Never Be Lied to Again (8 page)

Stage 1. Setting the scene.
Let the conversation turn casually to the topic of cheating. Then very nonchalantly joke about the affair that you suspect him of having had.

This will prompt him to ask what you're talking about.

Stage 2. It's no big deal.
Looking fairly shocked that he seems concerned, you reply with "Oh, I've always known about that. Do you want to know how I found out?" This question completely shifts the weight of the conversation.

He feels that he's totally in the clear and will now seek to satisfy his curiosity. He's thinking that the relationship has been fine for all this time, even though you "knew" of his affair for some time.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 3.1 appreciate what you've done.
If he still denies it, tell him, "I thought that you knew I knew but were protecting my feelings, knowing that I'd understand it was just an accident and that I really wouldn't want to talk about it."

Now it's even more tempting to confess because by doing so, he actually thinks that he's a good guy. And that all this time he was doing something nice and didn't even know it.

Scenario B

Let's take an example in which you suspect several employees in your store of stealing money.

Stage I. Setting the scene.
With one of the employees let the conversation turn casually to stealing and say, "Oh, I knew right from the start what was going on."

Stage 2. It's no big deal.
"You had to know I knew.

How else do you think you could have gotten away with it for so long? I hope you don't think I'm a complete idiot."

(That's a great phrase because he doesn't want to risk offending you on top of everything else.)

Stage 3. I appreciate what you've done.
"I know that you were just going along with it because you were scared of what the others would do. It's really okay. I know you're not that kind of person." Do you see how nicely this works?

By confessing he feels that he's being a good person, the kind of person his boss thinks he is.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to phase three.

ATTACK S E Q U E N C E 4

Direct Assumption/Shot in the Dark

Stage 1. Set the scene.
This sequence is used when you have a gut feeling that something isn't right, but you're not quite sure what it is and you don't have any evidence to support your thinking. In this sequence he is forced to talk about whatever he feels are his misdeeds. You will be amazed at what comes out of his mouth. Remember to hold your ground and not settle until you hear a confession of value. We've all done things we're not proud of. This questioning sequence really opens the mental floodgates. You have the leverage because you're in control of the conversation—you're holding all the cards. It's his job to figure out what he's done wrong and how to make it all right. First set the scene: be somewhat curt and standoffish, as if something heavy-duty is bothering you. This will cause his mind to race to find ways to explain the "error of his ways."

Stage 2. I’m hurt.
Say, "I've just found something out and I'm really hurt [shocked/surprised]. I know you're going to lie to me and try to deny it, but I just wanted you to know that I know." This is different from saying, "Don't lie to me." By saying "I know you're going to lie," you establish that (a) he's guilty of something and (b) you know what it is. Now it's merely a question of whether or not he comes clean. Notice that you're not asking for anything. Saying

"Please don't lie to me" establishes that you don't know what the truth is, putting you in a weaker position.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 3. Holding your ground.
Say, "I think we both know what I'm talking about. We need to clear the air, and we can start by your talking."

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 4. Continue to hold your ground.
Repeat phrases such as "I'm sure it will come to you" and "The longer I wait, the madder I'm getting."

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 5. Apply social pressure.
Now is the time to add a little social pressure. This re-establishes that your assertion is a
fact,
not a suspicion. "We were all talking about it. Everybody knows." Now he begins to get curious about who knows and how they found out. As soon as he tries to find out this information, you'll know that he's guilty.

If you don't get the answer you 're looking, for continue
to phase three.

ATTACK S E Q U E N C E 5

Who, Me?

Stage 1. Setting the scene.
This sequence works well when you don't have any real proof that someone has wronged you but you believe that you are right in your assumption of guilt. For example, let's say Winston's house had been broken into. He was convinced that his ex-girlfriend, whom he had recently broken up with, was the culprit. But he wasn't sure. She had his key, and the only thing that was missing was some expensive jewellery that was well hidden. But the housekeeper or the electrician who had just finished some work could have done it or it might have been simply a random burglary. Just calling his ex-girlfriend and accusing her of this crime would have been futile. She would deny all knowledge of the event, and he would be left with no evidence and no confession. Instead, he proceeded as follows.

He phoned to let her know in a very non-accusatory way that there had been a break-in and some items were missing.

In an attempt to sound surprised, she asked what happened.

The following is a short example of the type of conversation that would ensue.

WINSTON: The police are going to want to talk to everyone who had access to the house. Since you still have a key, they're going to want to speak with you. Just routine stuff, I'm sure. Of course you're not a suspect.

Ex-GlRLFRIEND: But I don't know anything about it.

WINSTON: Oh, I know. Just policy, I guess. Anyway, one of my neighbors said that she got a partial license-plate number on a car that was by my house that day.

Ex-GIRLFRIEND:
{After a long pause)
Well, I was driving around your neighbourhood that day. I stopped by to see if you were home. But when you weren't, I just left.

So far she has effectively explained her presence there that day. But in doing so she has established either an un-canny coincidence or her guilt. Had she been innocent, she would have had no reason to pursue this line of conversation. He then introduces more evidence.

