Never Let Go (Take My Hand) (7 page)

When I heard his footsteps retreat to his room a few
minutes later, I quickly took a shower myself – washing, drying and
dressing quickly so I wouldn’t hold up the bathroom in case he needed it again.
The bedroom was empty when I returned, and a then a quick glance in Chris’ room
proved that to be abandoned too.

With a furrowed brow I made my way downstairs. The
sound of Chris and Dexter chatting flowed into my ears before I’d even reached
the bottom step. I found them in the living room, talking over coffee.

“There’s one right here for you,” Dexter said, nodding
towards the steaming mug on the table. “Come sit down.” He patted the seat next
to him but my eyes couldn’t seem to focus on his hand, too busy staring at his
naked chest. He was wearing only jogging pants and a delicious smile. I wonder
if my insides will ever stop melting at the sight of him? I hope not.

“I’m gonna throw on a shirt and take a run before I
shower,” he announced as I sat beside him, brushing my knee against his
intentionally. “I need to get back in the routine.” I could barely remember the
last time Dexter went for a run, yet when I first met him he would go every
morning without fail. An unconscious smile spread across my lips as I
remembered the day he took
me
running.
I ached for
days
afterwards and I
can’t see me ever being in a hurry to repeat that experience.

I nodded in acknowledgement to Dexter and then turned
my attention to Chris.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been ran over by an HGV,” he said in a
playful tone, trying to downplay the seriousness of the situation. I wished he
wouldn’t do that, but nevertheless I was beginning to understand why he did.

“Have you taken one of the tablets the hospital gave
you?”

“Yeah. Just now. I’ll have to give them an hour or so
to do their job I suppose.” I nodded in response, praying they would work and
help him feel better. “Look, Emmie, I need to talk to you… about the garage.”

“You’re going to have to sell up aren’t you? I was
thinking about it myself yesterday.”

“No, Emmie, I’m not selling. I’m in the process of
signing everything over to you.”

“
What?
Chris… I-I can’t afford to take on a business.”

“You can. I’ve taken care of everything. I agreed a
deal with Ernie when I bought the place. I paid peanuts, Em. The repayments are
more than manageable for you with the business Dexter will bring to the
garage.”

“Dexter?”

“Yeah. I want Dex to take over the running of the
place. I know he can do it and I trust him. If he puts his head down he can ace
the NVQ in just a few months with the knowledge he already has.”

“Are you saying you knew about the…
cancer
,” I couldn’t help saying the word
as if it was dirty, “when you bought the garage? You’ve known for all this time
and you didn’t say anything?”

“I wanted to know where I stood first. I wanted to
know what I was dealing with before I worried you. Surely you understand that?
You had so much going on, I didn’t want to add to that.”

“You’re my brother! You can always talk to me no
matter what’s going on.”

“Well I don’t regret it. It would’ve just meant you
started looking at me like that sooner.”

“Like what?” How was I looking at him?

“Like the sight of me is hurting you. It’s the
only
way you’ve looked at me since you
found out.”

“That’s… I… well…” I sighed heavily, giving in to his
words. “That’s because it
does
hurt
me to look at you. Every time I see you I can’t help thinking it’s a day closer
to the end.”

“I don’t know what to say to that,” Chris replied.
“Because what you’ve just said is the truth. I can only hope that I get to see
you look at me like you used to again, before…” He didn’t finish, and I was
glad because I’m pretty sure I’d have cried. “Like you think I’m a dick, or a
goofball, or an overprotective jerk…” I giggled lightly, shaking my head. “A
smile, eh? We’re getting somewhere!”

“I’m trying, Chris. I promise I’m trying. But it’s
only been a few days. I just need a little time,” I said, painfully aware that
I didn’t have the luxury of a
lot
of
time.

“Good. We need more ‘normal’ around here. Jesus, I
reckon they get more laughs at the local funeral parlour.”

“Funny,” I said with a sarcastic smirk.

“Okay, we’ll discuss the details later. Dex, if you’re
going for a run, go now. I need you in the garage for 10 AM at the latest.
Emmie, you’d best piss off too. The place isn’t going to open itself. Me? I’m
going to try and keep some toast down, then I’ll make my way in myself.”

