Once Broken (16 page)

“You’re having problems?”

“Uh, yeah. Let’s see, I’m eight months pregnant. My life’s a mess. Child birth scares me to death. I’ll soon have a baby who will be dependent on me without the standard resources. Do you think I’m made of stone?”

“You make it seem that way. Listen Jackie, getting back to my fiancée, the three of us must learn to live together. I’m marrying Carmella and you’re having my baby.”

“I don’t need to know her Tony. And I certainly won’t be living with her!” Slamming the receiver into the cradle, she put her hand to her mouth to muffle the rising sob.

Joe came out of his office. “Who was that?”

“Tony.” Jackie said, with tears in her eyes.

“Who?”

She rephrased. “The asshole?”

“Ah, was he really asking what it sounded like?”

She wiped a tear from her blushing cheeks. “He wants me to meet his fiancée because she feels ‘uninvolved.’”

Joe spread his arms to full length. “He must have balls this fucking big!” He paced the floor. “Can I have his phone number?”

“Sure, but Joe, it’s not necessary.”

“It sure
is
necessary! Believe me,
I’ll
feel better if I can have a few words with that asshole. Jesus!” Joe shook his head in disbelief.

“Well if it’ll make
you
feel better, how can I say no? I don’t know how I’d have gotten through this without you.” She jotted Tony’s phone number down on a piece of paper and handed it to Joe. “Here’s the number. But if you don’t mind, I’ll be in the cafeteria.”

When she returned to the office, Joe was sitting at her desk.

“Did you call him?”

Joe rose off her chair as she placed her pocketbook back in the desk drawer.

“Yup. The asshole hung up on me.”

“He hung up on you? He’s not easy to insult. What the heck did you say?

Joe recounted the conversation in a sing-song manner. “I said, ‘This is Joe Brandon. Jackie Martin works for me and I’d like to meet you.’ He asked why.” With a look of satisfaction, Joe continued. “I said, ‘because I’d like to know what a
real
fucking asshole looks like.’”

Jackie broke into laughter. “Is that when he hung up?” She rubbed her stomach where the baby kicked his approval.

“Nah, I told him he knows nothing about human nature, let alone pregnant women. I asked him what the hell he was thinking calling you and asking such an asinine question. He insisted that the three of you have to learn to live together. I told him that was goddamned bullshit! And if he calls you again, I’d personally kill him. That’s when he hung up. I swear Jackie, if you talk to him again, I’ll kill you both. If he calls you again, you hang up the damned phone.” Joe returned to his office muttering something about big balls.

Tony called Jackie at home the following week. Joe’s warning resounded in her mind. “I can’t talk to you.”

“Don’t hang up. I want to apologize. I thought a lot about what your boss said, and I was out of line.”

“Did you consider, for a second, what your lunatic fiancée and I would’ve said to each other?”

Tony hesitated, imagining the scene. He let out a nervous laugh. “Huh, I
wasn’t
thinking.”

Typical
. “Well you’d have saved all of us a lot of emotional turmoil if you’d thought about it before you called me. And I have one more thing to say about her. Whether she feels uninvolved, insecure, or anything else may be your problem, but it has nothing to do with me.”

“I know.” Tony’s penitence kept him placid.

*

Early March marked the beginning of Jackie’s maternity leave. She was eager to organize the baby’s side of her bedroom with all the wonderful gifts from the baby shower.

Tony called daily at lunchtime. After Joe’s verbal flogging, Tony’s sensitivity seemed restored. Too frightened to be angry, Jackie enjoyed their daily talks about nothing and everything—about the baby, about her plans after the baby was born, about baby names. They were nice conversations, and they helped pass the longest three and a half weeks of her life.

On April 4, she went into labor. The first contractions began at nine a.m. Family and friends were notified. A flutter of activity ignited around the Martin household. The phone rang with status inquiries. People stopped by for a supportive visit. Tara came equipped with her bag of paraphernalia. Labor lasted all day. Before they left for the hospital, at ten thirty p.m., Lucille urged Jackie to call Tony to let him know she was in labor.

“Call him? Why?” Jackie was amazed at Lucille’s suggestion.

“I think he’s no good, but he’s the baby’s father and he’s been nice over the past few weeks. He should know that the baby’s coming tonight.”

