Never Let Go (25 page)

“…I just have to get something from my truck,” I hear Andrew tell her, kissing her cheek.

A sick feeling rises in my gut. I waver. Spencer catches me before I can fall, but I push off him.

Right now, I don’t want anybody’s touch.

“Katy,” I say.

She stops dead and looks at me. Her eyes go wide and her hands go over her mouth. “Oh my God. Paige.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

Andrew’s head swings my way when he hears my voice. Immediately, his humor dies. A bleak expression forms on his face. He looks horrified.

Then he notices Spencer beside me. The shock disappears. His brow furrows in anger.

Give Spencer credit. He does not say anything to egg Andrew on. He knows there’s going to be an explosion, but he does not contribute to it. I can see the rising tension in his shoulders.

He also makes no move to close the gap between him and me. I’ve upset him with my ridiculous reaction to his harmless question.

This is like my worst nightmare come to life. My best friend and roommate, caught sneaking behind my back with the guy who couldn’t be in a relationship with me because of a technicality that applies just as much—if not more!—to him and Katy. Even worse, I’ve gone and pissed off the guy I’m
really
interested in by overreacting to something that could have been solved in a few easy words.

Andrew steps forward. “What are you doing here with
him
?” he demands, stabbing an angry finger at Spencer.

I position myself in front of Spencer, shielding him with my body. “That’s none of your business, Andrew,
peer leader
.” I drench his title with derisive snide.

Andrew takes another step toward us. “Paige, I swear, if you believe a word of this scum bag says…”

“Andrew, stop it!” Katy yelps, leaping onto his arm and pulling him away. He struggles against her.

Spencer moves around me and challenges Andrew. “If you’ve got something to say, say it to my face.”

“Fuck you!” Andrew shouts over Katy’s head.

Spencer’s expression darkens. His hands ball into fists.

I grab his shirt and hold him back. “Don’t,” I plead. “Please don’t start another fight!”

Spencer looks at me. He relaxes—slightly. “I wasn’t going to, kitten,” he says.

“Andrew!” Katy’s shrill shriek pierces the night. “Andrew, stop struggling. Andrew,
let it go
!”

I look around Spencer. Katy has both her hands on Andrew’s chest, doing her best to push him back. It’s a losing cause. He’s scowling at Spencer, and has managed to find the time to roll his sleeves up.

He looks ready for a brawl.

“Andrew, back off!” I warn him. “What’s wrong with you?”

My words seem to finally affect him. He stops. Looks down at Katy. Looks back at me. Glances at Spencer—and grimaces.

Then he turns around in a huff to storm to his truck.

Katy’s shoulders slump forward as she watches him go. Andrew starts the engine and stomps on the gas. His tires skid over the loose gravel on the road. They catch traction, screech, and his white truck shoots into the night.

I’m left alone with Katy and Spencer. I can feel the tension between us.

Katy looks despondent. Spencer is impossible to read. And while I can’t say what my face shows, I doubt it gives away even a tenth of the emotions roiling inside my head.

For a few long moments, we all just stand there, struggling with the implications of what has just happened. Spencer is the first to break the silence.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” he says. “You have a lot to talk about.” He squeezes my hand and adds, “I’m sorry for the way I reacted earlier.
Over-
reacted. I had a wonderful night. I hope you don’t let this spoil it.” He nods at Katy. “Kate,” he says, and walks away.

Now I’m alone with my roommate. She’s staring down at her feet, doing her best to pretend I’m not there.

I take a deep breath and try to think of the best way to approach this. To my surprise, I’m not mad. I can’t muster the anger. Not knowing what she’s been through.

But, I am disappointed. I even feel a little betrayed, that our friendship was not strong enough for her to tell me about her and Andrew.

How long has it been going on?

“I guess,” Katy sighs, “you have pretty much every reason to hate me right now.”

“No,” I shake my head. “I don’t hate you. But… how
could
you, Katy? Why didn’t you tell me anything?”

“I was scared of how you’d react,” she mumbles. “I… I didn’t know how to break it to you.” She gives a bitter snort, then pushes the hair out of her face as she looks up to meet my eyes for the first time. “Although I bet anything would be better than this, eh?”

