Paranormal Curves (BBW Collection) (5 page)

“Don’t worry.  I make no assumptions.  I understand sometimes… Well, we just feel the way we do.  There is no need to apologize.  Is there anything I can do to help you?”

In spite of herself, she nods.  “Would you like to come in for some tea or coffee?”

He seems a bit surprised but he nods anyway.  He must not have been expecting the woman who suddenly shut down to invite him inside.  The truth was, she could not allow herself to be alone at this moment.  Even if it meant keeping the company of a man possessing exactly what caused her to break down.  As she set the kettle on the stove, she realized the very same eyes that broke her made her want to keep him around.  Was she going crazy?  No.  She knew what it felt like to be on verge, this definitely was not it.  She decided to sort out her reasons and feelings later. 

She set down the warm cups of tea on the dining table and carefully took her seat across Delv.  He seemed interested in looking around but was careful not to look like he was being nosy.  He reminded him of a curious animal.  She then gave a small, quite laugh.  She momentarily thought fuzzy, noting his facial hair, grown out just a bit past stubble.  It didn’t look messy.  It gave him character.  Not that he needed any more. 

“What’s going on?”

She could understand his confusion.  What impression had she given off today?  With her long silences, sudden crying, and now a random laugh, she did not even want to think of what he thought of her.  “Are you not afraid of being in a strange woman’s apartment?  Specifically, my apartment?”

“Why should I be?”

She gaped at him.  He seemed genuinely confused as to why she would even ask.  He did not seem too concerned with appearances.  He knew there was always more to a person and actually cared to explore that.  No wonder she wanted his company.  His character was just as striking as his physical appearance.

“I was joking, I just felt odd about the impression I’ve given you today.”

“Oh.  Honestly, you shouldn’t.  I know you probably can’t help it but I didn’t start cataloguing you based off the few interactions we’ve had.  Wouldn’t that be unfair?”

“I suppose but it’s also part of our nature to do this.  I tend to do it but I’ll also reshape my view of a person as I get to know them more.”

He nodded. 

“Your eyes remind me of my ex-fiancé’s.”

There was a moment of silence.  He softly rubbed two fingers across his lips, thinking how to respond.  Assuming he had nothing, she continued to talk.

“He died a year ago.  Or a year-and-a-half ago if you count the coma he never came out of.” 

He set his hand down and looked down at his tea.  Something about the way he did it made her think it was out of consideration.  He knew it was best not to give her direct eye contact considering what she just told him.  She was struck not only by his forethought but also by his way of conveying why he was doing it.  She found herself almost marveling at him.

Something about her sadness mixed in with hope, with a strong feeling she couldn’t quite identify.  It was like she had a piece of Kevin back through these eyes.  These eyes belonging to a man whom, by all accounts, seemed quite amazing.  This was the first time she found herself noticing a man since Kevin’s passing.  This was the best she had felt all summer.  This was the only time she had ever experienced this indeterminable feeling. 

Suddenly, her hand was on his.  His eyes were boring into hers.  There was mild shock registered behind them but also confusion.  Not the kind of confusion about the situation, confusion on his end.  Probably similar to her own. 

She wondered what was going on inside his head.  She willed herself to look directly into his eyes.  She felt a jump inside her and her heartbeat accelerated.  Her breath caught in her throat.  She could, for a moment, feel she was looking into Kevin’s eyes.  Her mouth went dry but, this time, she did not feel the threat of tears.  She felt a completely foreign, bewildering mixture of emptiness and thrill.  She almost hopeful.  It was as if, in this moment, she was not to be stuck with the pain of losing Kevin for the rest of her life.

She suddenly got up and walked away from the table, back turned to Delv.  She was looking at nothing in particular; she just needed to step away.  “I’m not so melodramatic so as to think I’m fated to be miserable forever.  I never thought that way, not exactly.  It just truly felt like the pain of losing him would never leave me.  I know it’s illogical and unlikely, but it felt like the rawness of it would never decrease.”

“Everyone thinks time heals all.  It doesn’t.  Some people never move on from a terrible experience in their lives.  I think the expectation that you have to move on makes it harder for a person to actually do it.  There’s no timeline or correct way to get over that kind of loss.”

Mira sighed.  She didn’t want to be one of the lost souls who couldn’t move on.  Wouldn’t that make her a weak person?

“It doesn’t mean you’re weak.  It’s just that everyone deals differently.  You don’t think you’re fated and, believe it or not, that’s a start in the direction of healing.”

She whipped around so fast she got dizzy and stumbled.  She grasped the edge of the table for balance.  Delv had gotten up immediately to help her.  After regaining her breath, she looked up at him.  How could she possibly have come across a man like him?  Everything about him was charming, caring, and cautious.  He was handsome.  He was understanding and insightful.  He had a great sense of humor and an ease of talking to people.  He even had those striking eyes, the eyes bearing an uncanny resemblance to Kevin’s.  And how unique those eyes were.

They were what she most loved about Kevin in the physical aspect.  It was not so much about their color, though that was beautiful as well.  His eyes were a beautiful mix of blues, a type of cerulean and teal.  What was striking about them was how they glimmered in a highly specific way.  They echoed the ripples of a pool in a low summer sun.  They had the same effect as those small waves shadowed on the pool floor in a relaxing way.  They were gorgeous and alive.  They soothed her.  They reminded her of what she most loved; and, how fitting, that she should see what she most loved in whom she most loved.  She had never seen anything like them.  And, until now, she never thought she would ever see anything like them again.