“You can’t work like this,” I argued.

“I won’t be working. I’ll be watching
him
work.” He nodded towards Dexter,
flashing him a devious grin. “Now get your arse in gear, mate. I’m giving you
an hour.”

“Yes, boss,” Dexter shot back, saluting Chris. “Love
you, doll,” he added after standing up. Then he bent down to kiss the tip of my
nose like he so often does. “See you at work.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, smiling widely. How domesticated is
that? Like we’re a ‘real couple, sharing a ‘normal’ life together. Just the
thought of our future makes me giddy.

Until I remember who won’t be there with us.

“I’d best get going,” I mumbled to Chris, my smile
completely evaporated. Chris stood up when I did and stopped me reaching for my
coat and shoes from the rack by the front door.

“You smiled today. That means so much to me. Thank you
for trying.”

Damn. Now I was crying.

“Stop that,” he ordered, feigning a stern,
authoritative voice. “If I can’t talk to you without you crying like a giant
pussy on me then I’m going to stop talking to you altogether.”

“Sorry,” I shrugged. “But maybe if you didn’t go dying
on me I’d be a little cheerier.”

“
That
right
there!” he enthused, leaning over and kissing my cheek. “That’s the spirit I
want from you!”

“You
want
me
to joke about you dying?”

“Sure. If we don’t laugh we’ll cry right? And not just
that, but the fact you just said dying twice in a row without flinching.”

“Chris…”

“No, Emmie. Let’s leave it at that. It’s progress. It
gives me hope that you’re going to be okay.”

“Chris,” I tried again.

“Nuh uh. Get your arse to the garage and open up. I’ll
see you in an hour or two.”

Holding up his finger in front of my face and
preventing me from responding, I had no choice but to just nod my head in
agreement. With that, he playfully punched my shoulder like he used to do when
we were little, and headed out of the room to… well I don’t actually know what
he planned to do.

“I love you, bro,” I whispered to myself. Then I bent
down to get my shoes, dragged them on and grabbed my keys before calling a
taxi. Dexter was right. I really
do
need
my car back.

Dexter

“
Wow
,” Emily gasped as we walked through
Snickers and Jared’s front door. It was Monday, and we travelled down to London
on the train with them to collect some of our stuff. “This place is beautiful,
Rach.”

“I know, right?” Snickers agreed.

“And he hardly charges you any rent?” Emily asked in a
hushed whisper when Jared left us alone in the living room.

“Jared’s dad’s a strange one,” Snickers went on. “He
says Jared needs to work his way through life, earn stuff… so he charges our
rent based on what Jaz earns from the pub, yet he also throws cash in his face
left, right and centre. Alistair thinks he’s making a man out of Jared by not
handing him life on a platter, but Jared knows damn well he’s a spoiled little
rich kid. I’ve given up trying to get my head around it now. If what’s on offer
is best for these two,” she rubbed her growing belly, “then I’ll take it.”

“I know we’ve only just got here, but do you mind if
Dex and I go fetch my car and his bike soon?”

“Em…”

“I’m
assuming the battery will be flat so I’ll need time to get that sorted before I
take it home.”

“It’s…”

“Is it still parked outside the old flat?”

“For fuck’s sake!” Snickers grunted, shaking her head
with a playful smile. “If you’d let me get a word in edgeways, then you would
know by now that it’s in our garage.”

“What,
here
?”

“Yes here. I turned the engine over every couple of
days while you were gone, so the battery is fine. I know we weren’t speaking,
but you’re still my family, ho. I wouldn’t have just left your shit behind.”

“Thanks,” Emily replied coyly as rosy heat flared in
her cheeks. “I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t suppose you gave Jenny the same courtesy?”

“Jenny?”

“My bike.”

“Um… shit. No. Didn’t even think about that. But even
if I had I probably wouldn’t have done anything about it. I was pissed off with
you – you took my best friend away.”

Inhaling a sharp laugh, I nodded. If there’s one thing
you’ve gotta love about Rachel Mason, it’s her brutal honesty.

“Well we should take your car back to my old apartment
- get my stuff,” I suggested to Emily.

