Pearl (17 page)

 
Roy smiled, patting her lightly on the shoulder like a child. “It’s okay. Just as long as you know when to keep your mouth shut. I don’t want Vernie in any of our business. Got that?”

She nodded. “Thank you, Roy.”

He stood, pulling two six-packs of beer from the fridge, and was out with nothing more than a wink at her as he shut the door.

Pearl took a deep breath and pulled herself together. She took a hot shower, cleansing herself of Roy’s musky sweat and venom. She found her smile as she dressed, covering her feet with boots. She left her purse and keys, taking only with her a pack of smokes. All she needed was Virginia, moonshine, and Vernie.

CHAPTER 15

The chill of winter drifted away as spring slowly came to bloom. It was mid-March, and though the tepid temperature was a vast improvement over the month before, it still felt as though summer was years away. Most days it rained, and Pearl spent those days in the corral with Ben, learning to jump and build her confidence on Molly as Roy spent his week at J.T. Tucker’s, working on the mansion.
 

She wrote her father an overdue letter telling him of the glorious spring, how the sun shone for days, and how the flower fields thrived. She wrote of her new love for horses, how Roy had built a stable just for her, and she rode her Morgan, Molly, every day. She couldn’t wait for the day when she could teach Billy to ride. And she was happy, she promised. The happiest that she had ever been. She wished her father could see it.

Pearl walked into Vinny’s with his key gripped tightly in her palm. She didn’t want to give it back. She had held on to it for too long in the hope that Roy would change his mind. She liked working. It made her feel as though she was accomplishing something. If she didn’t have her riding, she would have nothing of substance to fill her days. Work was freedom from the trailer.
 

“Where have you been?” Sammie cried out from behind the counter. The restaurant was just dying down from breakfast. Only a few customers lagged behind, sipping on their morning brew.

Sammie threw her arms around Pearl. “I’ve tried calling, and you never answer. I’ve been waiting for you to work, but Vinny said something about you quitting.”

Pearl hugged her friend back, not realizing how much she had missed her. “I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner. Roy needs my help on the farm.”

“I bet he does,” Sammie retorted. “Anyway, I’ve been just dying to tell you the news.” Sammie pulled back and rested a hand over her apron to show off her protruding belly. “I’m pregnant.”

Pearls eyes bulged. The news was a shock, but Sammie’s smile was even more startling. “Congratulations? You seem happy about it.”

Sammie sighed, her lips relaxing into a dreamy smile. “I wasn’t at first, but now I am.”

Pearl swallowed hard, hating to ask the next question. “So, who’s the lucky father?”

Sammie swatted Pearl playfully on the arm. “Sam, of course! If you’d been around, you’d have known we’ve been an item for almost two months.”

“I’m sorry, Sammie, I should have known.” Pearl hugged her again. “If you’re happy, I’m happy for you.”

They sat down on the stools at the counter, Sammie complaining of the overwhelming exhaustion. “Well, Sam was a little freaked out at first. I told him to buck up—he’s twenty-eight. I’m eighteen. If anyone should be scared, it’s me. But then after a few days he warmed up to it. And…” She held out her hand. “He proposed!”

“Oh, my God,” Pearl exclaimed, looking at the miniature rock on Sammie’s finger. It looked stunning next to Pearl’s simple gold band. “I have missed a lot.”

“Well, you won’t anymore.” Sammie’s eyes shimmered as she spoke. “’Cause I want you to be my matron of honor.”

Pearl gleamed at the proposition. “Thank you, Sammie! Of course I’ll be there for you.”

“I knew you would! Sam’s having his brother, Ben, be his best man.”
 

Pearl’s pulse quickened at the sound of Ben’s name. Sammie took notice. “Which, by the way,” Sammie said with a feigned look of concern, “I’ve heard you’ve been spending some time over at the Murray Stables.”

Pearl whipped her head around to see if anyone was near. “Shh,” she whispered. “It’s just riding lessons.”

Sammie eyed her friend suspiciously. “If it’s just riding lessons, then why do I need to be quiet?”

Pearl looked down at her hand holding Sammie’s ring finger. “Just don’t talk about it to anyone. Roy doesn’t know. I don’t want him finding out from anyone but me.”

Sammie was quiet for a moment. “Okay, you have my word. I won’t say anything.”

