Needing You (5 page)

Eddie tells me to take my break so I decide I will go outside and get some fresh air before the next match begins. As I make my way to the side door, I see Tucker staring at me with a smile on his face. He comes over and greets me.

He says, “Hey Harp, how are you?”

“I’m good; I didn’t realize you were here.”

“Oh yeah, I got some friends that are fighting tonight so I couldn’t miss it.” he says.

As we are talking a guy comes up and says, “Hey Tucker, you fighting tonight bro?” Tucker replies with, “Not tonight man, but McCloud is.”

The stranger says “Okay well maybe next time,” they do some manly handshake and he leaves.

Tucker fights, what? Why? I don’t understand the reason why you would want to fight but more power to you I guess.

“You on a break?” asks Tucker.

“Yes, you can come if you want; I just want to get some fresh air.”

He nods and follows me out the side door.  The fresh air feels great on my sweat slicken skin.

I can’t hold it in so I ask, “Why aren’t you fighting tonight?”

Oh the sexy smirk on Tucker’s face tells me he’s up to no good and he responds, “Because I have a date tomorrow and can’t afford to have something go wrong tonight and then not be able to make it tomorrow.”

I laugh because seriously he’s delusional. I set him straight though, “It’s not a date, we’re just hanging out. You want to be friends fine, but that’s all you are going to get from me.”

“I will take whatever I can get,” he says smiling at me.

We make small chitchat and he informs me he has been training the McCloud guy who is a guy in his fraternity for tonight and tells me he is one of the fighters in the main event. 

As we head back inside because my break is about over, Tucker touches my arm and the tingles go off in my body, “Can I take you home tonight after you get off work?”

I told him I would give him the benefit of the doubt and even though I know Natalie will scold me later I reply with, “Sure, thanks Tucker.”

The smile on his face tells me he’s happy with my answer. We say our goodbyes and back to work I go.

When I get behind the bar I see Natalie and Marcus glaring at me and then at the bar I see Parker and Declan, which also have scowls on their faces. Ugh, clearly they saw me with Tuck.

Natalie is the first to speak up, “Why the hell were you with Tucker outside? You need to stay the hell away from him unless you just want to fuck him once and be done with him.”  Clearly she’s pissed.

“Natalie I swear it’s not what you think. I will not be hooking up with him and I make sure he knows that because I’ve told him repeatedly. It was just a conversation, that’s all.”  I say slightly irritated. Looking at all their faces I say, “You guys all need to relax. I know what I am doing and not doing with him.”

Declan speaks up, “If he upsets you at all you better let us know and we will handle his ass, do you hear me Harper?”

Oh the protective ones….It’s nice at times but annoying at other times. I respond with, “Yes, I promise, but it will never get to that so stop worrying.  Now I need to get back to work so you guys all better play nice tonight.”  I move away from them and start serving the next customers that are in line.  Fight after fight the crowd’s becoming more intense and vocal. I swear I never heard such earsplitting screams in all my life, dear God I hope this night is over soon.

Finally, the main fight is about to start. I get a good look at this McCloud guy that Tucker helped train for tonight. He looks to be the same build as Tucker but this McCloud guy is a little bit shorter but he looks like he has been training, so hopefully this is a good fight.  I can tell by the crowd there is a lot of money on this fight.  I don’t gamble so it doesn’t matter to me but some people take it seriously.

Since it’s the main event, the bar is pretty slow because everyone wants to see the fight which is great for us because we can watch it a little bit too.  As punch after punch is thrown I get a sickening feeling in my gut, ugh how I hate this part.  I haven’t had a panic attack in a long time and I need to get myself under control before I lose my shit.  Now I remember why I stopped watching this shit, it brings back horrid memories. 

As I try to focus on the crowd and now the sounds I feel myself getting worse, Natalie asks if I’m okay which clearly I’m not but I won’t tell her that. I just tell her I need some air and rush out the front door.
Breathe just breathe,
I keep telling myself.  Davie asks if everything’s okay and I assure him its fine, I just need a minute to myself.  I walk around to the side of the building and sink down to the ground and rock myself back and forth.  I try to recall all the bullshit I was taught before and use that to calm myself down.  Now I have no idea how the hell I am going to be able to go back in and watch more of this fight.  The screams, the blood, the blows, I can’t get them out of my head. I know I won’t get any sleep tonight, the nightmares are sure to be there. 
God, how I hate my past.
  No matter how hard I try to move forward there’s always shit pulling me back.  Will I ever be able to get over it?

