My Sweetest Escape (37 page)

that I thought his pants were smoking, but

this time mine were definitely on fire.

I waited for his reaction. For him to be

shocked and to get mad and storm off.

He didn’t. Instead, he made one swift

move and threw himself forward and kissed

me. I realized a second too late what was

happening, and by then it was much, much

too late.

My lips betrayed me.

They knew Dusty’s lips, and they were

happy they were meeting again. It was a

glorious reunion, at least for my lips. They

were rejoicing and attacking Dusty’s lips

with a desperation that I didn’t know I was

capable of. My brain fought for supremacy

over my lips, but really, the lips had the

upper…hand?

I stopped thinking as Dusty held my face

and I tasted the melted snow on his mouth,

and even though snow was creeping down

my neck and under my jacket, I didn’t give a

shit.

A sound made us jump apart as if

someone had fired a gun into the air.

“What the hell!” Renee’s voice was right

above us. Dusty and I both looked up, our

faces still close enough to kiss. Or continue

to kiss. Or make out, which is what we were

really doing.

“Are you fucking serious, right now?”

Dusty recovered first, getting to his feet,

and I scrambled up behind him.

“It’s not what you think—” Dusty said at

the same time I said, “It’s not his fault.”

“Get inside, Joscelyn. I will talk with you

later.” She jabbed her finger to the house

like I was a kid who had ruined the flower

bed. Yeah, I wasn’t, and I’d had enough of

her lecturing me and telling me what to do

and treating me like I wasn’t in control of

my own life anymore.

“No. I will not get inside. I am not five,

and you are not my mother. I am nearly

nineteen years old and I am in control of my

own life. If I want to make out with Dusty

on the front lawn, I can. I’m not getting

drunk or high or cutting class or breaking

curfew. Yes, I did those things, but I’m not

doing them anymore. I respect you and I

respect your house and your rules. So stop

judging me on my past mistakes.”

I wasn’t really talking about Dusty. In

fact, Renee being pissed at catching me

kissing him gave me the perfect reason to

push him away, but I would be damned if

she was going to talk to me like that in front

of everyone.

“Joscelyn, just get in the house and we

can discuss this.”

She wasn’t backing down. We were

going to have this out, but I’d take doing it

with just her rather than in front of

everyone. So I stomped as much as you can

while wading through the snow, up the

porch steps and into the house.

I heard Dusty trying to say something to

me and then to Renee, but I didn’t hear

what her answer was. I didn’t really need

to. I could imagine.

I pulled off my boots and my jacket and

left them to dry near the door so I wouldn’t

track water all over the house.

I was rushing to get back down to my

cave when the door opened and I was met

with Renee’s seriously pissed face.

This was one threat level above her

normal pissed face. In fact, it was close to

the face she’d given me when I accidentally

told Paul she thought she was pregnant that

one time.

She wasn’t, but I never forgot the look

she gave me when she found out I’d told

him.

“You are not running away from me,

Joscelyn Meridith Archer. We are going to

sit and talk, and I’m not letting you do

anything until we have this out and get

everything out in the open. Sit. NOW.”

She pointed at the couch and I had no

option but to park my butt on it. Renee

wasn’t messing around.

“Okay, how about we start with the

obvious. What are you doing kissing

Dusty?”

“Is there some rule against me kissing

him? Because I never agreed to that when I

moved in.”

“Don’t you dare get sassy with me. I’m

so not in the mood for it.”

She sat down in the recliner and waited.

“Fine. I was kissing him because he

kissed me. Have you ever tried to avoid a

kiss once it’s started? Not that easy.”

“Did you want to kiss him?”

The answer was both yes and no. More

yes than no, but I really needed Renee to

believe in the no. If she thought he’d forced

me, in any way, he would be gone for good.

But could I really do that to him? Let her

think that he’d somehow taken advantage

of me? The outcome would be better in the

long run, but for who? Dusty would never

be allowed in a ten-mile radius of the

house. If he and Hunter wanted to hang

out, they’d have to hide it better than an

illicit affair. And if Renee found out?

No, I could definitely not do that. I didn’t

hate Dusty. I didn’t want him to suffer,

which was why I needed to get him out of

my life.

“Yes,” I said quietly.

“How long has this been going on?” The

real answer?

Since he helped me with that damn

vending machine. If I could go back in time,

I would have stayed down the hallway and

not given in to my candy craving. But that

might cause a nuclear war or something,

according to the butterfly effect, so maybe

that wouldn’t be such a good idea. My life

had been altered by a damn vending

machine.

What I told her was “not that long.”

“What were you thinking, Jos?” My

intention had been to play ignorant about

the whole Dusty-babysitting-me thing, but

my resolve crumbled pretty damn quick.

“What did you expect to happen when

you told him to ‘watch over’ me like some

creepy stalker slash protector?

What were
you
thinking?” My words

had the desired effect of making Renee

blanch.

“How did you know?”

I threw my hands up in frustration.

“Because he told me.

If anyone has the right to be pissed and

yell and scream here, it’s me. Why in the

hell would you do that, Renee?” I didn’t

mean to, but I stood up and the volume of

my voice rose until I was yelling. I was just

so mad at her.

Renee got to her feet, as well.

“Because I didn’t know what else to do!

