My Sweetest Escape (34 page)

“These should work.”

“Um, Hannah? I’m not stealing your

roommate’s shoes. Besides, that’s kind of

nasty.”

“Oh, please, she never wears them and

just think of it like buying shoes at a yard

sale. Except without the paying-for-them

part. You need shoes on your feet. You can

just bring them back tomorrow or

something.”

She had a point. It was going to look

nuts if I walked back into the house without

my shoes on. That would definitely raise

suspicions with Renee and it was going to

be hard enough to act like everything was

normal without worrying about my feet.

I took the shoes and slipped them on.

They weren’t that different from a pair I

owned, so hopefully Renee wouldn’t notice.

Hannah grabbed another Milano out of the

bag and clicked onto the next episode of

Buffy when we heard a loud banging.

“What in the hell?” We waited and then

it sounded a few seconds later, only closer,

like someone was pounding on every door

in the hallway.

“Probably a stupid inspection. Crap,

crap, crap.” She jumped to her feet and

rummaged in her closet, finally emerging

with a towel. “This is an illegal microwave,

but as long as they can’t actually ‘see’ it, I

can’t get in trouble.”

She flung the towel over the microwave,

adjusting it so it was completely covered. It

would be obvious to anyone and everyone

what she was hiding, but I took her word for

it.

The pounding continued, getting closer.

Hannah was in the fourth room down the

hallway. By the time the door pounder got

close, we could hear voices, but couldn’t

make out what they were saying.

Hannah did one last glance around the

room and looked out the peephole seconds

before the knocking happened.

“Oh,” she said, as if she was surprised.

“What is it?”

“See for yourself.” She moved aside as

the person pounded again.

I fitted my eye to the peephole and was

met by none other than Dusty as he said,

“Does Hannah Gillespie live here?”

“Shit,” I whispered, not loud enough for

him to hear.

He swore and moved on to the next

room, and I saw that he was carrying the

bucket of candy and my shoes in the hand

that wasn’t doing the knocking. He pounded

on the next door and asked the same

question, but it seemed like no one was

home.

“Dude, you need to go talk to him

before someone calls campus security. Like,

seriously.” Hannah opened the door and

shoved me out into the hallway, but she

came with me.

Dusty turned when he heard the noise

and I met his eyes.

Oh, Jesus H. Christ, shit, shit,
shit.

“Jos.” He walked toward me, but

Hannah blocked his path and put her hand

up to stop him.

“Listen, dude. I don’t know what

happened between you two, but all I want

to know is if you hurt her, because I swear

to God and everything else that if you did, I

will make you eat your own dick.”

Dusty didn’t take his eyes off me.

“I have no idea what happened. You just

took off and I’ve been trying to find you. I

knew you’d either go home or come here,

so I went to the house and you weren’t

there, so I knew you would be here. Did I do

something? Please, I can’t…” He let go of

the bucket and it banged on the floor, but

the top stayed on. An anguished look

passed over his face, and I thought he was

going to cry, but he didn’t.

“Please, Jos. I just… I can’t bear to think

that I’ve done something to hurt you. I

couldn’t live with myself.”

Hannah took her eyes off Dusty and

looked back at me.

“Do you want some privacy? I can find

somewhere else to be if you two need to

talk. But I think we should move this little

shindig somewhere else.” I finally looked

away from Dusty and realized nearly every

door along the hallway was open and

several sets of eyes were staring at us.

“I can’t.” They were the only two words

that came to my lips. Dusty made a sound

of frustration and walked toward me as if

he didn’t care if Hannah followed through

on her threat.

“Okay, okay, let’s take this down a

notch,” she said, grabbing my and Dusty’s

arms and shoving us both back into her

room. “I’ll be outside. If you’re in trouble,

just yell ‘Buffy’ and I’ll come running.” She

shut the door behind us, and I heard her

yelling at the onlookers to mind their own

business.

I backed up, trying to put as much space

between the two f us, but he had longer

legs and moved faster. I thought he was

going to grab me, but he held back at the

last moment.

“Joscelyn.” There it was, the way he said

my name that made it feel like he was

making love to it with his mouth.

“Please talk to me.” His voice broke. “I

can’t lose you. Not like this.”

I’d never seen him so emotional. So

broken. He was always so assured, so

confident.

“It’s not you, Dusty. It’s me.” And there

they were. The lamest and most overused

words in the history of breaking up. Only

this time, they were true. It was me. It was

all me.

“You’re just saying that. It’s got to be

something I did.”

His hands reached for me, and I put

mine behind my back so I wouldn’t reach

for him, too. I wanted to—more than

anything I wanted to fall into his arms and

hear him say my name over and over and

over until I forgot about everything.