I force a smile that I don’t feel. “I can think of worse ways,” I say. “Remember how we met?”

She laughs. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess that would be worse.”

I sit on the stairs leading to our building. Katy remains standing. “So,” I say. “Now what?”

“You tell me.” She blows out her cheeks. “I don’t want this causing a rift between us. Though I can see how it probably will.”

I chew the inside of my cheek. “I don’t want that, either,” I say. “But, if I’m going to be completely honest… I’ll say that it’s probably too early to know. We need some time to think on things.”

“You’re right,” Katy acknowledges. She gives a weak smile. “You should be a politician. Talking like that.”

I counter with a soft laugh. “Yeah, right.”

Katy shifts on her feet. “Can I tell you something?” she asks. “I don’t know if you’re going to believe me or not,” she adds after a moment, “but it’s the truth.”

“Sure.”

“I marvel at your resilience,” she says. “I know you don’t like talking about it, but I know you’ve gone through a lot in your life.”

I start to protest. She stops me with a hand in the air. “You can’t fool me, Paige. We’ve lived together for more than a month. You get to know a person that way. Why else have you never spoken about your past?”

She takes a deep breath. “I’m not going to insult you again by making assumptions. My gut tells me it must be some heavy shit. But you haven’t let it stop you from living your life, from being who
you
are, the whole time I’ve known you. That’s amazing. And I just wish we had more time to spend together.”

I want to laugh and tell her how wrong she is about me
living my life
. However, the last bit catches me off-guard.

“What do you mean, ‘more time to spend together’?” I ask. “We’re roomies for the rest of the year. Right?”

Katy shakes her head. She sits one step below me and sighs. “No. I’m taking a leave of absence, Paige.”

“What?”

She nods. I can see tears reflect in her eyes. “My family found out about what happened. Apparently, the resident dean got in touch with them. They want me to come home, and…” she makes air quotes, “…
heal
.”

My breath catches. “How long have you known?”

“Since last Tuesday. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.” She forces a smile. “It’s not that bad. I’ve fallen behind in my classes since the hospital stay. I’m failing some of them.”

My eyes start to sting with tears, too. “Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask. All that’s happened tonight is forgotten. “I could have helped! I could have talked to the professors with you, maybe done some of your assignments—”

Katy touches my knee to stop me. “Thank you. You’re sweet to me, even after what you just saw with Andrew.”

I wipe at my eyes with the back of my wrist. “That doesn’t matter,” I mutter. “I’m doing the same thing with Spencer for you. I’m not that much of a hypocrite to be blind to it.”

Katy scooches one step higher and hugs me. “You’re amazing,” she whispers in my ear. “I don’t think I deserve a friend half as good as you.”

“Katy…” I’m sniveling. “…Don’t say that. I don’t want you to leave.”

“I know,” she says. “I don’t want to go, either. But sometimes things like this are out of our control.” She pulls back to look at my face. “Especially when we’re young.”

“When are you leaving?” I ask.

“My parents hired a moving truck to come this weekend. I’ll be gone by Monday.”

“But that’s so soon!” I protest.

“I know. We’ll stay in touch, though, won’t we?” Katy smiles through her own tears. “You’ll have to keep me updated on everything that happens between you and Spencer. I told you before, he’s not a bad guy. And I believe with all my heart that you are the right girl for him. The one he will change everything for.”

I look away. “You don’t know that.”

“I know
you
. And I know him. You both deserve to be happy. I don’t think anyone’s better suited to give you that than Spencer.” Katy takes my hands. “Look after yourself, Paige. You have a big heart. Don’t be too free with your emotions, but don’t lock them away, either. Even if I’m wrong about Spencer, you’ll find someone worthy of you, eventually. When you do, keep him close.
Never let go
.”

She sighs and stands up. “I know about how easy it is to lose someone you love.”

I rise with her. “Who?” I whisper.

Katy tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear then closes her jacket against the cold. “My first boyfriend. We dated for four years, all through high school. He proposed to me the night after prom. I loved him, but the commitment scared me. We were too young. I told him as much. He said I could wait until the end of summer to make my decision. We were both supposed to go to school here.”