“If it’s still there,” Jared piped up, waltzing back
into the room. I don’t know where he went. Maybe the bathroom or something.
“Your landlord won’t have just waited around for you to get back. You took off
without telling him where you were going or if you were coming back, and I’m
assuming you haven’t been paying your rent. Mate, I’m pretty sure he’ll have
tossed all your stuff.”

“Fuck,” I groaned. He was right. Of course he was! How
did I not think of that before? “My fucking bike better still be there. Do you
know if the spare key is still hung up in Mick’s back room?”

“Yeah it is. I’ll come with you guys and we’ll drop by
the pub on the way to your old place.”

“Ah, I dunno, man. Don’t wanna aggravate the miserable
old fucker. Best wait till opening time.”

“You haven’t told him?” Snickers interrupted.

“Told me what?” I asked curiously, flipping my gaze
between them both.

“Mick’s family. He’s Jared’s uncle.”

“
What?
No
fucking way! You kept that one quiet. But thinking about it, it always did
amaze me how you managed to keep your job there. You were never on time, you
were afraid to lift a crate in case you broke a fuckin’ nail, and you spent
more time flirting with customers than serving them. It explains so much.”

“Fuck off. You make me out to be such a moron.”
Everyone in the room, bar Jared, chomped down on our bottom lips to try and
stop a laugh escaping. “You’re all a bunch of twats,” he complained, dropping
onto the armchair.

“Aww,” Snickers cooed as she wheeled over to him and
pinched one of his cheeks between her thumb and finger. “Whassa madda, Jaz? Are
da nasty boys and girls making fun of you?”

“I’d stop right there, saffy, or I might not let you
have your wicked way with me later.”

“Um, yeah…” I interrupted before he could go any
further. “Jared’s right. Let’s stop right there.” Ugh. The image of Jared
having his wicked way burned the back of my eyelids. “Shall we go? Get it out
the way,” I suggested. Truth is I was fucking ecstatic about seeing my bike
again. I’d missed her.

“Sure,” Emily agreed. “Do you have my keys, Rach?”

“Yeah. They’re in a drawer in the kitchen.”

“Are you coming too?” Emily asked.

“Nah. I think I’m gonna take a nap. This being
pregnant lark is harder than it looks.”

“Well call me if you need anything,” Jared
interjected, standing up and making his way over to Snickers before bending
down and kissing her so fiercely I thought he was gonna fucking swallow her. “
Anything
at all,” he added. As an
outsider looking in, it seems love has turned Jared into a complete pussy, but
then I know damn well I am
exactly
the
same with Em, which is the only thing that stopped me saying as much.

“Right, quit the mushy shit. Let’s get going.”

**********

“Jenny!” I cried, almost falling to my knees at the
sight of her. Her tyres were slashed and her paintwork scratched… and when I
got even closer I noticed her mirrors were smashed too. “What have they done to
you, baby?”

“It’s just a bike, mate.”

“Whoa, Jared,” I heard Emily warn behind me. “I’d stop
talking. Like now.”

“She’s not just a FUCKING bike!” I yelled at him. He
shrank back a step, raising his palms in the air. “FUCKERS!” I bellowed into
the air while kicking the brick wall of my old apartment. It’s a good job I
didn’t walk up on whoever did this while they were in the process of destroying
my poor Jenny, or I would’ve beat them till they shit out their intestines.

“We can get the tires changed, Dex,” Emily soothed,
patting my back. “You can sort everything else out at the garage when we get
home.”

“It’s not the point. Look at her!” Emily forced her
face into a frown and shrugged her shoulders a little, and Jared just stared at
me like I was a freakin’ imbecile. Whatever. They clearly didn’t give a shit.
“Dude, you got your wallet on you?”

“Um… yeah,” Jared answered with a suspicious eyebrow.

“Good. We need to get a tow truck out here and arrange
some new tires. I’ve no cash on me, but I’ll settle up with you later.”

“What, now?”

“Yes, now!” Jesus, why didn’t they understand? “Em,
you head back to Jared’s place – spend some time with Snickers. We’ll be
home later.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind waiting with you, or
taking you to a garage.”

