Never Let Go (26 page)

That last bit is a total guess on my part, but the guilty look that crosses Andrew’s face tells me I hit my mark.

“Okay, so I came here with her,” Andrew admits, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. “But we did
not
have sex. We talked.”

I roll my eyes. “Really? Really, Andrew? Of all the possible excuses, you come up with
that
one? You would have had better luck trying to convince me it wasn’t you.”

“It’s the truth,” Andrew insists. “Why would I lie?”

I scoff. “I can think of some pretty good reasons.”

He shakes his head. “Whatever you believe, I’m not like that.” He lowers his voice. “Can I come inside? I’m taking a big risk being here. Somebody might see.”

“I thought you forgot all about your ‘rules,’ after what you did with Katy,” I mutter. Still, for some reason, I step back and let him through.

It’s probably because I know he won’t leave me alone until we’ve had this talk.

“So this is what your place looks like during the day,” Andrew comments. “I’ve never been inside with the sun out. Except that day we moved in, but you hadn’t decorated yet”

“Don’t get too used to it.” I direct him to the couch. He sits on the edge. I remain standing.

“So?” I cross my arms. “You said you wanted to talk. Well, talk!”

Andrew rubs his hands together and brings them to his lips to exhale. “You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?”

“I don’t see why I should.”

“Okay.” Andrew looks around the room, hesitant. “Jordan misses you,” he says.

That hits me right in the gut. I like the little guy. Since our basketball victory, I haven’t found time to spend with him.

“You can tell him I miss him too, and that I haven’t forgotten our bet,” I say. I make a point of not looking at Andrew. “
Next
.”

“He was really excited when I told him you’d be hanging out with us a lot more come winter,” Andrew says.

I grind my teeth. “Oh, no. You are
not
going to guilt me into anything. It’s your fault things blew up. Not mine.”

Okay, that might not be the whole truth, but I’m not about to go and point that out. Especially when I’m determined to stay mad at him.

Andrew narrows his eyes. “What about all the time you’ve been spending with Spencer?” he asks quietly.

“If that’s all you came here to say, you might as well leave,” I state, holding my ground. His objection doesn’t change the fact that I caught him sneaking around with my best friend.

Andrew gives no indication of moving. “Paige, please close the door. I’m sorry. All I meant was that I’m not the only guilty party here.”

“So you’re going to pin this on me,” I say flatly. “You’re going to blame
me
for what happened between you and Katy?”

“For the last time, nothing happened!” Andrew roars, surging to his feet.

The explosion makes me take a step back.

He starts pacing the living room. “Look. I came here to tell you what happened. To give you the full story. I know what it looked like from the side, especially to you. If you give me a chance to explain, maybe you can change your mind about
us
.”

“I doubt it,” I say.

“One chance, Paige,” Andrew says, holding up his forefinger. “Just give me one chance.”

“I let you in, didn’t I?” I sigh, closing the door. “You have your chance. Now hurry up and use it.”

“Okay.” Andrew nods. My consent seems to energize him. “Thank you, first of all. I wasn’t even sure if you were going to be willing to talk to me—”

“On with it, Andrew,” I say, my voice thin with impatience.

“Okay. Okay. Here’s the thing. I know what you saw last night. And I know what it looked like. But Katy and I have
not
had sex.”

“It’s your life,” I point out. “You can do whatever you want. Why should I care who you sleep with? It’s not like we’re in a relationship.”

“No, but we were
going
to be. I was going to wait for you, Paige.”

“Except you got impatient and decided to try your luck with my roommate,” I sneer. “Are we done? I have things to do that are more important than this.”

“It’s not like that,” Andrew grates. “Look. I’m older than most students here. How old do you think I am?”

“I don’t know. Twenty-one, twenty-two? Why does it matter?”

“I’m twenty-
five
,” Andrew stresses. “And Spencer’s a year older than me, if he hasn’t told you that.”

“So what?” I ask. It doesn’t really surprise me that Spencer is seven years my senior. It’s a little strange that he’s still an undergrad, I’ll admit, but like Katy said, some people just like the college scene. Spencer definitely strikes me as one of those. “How do you know Spencer’s age, anyway? What is it between the two of you?”

