Never to Keep (Accepting Fate #1) (43 page)

“Don’t be scared, Pey Pey.” I couldn’t get my eyes to open, so I blindly reached for her instead. My hand didn’t make it very far before I realized I was tethered to something. My mouth was so dry. “Water?” I asked, still not knowing for sure if anyone was really in the room to hear my request.

“Open your eyes, Mads.”

“Ethan? Why are you in my bedroom?”

“You’re in the hospital. You need to wake up so we can make sure you’re okay.”

I pried my eyes open only to have them involuntarily slam shut to block the beam of sunlight coming in through the window. “I’ll get the blinds,” I heard Sawyer say.

“Try again,” Ethan said.

I carefully cracked my eyes to verify the light was under control, and then took a sip from the straw Ethan held in front of me. “What happened?” I asked.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Ethan asked. His face was the only thing I could see through my narrow eyelids.

“I remember everything.” Or, at least, I thought I did. Peyton came into my line of sight. “Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry I scared you.”

“I thought you were gonna leave me like Mommy and Daddy did,” she said.

“I will always fight my hardest to stay with you. You are the most important person in the world to me.” I stroked my fingers through her wild curls. “Who’s been taking care of you?”

“Lots of people; Nana, Uncle Ethan, Uncle Charlie, Grandpa,
Abuela
, Auntie Marina, Grandma, and Daddy.” She counted on her fingers as she recited the list.

“
Abuela
?” I asked. My dream came back to the forefront of my mind.

“I’m here,
mija
,” my mother said from over my shoulder. She stepped next to Peyton and took my hand.

“
Mami!
” I burst into tears. “I never thought I’d see you again. How did you get here?”

“Your young man took care of everything,” she said.

“I’m so happy to see you. I missed you so much.” My mom leaned over the rail of the bed to hug me as best as she could. Tears of joy continued to flood my eyes as I processed the rest of Peyton’s list. “Pey, did you just say your daddy and grandma took care of you?” I knew I hadn’t dreamed Ryan’s death, and Peyton didn’t call anyone Grandma.

“Yep. I asked Mr. Ramsay if he would be my new daddy, and he said yes. His mommy is my grandma.”

I felt a flutter in my belly. “The baby?” My eyes darted around the room, looking for anyone with an answer.

“You don’t remember waking up last night?” Sawyer asked. His face fell.

I looked at my left hand and saw evidence that what I thought was a dream might have really happened. “It was real?”

“Yes, it was real. The baby is fine.”

“Really?” I asked. I had to be sure.

“All of the tests we’ve run on the baby look excellent. He’s a tough little dude—takes after his mother,” Ethan said. “You will need to be on bed rest for a few weeks to make sure both of you have time to heal.”

“But I have to work,” I said.

“No, you don’t. Try to think back to our conversation last night.” Sawyer fiddled with the ring on my finger.

My dad walked into the crowded room before I could do what Sawyer had asked. Exhaustion was etched in every line on his face.

“How about we take Peyton to the cafeteria to get some lunch?”
Mami
asked.

“I am getting pretty hungry,” Ethan replied.

“We’ll be back in little while,” my mother said. I didn’t want her to go; I hadn’t seen her in years. I was surprised when she gave my father a small smile as she walked past him. Maybe she was more forgiving than I had been.

“Hurry back,” I said. I really wanted my
mami
.

My dad waited to speak until it was just him, Sawyer, and me in the room. “Ronny has been taken care of. He won’t hurt anyone ever again.”

“That’s a relief,” I said with a sigh. My father still seemed tense. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“The problem is I don’t know how many other long-lost family members of the people I took down are hiding in the woodwork. It’s not safe for you and Peyton to stay here.” He paced the stark room. “You need to take Peyton and move away as soon as you are physically able.”

“But this is our home. Ryan and Olivia are here.” Indiana was all I knew.

“Do you really think they would want you to risk your life just so you can visit their graves once a week?” My father’s harsh words felt like sandpaper on my heart. “Do you think they would want Peyton’s life to be in danger?”

“But I just got you and
Mami
back.” There was no way I could leave now. “What about Nana?”

“Your mother and I discussed it, and we will go with you. We also spoke to Nana, and she wants to come with us. Said she wants one more adventure.”

“Where would we go?”

“Marina told me that there’s a house down the street from her that’s for sale,” Sawyer said to me. “The owners want to move quickly, so it is listed way below market value.” He must have seen the indecision on my face. “It’s two-thousand miles away and is in a secure gated community. It’s only half an hour from my parents, so the kids would be able to grow up with both sets of grandparents.”

“If that’s what we need to do to keep Peyton safe, then we have to do it.” There were worse things than beautiful weather and miles of beaches.

“Great. I’ll start making arrangements for your mother and me to move out there, too,” Dad said.

“Wait a minute,” I said as my dad started to head toward the door. “What’s going on with you and
Mami?
”

“We’ve been talking for a few weeks. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I can’t wait to find out.” He gave me a wink and then left the room.

Sawyer climbed into bed with me as soon as the door closed behind my father. “I want to get married today,” he said casually. I laughed at his joke. “I’m serious. I can’t go another day without being married to you.”

“We can’t. We don’t have a license, or a minister…not to mention the fact that I haven’t showered or brushed my teeth in God knows how long.”

“We’ve taken care of the first two things. The minister is in the waiting room, and a clerk from the courthouse is on her way over with the license for you to sign. It’s amazing what people will do when Marina asks nicely. I don’t care about the rest.” To prove it, he lowered his head to mine and thoroughly explored the inside of my mouth with his tongue. It only took a second to forget about my embarrassment as our lips moved together. He broke the kiss much too soon for my liking.

