Never to Keep (Accepting Fate #1) (18 page)

“Oh, thank God. I thought something terrible had happened.” The exhaled pent-up tension from her body was audible over the phone.

“I’m so sorry. I fell down last night and busted up my face. During all the chaos, I totally forgot it was Saturday. I was asleep when you called.”

“Are you okay? Did you get checked out?” Her concern touched my heart. She had so much going wrong in her world, yet she was worried about me. Maybe she was ready to come home.

“I’ll be fine. Peyton’s in the tub; she should be done in a few minutes. I know she will want to say good night to you.”

“I miss her so much. I’m glad you called. I talked to the day nurse when visiting hours ended. She said you can visit tomorrow at the usual time, since you weren’t able to come today.”

“I’m not allowed to drive, and Ethan has to work in the ER tomorrow. I ran into Peyton’s teacher this morning, and he’s been helping out today. I can ask him to bring us if you don’t mind a stranger tagging along.” I didn’t want to ask him for such a large favor, especially since Peyton and Olivia would be so vulnerable, but I had to do something. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would volunteer for something he didn’t want to do.

“That would be great, actually. It’s about time I met my daughter’s teacher and the man who has my sister’s panties tied up in knots.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I feebly protested. I’d barely even mentioned him to her.

“Sure, whatever. Even after all this time apart, I still know you better than you know yourself. You can’t keep secrets from me.” If only she knew just how much I’d kept from her these past few months.

“How are you feeling? Any word on when they’ll let you come home?” I needed her. Peyton needed her. She was missing out on too many important events. She wasn’t there for Peyton’s seventh birthday, her first day of school, and two visits from the tooth fairy just to name a few. She was quiet a little too long. “What is it, Olivia?”

“I, uh, haven’t made as much progress as they’d like. I’ll probably have to stay a few more months. Please, don’t be mad at me.”

I could never be mad at her, even when she deserved it. She’d made my brother extremely happy until the day he died. She brought Peyton into this world. She was my best friend and the only person over the age of eight who would never abandon me.

“The good news is I heard from my lawyer,” she continued. “The asshole that hit Ryan finally settled the lawsuit. The money from that will pay for the extra time I have to spend in here.”

My heart still hurt when I heard Ryan’s name. “Is there any chance you can spare some of it? The electric bill is coming due, and things are a little tight this month.”

“Of course,” she replied.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. I promise I’ll call if something comes up.” Peyton ran down the stairs in her favorite unicorn pajamas. She bounced up and down as she held her hands out for the phone. “There’s an adorable little munchkin here that wants to talk to her mommy.” The excitement on Peyton’s face warmed my heart.

“Hi, Mommy! I miss you!”

Madison

Sawyer returned exactly two hours later carrying a small duffle bag. His hair was damp, which reminded me I hadn’t showered since before work the night before. I was sure I smelled like one of Ryan’s old sweat socks after practice on a hot summer day.

“You can set up camp on the couch. I’m going to take a shower and then turn in for the night. You know where the bathroom and kitchen are; help yourself to anything you want.” I wished he would’ve stayed home. My stench wouldn’t have been as apparent if he hadn’t come over smelling like a damned pine tree—in winter—on a tall mountain—in Aspen.

“The water from the shower will hurt like a bitch when it hits your ribs. It’s also going to be difficult to wash your hair and back with your injured shoulder. What if you lose your balance and fall?”

“What do you suggest I do, go around smelling like a dirty jock strap for the rest of the week?”

“Let me take a look at your shower. Maybe I can figure out a way to make it easier and safer for you.”

I was too tired to argue. “Follow me.” I slowly led him up the stairs and tried to ignore the pain that flared with each step. I moved to the side when we reached the landing at the top. I pointed to the bathroom door at the end of the hallway. “Have at it,” I said with a gesture to let him know I wouldn’t be going with him. I tried really hard not to stare at the way his jeans hugged his firm ass as he walked to the bathroom.

The sound of running water filled the air less than a minute later. I made my way toward the source of the noise, only to collide with an invisible brick wall as soon as I crossed the threshold to the bathroom. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, and I sure as hell didn’t want to blink. All I could do was stare at the fine specimen of naked man bending over my tub to check the water temperature.

