Never Let Go (Take My Hand) (6 page)

“You look like shit,” I said when the last thirty minutes
were almost up.

“I feel it.” Chris’ face had paled to an off-white/greeny
color and his eyes were strained and tired. “The nurse was right. There’s no
way in hell I could drive like this.”

In that moment Chris’ nurse came into the room, walking
towards us with a thin brown file. She placed the file open on the table and
scribbled something inside before turning to Chris.

“Round one, done,” she said with a smile, fiddling with the
bag hanging up on the IV stand. “Relax your hand for me,” she asked after
gloving up again. Chris did as he was told and she slipped the line out of his
hand in one smooth stroke, applying a square of gauze in its place. “Apply
pressure to that for a minute or two.”

“Okay, you need to wait here for twenty minutes or so while
we see how you’re body is handling things. In the meantime you can take a walk
around if you’d like, and I’ll go and fetch your prescription.”

“Prescription?” Chris questioned.

“Just some antiemetics. Everyone reacts differently but most
patients suffer from some sickness. They will help with that. If you happen to
suffer severely, we can start giving it to you through an injection at your
next session.”

“Sure,” Chris agreed. “Okay.”

With another smile, Anna left us alone. Chris removed the
pressure from his hand and the tiny wound on the back of his hand had stopped
bleeding. We both stood up, stretching our limbs and made our way out to the
corridor. Chris popped the square of gauze in a yellow bin on the way out
before stumbling slightly and leaning against the wall for support.

“You okay?” I asked, putting a steadying hand on his
shoulder.

“Just a little dizzy. It’s passing already.”

Once he felt steady enough on his feet, we paced slowly up
and down the length of the corridor. We repeated the process for a full
twenty-minutes before heading back to the nurses’ station to see if we could
leave.

“Here you go,” Anna the nurse said, passing Chris a small,
white paper bag. “Be sure to read the leaflet that accompanies the tablets.
There is also a booklet in there explaining all the possible side-effects you
might experience, but if any are severe, don’t hesitate to get in touch with
us.”

“Thanks.”

“Oh and Paula’s number is also in there. You can call her at
any time with any concerns or questions, and so can your family. She’s here to
help
all
of you through this.”
Hmm. Might be worth getting Emily to chat
with her
, I thought to myself. “So, we’ll see you back here in two weeks.”

“Sure. Thanks again,” Chris muttered staring at the paper
bag as if he were trying to absorb everything she’d said.

We headed straight outside and Chris threw his head back,
sucking in the fresh air. I pulled my cell from my pocket and called for a cab.
It arrived just minutes later and after giving Chris a pat on the shoulder, we
climbed inside and made our way home.

Emily

“
You
know you can come here whenever you
want,” Rachel’s mum, Caroline, said as we prepared to leave. “We’re here for
you whether Rachel’s here or not.”

“Thanks, Caroline. That means a lot to me.”

She pulled me in for a tight hug before letting me go
and holding me at arms length.

“Be strong, sweetheart. You’ll get through this.”

“I hope so,” was all I could say, because I still
don’t know if I can. “It’s been so nice seeing you, Emily. Promise you’ll come
and see us even when Rachel and Jared have gone back down south?”

“Of course,” I assured her, smiling warmly. “I
promise.”

I love Rachel’s parents. They have been better parents
to me than my own and I didn’t realise how much I’d missed them until I came
here today.

“And you,” Caroline added, turning to Rachel. “Come
and see us before you leave.”

“Sure, Mum. We’re heading back Monday. We’ll pop round
Sunday afternoon.”

“Great. I’ll cook dinner. Lamb or chicken?”

“Beef,” Rachel replied with a smart smile, being
purposely awkward.

“And Yorkshire puddings I hope?” Jared chipped in.

“Homemade,” Caroline replied with a wink.

Bryan, Rachel’s dad, joined us in the hall while we
said our goodbyes. He offered to drive us home but Rachel had already called a
taxi and it was waiting for us outside. After another round of hugs and kisses,
Rachel, Jared and I went outside towards the waiting car. Jared helped Rachel
in and collapsed her chair, put it in the boot and then climbed in the front
seat. Resting my head against the glass, I waved goodbye to Caroline and Bryan,
and then closed my eyes, breathing deeply as I prepared to face the situation
at home.

The taxi stopped at Rachel and Jared’s hotel before
taking me home. I still didn’t understand why they weren’t just staying with
her parents, but then again money isn’t an issue for Jared. Dexter and Chris
were already home by the time I got there, and the first thing to hit me when I
walked in the house was the deathly shade of grey Chris’ skin had turned.

“How’d it go?” I asked immediately, slipping straight
into Dexter’s arms but looking at Chris.

“Fine, I think,” Chris answered. “It was long and
boring as hell but it didn’t hurt or anything.”

