Never to Keep (Accepting Fate #1) (30 page)

“I wasn’t sure what I would need, so I just brought everything.”

“Say goodbye.” I nodded across the parking lot to her home for the past four months. “Even if you live to be one hundred, you’re never coming back to this place.”

“Trust me, I won’t miss it. I’m ready to go home.”

We climbed into the tall SUV and settled in for the hour-long ride home. “We need to talk about Peyton,” I said as I started the car. “You need to tell her the truth.”

“How do I do it without breaking her heart?” Olivia studied her fingernails as she spoke. She seemed smaller than she had a few moments ago.

I didn’t want to do it any more than my sister-in-law did. We’d made it a couple of miles away from the rehab center when I was struck with an idea. “Peyton has really bonded with Mrs. Paul, the guidance counselor at her school. Maybe she can help us figure out the best way to break the news to Pey.”

“That’s a great idea.” Olivia’s body straightened. “Will you be there when I tell her? I think she’ll need you there for comfort in case she hates me for lying to her.”

“Of course, I will. I’ll call Mrs. Paul when we get home, and hopefully we can meet with her tomorrow to come up with the best strategy.” I took my sister’s hand. “You need to promise me that you’ll make the most of the time you have left with Peyton.”

“I promise.”

*

Olivia and I found Sawyer and Peyton in our little girl’s bedroom when we got home from the city. We stood quietly in the doorway and watched their interaction. “Do you want a biscuit with your tea?” Peyton asked Sawyer in a robotic voice.

“Why, yes, I would. Thank you, milady,” he responded in a terrible British accent. She handed him a plastic cookie.

“Since when do you like tea parties?” Olivia asked her daughter with curious delight. “I got you that kitchen stuff over a year ago, and this is the first time I’ve seen it out of the box.”

“I don’t like it.” Peyton’s cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink. “Some of the other girls at school play with this stuff. Mr. Ramsay is helping me practice, so I’ll fit in better.”

“That is the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard.” I gave Sawyer a look to let him know he would be rewarded later.

Peyton’s eyes suddenly lit up. “Mommy!” she screamed, having just realized what it meant for her mommy to be standing there. She ran to Olivia and jumped into her arms. Olivia winced slightly, but squeezed her daughter as tightly as she could. “I’m so happy you’re home!” Quiet tears streaked Peyton’s smiling cheeks.

“I’m so happy to see you, baby girl. I missed you so much.” Olivia carried Peyton into the center of the room and set her down next to the tea set. “I’m pretty thirsty; may I, please, have some tea?” Peyton nodded with delight. It seemed that Olivia was the only person that could bring out the little girl in her daughter.

Sawyer walked over to my side and wrapped a strong arm around my waist. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I whispered as I watched mother and child in their own little world.

He looked deeply into my eyes. “It’s the second most beautiful thing I’ve seen.”

“What was the first?” I asked.

His reply was beautifully concise. “You.” He all too briefly pressed his lips to mine.

We were pulled out of our bubble of happiness by Peyton’s voice. I had completely forgotten we were still standing in the doorway of her room. “Are you and Mr. Ramsay having another sleepover tonight?” she asked as if it weren’t a big deal. I felt my face ignite.

“No, Mr. Ramsay will be going home tonight,” Olivia said. I could hear the poorly suppressed anger in her voice.

“Let’s go order a pizza—or four,” Sawyer suggested. He took my hand and led me down the stairs, leaving Olivia to reconnect with her daughter. Hopefully she would cool off by the time the pizza arrived.

*

I was straddling Sawyer on the couch a few minutes after Peyton fell asleep. There was something to be said about making out like horny teenagers. I was so worked up I knew it wouldn’t be very long before I dragged him up to my room.

“I would prefer it if you didn’t fool around when Peyton is home.” I hadn’t heard Olivia come down the stairs.

“Sorry about that; we’ll take it upstairs,” I replied.

“I don’t want you doing it anywhere in the house. It’s not appropriate.” She stood a few yards away from us with her arms folded tightly across her chest. I’d never seen her look so angry before.

“Are you saying you and Ryan never had sex when she was in the house?” I raised an eyebrow at her. I knew bringing up Ryan was a low blow and regretted it almost instantly.

“We were always quiet. Besides, it’s natural for a married couple to make love. She doesn’t need to hear her teacher screwing her aunt’s brains out. It’s not appropriate for him to sleep over.”

Even though I’d decided to forgive Olivia the day before, I wasn’t immune to her sudden bitchiness. “Sawyer,” I said through gritted teeth. My need for him had shifted from pure lust to a desperate need for emotional release. He immediately understood.

“Let’s go to my place,” he said. I realized he had never invited me over before. The only reason I knew where he lived was because Peyton and I had stumbled upon it by accident. I wondered if he was opening up to me or if it was a matter of convenience.

“You’re going to leave me alone with Peyton?” Olivia asked. Panic now laced the anger in her voice.

“You’re her mother, and she’s asleep,” I said. I was done babying Olivia for the moment.