All of the sudden I didn’t give a shit about my injuries. I didn’t feel anything except an ache between my legs.
Damned pregnancy hormones.
“What are you doing?” I was horrified that my words came out sounding like a croak.

“I came up with the perfect solution.” His proud smile fanned the flames in my lower belly. “You can take a bath, so the water won’t beat down on you and you won’t have to worry about falling.”

“Why are you naked if I’m the one taking the bath?” Not that I was complaining.

“I’m going to help you wash the parts you have trouble reaching. Don’t worry; I won’t have any trouble controlling myself.”

Oh yeah, I’d nearly forgotten how ugly I was with all the swelling and bruises. I wouldn’t be surprised if his dick retreated all the way into his body at the sight of me. I’d just have to try to take care of myself later.

He shut off the water and helped me undress slowly. I almost came standing up when his fingers lightly brushed across my breasts. We stood face to face for what seemed like several long minutes, both completely naked.

He was the first to move. He stepped into the tub and reached a strong hand out to help me follow. He sat down and guided me to rest between his muscular thighs that glistened under the surface of the clear water. His arms wrapped around me as he lathered a washcloth with my favorite almond scented soap. His chest rose behind me as he took in a deep breath.

“This is one of my favorite scents. This is what you smelled like the night we met at the hotel.” He gently ran the cloth across my chest.

“You remember that?” I was nearly panting with desire as he continued to wash me. He touched me as if I were fragile, maybe even cherished.

“I remember everything about that night. That was the best night of my life.”

My heart grew cold as I suddenly remembered the redhead I saw leaving his room the morning after. I was reading too much into this encounter. He was probably just trying to cop a feel. “Yeah, I guess bedding two chicks in one night would be a memorable experience.”

“What crazy notion is in your head this time?” he scolded.

“The morning after…I was looking for my earring and saw a disheveled redhead leaving your room. She made it perfectly clear what the two of you had been up to.” His body went rigid behind me, and not in the good way.

“Shit. That was one of the bridesmaids from Finn’s wedding. She came by trying to get me to fuck her, but I refused. Turns out she’d fucked my brother, Thomas, most of the night and stopped by my room on her walk of shame. You must have come by when I kicked her skanky ass out.”

“Oh,” was all I could say. Another misunderstanding. “Did you only turn her down because she slept with your brother?”

“No. I turned her down for many reasons. I’d told her no several times before I even met you. That morning the only thing I wanted to do was find you.” He pressed a tender kiss to my temple. “When I couldn’t find you, I was too angry to even think about anyone else.”

“Sawyer?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I want you so badly it hurts.”

“I want you, too, but you’re injured. That’s not what this is about. I want to take care of you, not seduce you.” His breath was husky, which gave me hope.

“I know. The pain I can handle, but I can’t handle the need. I think I’ll die if you don’t make me come soon.”

“We can’t have that.”

I giggled when he stepped out of the tub and lifted me into his strong arms.

“Be quiet. You don’t want to wake up Peyton, do you?”

“Definitely not. Now hurry up.”

Madison

“Wake up, baby,” Sawyer breathed in my ear as he gently stroked the top of my head. This would have been one of my top ten favorite mornings of all time if I hadn’t felt like I’d been hit by an eighteen-wheeler.

“Morning.” I couldn’t help but smile at his ridiculously handsome face and rumpled hair.

“What time does Peyton usually get up?”

I looked over at my alarm clock. “She’ll sleep for another hour or so.”

“We need to talk.” The sleepiness cleared from his face, and a hard expression took its place. Nothing good ever followed that sentence, especially the morning after. I knew his stance on relationships, and the thought of rejection wasn’t pleasant.

He reached behind him to grab something from the nightstand. “What’s this?” he asked and held up my journal.

“It’s mine. Why do you have it?”

“I found it when I was making Peyton a snack last night. Are you anorexic?”

“Of course not. I don’t think it’s physically possible for a Miller to be anorexic. Why would you even ask such a thing?”