Jackie cringed at the idea. “Ah, I don’t know, Ma. He’s so weird. When he calls me I’m in control. But when I call him, he’s unpredictable.”

“But letting him know is the right thing to do.”

“Oh, alright.” Filled with dread, she waddled upstairs for privacy. Dialing his number, she prayed for strength. “Hi. It’s me.”

“What’s up?” Tony’s response was monotone.

“I wanted you to know that you’ll probably be a father by tomorrow.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She rolled her eyes. “Look Tony, I don’t have time for nonsense. I assumed you’d want to know, that’s all.”

“It was inevitable, wasn’t it?”

“Yup, sure was,” Jackie said. “Nice talkin’ to ya. Gotta go deliver a baby now.” She dropped the phone in the cradle, determined to remain unaffected by him for the moment.

Tara stood leaning in the doorway, arms folded. “God, he’s such a bastard! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I have one thing to say. I promise you, me, and this baby that I will not utter his name or entertain a thought of him during this labor and delivery. He’s earned nothing but insignificance. Let’s go! Like I told that asshole, we’ve got a baby to deliver.”

She stopped in the hallway and leaned against the wall. “Tara, start timing! Here’s another one!” She huffed and puffed, rubbing her stomach.

*

Jackie kept her promise. She made it through labor and delivery without a thought of Tony. At Mt. Auburn Hospital, at 8:52 a.m. on April 5, 1978, Regina Therese Martin was born. She’d call her Gina. As the nurse placed the baby on Jackie’s chest, Jackie was overwhelmed with emotions. Counting all of her daughter’s fingers and toes, she marveled at this beautiful little wonder. And the massive responsibility hit like a tidal wave.

March 1978

T
he nurses’ sensitivity to Jackie’s single status overwhelmed her. Although her room was designed for a roommate, they were able and willing to leave the other bed empty, which Jackie neither requested nor expected. She was grateful for that and for the stream of visitors who brought balloons, flowers, and stuffed animals. Despite the festive mood of the room, Jackie was frightened and exhausted. The day after Gina was born, she visited the nursery. As she stared at her newborn daughter from the nursery window, her eyes filled with tears.
My goodness, this tiny person is dependent upon me for all her needs. How can I handle that?
The burden filled her with fear.

Later that afternoon, when Gina visited her mother’s room, Jackie held her close, staring at the wonder of her blue-gray eyes, tiny nose, miniature fingers, and itsy-bitsy toes. She told her daughter about her pact with God and how with God, all things were possible. She kissed Gina’s forehead. “Don’t worry, sweet little girl. We’ll be fine,” Jackie whispered.

*

On the third day of her hospital stay, mid-afternoon, the phone rang.

“I heard it’s a girl.” Tony words jolted her, as her heart skipped a beat.

“Who told you?”

“I have my spies,” Tony replied in a snide sort of way.

She rolled her eyes. “What do you want, Tony?”

“To see her.”

“Really?” She shook her head. Maybe there’s hope after all, at least for Gina. “Okay, when?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Fine. And Tony, I’ve learned that because we’re not married, you must sign the birth certificate. Can you do that when you come up?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” The conversation ended.

*

The following day, while nursing Gina, Jackie studied every aspect of her new little daughter again, and realized how much she looked like a miniature of her father, especially if her eyes changed to blue. In the middle of her assessment, the phone rang.

“It’s me. I won’t be coming up today.”

“Why not?” She realized she was disappointed as well as angry.

“Listen, just because she’s born, don’t think I’ll change. I still think you should’ve had an abortion and she should be dead.”

Furious, she slammed the phone down and buzzed the nurses’ station for the first time since she was admitted. Within seconds two nurses were in her room. The baby was whisked off to the nursery for comforting, while the nurses attempted to calm Jackie as she sobbed, ranted, and raved. Before she knew it almost the entire nursing shift was in her room, more out of curiosity than necessity. There were nurses sitting on the empty bed, on the radiator, and standing around her bed. They were asking questions, curious about her story. Their comments and encouragement helped her regain her strength and resolve. They told her that hospital security had been alerted to watch for any sign of Tony.