“I’m not ready for that yet.” Her face turned ghostly white.

“You’ll be fine. You’re still healthy enough to take care of her, and I’ll be back before she wakes up.”

“But—”

“You’re the one making us leave.” I had wanted to yell, but controlled myself, so I wouldn’t wake up Peyton. “If you don’t stop talking, I’m going to fuck him right here in front of you.”

“Fine, go, but don’t take the car.” She squinted her eyes in challenge.

“You are impossible.” Sick or not, I wasn’t going to let her win this time. “You know what? Fuck this. Come on, Sawyer. Let’s go upstairs.”

“This is my house!” Olivia nearly screamed.

“This is not your house. It is my mother’s house, and I will fuck whomever I want in it.”

*

Sawyer held me in his arms after relieving my tension in a way no one else could. I had almost fallen asleep when he spoke quietly in my ear.

“I’m going to quit my job,” he said.

All traces of sleepiness vanished from my body. I broke free of his embrace and pushed up on one elbow. “Do you think that’s a good idea with the baby coming?” I searched his face for any indication of what he might be thinking. “Besides, don’t you have a contract?”
And a mortgage, and a car payment.

“I think it’s a great idea
because
of the baby. I’m tired of people throwing my position as Peyton’s teacher in my face.” He rested his hand on my flat belly. “It’s only going to get worse when everyone in town finds out that we’re pregnant.” I loved that he said ‘we’re pregnant’ instead of ‘you’re pregnant’. His choice of words made me hopeful that I wouldn’t be in this alone. “There are a lot of qualified people out there to replace me, so it shouldn’t be a problem to break the contract.”

“Are you going to get another job? Work is hard to find right now. Maybe you could just switch classes with another teacher?” How could he even consider quitting now?

“So, you’re worried about money?” he asked with a sharp edge in his tone.

“I’m worried about feeding my children. I won’t be able to work for at least six weeks after the baby’s born, and I don’t have any savings.” I refused to acquire debt that I knew I wouldn’t be able to repay just because he didn’t want to work.

His voice quieted. “Don’t worry. I would never let our children go hungry.” I wondered if he even realized he’d said ‘our children’, as if it were a given he would always be there for Peyton as well as the baby.

“It’s hard not to worry when I don’t know where my next meal will come from, or if I’ll be able to keep the lights on another month,” I said quietly. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could handle the burden on my own. I needed to make sure he understood just how dire my situation was.

“You need to trust me. I promise I won’t let you down.” I looked into his beautiful deep blue eyes and decided that I could trust him. I was finally able to relax for the first time in months.

Sawyer

Madison was sitting in the living room with Ethan and Olivia when I came over after school on Tuesday. “Where’s Peyton?” I asked as soon as I took a seat next to Madison. Mrs. Paul had pulled Peyton out of class after lunch, and I hadn’t seen her since.

“We told Peyton about my condition today,” Olivia said. “Mrs. Paul was a huge help.” I was worried about Peyton, and, at the same time, I was glad Olivia and Madison had seemed to settle their argument from the night before.

“I figured that’s what happened. How’s she doing?” I asked.

“Better than I expected. She’s really upset, but I think she’ll calm down after she has some time to come to terms with the fact that I’m dying.”

Ethan joined the conversation. “I’ve been doing some research and found out about an experimental surgery that might help you,” he said to Olivia.

Olivia’s eyes darted around the room before settling on Ethan. “I appreciate your help, but I don’t want to get carved up just to buy a few more months.”

“I found a case where a woman close to your age had the procedure, followed by radiation and chemo,” Ethan said. “She’s been in remission for five years and is still going strong. Based on your latest scans and blood work, I think you’re an excellent candidate,”

Madison’s face lit up like a firefly. “That would be amazing, Olivia. I think you should seriously think about it,” Madison said. “If it works, you might live to see Peyton graduate. You may even see her get married and have kids of her own.”

“What are the risks?” Olivia asked. She wasn’t nearly as excited as the woman sitting next to me.

“That’s the thing.” Ethan picked at the label on his beer bottle. “I’ve only found ten documented cases of this surgery. It seems like it’s usually either extremely successful or extremely unsuccessful.”

“What do you mean by ‘extremely unsuccessful’?” Olivia asked. I could see the fear in her eyes.

Ethan hesitated before answering. “Two of the people are in remission: one for two years so far and the other for five, as I mentioned before. Both are pretty healthy considering what they went through.”

“What about the others?” I asked.

“Three other people are now diabetic and will have to be on dialysis for the rest of their lives. Their diabetes and history of cancer are preventing them from getting on the transplant list for new kidneys. The rest of the patients didn’t make it off the table.”

“So, you’re saying I have a fifty percent chance of not waking up from the surgery and a thirty percent chance of wishing I had died?” Olivia’s glass was definitely half empty.

“The sample size is too small to know the odds for sure. I found a surgeon in the city willing to perform the surgery pro bono. Yes, if you have the surgery, you might die on the table or be miserable for the rest of your life, but if you don’t have it, you are guaranteed to die an agonizing death.”