“You are at least ten pounds lighter than when I first met you. It can’t be healthy to eat so little when you’re already so skinny. Why are you trying to lose weight?”

“You need to stop looking through my stuff. I can’t believe I trusted you.”

“You’re deflecting this back on me. Do you know how dangerous this is? My cousin died from anorexia.” He stopped trying to hide the fear and pain in his eyes.

“I learned in school that the average human needs to consume at least twelve hundred calories a day to avoid starvation. I’m not counting calories to lose weight; I write down what I eat to make sure I get enough calories to stay healthy.”
Don’t ask me why. Please don’t ask me why.

“Why?”

He wasn’t going to stop. “I have limited resources, and my top priority is for Peyton to have a full tummy. Sometimes that means I have to cut back. Once things go back to normal when Olivia comes home, I’m sure I’ll have no trouble putting the fat back on.”

“I don’t like this.” He waved the book in the air before tossing it on the nightstand behind him. I couldn’t tell if the tension in his face was anger or concern. I wasn’t going to apologize for doing what needed to be done for Peyton.

“Can we change the subject please? I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

His expression gradually eased as he thought about my request. “What do you want to do today? I can stay all day if you want to sleep.”

“Why, didn’t finish snooping last night?”

“No. If you recall, I got a little distracted.”

Damn, I wish my body wasn’t so sore
. I was ready to go another round courtesy of his wicked smile.

“Back to your question.” I had to distract myself before I was too far gone. “Are you still willing to take us to see Olivia? I talked to her last night, and she made arrangements for us to visit today, since we didn’t make it yesterday.”

“Of course, I’ll head home and get cleaned up. Text me when Peyton wakes up. I’ll pick up breakfast on my way back.”

“You don’t have to get breakfast. Peyton has a full box of cereal.”

“No arguments. You’re going to need to take some pain killers to survive the ride. I don’t want you to throw up again from taking them on an empty stomach. Just say thank you.”

“Thank you. About last night….”

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” he said with a grin.

“Yes, I do. You scratched my itch, extremely thoroughly by the way.” He’d been a little timid at first, but once he’d gotten into the groove, there’d been no stopping him. “I wish you’d have let me try to repay the favor.” I felt guilty, but damn it’d been hot to watch him take care of himself after he’d finished taking care of me.

He hesitated before he spoke. “Don’t worry about it. I had fun, too. I’m probably still ahead if we’re keeping score.”

He’s keeping score?
Is this all just a game to him?
“I’ll be sure to control myself from now on, so the scales don’t tip in my favor.” Trying to figure him out was a waste of time.

Madison

“Mommy!” Peyton shrieked as she ran toward Olivia as fast as her little legs would carry her. “I missed you so much!” Peyton leapt into her lap and covered her face with loud kisses. My heart melted at the beautiful sight.

“I missed you, too, baby girl.” Olivia snuggled with her daughter for a few long moments before pulling away to take a good look at her. “You’re getting so big. At this rate, you’re not going to fit on my lap much longer. Are you going to introduce me to your friend?”

“He isn’t my friend. He’s my teacher.” Peyton leaned in close to Olivia and whispered loudly enough for everyone to overhear, “He’s a pretty good teacher—for a boy.”

I cleared my throat to remind Peyton of her mother’s request.

“Mommy, this is Mr. Ramsay. Mr. Ramsay, this is Mommy.” Her manners made me proud, even if she needed a prompt every now and then.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Mr. Ramsay.” Olivia extended a hand and a warm smile.

“Please, call me Sawyer.” He shook her hand briefly.

“Olivia,” she responded.

“I can’t get over how much Peyton looks like you. Are you sure she’s your daughter and not your clone?” Sawyer joked. The resemblance was uncanny. The only thing she inherited from Ryan was the hazel of her eyes.

Olivia giggled. “She only looks like me on the outside. Ryan used to call her ‘Mini-Maddie in an Olivia wrapper’.”

“Is that so?” he chuckled. “
Maddie
never mentioned it.” Of course, I wouldn’t mention it; I didn’t share Ryan with just anyone.