Andrew laughs. “You mean, he hasn’t told you?”

I shake my head. “He’s about as forthcoming as you are.”

“He’s my step brother.”

The room suddenly seems to darken. The walls spin, and I have to catch myself against the counter not to fall.

Andrew rushes a few steps toward me. I shake my head and hold out one hand to make him stop. “I’m okay.”

He looks at me skeptically. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure!” I snap. “I don’t like you always second guessing me! It’s presumptuous and pretentious, Andrew!”

“Sorry,” he winces. “I was just trying to look out for you.”

“Yeah, and look where that’s gotten you.” The news of Andrew and Spencer’s relationship comes as a shock, but my body’s reaction to it was completely disproportionate. So what if they have history? Knowing they’re family is only a minor revelation on the grand scale of things, and it doesn’t explain any of the issues between them.

“I’m not trying to upset you,” Andrew says cautiously. “I only want to explain myself.”

I lower myself onto a kitchen stool. “Okay. Go on.”

“I told you my age so the rest of it makes sense,” Andrew begins. “I’m not like most kids here. And you’re not either, I don’t think. That’s why I was so drawn to you at first.”

“I don’t need your compliments, Andrew,” I say. “Actions speak louder than words.”

He flinches at my accusation. “I guess I deserved that. But I can’t help it. You’re so beautiful and independent. The moment I saw you, I knew I wanted to be with you.”

I make a gagging sound in my throat to let him know what I think of all that.

He presses on. “The point is, I couldn’t start university until much later than everyone else.”

“What does this have to do with anything, Andrew? If I wanted your life story, I could have read your blog or something.” I know I sound bitter, but my patience is wearing thin.

“Please, let me finish,” Andrew urges. “I couldn’t go to university because I had to work and take care of Jordan. You know he’s fifteen years younger than me? That age difference is almost enough for a father and son.”

I give a tiny, inaudible gasp. I know all-too-well about that sort of thing. My mother is exactly fifteen years older than me.

Maybe I’ve been too quick to judge Andrew. All the damn uncertainty that’s been surrounding me is pressing on my nerves.

I squeeze my eyes shut and rub the bridge of my nose. When I look at Andrew again, I give a tight smile. “Okay. Continue.”

He senses my change in mood. His shoulders relax, and he gives a grateful sigh. “Jordan means the world to me. Everything I’ve done for the last seven years has been for him. I’ve made so many sacrifices. But I don’t regret any of them.”

“You must love him very much,” I say.

“I do,” Andrew agrees, smiling. “I’m not going to bore you with the full story. This is the quick version: My parents had an on-again, off-again relationship. They never married. I only found out when I was ten. One morning, after weeks of fighting, my dad just left.

“I asked my mom if it meant they were getting a divorce. She hugged me and told me the truth.”

“That must have been hard on you.”

“It was,” Andrew agrees. “For the longest time, I thought he’d come back. He left without saying goodbye. I made up this fantasy in my mind that he would show up on my birthday, and things would go back to the way they were. I waited and hoped for that for months.

“My birthday came and went. I didn’t even get a phone call.
No problem
, I thought.
Maybe Christmas.
Nope.
New Year’s?
Wrong again. It took me until my
next
birthday to understand he was gone for good.

“That’s when I started hating him for what he did. For the way he left. My mom and I had no money. But we had each other. We braved everything the world threw at us.”

Andrew pauses. “That is, until my dad returned. Almost four years to the day he left, he came back. And my mother welcomed him back as if nothing was wrong.” Andrew sighs. “It made me lose respect for her. How could she? It felt like being stabbed in the back. I grew distant from both of them.

“A few months later, they came to my room with a surprise. My mom was pregnant! I was going to be a brother!

“I resented both of them for expecting me to be happy. How could I, after all the turmoil they put me through? But, my mom talked to me over the next few weeks. She convinced me my dad had changed. She convinced me to give him another chance.