WINSTON: Oh, really? Well, they did a fingerprint test too.

That should show something. Ex: What

test? WINSTON: Oh, they dusted for prints and

…

At this point she said that the police might pick up her prints, since she had been there previously. Although by now he knew she

was involved, it wasn't until about ten minutes later that she broke down and confessed—at first to just being in the house and then later to taking the jewellery.

Stage 2. Inform non-accusatorily.
Casually inform your suspect of the situation.

Stage 3. Introduce evidence to be rebutted.
As you introduce the evidence, look to see if every one of your statements are met by explanations from him as to how the evidence could be misunderstood. For example, let's say that you suspect that your co-worker had shredded some of your files in hopes of beating you out for a promotion. You would first set the stage by letting him know that you can't find some important files. And then you say something like,

"Well, it's a good thing my new secretary noticed someone by the shredder the other day. She said she recognized his face but didn't know his name." At this point see if he offers up a reason as to why he would be mistaken for the "real culprit." He might tell you that he was there shredding some of his own documents. An innocent person would not feel the need to explain in order to avert the possibility that he might be wrongly accused.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 4. Continue.
Continue with more facts that the person can try to explain away. But in actuality, as soon as he starts to talk about why the situation might "look that way," you know you have him.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to phase three.

ATTACK S E Q U E N C E 6

Outrageous Accusations

In this sequence you accuse the person of everything and anything under the sun. By accusing him of doing every possible thing wrong, you will get a confession concerning what he has really done—which to him at this point is no big deal, considering all that you're accusing him of.

Stage 1. Accuse him of everything.
In a very fed-up manner accuse him of doing every imaginable dishonest and disloyal act.

Stage 2. Introduce the suspicion.
Now you introduce the one thing that you feel he really has done, and in an attempt to clear himself of the other charges, he will offer an explanation for his one slip-up. He will of course naturally profess total innocence of the other accusations.

Phrase it as such: "I mean, it's not like you just [whatever you suspect him of doing], that would be fine. But all these other things are unspeakable."

You might get a response like "No, I just stole that one file because of the pressure to get the job done, but I would never sell trade secrets!" The only way to prove his innocence to all of your outrageous accusations is to explain why he did what you really suspect him of doing.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to phase three.

Stage 3. Step in closer.
This increases anxiety in the guilty. The movement makes him feel he's being closed in on. If you don't get the answer you want, go back to stage 1 and ask again.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to phase three.

A T T A C K S E Q U E N C E 7

Is There a Reason?

Stage 1. Introduce a fact.
In this sequence the person must answer your question with information, not a simple denial. For example, if you want to know if your secretary went out last night when she said she was sick, your question might be "I drove by your house on the way home. Is there a reason your car wasn't in the driveway?" If you simply ask,

"Did you go out last night?" she can deny that she did. But by introducing a plausible fact, you force her to answer. If she was out, she will try to explain the missing car. When she does, you will have verified what you suspect to be true—

that she was not at home sick. Do you see how this works? If she lied about having to stay home because she was sick, then she has to explain where the car was. She might say that a friend borrowed it or that she ran out to get cold med-icine, etc. Had she been home sick, she would simply tell you that you were wrong—the car was in the driveway.

Stage 2. One more shot.
You want to give her one more shot at coming clean or at coming up with a reasonable explanation to explain your "fact." Say, "Oh, that's odd, I called your house and I got your machine." To which she might reply, "Oh, I turned my machine on to get some rest."

Remember, if she is guilty she will look for any way to make her story fit your facts. If she does this, she's probably lying.

Now it's possible that a friend did borrow the car and that she did turn her machine off. However, at some point these

"explanations" are going to start sounding manufactured.

Additionally, because she is forced to tell new lies to protect previous ones, you now have several statements you can look at for signs of deceit.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 3. Stare.
Staring is an underused yet formidable weapon. It produces different results depending upon particular situations. Staring makes someone who is on the defensive feel closed in; your glare is infringing on her personal space, inducing a mental claustrophobia. To escape she needs only tell you the truth. Lock eyes with her and ask again.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to phase three.

AT T AC K S E Q U E N C E 8

Third-Party Confirmation

This sequence is one of the more powerful ones, provided you have the cooperation of a third party. You gain maximum credibility, because it removes just about any doubt that there is deception on your part.

Scenario

You suspect one of your employees is having someone else punch out on the time clock for him.

Stage 1. Accuse outright.
After gaining the assistance of a friend or co-worker, you have this person make the accusation for you. Such as "Mel, 1 was talking to Cindy, and she told me she's getting pretty tired of your having someone else punch out for you so you can leave work early."

At this point Mel is concerned only with Cindy's disap-proval of his actions. Your friend is thoroughly believable because we rarely think to question this type of third-party setup.

If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue
to the next stage.

Stage 2. Are you kidding?
If he still won't confess, switch the focus with "Are you kidding? It's common knowledge, but I think I know how you can smooth things over with her." See if he takes the bait. A person who's innocent would not be interested in smoothing things over with someone else for something that he hasn't done.