After a solid ten or fifteen minutes pass, I calmed myself down enough that I make my way back into the bar. The fight is still going on, but I decide to block it out and just focus on restocking the alcohol.  Keeping busy always helps. 

“Hey are you sure you’re okay?” Natalie asks worriedly.

“Yeah, I just needed a breather; I’m good, sorry about that.” I say.

“No problem, just wanted to make sure,” she says.

I can tell by her look she knows something’s up but she doesn’t press me any further, which I’m thankful for. She also doesn’t say anything when I start restocking instead of watching the fight.  Luckily for me the fight ends a few minutes later and the McCloud guy wins but by the looks of it, it wasn’t an easy win.  He is covered in blood, but he’s smiling.

Thank God it’s over. The bar still has a little over an hour until we close. A bunch of customers leave because the fights are over, but there are still plenty that stick around to drink some more.  They are now celebrating their friends’ ultimate victory.

Slowly but surely, the customers are leaving.  We work together to restock the bar so that we can get out of here right at closing time. Eddie said the ring will be taken down tomorrow so no need to worry about wiping that up or dealing with it, which I am grateful for.  There is a lot more blood on that mat than I want to see or deal with. Yuck!

Finally the doors are closed and we are ready to head out, the tips tonight were amazing!  It turned out to be a great night except for my minor hiccup of a panic attack.  I am good now and head out the door, saying goodnight to everyone.  Tucker is waiting outside for me. I’m surprised he offered to take me home when his friend was fighting tonight; you’d think he would want to continue to celebrate his friends’ victory, oh well, who I am to say anything.

Tucker leads me to his car and opens the door for me, wow, this is surprising.  He doesn’t seem like the gentlemanly type. “Thank you,” I say before sitting in the passenger seat.  He shuts the door and then walks around and slips inside the driver side and starts the car. “Were you okay in there during the last fight?” he asks nervously.

Crap, did he see me freak out and leave? Ugh. “Yeah, I just wanted a little fresh air so I took a few minutes to go outside,” I say hoping he believes my lie.

“Are you sure, because from where I was standing you didn’t look so good?” he says looking a little worried.  Damn it, he just had to call me out. “I was fine, it’s not like you could see much from where you were standing anyway. I just needed some fresh air and was as good as new!” I say.  He looks at me but doesn’t say anything else about it, thank goodness.  I hate talking about that shit.  I have talked to enough therapists to last a freaking lifetime.

“You didn’t have to take me home; you could have left and celebrated with your friends tonight.” I tell him.  He looks over at me and smiles, “I know I could have, but clearly that’s not where I want to be.”

Oh, he’s a slick shit.

It doesn’t take long to get back to my dorm and before I can open my door he says, “Hold on.” He gets out of the car and walks over to my door to open it up for me.  Wow, I am impressed. “Thank you,” I say as I get out of the car. 

We make small talk for a few minutes and then say goodnight.  I mean we are hanging out later today anyway.  I make my way into my apartment, get showered and then decide to watch some television because as much as I hate to admit it, I’m afraid to close my eyes for sleep.  After an hour of boring reality shows, I decide to try to give sleep a chance.

Wrong move, before I realize it I am sitting up, drenched in sweat, heart pounding with flashback after flashback of my sister’s face, his face, his hands everywhere, blood everywhere, screams, and cries. It just never ends. God, I hate this shit.

I get up and decide I need another shower because I’m soaked, so I get a burning hot shower then decide to take a walk around the campus.  It’s already three in the morning and there’s no point in trying to close my eyelids because I will only see the horrid visions over and over again.

I put on some yoga pants and a long sleeve t-shirt and head outside for a nice walk. Now, I do realize it is not smart to be walking by myself at night, but I can’t just sit in my apartment anymore and relive the same shit.  I need some sort of distraction. 