*

Two days later, Karen picked up Jackie and Gina at the hospital. A few nurses walked with the wheelchair, while another walked behind with the cart of gifts. They stopped by the storage room and loaded the cart with diapers, sugar water, pacifiers, and other necessary items.

Early motherhood defines the word exhaustion. Jackie craved a full night’s sleep. On the ninetieth sleepless night, Gina awoke screaming. At her wits end, Jackie reached for the card the hospital gave all new mothers, and dialed the Parental Stress Hotline. As the connection was made, Gina quieted and went back to sleep. Jackie hung up the phone and collapsed into bed. Her daughter never again awoke during the night.

Motherhood made Jackie instantly older, wiser, and strong enough to shield herself from Tony’s antics. It was time to call Tony to discuss the birth certificate.

“As I mentioned the last time we spoke, because we’re not married, you’re required to sign the birth certificate. If you don’t, the father remains blank on official records. It’s not right.”

“I haven’t decided what I’m doing yet. I need to talk to some people. I’ll get back to you.” Jackie had grown immune to the chill in his voice.

*

Tony’s mother called and asked about her granddaughter.

“Oh, she’s adorable! And such a good baby. She happens to look like a miniature Tony. Do you want to see her?”

“I’ve wanted to see her so desperately but I’ve been forbidden to see the baby by both Tony and Louie.”

“What do you mean, forbidden?”

“Dear, you know how Louie is when it comes to Tony. Anything he wants he gets. And Tony wants nothing to do with the little baby, so the baby is off limits to us all.”

How dare they?
“Anna, if you want to see the baby, you’re welcome anytime. There’s no need for either of them to know.”

“You mean, you won’t tell Tony?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Oh dear, that would be wonderful! My heart is breaking over this. What’s her name?”

“Regina Therese. We call her Gina. When would you like to see your granddaughter?”

*

Anna brought her infant granddaughter new outfits, a stuffed Mother Goose, and storybooks. When she took her grandchild in her arms, Anna’s eyes filled with tears.

“Oh dear, I’m so thrilled to be holding my beautiful grandchild.” She shook her head. “But not in my wildest dream could I imagine it would be under these horrible circumstances. I’m so disappointed in my son. He’s always been immature. Maybe if we can get him to grow up a bit, he’ll come around for the sake of this beautiful little baby.” She hesitated as if lost in a memory. “But he’s so damned stubborn.”

“I have to admit, I don’t understand your son. It’s like he’s two different people. He can be so caring and loving. Yet, he can be the most careless, insensitive jerk in the world.”

“I’m not making excuses for my son. But that Carmella is part of the problem. She has quite a hold on him.” Anna patted the baby’s back as Gina rested on her grandmother’s shoulder.

*

Anna and Jackie became good friends. Anna visited weekly bearing presents for Gina and gossip for Jackie.

“I have to tell you,” Anna whispered, as if telling a secret. “Tony consulted an attorney about the birth certificate. The attorney asked him if he was absolutely sure he’s the father. He said yes, but he didn’t want to be.” Anna chuckled. “You know, sometimes my son is so stupid it’s funny. Anyway, his lawyer said that if he’s positive that he’s the father and you take him to court, you’d have him over a barrel. The lawyer told him there are blood tests to determine paternity. If the result is positive, he’d have to pay fifteen hundred for the test that would determine what he already knew.” She lifted Gina’s face to hers, as if telling the tale to Gina. “So your stupid daddy came home and discussed it with your stupid grandfather.” Returning her focus to Jackie, she settled Gina on her lap. “He’s going to call you to tell you he’ll sign the birth certificate.”

*

Tony called with his announcement.

“I’m glad you’ve decided to sign the birth certificate. I’ll meet you at the Town Hall whenever it’s convenient.” Jackie tone was all business.

“I want to pick you up.”

“I’d rather meet you there.”

“I want to see her.”

“You do?” Jackie was skeptical. She looked at Gina as she held her in her arms.
How could anyone look at this sweet little girl and not fall in love?

June 1978

Gina was three and a half months old when she met her father. Jackie invited Tony into the living room where his daughter was on the floor before them in her white plastic infant seat. She wore a pink dress, white socks, and pink shoes, just for her daddy. Jackie and Tony sat on either side of her. As he gawked at his daughter, Jackie asked, “Want to hold her?”