Katy turns away. Her voice cracks. “In the end, I told him ‘no.’ It devastated him. He waited until the day of my flight to tell me he wasn’t coming to school with me.

“A few months later, he committed suicide by taking a lethal dose of meds.”

“…” I have no words.

“I’m okay now,” Katy continues. “But that’s why I left last year. Not because of problems with roommates. I couldn’t deal with the guilt or the grief.

“I went home for his funeral. I saw his parents. They told me it wasn’t my fault. They said it was the drugs the doctors gave him for his depression. Except, the pills made it worse.

“The advice they gave me next made me who I am today. They told me I should live my life without regret.” She tries to laugh. “I guess I took the advice kind of liberally.”

Without another word, she starts to walk away. “Where are you going?” I ask.

“This might be the last night I get this year to walk around campus,” she says over her shoulder. “I want a chance to say goodbye.”

I let her go. I can tell she needs to be alone. My vision is blurred by tears as I watch her shape get smaller and smaller before disappearing into the night.

Then, I drag myself up the seven flights of stairs, plod through the living room, and collapse into bed.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Pickles wakes me the next morning. He’s scratching the door to my bedroom, wanting his breakfast.

I sit up and look at the clock. It’s late. Katy’s not in her bunk. Neither is she in the extra bedroom down the hall, or on the living room sofa.

I wonder where she ended up last night. I can hardly believe she’s leaving. Right now, it almost feels like she’s already gone.

As I’m pouring myself a glass of OJ, I’m hit by an uncomfortable realization: With Katy gone, how am I going to afford board?

I feel guilty about thinking of that instead of the impending departure of my friend, but it’s something I will have to figure out.
Soon
.

I’m busy writing a text to the aquatics director when a knock on the door makes me turn my head. “Just a minute!” I call out.

I finish the text, explaining how I won’t be able to work this weekend because of Katy’s move, and cringe when I hit “send.” Between all my missed practices and work absences, I don’t even know if I’ll be allowed in the pool next time I show up.

The knock comes again. I grumble to myself, wishing I had the presence of mind to change into some real clothes when I got up. As it stands, all I’m wearing is a loose black tank top and Minnie Mouse pajama bottoms.

I peek through the eyehole before opening the door. My heart freezes.

It’s Andrew.

Andrew
? What on earth is he doing here? I feel my pulse rise, and force myself to take slow, deep breaths.
Stay calm, Paige
, I think, giving myself an internal pep-talk.
He’s probably here for Katy, anyway. Chances are we won’t even have to talk about what happened.

A third knock makes me jump. I felt the force of it through the wood.

I put my hands on the handle and take one last breath. Andrew’s not going to go away, and the sooner I deal with him, the better.

I open the door. “Hello.”

It’s hard to keep my voice even. Andrew is dressed to the nines in his usual preppy garb. His dark gold, slightly-curly hair is longer than when I first met him. I bet he hasn’t cut it since then.

My fingers itch to run through it, which is odd, because any leftover attraction I had for him disappeared last night.

“Hello, Paige,” Andrew smiles. Nothing about his demeanor gives any clue to the events of yesterday. “I was hoping I’d see you. Can I come in?”

I bar the entry with one arm. “Katy’s not here.”

He chuckles. “I’m not here for Katy. I’m here for you.”

I frown at him. “Why?”

“To explain myself. I didn’t like how we left things last night.”

“You mean, you don’t like how you got caught sneaking behind my back with my roommate,” I correct. Then, I shrug. “Don’t worry about it. I’m over you.”

Andrew flinches. “Paige. Please don’t say that. I know I screwed up. But I still have feelings for you.”

I laugh. “That’s funny. Is that what you told Katy
before
or
after
you had sex with her for the first time?”

The words roll off my tongue. I think I’m getting the hang of this whole talking-about-sex thing.

“Paige, I never—”

“Save it, Andrew. I was
here
, the first night you came back with her.” I point behind me. “Just down the hall, in my room. I saw your sneakers by the door.”