“Nah, we’ll ride in the pick up truck. You go and
enjoy some time with your best friend before we leave tomorrow.”

“Okay,” she agreed with a reluctant sigh. “Call me if
there’re any problems and I’ll come and pick you guys up.”

“Sure, doll,” I said. Then I leaned forward, cupped
her face in both of my hands and brushed my lips against hers. “Drive safe.”

**********

“Oh my God, what happened?” Emily asked in a panic
when Jared and I walked into the house some hours later. Her worried eyes zoned
in on Jared’s green face.

“Someone’s never been on the back of a bike before,
that’s all,” I said teasingly, still laughing at the way Jared squealed like a
freakin’ girl when I brought Jenny to life.

“You wuss!” Snickers ridiculed. “If I’d wanted a
relationship with a girl I would’ve come out of the closet. Where’d you leave
your balls?”

“Not funny, saffy. He drives like a moron!”

“Hey, douchebag! I am a very good driver thank you
very much. I barely pushed thirty all the way here because you were clinging
onto me so tight. Seriously, I was convinced if I went any faster I would’ve
felt your cock up my ass, you were so damn close.”

“You can all make fun of me but that bike is scary as
shit. If anything was to crash into us the only thing separating me from it is
this!” he whined, picking up the corners of his jacket and holding it wide open
like some kind of deranged flasher.

“You got the tires sorted then?” Emily asked, her
voice still a little uneven from giggling so hard as she walked over to me and
curled her arms around my body.

“Yeah,” I whispered into her hair, pressing my hips
into her so she could feel what she does to my body. Man, just the smell of her
gives me a raging erection. “Her body’s gonna take a bit of work though. I’ve
called Chris – filled him in. He’s up for the challenge.”

“How is he?” she asked dismally, looking up at me with
such sad eyes. I wanted to punch myself in my stupid fucking head for
mentioning Chris. She’d smiled so much since we got here and I’d just slapped
her across the face with reality.

“He’s fine, doll. Told me to tell you if you dare
worry about him while you’re down here he’ll slit Pork Pie’s throat.”

“He wouldn’t dare,” she growled possessively. Pork Pie
is a fluffy white dog whose brown paws join around his waist, sticking together
with Velcro. Em’s had him for as long as she can remember, but he’s been living
with Chris the last few years after she left him behind when she was fourteen
and going through an ‘I’m too old for teddy bears’ phase. I find it kind of
adorable that Chris never tossed the old guy into the trash.

An hour or so later, we were sitting spread out across
the living room furniture. I was sprawled across the armchair with Emily
nestled on my knee, and Jared was lying backwards on the sofa - legs apart and Snickers
settled between them with her head on his stomach.

“Look at us,” Snickers piped up. “Things have changed
so much in just a few months. It feels like I should be off throwing up
somewhere, Jared should be passed out on the floor and you two should be cleaning
up after us sorry-arsed winos.”

“Yeah,” Emily replied, smiling at the memory.

“But now I can’t drink because of the babies, he can’t
drink because of his medication, Dex can’t drink because of his tendency to get
addicted to shit, and you… well you’re just you, ho.”

“Umm, thanks? I think.”

“But that doesn’t mean we can’t stuff our faces with
food right?” Snickers enthused, grabbing onto Jared’s arm to help herself up
into a sitting position. “Pizza?”

“Where are you
fitting
all this food, Rach?” Emily asked seeming genuinely bewildered. “You do
nothing but eat lately!”

“Hey, I’m eating for three now. I’ll worry about the
flab when they’re out.”

“Well count me in,” I chimed in. “I’m starving.”

“Me too,” Jared added.

“Yeah. Me three,” Emily agreed.

“Babe, you got your wallet on you?” Snickers asked,
looking up at Jared and fluttering her eyelashes.

“You know I swear you people only want me for my
money,” he grumbled, shaking his head.

“You should count yourself lucky we want you for
anything at all.”

Breaking into fits of laughter, which as usual was at
Jared’s expense, we all settled in for our last night hanging out as friends
for a while. I took a moment to absorb the scene in front of me. I’ll miss
these guys when we head back home.