Pearl set her key on the table, promising Sammie she would be there to help with the wedding. She was happy for her friend, scared for her, but happy. She turned the ignition on the Thunderbird and rumbled her way to the stables.
 

Ben was waiting for her, her riding helmet in his hand. She softened to his smile, feeling instantly at home with him in the stables. She jumped on top of Molly as she had many times before, leaving any stress or insecurity on the ground. The rain trickled down from the sky, keeping them in the arena, but Pearl didn’t mind. As long as she was riding, she didn’t care where she was. Ben trotted along beside her, more for the company than the practice.

“So I hear you’re going to be an uncle,” Pearl teased with a smile.

Ben grimaced. “I know, right? Ah, well. He’s old enough, at least age-wise. I don’t know about mentally. And Sammie’s a tough one to slow down.”

Pearl laughed. “I’m sure they’ll do fine.”

“Yeah, I’m happy for him, I am. He seems to be excited. I just don’t know about the getting married part. They haven’t been dating for very long.”

“Sounds like you and I will be the head of the party,” Pearl said, eyeing him for a reaction.

Ben looked up in surprise. “I hadn’t heard that. Well, that will make it all the more fun.”

They turned the bend, coming to the first railing. Pearl jumped first, holding tightly to Molly’s reins and holding her breath. Ben was right behind her, gliding over the posts with ease.
 

He caught up to her side. “I shouldn’t talk so bad about it. He’s just my brother. I guess I never imagined him settling down.” Ben shrugged lightly. “Married with kids. He’s living the dream, isn’t he?”

Pearl shrugged. “I guess.”

“Don’t you want kids?” he asked.
 

She felt uncomfortable talking about this with Ben. She shouldn’t, but it felt as though they were treading in an area of conversation they had never indulged in. It was an unspoken oath that they never discussed her marriage. Yet it was a question Pearl had asked herself before…although one she wasn’t ready to answer. She knew she and Roy were not ready. But it wasn’t her age or her instability with Roy that really held her back. The frightening truth was she might never be ready.

“I don’t know,” she said. She wanted to stop right there, but Ben’s encouraging look kept her words flowing. “My mom left when I was pretty young. Sometimes I’m afraid I wouldn’t know how to be a mother.”

She had never spoken those thoughts aloud before, not to herself, not to Roy. But somehow saying them to Ben seemed to make sense. “Is that crazy?” she asked him.

He shook his head sadly. “It’s not crazy, Pearl, but it’s not true. Just because your mom left doesn’t mean you won’t love your child, or have the natural instinct to be a good mom. I hear how you talk about your brother.”

She turned away from him, afraid her tears would show. “I left Billy.”

“You’re not his mother.” Ben paused. He trotted closer to her, slowing their pace to a walk. “Do you know where she is? Does your dad ever tell you?”

She shook her head. “When she first left, he used to tell us all the time about the places she traveled. But after a time, I didn’t want to know. It started to make me angry that she never came back, not even to visit. So I stopped asking, and he stopped telling. We haven’t talked about her in many years.”

Ben reached for her reins and jerked them to a stop. Pearl looked at him, a tear streaking down her cheek. He wiped it away with his finger, looking at her softly as though he wanted to apologize.
 

She beat him to it. “Sorry. It’s not something I ever talk about.”

 
“Why can’t you talk about it?”

“What’s there to say? My mom left. She’d rather have fame than a family. I don’t know where she is, or why she won’t come back. My dad…” She paused to calm her shaky breath. “I remember him being really happy when I was a kid. And then, I don’t know. It just all changed after my mom left. He wasn’t ever mean, just sad. I hated seeing him so depressed. I sort of took over, trying to be what my mom was so he didn’t have to be everything to us. He’s an electrician and I was homeschooled by him when he was home, but mostly I just read books and taught myself, and I taught Billy.”

“You never went to school?”

 
She entwined her fingers in Molly’s wiry mane. “It was just easier being home. I could help with keeping the house and cooking, and then I didn’t have to talk about my mom to the kids in school.”

“I can’t imagine,” Ben said softly. “My life seems so normal and boring in comparison.”

She smiled softly. “Normal is not boring. Normal would have been wonderful. But it’s all I know, I guess. I probably wouldn’t be here now if she was around, so…” Pearl wanted to add that was a good thing, but she wasn’t sure if it was.
 