As I walk and walk I see houses I never saw before, I pass the row of sorority houses, which have drunk girls passed out on the lawn.  Down another row are the fraternity houses, I’m not sure which one is Tucker’s, but I’m sure it’s somewhere on this row.  I continue walking when I hear someone say my name; I turn around and see an upset looking Tucker.

“Hey,” I say shyly.

“You should not be walking outside at this time of night by yourself, it’s dangerous.” He states a bit irritated.

Well shit, that’s not what I expected him to say.

“I know, I just couldn’t sleep and decided to take a walk.” I say.  Maybe I shouldn’t have told him I couldn’t sleep.
Please don’t ask why, please don’t ask why.

“Oh, too excited to hang out with me tomorrow you couldn’t sleep huh?” He says with a sexy smirk on his face.

“Something like that,” I say with a laugh.

“I would invite you in, but you don’t want to have to deal with some of the drunken idiots I live with.” He says.

“Oh don’t worry about it, I was just walking around. I guess I should probably head back anyway,” I say.

“Well, I will walk with you then,” he says.

“Oh you don’t have to, it’s not far.” I say pretty quickly.

“I know it’s not far, but again you shouldn’t be walking late at night by yourself, it’s not safe,” he says seriously.

I try to lighten the mood and tell him, “I brought my pepper spray…see, I came prepared if I needed it.” I say with a laugh.

Tucker shakes his head. “Well I am glad to see that, but please don’t use it on me!” Then he starts to laugh a bit. “Alright, let’s get you home Harp, you need your rest since you’re hanging out with me later,” he says all smugly.

We start to head back towards my dorm building. As much as his presence calms me, I know when I get home there will be no sleep to come for me.  Maybe I should reschedule our hanging out because at this rate I’m going to be horrible company. So I decide to suggest another day.

“Look, about later today, maybe we should cancel it or reschedule it or something.” Then I take a breath.
Breathe Harper freaking breathe
.  Tucker stops and tugs on my arm so we are now standing face to face looking at each other. The look in his eyes is sexy as hell, but I’ll never tell him that.

“Harper, why do you want to cancel hanging out tomorrow, what’s going on? I told you I can get to know a girl without having to get in her pants, so talk to me,” he says all seriously.

“I just couldn’t sleep and I still feel pretty wired so I’m not sure how long it will take to fall asleep and I don’t want to be lousy company tomorrow, that’s all.” Okay, so yeah I won’t tell him the truth, but I’ll never tell anyone my secrets.

He looks at me for a second longer looking like he can see straight through me and then says, “Fine, but you are hanging out with me tomorrow no matter how tired you are.  You could never be lousy company. Let’s go.”

So we continue to walk to my dorm. I’m excited he still wants to hang out but still nervous. I don’t know what he wants from me, but if it’s what I think, he will never get it. We continue to make small talk up to my dorm building. I thank him for walking me home, we say good night and I head back into my apartment. What a long night this is going to be.  After about two more hours of boring television, I finally succumb to sleep and have no nightmares, thank goodness.

Chapter 6

When I wake up, it’s almost 11 a.m. and though I may not have had many hours of sleep I feel refreshed, which is unbelievable.  I decide to get up and get showered because I have no idea what time Tucker is coming over.  I get dressed and eat an apple to stop the growling coming from my stomach.  I decide to read a little more of a romance novel I started almost a week ago and I get about two chapters in before there’s a knock on my door.  I look at the clock and its only 12:20 p.m. I answer the door to a sexy looking Tucker smiling down at me.

“Good afternoon!” he says.

“Hey Tuck, come on in.” Tucker comes in and looks around the place. “This is a great dorm, how did you swing this one?” he says with a laugh.

“I have no idea. This is just what they gave me, but I’m not complaining,” I say with a smile on my face.

This man looks extra sexy today if that’s even possible.  He’s wearing a V-neck dark green t-shirt which makes his dark brown eyes really pop.  His arms are muscular and with the sleeves being short, I am able to see more of those sexy tattoos that he sports on his arms.  Yum!  He also has on light colored jeans that fit his body really well; damn he should be on a cover of a magazine looking this hot.