“So, I did. For her. And for the little brother or sister I was going to have. I decided to be the best older brother that I could be.

“Fast forward a few months. My mom gives birth. She and my dad bring Jordan home. I felt, for the first time in a long time, like we were a family again.” He snickers. “Of course, it didn’t last. True to his nature, my dad ditched us again. He claimed the stress of dealing with a baby was too much for him.”

“Jesus, Andrew. I had no idea.”

He gives a sly smile. “We’re not even at the climax yet. It gets better. Three years after the
second
time my dad left, my mom got sick. Some kind of rare bone disease. It took her quickly. She collapsed one night while doing laundry and never recovered.

“I watched her waste away in the hospital for fourteen grueling days. I tried calling my dad, tried searching for him. Nothing. He knew about what happened, I’m sure. But he didn’t even try to help.”

His story tears at my soul. Losing his mother and having an absent father? Nobody should go through that. My heart swells for the brave, terrified young boy that Andrew must have been.

“My mom died. And there I was all alone, suddenly in charge of a three-year-old boy. I had nobody to turn to. I tried to keep up with school, but it was impossible. I was a good student before, but I had to drop out. Jordan needed looking after.”

“And… your dad?” I ask.

Andrew scoffs. “The asshole of all assholes. He had the nerve to come to my mother’s funeral… with his
other family
.”

I gasp.

“It turns out,” Andrew continues, “that the whole time he’d been gone, he’d been living under one roof with another woman and her son.”

“Spencer?”

Andrew nods. “The one and only. The only bright spot in this whole mess is that Spencer wasn’t my dad’s. He was born before my dad met his mom. At the funeral, my dad invited me and Jordan to come live with him and his second family. I mean, what kind of twisted mind can even
think
of something like that after everything he’s put his
real
two sons through?”

Andrew shakes his head. “My gut told me not to go. But I was desperate. Jordan and I moved in. The experiment barely lasted twenty days.

“It was hell. Spencer and I hated each other from our first introduction. I hated my dad and his
girlfriend
. She was dismissive toward me, and cold toward Jordan. We couldn’t stay.

“So, on my eighteenth birthday, I took Jordan and moved out. He’d been through way too much in his young life. I had to get a crappy job at a gas station. There was only so much I could do without a high school diploma. But I protected Jordan through all of it, so he wouldn’t have to grow up the way I did.”

“Andrew… that’s so sad,” I whisper.

He shakes his head. “No, it’s not. Jordan and I are literally best friends now. If a genie gave me three wishes, none of them would be to change my past. It made me into the person I am today.”

I nod without saying anything. It seems Andrew and I are more alike than I ever imagined.

“I knew, eventually, that I would have to go to school,” he continues. “When Jordan became old enough, I promised myself I’d go to university. In the meantime, I got my high school diploma online. Even took a few college courses to ease the workload when I got here.”

“Well, you did it,” I smile. “You got everything you were after.”

Andrew locks eyes with me. “Not everything,” he says softly.

My insides clench up. His story is touching and heartbreaking and so sad, but… it does not change things between us.

Andrew stands up, and turns to the window to look outside. “That’s how I ended up a peer leader. They let me into the program because I was older. And the undergrad credits I got before let me enroll in the graduate school here. Part-time. I study psychology. I want to help people with their problems.” He turns toward me. “That’s how Katy and I met.”

I swallow. Maybe Andrew and I can still be friends. He trusted me enough to pour his soul out. I just need
him
to understand that our relationship cannot go past that. “Okay.”

He sighs and spreads his hands. “That’s all I’ve got, Paige. That’s my best explanation. I know it doesn’t matter what I say, but I promise I did not sleep with Katy. The first night I came here, we talked.
Maybe
I kissed her. But it was wrong. I felt so guilty about it. Then yesterday…”

He trails off and looks into the distance. “Yesterday, I wasn’t thinking straight. Something came over me, I don’t know what. But I am so happy that you were there to stop me.”

“Yeah.” I run a hand through my hair and start splitting the strands. “Thank you for telling me all of that. I imagine it must have been quit hard.”