Nan's Journey (26 page)

I will live a respectable life.

I swear to give up violence in all forms for the rest of my life.

*****

“I never heard of such a thing as this! I don’t think it is reasonable or legal to place such baggage in a will! Let a woman rule me!
Never!
Mary Dewey, do you hear me?
Never!
I will not be a simpering fool like my father was! I refuse to bow and scrape for morsels from a woman’s hand!”

He grabbed Mr. Fields by the shirt collar and banged his head against the paneled walls. Mary screamed and jumped to her feet to assist the small man. Sam whirled around and caught Mary on the jaw hard with his fist. She lost her balance and landed on the floor. Sammy made a soft landing on top of his mother. They cowered in the corner whimpering as Sam swore and wrecked the small office.

“Sir, you must gain control of yourself!”
Mr. Fields pleaded.

“That old woman will not control me from the grave! I tell you I would rather die!” He grabbed a candlestick from the lawyer’s desk and covered the short distance ready
to deliver a deadly blow to Mary’s
head when a deafening blast sounded in the tiny room. Sammy screamed as his father crumpled into a bloody mass on top of him. Mary grabbed her little one and tried to soothe him as the li
fe drained from Clarence Samuel Dewey II
. The violent died by violence. Mr. Fields trembled as he held the smoking small caliber gun.

Two men burst into the room and quickly surveyed the damage, “Mr. Fields? Put down the gun. George, you better go get the sheriff!
A
nd the doctor. Ma’am?”

Chapter
27

“But Nan, listen to me.”

“I don’t care what you have to say. You chose sides against me!” fumed Nan.

“I am not against you! Don’t you know what the pain in your past is doing to you now?”

“I do all right. I just live for today and try not to think about bad times.”

“You still scream in your sleep at night. You are still hurting.”

“I don’t know what it is you want me to do. Am I supposed to become best friends with Mary Dewey? I would rather die!”

“Best friends is not the goal here. If you don’t forgive it will continue to eat you alive. Shoot, Nan, I had to forgive her too!”

“It didn’t seem to be so hard for you! How could you?”
Nan screamed.

“Because God expects me to.”

“I can’t believe that just because you are a preacher you would have to do that!”

“It isn’t because I am a preacher! God expects it of all of His children.”

“A good God would never expect that. I don’t believe you.”
She spat out the words.

“It is for our own good. He knows that unforgiveness will eat at you until you are you lose yourself. You become a bitter person. Nan, you are a sweet, gentle woman
,
but if you don’t forgive and move past thi
s pain you will become a cynical
person. The sin of unforgiveness will take over your life and you will never become the woman God intended you to be. We have talked about this. Please listen to me.”

Nan sobbed as her hands covered her face. “The hate and pain are all I have to hang onto now that you chose her side
,
”
s
he moaned.

“No, Nan. You still have me. Hang on to Jesus. Call out to Him and He will pull you through the pain.”

Nan reached out to Fred who was kneeling at her side. She held on tight. “Fred! I can’t!”

“In yourself you can’t, but tell God all about it. Tell Him exactly how you feel.”

“I can’t do that! God chose her side too!”
s
he cried.

“God is big enough to love both of you. He doesn’t choose sides!”
Fred spoke firmly.

*****

“Fred! There has been a killing at the lawyer’s office! A woman is there asking for you.”

“For me?”

“She has a little baby and is crying something fierce!”

“I’ll be right there.” He turned to Nan, “I think it is Mary Dewey. She and her husband had business in town today.”

Martha ran up to the little house, “Nan,
it’s
your
s
tep
m
a. I came to watch the baby so you could go with Fred. She is in a bad way.”

“Is she hurt?”

“No, her husband was killed. She can’t stop screaming. The baby
…i
t’s just a mess
.
”

Nan and Fred ran to the lawyer’s office and arrived as the mortician was removing the body of Sam Dewey. Nan shuddered as she saw the familiar face just prior to it being covered up. Even in death the scowl was embedded on his brow. Mary’s screams were deafening. She was rocking her crying baby.

“He is bloody, all bloody! He is bloody, all bloody! Oh God, my baby!”

Fred knelt on the floor next to Mary. The child was trying to wrench out of his Mother’s grasp. He was covered in blood. “Mary, settle down. Little feller, are you hurt? Mary, let me see him. Reluctantly, she surrendered her beloved son over to the preacher man. Fred began wiping the blood off of his face with his red bandana. There were no wounds on his head. Then he removed the blood soaked clothing from his body. There was not a scratch. “Mary, you baby isn’t hurt! Look at him!”

“He’s not hurt? Thank you God! Thank you God! Sam landed on him after he was shot.”

“Mary, you do know that Sam is dead don’t you?”

“He’s dead.” It was a quiet statement. She was still trying to believe the events of this long day. She looked up slowly into Fred’s eyes. “He wasn’t ready to meet God. I never told him anything about God. I was afraid.” She held Sammy’s bare little body closely and began to rock him. She dragged her eyes away from Fred and looked up at Nan and sobbed. “Oh
,
Nan! I am so glad you and Elmer got away from us!”

