Princess Ces'alena (71 page)

“Now…where were we?” He feigned as if he’d forgotten.

“I was asking you to leave, no – ordering!”

“Ah yes, your - son - and his name. What did you say it was now?” He asked stopping a few feet away from her – totally disregarding her requests that he go.

“I didn’t say – his name.” Lena returned breathless.

“Ah - I remember, and you didn’t. So what is it? His name?”

“Manny stop it! Just stop it! Why must you always do this! The hour is late, we can discuss this tomorrow! If you are so eager to know about him, I can bring him to you then.”

“Emm…I see. Well tell me something, what happened between you, and his father, that I now find you with Thomas?”

“Why all these questions?! What do you want from me!? We are done, my life and the events in it are not of your affair!”

Manny’s entire manner changed to one of intense fury; making Lena’s eyes widen as she stepped back and reached for her throat. The look that came over him in that particular moment, twisted her gut in fear.

“
Your life – will always be – my affair! I want you to tell me something? How could you lose our son, and then leave your other child to the care of others, with no concern as to what might happen to, umm - him? Hm? You care nothing of - him? Hold it - I grow tired of referring to the child as,
him
! What - is his name?”

‘
He knows! He knows! Oh God, he knows!!’
Her widened eyes transmitted the screaming thought in her mind. Manny’s nostrils flared as his anger rose another notch. “Can’t remember his name Lena? Is it Jamie? Is the child’s name Jamie?” He offered it adding, “Jamie - Mazie’s son? Jamie - who was used, to destroy me! Jamie who was borrowed, to lay in the cradle where my child should have been?”

“Oh my God, Ohhh no, Manny — wait-…”

“Stop! Stop right there! Don’t say another word.” He was breathing deep and hard, and she could see the control he was trying to gain. As he told her, she ceased all utterances, this was not the same Manny that left a few years ago. This man was one to be wary of; there was a hardness to him. The scar she’d wondered about when first seeing it, caught her attention. It made him menacing somehow - everything about him, made her tread carefully.

Even though she knew Manny, she wasn’t sure what changes had taken place within him. At the same time she stood in fear of him, there was an element of danger about him that excited her. “Can you please, let me explain?” She pleaded.

“What are you going to say? No need to explain, I want you to know what I did today.”

Her eyes filled with tears. He saw them and voiced his first thought at the sight of them. “Wait – what is this…not tears? Surely not! For what? For me? Those for me Lena? Couldn’t be. They couldn’t be about me… there is no way to convince me that those tears are for me. You would have to care - to feel enough to shed a tear over-…”

“How could you!?” He cut her off, his temple throbbed as he paused to gain control of himself. “How could you?” His jaw clenched as unwanted tears rushed in on him. “Do you know what I’ve gone through?!” He stopped again…he hated her right then. In all of his life, the only two people that could bring him to tears were his mother, and Kayleen. Then, only when he had been a small child, and young boy.

That had been years ago before he’d grown into his manhood; and from then on, he had never shed another tear. His record broken when this woman came into his life, and he’d done more begging and crying than ever in his life. It made him feel weak, and out of control. Yet there wasn’t a thing he could do to stop it.

“So, to hell with me? Her father - right!?” He was breathing hard as his chest rose and fell. “It wasn’t enough for me to lose Michael, you had to take away - my Hope as well!” He turned from her to wipe away the tears streaming, and wanted to explode, but refused to allow himself.

“Manny…I didn’t take her from you to hurt you.” She cautiously approached him, standing not far out of his reach, he turned back to her, his eyes blazing. “But you did, you kept my daughter from me!!”

“I had to!!” She cried.

“No!! You didn’t have to – you could have told me – I would have protected her!!” He shouted at her. Lena stepped back as if she had been slapped, an incredulous look on her face, and her anger exploded. “How Manny!?! How were you going to protect her?! Like you protected Michael!?! Like that? And where is he?! Tell me, where is my son?!! The one - I let - you - protect!!? Well – answer me – I’m waiting, surely you know?! Where Manny??” She was panting now, her breasts rising and falling from her rage.

Manny looked over her head, unable to bear her words that stabbed him in the center of his heart. She grabbed his arm her nails digging into him, trying to get him to face her. “It’s taking you a long time to answer that question Manny, a lo-o-ong ti-i-ime – I’ve been waiting, for that one!” She fired at him fiercely, fighting back her tears. She swiped at her face, and through clenched teeth, she finished for him, “I see you stuck! I’m gonna help you out; your – wife - sold my son! She took him away from me – she took my Michael – the one, I let you protect!!” She felt she was going to go mad from the rush of emotions, breathing hard still, she finished. “But not my Hope, no one is taking her away from me!”

Manny stared across the cabin towards the additional room where his son had once slept. “Everything you’ve said - you think I haven’t said that very thing to myself over and over again? Oh much harsher than that, trust me – much more so. I know it’s my fault! Damn it I know it is! Over and over my mind has screamed…” He looked down at her.

“…a thousand times, and a thousand different ways more - if only I had! If only I hadn’t! With every hour of every day, I knew it was my fault! I searched for him day in and day out, and I knew…every mile traveled, this is my fault!” He declared, looking into her eyes. “But no matter what…not you…nor anyone else, will keep
my
daughter from me! You will not.”

Lena closed her eyes in fear. She knew she must come clean and tell him all there was to tell. There was no way around it…he had to know.