She had been so lost in thought, or memories, she did not notice when Delv had moved so close to her.  She did not even notice when he wrapped his hand around her forearm.  She only noticed when his face was close to hers and his raspy voice said, almost whispered, “Mira, are you okay?”

She was not okay.  She was completely befuddled.  She kept flashing back to memories that were painful to her.  Memories she would never let go, memories of everything that had meant pure happiness.  She felt confusion because she could not bear to look into Delv’s eyes but also could not stop from doing just that.  She could not even begin to process what she felt toward Delv.  Of course, she didn’t necessarily have to feel anything, right?  Why was she making such a fuss?  She knew the answer deep down but couldn’t admit it.  She felt frustrated because this was all too much, seemed a bit too ridiculous, and she hated feeling senseless. 

She had been silent, again, for a few minutes.  Delv had not let go of her.  He had not stepped back.  He had been patiently waiting for her answer.  Finally, when her breathing slowed a bit, she turned to him.  She faced him, faced everything.  His face was even closer than he anticipated but she forced herself not to flinch.  He stood stock still, waiting.  It didn’t matter what he was waiting for because, she knew, he wasn’t expecting anything specific.  The next move was completely on her, he wanted to give her all the control.  He wanted her to feel free to do what she felt comfortable with.

She did not exactly feel comfortable with her choice, but it was hers.  She inched forward slowly.  She didn’t stop and, soon, their lips met.  In a brief moment, she let go of all her thoughts and inhibitions.  She allowed herself to just feel his lips on her own.  She fell into the kiss, and so did he.  He shifted his body so they were closer to each other; she turned hers to fully face him.  His hand swept up from her forearm to the nape of her neck, grazing her shoulders along the way.  She shuddered.  She had not kissed anyone since Kevin.  She had forgotten what it felt like to be touched.

She was completely falling freely into bliss when something suddenly pulled her out.  It took all her strength not to instinctively shove Delv away from her.  But she jerked back in such a way she may as well have.  The trouble in his eyes was unmistakable.  Her chest heaved with her racing heart.  “I’m sorry, I think”

“Okay.  Good night.”  He walked out quickly and quietly. 

She was left with a small pang upon noting the difference in his voice.  She couldn’t blame him.  But she couldn’t blame herself either. 

“So, what happened?”

He was straight to the point.  She had to admit she really liked that about him.  It was just another quality to add to the roster.  “I don’t regret kissing you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I’m not thinking anything.”

The seriousness in his tone was clear, strong.  She should have known he wouldn’t be his usual self, full of charm and banter.  She also should have known he probably wouldn’t walk in here full of assumptions.  She had invited him in, after secretly peeping out her window all day to catch when he walked by, to talk about why she, so suddenly, stopped kissing him.   

“Right.  Well, I don’t.  I actually enjoyed the kiss but I-“She broke off and decided not to fight the tears.  “I haven’t kissed anyone since Kevin.  I haven’t even looked at anyone since he passed away.”  The tears continued to streamed down her cheeks.  She gingerly wiped them away with a tissue and continued, “You did something he always did when we kissed and it broke me.”

He nodded in understanding but kept quiet.  This was her moment.  He was nobody to impose his thoughts or feelings.  She couldn’t decide if she wanted to tell him what he did.  She didn’t know if she wanted to tell him about his eyes, though she had thought about it more than once. 

She got up and walked over to Delv, who had taken a place at the corner of her couch.  She easily reached out for his hands and he just as easily gave them to her.  She gave a gentle tug to indicate he should stand.  He did.  She didn’t allow herself a single second of hesitation.  If she did, she might change her mind.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in for a kiss.  He carefully closed the gap and, just like that, they were kissing again.  It was slower and softer this time; even more so than the first kiss.  She could tell he was measuring every movement, afraid of making her break down again.  She smiled against his lips while reaching down for his hands that remained still at his side.

She brought them around her waist so they closed around her.  She could feel her large breasts pressed against his chest, her belly against his own.  She knew her body didn’t feel tiny in his arms but she didn’t think that was a bad thing.  She couldn’t help but notice he kept his arms and hands exactly where she had placed them.  This was the first time, since they had met, she thought he was being too careful.  

She pulled away, laughing softly.  “You know, you don’t have to be a statue.”

He gave an apologetic grin.  “I didn’t want to risk-“

“I know.  I didn’t tell you what set me off so that heightens the anxiety.  I get it.”  She went around him and sat on the couch.  He followed suit.  She scooted in closer to him and he gently placed his hand on her knee.  She glanced down at it before she could help it but, just as quickly, placed her own hand on top.  She could already feel his reactive move.  She shook her head slightly.  “I don’t mind.”  Instead of removing her hand, she opted for cupping his.  “You like my body, don’t you?”

He blanched.  “What?”

“You like my body,” she said as a statement.  She could tell. 

His eyes softened and smile played around the corners of his mouth.  “Yes, I do.  I really do.”

She smiled and nodded.  “I could tell by the way you held me more than by the way you looked at me.  I could tell even more by what you did, the thing that broke me.  Kevin used to do it all the time and would tell me I was the damn sexiest woman to have ever existed.”

She looked down but this time there were no tears.  There were only pleasant memories and the feelings associated with them, save for the faint tinge of sadness.  He would always tell her she was the sexiest woman to have ever existed.  She would playfully reply, “Oh, how could you know?  You’ll never meet all women from past, present, and future!”  He would laugh, kiss the corner of her mouth, and simply say, “Would I really need to?”