few minutes listening and watching Hope, who had been attentively playing with her toys, her small adorable face drew up in many expressions - concentrating on what she was doing. As she stood there, she’d thought,
‘So this is the child that everyone thinks doesn’t exist? Everyone - white - that is. Manny’s child…his daughter. My God, she’s right across the yard from you…and you don’t even know it. Right under your nose.’

Standing there, she thought about elite society and all of their dictates on what was acceptable and what was not
. ‘How can something so beautiful as this child, possibly come from something unclean or ugly, impossible! She was the beautiful result of their love for each other. She is proof, that their union is right.’
Though she loved her daughter dearly, she honestly felt Lena and Manny belonged together…seeing Hope convinced her of that. Margaret slowly walked around the bed to the other side and sat down next to Hope and Lena.

Lena’s frightened eyes followed her every move; watching as she took the toy Hope offered, kindly, softly thanking her. “Ta precious, ta.”

Hope eagerly included Margaret in her play. Lena’s insides were like jelly, she’d been found out…and of all the people to find out, it had been Katherine’s mother.
‘God help me, what am I to do now? She will surely tell Katherine! I know she will…oh no…God help me…please.’

Margaret read the fright in Lena’s eyes clearly; she knew what she was thinking…it was so apparent. However, she had no intention of doing anything to destroy her life, or the child’s - taking part in separating her from her mother. This women had given up the man she loved, her self-respect and lowered herself in Katherine’s eyes as well as Manny’s to keep her child, and she wasn’t about to give her daughter reason to repeat her stupid error - that might cost her a chance of ever winning Manny’s love.

“She
is
beautiful Lena.” Margaret declared softly. “Don’t be frightened, I came here because you were so upset. I know that it is killing you to see Manny go, when all you need do is tell him of his-…”

“
No!
I cannot…I cannot tell him…oh please…please Ms Margaret don’t tell her about my baby. My Hope is all I have left, she can have Manny! He hates me now…he does! Please don’t tell her-…”

“I promise you…I won’t get in their way, pleas-…” Lena begged and fell forward grabbing Margaret’s hand, holding it to her forehead, crying again.

“Child please…get a hold of yourself and listen to me! I have no intention of telling my daughter anything, and as for Manny hating you…that will never be, despite what he thinks you have done!”

“Yes he does, he told me so!”

“What nonsense, I do not care what he told you! He does not hate you, he may want to…but he cannot, he loves you too much!” Margaret assured her, lifting her back to sitting up by the chin.

Lena sat sniffing, trying to get herself under control. Margaret turned to sooth Hope, whose lip rolled out, looking from her mother, back to her accusingly. “It is okay little one, I’m sorry.” She unconsciously stroked Hope’s curls as she crawled away to her mother’s lap instinctive that she needed comforting. Lena gathered her daughter to her, explaining, “That was before I hurt him so bad. Now, he cannot stand the sight of me…but - if you were to say something about Hope, they may never get together, that is why you must keep her a secret!!” Lena pleaded, still not convinced that she would.

“You poor thing…just because I’m white, and Katherine is my daughter, does not mean I am out to harm you…or this precious baby. We are not
all
bad Lena – believe it or not. God as my witness, your child is safe as far as I am concerned. But…Manny - Lena, don’t you think it is unfair of you to hold onto this sweet child of his, letting him suffer the loss of one child, when he has another to ease him through it?”

“I am sorry, I cannot! I know he suffers, and with that knowledge alone, my life is hell! But I cannot help him. No one is taking away my baby, and if you tell him or Katherine, I swear to God…I will run. I will take Hope and we will leave this place and this time when I run, he will never find me!” She promised fervently.

“No!! You must listen to me!” Margaret spoke sharply to get her attention. “Don’t you dare endanger your life, and the life of this child with such - nonsense! You are safe from harm on this plantation…and so is she! I am not here to force you to do anything! If you must protect this child, then so be it – however you must stay here at Webster Fields. Here is where you are most protected…don’t ever leave here! Not ever…do you understand?!”

“Then please do not tell anyone. No one is to know… especially not her father.”

“I would not interfere with your decision to protect this baby by keeping her a secret, but I feel you’re going through a lot of pain for no reason. Manny would never let anything happen to Hope!” Margaret tried to reason with her.

“I know that. Not intentionally, but I cannot take any chances, nor can I rely on him to protect her. I relied on him with my Michael, to take care of our son. I believed that he was safe and special…and that nothing could or would harm him, because of the man his father is and he is gone now… gone! I won’t make that same mistake with Hope…no matter how much pain it causes.”

Margaret sighed giving up. “Alright Lena but please believe me, your secret, is safe with me. The last thing I want is for Katherine to do something foolish again…and this time because of me. We will leave here tomorrow …and the truth of Hope - leaves with me.”

“But…they will be with you all that way. Manny and Katherine…you must not weaken…you mustn’t!” Lena implored.

“I understand Lena. Truly I do…but surely, you have felt the urge to give in yourself, is that not what your struggle, was over, tonight?” Margaret asked gently. Sighing, Lena embraced her daughter and nodded, admitting.

“Kayleen stopped you…is that what I was seeing?”

Again Lena nodded.

“Kayleen loved Michael, just as she loves Manny. What she does… she does not only for him…Manny…but to protect his own children from him. She believes that Manny is confused about where he belongs. In order for him to go back to being safe…she believes that it is better to sever all ties to me, and the children I bore him. Then he is protected from further pain and struggle, and will regain his place in - white society. I am protected from losing another child, and from having any more. And Hope is protected as well. Kayleen means well…in what she believes.”

Margaret sat digesting what Lena had said concerning the thoughts from the woman Kayleen. She then realized that the slaves or people in general, separate from the ruling society of whites…had their own way of thinking…forced upon them by the structures that be. It may not have been correct thinking…but it was most certainly forced thinking. In order to survive…they must isolate themselves even from those who saw them as equals. “Again, before I go, I’m sorry you lost your son. I imagine him a beautiful and most handsome young man.”

Lena smiled nodding. “He was. Very much like his father…and so very attentive to me. He was a perfect son in every way, he turned eleven this month. I miss him so much.” Lena suddenly quieted again, thinking of him.

Hope’s head dropped to the side, sound asleep. Lena turned and laid her in the middle of the bed.

“It is far too late to be up, when I have such a journey to travel. I will leave you now…Ceś alena. Once again I bid you…trust me, your secret is safe.” Margaret stood heading for the door with Lena behind her.

“Ms Margaret.” Lena called her attention at the door before she opened it. “Please…” She paused not sure what she would say; then decided to be honest. “I love him. Please…comfort him - when there are moments that you can. He is a strong man…but he-…” She swallowed looking away. “I-…”

“Hush child…say no more. I understand completely. You take care of that precious little girl…funny thing to say to you, when you’ve done all you have for just that reason. She is lucky to have you as her mother.”

Smiling, Margaret caressed her arm and made her exit. Lena closed the door, making sure this time to latch it. Feeling so much better than she had earlier; she was now glad that she hadn’t given in and told Manny the truth. She looked back at her sleeping baby, and smiled. She felt peace come over her…after tomorrow…she would be safe – they would all be gone and she would be free. She knew she’d made the right decision, and somehow…she would force herself to live without him, but God help her if she ever had to live without her Hope.