Never to Keep (Accepting Fate #1)
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Authors: Aimie Grey
(Accepting Fate, Book 1)
Aimie Grey
Copyright © 2014 by Aimie Grey
Kindle Edition
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental
The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner.
Published by Insanity Press, Hilliard, Ohio
Cover Design by Kari Ayasha of Cover to Cover Designs
Cover image used under license from omgimages/Bigstock.com
Edited by Liz Aguilar of Book Peddler’s Editing
Book Layout ©2013
BookDesignTemplates.com
Never to Keep/ Aimie Grey.—1st ed.
ISBN 978-0-9903409-1-1
Library of Congress Control Number: 2014941642
For Emily and Shawna
Madison
I kicked off the only pair of high-heeled shoes I owned and leapt from my chair. The freshly cut grass pricked the soles of my feet as I darted to where my sister-in-law, Olivia, stood shaking. I felt Ethan follow closely behind.
A light summer breeze freed one of Olivia’s auburn curls and rustled the leaves of the mature maple trees nearby. I rounded the podium and pulled her into my arms, barely registering the bite of her fingernails gouging my back.
“I can’t do this,” she whimpered. “I thought I could, but I just can’t.”
The sweltering August sun did nothing to ease the chill that penetrated through to my bones. “I’ll do it. Your little girl needs you now.” I transferred Olivia into Ethan’s arms and watched him guide her back to where her daughter, Peyton, was quietly sobbing. I clung to the wobbly lectern and let my eyelids drift closed for a moment to calm my racing heart.
I took a deep breath, opened my eyes, and scanned the crowd of familiar faces. “Ryan was barely a teenager when we lost our father. It was the most devastating event of our lives—until now, anyway. Ryan was so strong for me. He held me when I needed to cry, told a lame joke when I needed to laugh, and ordered me to ‘suck it up’ when it was time to end my pity party.
“The day of our dad’s funeral, Ryan told me he didn’t want anyone to ever be that sad because of him. His plan was to never have a family of his own, so Mom and I would be the only ones who would miss him if anything ever happened.” I paused for a moment until I caught my sister-in-law’s eye. “That plan went to hell when he finally admitted to himself that he had been in love with Olivia for most of his life.
“I wanted to be strong for Ryan today, but some things just aren’t possible. Someday I’ll be able to celebrate his life instead of mourning his loss, just not today.” I looked into Peyton’s hazel eyes—the ones given to her by her father. They always turned jade green when she cried. I watched as tears continued to spill down her cheeks. “It’s all right to be sad and miss him as long as we don’t forget the happiness and love he brought to our lives. I know he misses us just as much as we miss him.
“I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye in person—none of us did, so today I’m saying goodbye to my teacher, my role model, my protector, my best friend. He was the greatest brother, husband, father, son, and friend that ever graced the earth.”
The painful, burning lump in my throat made it impossible to continue. The minister took my place at the lectern as I made my way into the only remaining pair of arms that could hold me together. Ethan pulled me closer, and I sank against him.
“We commit Ryan to his final resting place: earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.” The mahogany box that held my big brother slowly descended into the earth next to our father’s grave. Desperate for warmth, I snuggled deeper into Ethan’s broad chest.
The tortured cries from Peyton and Olivia ripped through the paper-thin walls of my heart. Several of Peyton’s loose curls clung to her damp cheeks. Ryan would have hated to see Peyton in so much agony; he cherished his little girl more than life itself.
“Go forth in peace and love. Amen.” The minister’s prayer book closed with a soft thump. Friends and what little family we had lined up to hug Peyton and Olivia. Most of them would go back to their normal lives, but the three of us would never fully recover from the loss.
Ethan and I leaned against a nearby tree as the white folding chairs were cleared away and a backhoe filled Ryan’s grave. I couldn’t bring myself to go, and Ethan didn’t want to leave without me. We watched as everyone left, one by one.
“Remember the day we met?” Ethan asked. “It was hot just like today.” He wiped the sweat from his brow. “I thought Ryan was crazy when he invited me to play football with him and his little sister. I decided to go anyway because I was so desperate for a friend.”
Ethan had been the new kid, and most of the other kids our age had gone out of their way to avoid him. They acted as if they’d never seen a bi-racial person before.
“That was a great day.” I smiled as I thought about the first time I saw Ethan nearly a dozen years ago. He’d been the cutest boy I’d ever seen.
“Despite making me promise I wouldn’t treat you like a girl, I thought he was going to kill me when I tackled you.” Ethan’s eyes lit up for a moment. “He did want to kill me, but only because you were upset you didn’t score.”
“I fell in love with you the moment my knees hit the ground.” He never treated me like a helpless girl.
“I fell in love with you when you cussed me out for taking you down.” He tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “Ryan noticed the change. The next day, he made me promise to never hurt you, and he wasn’t talking about skinned knees.”
I laced my fingers through his and studied the beautiful pattern they made: large, small, dark, light. I met his big brown eyes with my own. “I love you. Thank you for staying here with me.” I closed the small distance between us and gave him a peck on the mouth. “A lot of Ryan’s friends from out of town are staying at the house, so I booked a hotel room for us in the city.” I needed to be wrapped up in his strong arms now more than ever.
I leaned in to kiss him again. I needed to feel close to him, needed the human connection. I stumbled as he abruptly pulled away to dodge my lips. His gaze drifted around the cemetery. His grip on my hand tightened as he turned to face me. “There’s something I need to tell you.” His entire body stiffened. “I have to break my promise to Ryan.”
“What? W-what are you talking about?” My heart stilled.
“I need to break up with you.”
“Why?” I managed to squeak around the lump of tears lodged in my throat.
“I’m tired of fighting the urge to be with other people. I can’t be faithful to you anymore, and I respect you too much to cheat.” The catch in his voice belied his confidence in the decision.
“Maybe we just need to make more of an effort to spend time together,” I attempted to reason.
“I can’t do this anymore, Mads. You aren’t enough for me,” he whispered hoarsely. His large hand smoothed over his thick black hair. “I’m sorry, but it’s over.”
His unexpected words twisted the serrated knife that had been lodged in my chest since Ryan’s fatal car accident. “Why here, why now?” It had to be some sort of sick joke.
“I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, but needed to do it face to face. I’m driving back to Bloomington this afternoon. Who knows when we might see each other next?” He cleared a few tears from my cheek with his thumb. “I never wanted to hurt you. I hope someday you’ll be able to forgive me.”