“There are still other things to consider,” I said as I caught my breath. I looked at the gorgeous oval diamond set in platinum that rested on my finger, still not able to believe that it was really happening.

“Like what?”

“Kristy. She may be my biological sister and your sister-in-law, but I refuse to be in the same place as her. The kids and I won’t go to family gatherings if she’s there. If that means we have to have separate Christmases with your parents, then that’s what we’ll have to do. I’d prefer if you weren’t around her either, but I know that’s not always going to be possible.”

“Not a problem at all. I’d already made that decision a while ago. What else are you worried about?”

“We need time to draft a pre-nup,” I said. “I’m sure Aaron will help.”

“Why would we need one of those?” He looked genuinely confused.

“Because you’re loaded, and I’m not. I don’t want finances to be what keeps us together or breaks us apart. I don’t want you to have to wonder why I’m with you.”

“I already know why you’re with me. You love me, just like I love you. We’re never going to get divorced, so we don’t need a pre-nup. What’s next on the list?”

“Don’t you want to be able to fuck on our wedding night? Maybe we should wait until I’m cleared for that.” It would also give him time to make sure he wanted to go through with it.

“I don’t care about that. I seriously just want—no, I
need
to be married to you. I love you, and I can’t wait another minute to belong to you in every way possible.” His words nearly made me forget about my pain. “By the way, we aren’t going to fuck anymore.”

My eyes opened almost painfully wide. “What happened? Did you break your dick while I was unconscious?”

“No,” he said with a laugh. “He’s still fully functional.” He tapped his finger on the end of my nose and then looked into my eyes. “From now on when we’re together, we’ll be making love, and I want to be your husband when we do it.”

What woman in her right mind could resist that? “All right, I’ll marry you today on one condition.”

“Anything.”

“Find me a toothbrush.”

Madison

I admired the photographs on the mantle of my new home in California. The image of baby Peyton in her daddy’s arms sat next to a picture of my baby in Sawyer’s. I ran a finger over the engraved frame that bore my son’s name: Gabriel Alexander Ramsay. I finally had the photo to go along with the family I’d always wanted.

“Are you ready?” Sawyer wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and nuzzled my neck.

“I don’t think I can do it,” I confessed.

“Of course you can.” He chuckled. “If nothing else, you can just lay there and I’ll do all of the work.”

“That’s not what I meant.” I was more than ready to be an active participant.

“Gabe is three months old and sleeping through the night. He’ll be fine staying with Auntie Marina and Uncle Tate tonight.”

“But I’ve never been away from him overnight. Maybe Marina can stay here—or maybe we can do it at their house.”

“Babe, I’ve waited six months to make love to my wife. The kids won’t be able to sleep through the noise if they are in the same house.” He placed a kiss on the curve of my neck. “I also don’t think that’s how you want Peyton to learn about the birds and the bees.”

“What if he does something really cute or what if he needs me? What if Peyton loses her tooth?” It had been wiggly for weeks and was just hanging on by a thread.

“How about we ask Marina to hire a film crew to document the entire visit, so you don’t miss anything?” he asked with a raised brow.

“Do you really think I’m being that ridiculous?” I asked. He just stood there looking at me. “Maybe we can drop them off, do it, and then pick them up?”

“Two words: six months.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault it’s been so long. I was ready to go six weeks after the surgery.” Sawyer had been so scared of hurting me that he would barely even touch me. Then another six weeks got tacked on to our sexual embargo when the baby was born. The doctors insisted he be delivered via Caesarean section because they didn’t want me to push after having recent abdominal trauma. Of course, Sawyer decided that we should wait twelve weeks, just to be safe.

Gabe chose that moment to wake up crying. I lifted him from the bassinette in the middle of the living room and settled onto the couch. Sawyer sat next to me as I nursed our tiny son.

“You’d better get your fill, little man,” Sawyer said to Gabe. “Daddy’s getting your leftovers tonight.”

“Just what I need: a second Ramsay man gnawing on my boobs,” I said with a laugh.

Sawyer stood, grabbed his keys and wallet from the coffee table, and started walking toward the front door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” I asked.

“If there’s a one-Ramsay limit, I’m going to the store to buy some formula,” he said with a panty-dropping smile.

“Did you hear that, Gabers?” I asked. “Your daddy wants to make you drink nasty formula.” As if on cue, our baby decided to let his father know exactly what he thought of that idea. “You smell that, Ramsay? Your son made you a present.”

“Why do I get all the presents?”

“It’s the way Mother Nature intended: I put it in; you take it out.”

“That wouldn’t be the case if you’d let me go get the formula.”

“Do you actually think sharing dirty diaper duty with you is incentive for me to agree to that?”

He sighed. “Hand the little stinker over.”

I handed Gabe to his father and then rearranged my clothes. “Be sure to burp him, so he doesn’t barf on your sister.”

“I kind of want him to. I could get a lot of money for a picture of Marina covered in puke.”

I laughed at my silly husband. “All right, Mr. Ramsay. Go take care of Master Ramsay’s bum, and I’ll make sure Miss Miller-Ramsay is ready to go.”

“Whatever you say, Mrs. Ramsay.”

“That’s more like it.”

*

“I’m nervous,” I confessed. Sawyer and I had the entire house to ourselves. I had changed into a short black robe, and he was down to his boxers.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Sawyer asked.

“I don’t know; it just feels different. It’s been so long, and things have changed so much.”

“Different in a good way, right?” he asked.

“Yes, of course.” I fiddled with the sash holding my robe closed. “Maybe I just have performance anxiety.”

He laughed. “I’ve never heard of a woman having that before.”

“I just don’t want to let you down. We spent our wedding night in a hospital bed, so I want this to be special for you.”