You didn’t give me a whole lot of choices. It

was either come here or send you to live

with Mom, and I knew that wouldn’t be

good for anyone, so I said you could come

here, and Dusty had started coming over

and he’d told me all about his shady past

and how he’d gotten his shit together. I

thought that maybe he could help you, that

you would see that you could go back, you

could be my sister again—”

I cut her off.

“So you’re saying I’m not your sister

anymore? Are you fucking serious? So I

can’t be your sister because I’ve changed?

That’s not how family works, Renee. You

love each other no matter what. No matter

how much you change. So are you saying

that you don’t love me anymore?” I was

right in front of her and I watched the effect

my words had. Her face was so shocked I

might as well have slapped her.

“I will always love you, but I don’t know

you anymore. I don’t know how to talk to

you. I don’t know what to say or do…” Her

chin wobbled and tears started streaming

down her face. “I will always, always love

you. That was never even a question. How

could you think that I don’t love you, Jos?”

She threw herself on me and I was

forced to catch her and hug her as she

started sobbing. This was new territory for

me.

Renee never got emotional like this. She

was much more likely to yell and scream to

display her emotions. I could only

remember a few times when she’d cried.

One was when she broke up with Paul. She

was a bit of a wreck after that, but she’d

tried to hide it by crying only in the shower.

But I was her sister, so I knew what was

going on.

“I’m just so lost, Jos. I don’t know what

to do. I don’t know how to help you

anymore, and I feel like I’m just screwing it

up.” She rested her head on my shoulder

and I held her.

“You’re not screwing it up. What

happened has nothing to do with you. It’s

not your fault.” I rubbed her back as she

shook in my arms.

“But I’m your older sister. I’m supposed

to know what to do. I’m supposed to have

words of wisdom and bake cookies

and…other shit like that.” I laughed a little

and she did, too.

“You do have words of wisdom. It’s not

your fault that I choose to ignore them. It’s

not your job to save me, Renee.”

She pulled back, and I used my sleeve to

wipe her eyes.

“I’m not broken beyond repair, Nene.

Just a little worse for wear, but who isn’t?”

She nodded and I gave her another hug.

“You’re not supposed to be the one with

the good advice,” she said.

“It won’t happen again—I guarantee it.”

Somehow I’d deflected her attention

from the kiss with Dusty. I hadn’t been

intending to do that, but I was going to take

advantage of it while it lasted. It would

probably be over as soon as he walked into

the house.

We sat back down on the couch, my

head on Renee’s shoulder this time as she

played with my hair. When we were kids

she’d been jealous of it. None of our other

brothers or sisters had gotten the freaky

redhead gene. Except me. The terms

redheaded stepchild
and
ginger kid

were used often in my house, and those

were some of the nicer names I’d been

called.

I couldn’t count how many times I’d

heard guys musing, out loud, if “the carpet

matched the drapes.”

“Don’t be mad at him, Ne,” I said, trying

to head her off from ripping him a new one.

He didn’t deserve that. “It was just one of

those things, but I’m going to end it.”

“I will be mad at him. He was supposed

to watch you and keep you out of trouble,

not get you into it.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry, because

I’m not going to let it happen.”

“That’s probably wise. Can I ask why,

though?”

Now it was time for a performance. I

was going to have to work to sell this.

“I just don’t see him that way. He’s more

of a friend, you know? I don’t think I should

be with anybody right now. I want to focus

on school and try and figure things out.” I

deserved an Oscar for this. Even I thought I

sounded sincere.

“Now that sounds like the sister I knew.”

“Do you miss her?”

“I don’t know. I miss her…consistency.

You were always so uptight I knew what to

expect. Now you’re a little wilder.

A little more unpredictable.”

“Well, I do have red hair.”

“Yes, you do. Bitch.”

We both laughed, and I snuggled closer

to her.

“Love you, big sister.”

“Love you more, little sister.”

Our sister love sharing was interrupted

by the doorbell ringing.

“Oh, my God, I forgot they were all still

outside,” Renee said, getting up and rushing

to get the door.

“So did I,” I said, following her. Instead

of finding a bunch of shivering people on

the porch, we just found one, and he wasn’t

shivering.

“Dusty,” Renee said. “Where’s everyone

else?”

“They took the truck to go get Dunkin’,”

he said, his eyes riveted on my face. “Can

we talk?” I wasn’t sure who he was

addressing, but Renee decided it was her

and crossed her arms.

“Okay. Talk,” she said.

“We should at least let him inside,” I

said. He might not look cold, but I wasn’t

cruel enough to make him stand outside

while Renee said whatever she was going to

say to him.

“Maybe the cold would do him some

good. Chill him and his penis out a little.”

“That’s enough,” I said, reaching around

her, grabbing Dusty and dragging him

inside. He didn’t deserve a frozen penis. He

shut the door behind him.

“Renee, I swear to you. I never meant

for this to happen, and I’m sorry, but I can’t

really do anything about it now. You have to

know how special she is. It was kind

of…inevitable.

I was sort of halfway in before I knew

that’s what was happening.”

I swallowed and realized saying no to

Dusty had just gotten so much harder. Why

did he have to say things like that?

If he would just shut his mouth and stop

kissing me, I might have a shot.

“Very nice,” Renee said. “But I’ve talked

with Jos, and I don’t think she feels the

same way. So, I am going to go and fold

some laundry and try not to eavesdrop

while you two talk. But, if it comes to blows,