“Look Manny, there are things, we – must face – things we cannot deny. I want you to listen to me Manny. Please understand that this is for the best.” She swallowed nervously. Manny stood bracing himself as he waited. Lena took a deep breath, and decided to just come on out with it. “Thomas Sandoval…has asked me…to marry him.”

Manny’s scalp drew up as his eyes widened at the mention of Thomas’s name. The thought that he’d asked her such a thing, made his already high anger come to a boil as he bit out tightly.

“Have you heard nothing I’ve said?” He asked incredulous. They stared a moment before he went on to add. “Answer me.” She couldn’t, her mind was racing crazily. “He asked you to marry him, what was your answer?”

Lena stared up at him, and suddenly she felt her fear returning, she took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders and setting her resolve.

Because they stood so close, Lena had to glare up at his scowling face with her head back, and hands on her hips. She suddenly realized that he really hadn’t changed much at all. At least, not - towards her. Something in her knew he would never hurt her, no matter how great his anger. Taking a deep breath, she decided the calm approach was the best approach. The yelling was getting them nowhere. Once she made her plans known to him, he would just have to accept her decision, and that would be that. “Look Manny…” She stopped, “…move back from me.” She instructed with a shove at his chest using both hands, he was rock solid, she hadn’t even swayed him.

She was immediately reminded of his strength and their physical difference. Her neck was starting to hurt looking up at him. She decided to step around him, as her palms burned from touching him. The contact shook her; as her mind of its own will compared what Manny made her feel, to what Thomas made her feel. There was no -
comparison.

Thomas’s touch - moved her as much as would a family member or friend. Manny’s touch - engulfed her in flames. He set her on fire, and even now…she stood smoldering before him. Her heated palms, now sweating testified to that. She moved to the kitchen, rubbing her hands together nervous and lost for a way to deal with him. She approached the lamp there, quickly lit it to give herself time to get over the shock of touching him.

“Now – we have to find a way to work things out between us. We can’t go on this way Manny.” She started again, in the kitchen - as he stood by the partition wall that separated the small kitchenette from her bed area, waiting – watching her.

“You - are not marrying that man.” Manny interrupted.

“Why are you like this! Can you not see beyond your own wants!? He wants to make me happy Manny, I think he can. And Hope - Hope really likes him, he’ll be good to her, and she’ll be safe-...”

“Happier than I can make you Lena? Love you more than I love you? I know I’ve made mistakes, bad ones, I know I have, but I
love
you. ”

“Stop it Manny.” Her heart was going crazy in her chest.

“You want him to be a father to my daughter…” Manny went on, “…when I’m right here? No man, will love my child, my Golden Hope, more than I. I’ve been running and battling and running some more because I thought I had nothing left here. Do you even care? Do I mean nothing to you? Did I not cross your mind even once? The whole of my absence, I could think of nothing – but
you
.” Each soft spoken declaration was tearing down her wall of determination. She couldn’t stand to see him this way. Talking to her in that soft pleading tone. His eyes were pleading, humble – gripping her very soul.

“And today, I find, that -we- have a beautiful daughter… and you honestly
think
I would even consider - letting you leave here, and take her from me - so that - that… man, can be a father to her?”

“Manny - you’re married to Katherine. There is no room in your life for Hope. There is no room in your life for me. What if I let you come and see her? Please realize, that with Katherine, is where you belong! And I, with Thomas.”

“Wait?!” Manny stood straight looking at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Because she is white, like me? And he is black, like you?” He asked testing her.

Lena nodded, then said it. “Yes. Yes Manny… that is why. To believe there could be anything more for us is - is nothing more than a dream. Let us stop this now-…”

Manny threw his head back and laughed. He looked at her and laughed again, “Surely you are kidding? You tell me, what price would I scribble on the tag? Hm? At what price? I have been many places in my absence, have encountered many wealthy men, and still I have yet to see a man – not one man - whose eyes have seen enough money, to satisfy what I would demand as equal exchange for
you
. There is no such man. There is no such amount. And Thomas, of all men… cannot reach for the tag, nor meet the price.”

She stood stunned.

“Then give me over to him.”

Manny shook his head. “I would sooner give him Webster Fields. I would sooner sign over every ship I own. If he wishes…he can have Katherine … but God as my witness, he will not - have you.”

Lena knew she was in trouble, and if she didn’t break this spell soon, she would be in his arms. “Fine!” She thrust her chin high. “You have had your say. Now - get out of my cabin.”

“I am not - going anywhere – not this night.”

“I said get out of my cabin!” She shouted shaking.

Angry and at the end of his patience, Manny charged at her, seeing him coming, she tried to run once more for the door, he caught up to her, his back against hers, pinning her there with his hand above her head flat to the door, grabbing her by the arm. “Why Princess Ceś alena do we go through this? Need you, another reminder, who I am? Who you are, to me?! When
ever
have you run from me, and I not give chase? Not matter how fast, no matter how far, look behind you, there – I will be.” His breathing was deep, his passion aroused, his body surged with burning excitement, ready to do what was long overdue between them.

Lena could barely breathe, pressed as she was between him and the door, her heart going in her chest, making her short of breath, whimpering, afraid of what she was feeling, she cried to him, “Why do you do this to me, you have no right! This cabin is mine, leave me - please!”