Ben watched her. She felt the warmth of his stare, and it made her uneasy, while at the same time she craved it.

“Do you ever think of looking for her?”

“I used to when I was younger,” Pearl admitted. “I dreamed of running away and traveling with her but.” Pearl shook her head with a sad smile. “If she wanted me, she would have come back for me.”

Ben thought for a moment. Pearl took the time to watch him as his gaze drifted out to the field through the stable doors. What was it about him that made her share more than she ever had? His eyes found hers and locked. She dropped her gaze, afraid of what her expression was giving away.

“What’s her name?” Ben asked.

Pearl looked up, startled by the question.
 

“I just want to know if I’ve ever heard of her,” Ben said.

 
“Lucy Waters.”

She held her breath and counted the seconds until Ben responded with, “Hmm, I haven’t heard of her.”

Her breath released. She wasn’t sure if she was happy or confused by his answer. She looked up at the stable clock. “I need to go.”

“I was hoping you’d come over, have something warm to drink and relax a little. I still haven’t showed you my place.”

Pearl saw his disappointed expression and quickly turned her gaze away. She was afraid he would see the same look mirrored on her face. How could she tell him that she needed to stay in the stable where it was safe? If Ben only knew the thoughts she kept secret regarding what she would do to him if they were alone in his house.
 

“I need to go before Roy gets home.”
 

“Is he working?” Ben asked, surprised, helping her down off Molly.

“Yeah, he’s been at J.T. Tucker’s for a couple of months now.”

Ben turned away from her, walking his horse back to the stall.

“What?” Pearl asked.

He stopped, thought for a moment, and then spun back to Pearl. “It’s just that I was asked to help on that same project. J.T told me he had to let Roy go. Said something about him always showing up drunk.”

Pearl’s heart raced, and she shook her head. “You must have misunderstood,” she said. “Roy’s there all the time. He says so when he comes home.”

Ben put Molly back in the stall, not meeting Pearl’s eyes as he said, “All I know is he’s never there when I’m there.”
 

“You’re not there now,” she shot back.

“No, I’m not,” he said. “I’m here with you.” She felt a chill from the power in his voice as he spoke. “J.T. told me he fired him.”

Pearl backed up and headed for her car. “You’re wrong, Ben,” she said, not knowing if she believed her own words. She turned and ran for her car before he could convince her otherwise.

That night supper was set at Vernie’s. “Trying my damnedest to keep this family in tack,” she told Pearl as she lit a Virginia over the meatloaf. “Feels like everyone’s off doing their own thing, and I’m getting too lonely up here by myself.”

Pearl set the table, lost in her own thoughts as she placed the spoons and forks on top of the plates.
 

“What’s wrong with you?” Cindy asked, taking up a seat as Pearl worked around her. “Your head is a mess—you can’t even set the table right.”

 
Pearl ignored the sneer in her voice and practiced a smile. “Lots of errands in town today, Cindy?”

Cindy glared at her. “No more than you, I’m sure.”

Vernie stepped in, hot red potatoes in her hand. “Oh, Cindy, don’t give Pearl such a hard time.” She set the plate down and patted Pearl lightly on the shoulder as she spoke to her. “You just enjoy this time when you don’t have kids. Before you know it, they take up all your freedom and you’re never able to leave the house.”
 

Cindy looked up at Vernie in surprise but kept her lips tight.

Vernie smiled, pouring herself a glass of moonshine. “That is, unless you have someone else to do your child rearing for you.”

Cindy jumped up from her chair with a huff, crying out for Darren as she bolted from the room.

“You just gotta give it back to her, sweet Pearl,” Vernie said with a wink. “Now, where is that husband of yours? It’s getting late.”

Pearl kept silent, thinking of what Ben had said to her that day. If it were true that Roy was out of work, where did he spend his days? She never saw his truck on the farm other than the times he helped Darren. Why did he have her quit Vinny’s? They couldn’t possibly be able to survive on the few dollars he made on the farm. Pearl felt queasy. She knew she had to eat, but getting food down her throat was going to be hard.

Vernie turned on some light music to soften the tension in the room, and it worked. They gathered around the table, a bit more relaxed and less formal then when they sat at Granny’s. Pearl was just dishing herself a scoop of green beans when Roy came trudging in.