“And how do you feel now?”

“Sick. Exhausted. Weak.”

“Oh, Chris,” I sighed, pulling away from Dexter to
give my brother a hug. “How long will it last? Feeling so crappy I mean.”

“I’m not sure. I have a leaflet. I might go lie down
and read it.”

“Do you need anything? I could make you some dinner?”

“Ugh,” he groaned. “Not right now. Thanks though.”

After tightening his grip around me and giving me one
final squeeze, Chris pulled away and went straight up to bed.

Cancer is a
bastard
.

**********

“You ready for bed, doll?” Dexter asked when I let out
an impressive yawn. “I love the way you yawn – the way your little button
nose scrunches up.”

“Yeah. I’m exhausted.” It was only 7 PM but I’d been
through so much emotionally the last few days I wasn’t surprised it was
catching up to me.

We hadn’t heard from Chris again and by the time we
reached the top of the stairs we heard a loud snore coming from his room. All
the rubbish in his system must’ve wiped him out and I found myself hoping this
wouldn’t be his life for the next few months. Surely he will have better days
or what’s the point?

Dexter undressed and climbed into bed under the covers
while I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I came back I reached into
my pyjama drawer but Dexter stopped me by saying my name.

“Don’t wear anything to bed, doll. We don’t have to do
anything. I just want to hold you. Feel your skin against mine.”

His words warmed my chest, and so I slinked out of my
underwear and joined him under the covers. He lay on his back with one arm
stretched out so I could snuggle into his firm chest. I rested my hand along
the groove of his hips and inhaled the scent of him. It’s weird how people have
their own smell… and nothing on this earth smells as good as Dexter.

“How’re you holding up?” he asked me, tracing small
circles on my back with his thumb. “I need you to talk to me, doll. Be honest
with me.”

“I don’t know,” I admitted honestly. “All I know is
that it hurts.
All
the time. And I
can’t see how it’s ever going to get better.”

“Time. That’s all I’ve got to offer you. Because in
all honesty, I don’t know how it’s gonna get better either.”

I snuggled in a little closer, my skin igniting
wherever it touched his. I’d missed this. I’d missed him. Instinctively my
fingers wandered along the groove of his hip, following its path downwards
until I reached between his legs. I wrapped my fingers around his soft length,
unable to suppress a smile when I felt it grow against my hand.

“Jesus, Emily…” he breathed, pushing his hips up
against me.

“I’ve missed you,” I said before leaning forward to
kiss his taut stomach. I started stroking him as I trailed soft kisses along
his muscles and he pushed his erection further into my hand, groaning as he did
so.

“Come here,” he whispered, urging me up to his face. Slipping
my hand free from under the covers, I crawled up on my knees and pressed my
lips to his. The feel of his tongue dancing with mine was enough to make me
moan into his mouth. I wanted him. I
needed
him.

I wound my fingers into his messy brown hair, holding
his face to mine as I kissed him with every ounce of passion my body held.
Unexpectedly, he ran one finger up the inside of my thigh and when he reached
the apex, I gasped.

“You’re so wet. So ready for me.” I’d never have the
courage to talk like that, but whenever Dexter did it made my belly ache and
the muscles between my legs clench. “You’re so beautiful, Emily. So fucking
perfect.”

He started to kiss me again and, never taking his lips
from mine, he rolled me onto my back. He took a moment, propped up on his
elbow, to just stare at me. My skin heated in the wake of his eyes as he
scanned them up and down my exposed body. Then he laid a flattened palm on my
breast, massaging it gently before trailing down the centre of my body until it
cupped my sex. I arched against his hand, desperate to feel his touch. As I
did, he leaned over my body and clamped his soft, moist lips around my nipple,
drawing it into his mouth and sucking it into a stiff peak.

“God, Dexter…” I whispered, closing my eyes and biting
my bottom lip when he slipped one finger inside me.

“Open your eyes, doll,” he ordered. “Look at me. Stay
with me.”

I did as he asked, fluttering my eyes open and locking
my gaze on his. He stared intently into my eyes as he drove another finger into
me, waiting for my reaction. My body tensed and I chewed on my lip so hard it
became painful.

“You like that?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
“You like feeling my fingers inside you?”

“Y-yes,” I moaned breathlessly as he strummed his
skilled fingers along my front wall, hitting my g-spot and making me want to
scream.

“Shh, doll. You need to stay quiet.” God, that was
becoming impossible. I turned my face towards the pillow, praying it would mask
my moans. His fingers were relentless, thrusting deeply in and out over and
over again.

“Look at me,” he ordered again, his words forcing my
face away from the pillow. “Tell me what you want.”

“You. I want you. Inside me.”

“I
am
inside
you, doll. You’ll have to be more specific.”