Nan looked carefully at Mary. It was odd to look at her with no fear. It was as if she were looking at a pitiful stranger. Her eye was black and swollen and her lip was cracked and bleeding. She had a fair amount of blood on the front of her dress. Some of it was hers, but most of it was from Sam. Seeing her as she sat rocking her naked baby
,
Nan felt pity for her.

“That was a long time ago.” What else could she say?

“Nan, I beg you to forgive me! Forgive me for everything! I am so sorry!”

Tears filled Nan’s eyes as she looked at the poor creature, “I don’t know how to!” She turned and walked away.

Fred’s eyes locked with Mary’s
.
“She is a good girl. She will learn to forgive the past.”

“I think I am being punished for how I treated them kids.”

“No, remember Mary, you have been forgiven by God. All is well with your soul.”

“What do I do now? The body… I guess a funeral? How do I start?”

“Let’s get you and Sammy a room at the hotel. Get cleaned up and I will come help you make arrangements.”

“Thank you.”

Chapter
28

Fred entered the small home an
d a meal of roasted chicken
and potatoes was waiting for him. Martha
made Nan eat and take a nap after she returned from seeing Mary.

“Ma, your
bread is always the best!”

Martha smiled. “Nan needs tending to, Dear.”

“I don’t know what to say to her.”

“God will help you.”

Fred stretched and slowly opened the door to the small bedroom. “Sweetheart, are you awake?”

“Yes, just thinking.”

“What are you thinking about?”

“I just couldn’t get over how powerless she looked.”

“From the things you told me and how she looked, Mr. Dewey was a brute.”

“Yes, he was. Back then she was too. Somehow she looked different today.”

“You were looking at her from a position of equality today. She doesn’t have any control over you or Elmer any longer.”

“I know, but her eyes were different today… even from when she was here earlier today.”

“I saw it too. She realizes that she is alone again, except now she has a child to raise. I think she has a clear understanding of how alone you and Elmer were when your parents died.”

“She really was sorry… for everything
,
wasn’t she
?
”
Nan bit her lip.

“I would say so.”

“I don’t know how to forgive her
,
” Nan said quietly.

“God knows that you cannot forgive her in your own strength. That is why He will help you. God knows everything you are thinking about. He knows all the pain that you have been through, but He wants you to tell it to Him. It is good for you to tell Him. Healing comes from confession. Confessing hurts and pains committed against you and things you have felt about her and Mr. Dewey
,
”
Fred instructed.

“God wouldn’t accept me if I told Him all the hateful things I have felt about them. I have felt them about God too!”
Nan sobbed.

“Tell Him how you felt when your Ma and Pa died. Tell Him how afraid you were. Tell Him everything.”

Nan nodded.

“Then, Nan, you have to repent of your sins.”

Nan opened her mouth to reply but Fred continued, “The Bible says that no one that has ever lived has been perfect except Jesus. We all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. But if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“After you confess your sins, ask Jesus to take control of your life. When He does, that is what gives you the ability to forgive others.”

“I see.”

“Then thank Him for saving and redeeming your soul.”

“I feel like I need to be alone to do this. Will that be alright or do I need a preacher with me
?
”

Fred smiled, “Dear wife, everyone stands before God alone. It is a journey that must begin with one soul and one God. I will leave you for now.”

Fred waited at the kitchen table like a man waiting for the birth of his first-born child. He he
ard her crying and struggling …w
restling with God like Jacob of old. Finally, the door opened and a soft-eyed woman stood in a shaft of sunlight coming through the window. She looked angelic. The black hair was glossy and reflected the sunlight. Goodness, she looked like a painting from the big family Bible on the table. A slow smile spread and blossomed across her beautiful face. One big tear tugged at the corner of her eye and was released as her smile widened. “I never felt like this before!”

He reached for her hand and bowed his head, “Dear Lord, a new name has been written in Your book. I thank you that she has come to you today.” His voice filled with tears and he had to finish the prayer at that.”

She looked into the face of her husband and said, “Darling, you are so dear to me. You rescued me. I pledge to hold you close forever. I will never leave you and I promise to love you forever.”

“Beloved, you think that I rescued you, but if it hadn’t been for you, I don’t know what would have happened to me. You think you are the one who had to learn how to forgive, but I had my own journey of forgiveness to walk through. I owe you my life and my return to the Savior. I will stay with you forever and be your protector. I promise to let you grow into the woman God has in mind for you to be. You are the dear mother of our son
,
and you are my treasure.”

“I love you
,
Fred.”

“I love you.”

They stood in the doorway unmindful of anyone else. They had begun a journey of a lifetime.

The End

Other books by Elaine Littau on Smashwords:

The Eyes of a Stranger

Timothy’s Home

(Soon, Elk’s Resolve

and

Luke’s Legacy)