“Not your fingers.” He ripped them out of me instantly
and positioned himself above me, resting his forearms on either side of my
head.

“You mean my cock? You want my cock inside of you?” he
asked, his voice dripping with pleasure and dominance.

“Yes.”

“I thought as much. Your pussy is
begging
for me,” he whispered against my jaw. “See?” he added,
bringing his fingers up to my mouth. “Taste how ready you are for me, Emily.”

Oh. My. God. Was he really asking me to do
that
? When his moist finger brushed my
lower lip, I realised yes, yes he was. My tongue darted out of its own accord
and swept just once over the length of his finger.
Hmmm.
Sweet… maybe a little salty.
Definitely
horny as hell. If I hadn’t have been so turned on I’m
sure I would’ve been embarrassed with the idea of tasting my own arousal.

“Fuck, that was hot,” he practically growled, his
denim-blue eyes sparkling with need. “I can’t wait any longer,” he said,
thrusting deep inside me without warning and making my breath catch.

“Oh my God.”

“So tight. Always so
fucking
tight.”

My head rolled backwards and my nails clawed into the
firm muscles hugging his shoulders.

“Emily,
look
at
me!” My eyes snapped open and his gaze bored into mine. I hadn’t even realised
I’d closed them. “I need you with me. I need to be able to look into your eyes
when you tighten around me. Don’t leave again. Stay right here with me.”

Nodding weakly, I raised my hips and wrapped my legs
around his waist, resting them on his thrusting hips and locking my ankles
together behind his back. I gasped in surprise, and maybe disappointment when
he took hold of my thighs and prized my legs off him.

“I need to go deeper,” he said, hitching himself up on
his knees and lifting my legs so they draped over his shoulders. “Fuck, yes,”
he breathed, gripping my thighs and driving back into me with so much force my
head knocked into the headboard.

This position was perfect. He hit a spot I didn’t even
know existed, over and over again as he worked himself fast inside me. My hips
rose, meeting his thrusts and I felt my orgasm begin to spiral deep in my
belly.

“You’re close,” he noted. “I can feel you gripping me
tighter.”

“Yes,” I whimpered, hooking my arms around his waist
and trying to pull him impossibly deeper.

“Let go, doll. Come. Let me feel you.”

“Dexter…oh…God…Dexter…”

“I’m right there with you. Come on, Emily. Do it for
me. Let yourself go.”

The tingles in my belly spread downwards between my
thighs, intensifying with each rock of Dexter’s hips. The pressure of his
fingers digging into my thighs became harder and when he slammed into me again
I lost all control. My entire body quivered, my legs trembling under his
fingers and I called out his name as an intense, throbbing, all consuming
orgasm ripped through my body.

“Perfect,” he growled. “Fucking. Beautiful.” He pumped
into me once and then twice more before his own body juddered to a stop and he
poured his release into my body. “I love you, Emily,” he breathed roughly,
lowering my thighs and dropping down on top of my body. “Don’t
ever
forget.”

**********

When I woke up my body was a tangled mess. I had one
leg twisted in the sheet and the other draped over Dexter’s thighs while my
hand was resting on…

Oh…

“Mornin’,” he greeted with a devilish smirk, looking
down at my hand unintentionally cradling his erection. I lifted it away and
laid my palm flat on his stomach. “Don’t stop on my account. Percy’s been kind
of enjoying you feeling him up for the last twenty minutes or so.”

“I think Percy got enough attention last night,” I
countered. “Three rounds of attention if I remember rightly.”

“There’s no such thing as too much attention when
you’re involved, doll.”

Eeep! My heart did a little fluttery thing. Damn he’s
good at making it do that.

I curled back into his chest, knowing we would have to
get up soon to open the garage. However, my cheek had barely touched Dexter’s
chest when the sound of Chris being violently sick travelled through the air. I
sat up abruptly, wondering what I should do.

“How can I help him?” I asked no one in particular,
staring up at the ceiling.

“We’ll give him a few minutes to get himself together,
then one of us can go check on him.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, nodding my head. I stood from the
bed and grabbed my dressing gown off the back of the door. I couldn’t get
dressed until I’d showered. I stank of sweat, sex and morning breath. Once I’d
wrapped myself in my gown I headed back to the bed and perched on the end while
I waited for the sounds coming from the bathroom to calm.

“Did the hospital say how long he would be sick for?”

“No. They said it affects everyone differently, but
they gave him some pills to ease the symptoms.”

“Well either they’re not working or he hasn’t taken
them yet.”

Sounds of retching and spluttering continued to swamp
the air for what felt like hours, though it was really only ten minutes. Once
it appeared Chris had finally stopped being sick, the sound of the toilet
flushing followed and then I heard the spray of shower water slapping against
the bath.