“I just want to shake it out of you, but I

can’t. Please, please tell me.” His anguish

was almost more than I could stand, so I

closed my eyes. I had to come up with

something. Fast.

“I just… I realized that it wouldn’t work.

It couldn’t work.

You and me. It was nice while it lasted,

but I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry. I’m so

sorry.” My resolve to not cry crumbled, and

I lost it. So much that I couldn’t stand

anymore, so I folded to the floor, but Dusty

caught me before I hit it. I tried to push him

away, but his arms were too strong as they

folded around me and held me tight.

“Oh, Joscelyn. What you do to yourself.”

He started rocking me as I sobbed, and I

couldn’t fight him holding me. It felt too

good, having someone hold me as I cried.

I’d done too much of it alone with only

myself for comfort.

My hands held on to his sweatshirt and

he put his hand on my head, laying it near

his heart, which was beating a million miles

a minute.

“Beautiful, beautiful girl.” He said other

things, but I didn’t pay attention to them.

We were still on the floor, but somehow

he picked me up and carried me to the

futon and lay me down, lying next to me. I

reached for him this time. He sighed into

my hair and moved his hands up and down

my back. Not in a sexy way.

More like a friend comforting a friend.

He started humming, but I was too

messed up to realize what the song was.

“Are you guys watching
Buffy the

Vampire Slayer?
” The words almost

startled me. My crying had slowed from a

flood to more of a light shower. I needed a

tissue, bad, but I wasn’t in the position to

get one.

“Um, yeah.” My voice was clogged with

mucus and left-over emotion.

“You know, I’ve never seen this show. I

heard it’s really good, though. I loved

Firefly.
Joss Whedon is kind of a badass.”

“I’d never seen it until Hannah showed it

to me. It’s pretty good, but I’m only in the

first season. It was made in the ’90s, so the

computers are massive.” Were we really

talking about Buffy right now? Yes, yes we

were. And somehow, it made complete and

total sense to be talking about Buffy right

now.

“Oh, are these Milanos?” Dusty pulled

the bag from under me. They were slightly

crushed now, but that didn’t stop him from

reaching into the bag and pulling one out

and holding it up for me.

“You want one?”

Was he really feeding me cookies and

talking about Buffy right now?

“What are you doing? Five minutes ago I

thought you were going to have a

breakdown.”

“I know. I was close. But then you did,

and that was more important. You’re

always more important. I can’t break down

when you need me.”

“Who says I need you?”

He didn’t even look hurt. “Just eat the

cookie, Red.”

So I took a bite of it and he popped the

rest into his mouth and then picked out

another one and we did the same thing and

we watched Buffy and ate cookies. It didn’t

make any sense, and at the same time it

made all the sense in the world.

By the time the cookies were gone, my

face was dry and a little crusty and I had a

headache. Dusty was still holding me, and I

remembered that Hannah was still waiting

in the hallway.

“Oh, my God. We forgot about Hannah.”

Dusty readjusted his arms around me.

“She’s fine. You don’t need to worry

about her.” My nose was still stuffed up and

I sniffed. “Here,” he said, searching around

for something and finding a box of tissues

on the floor under the futon. He’d had to let

go of me to find them, and as soon as his

arms weren’t around me, I realized I

wanted them back.

“Here you go.” He handed me one and I

blew my nose.

Not the most sexy thing to do, but it

wasn’t like I hadn’t already un-sexied myself

as much as possible. I knew, without having

to look in a reflective surface, that my face

was blotched all over like I had some sort of

disease and my eyes were definitely harder

to open and close than they had been a

while ago.

“Do you need some water? I can go get

you some.”

I did, but I didn’t want him to leave, so I

just shook my head.

Dusty turned his head and yelled out,

“Buffy!”

A second later, the door flew open.

“That’s her word, but I came, just in

case,” Hannah said.

“I see you’re doing better.”

“Can you get her some water?”

“Sure thing.” She grabbed a red cup

from a stack in her closet and dashed away.

She was back in a flash with a cup of cool

water. “Holler if you need anything else.”

She went to her bookshelf, grabbed

something and left again, shutting the door

behind her.

I chugged the water, spilling some of it.

“If you were that thirsty, you should

have said something.”

“I didn’t want you to go anywhere,” I

said, finishing the water and handing him

the cup. He wiped my face with another

tissue.

“I’m not going anywhere. Not even if

you try to make me. Not again.”

I loved hearing him say that at the same

time I hated it.

“We can’t, Dusty. We just can’t.” Now I

was the one saying no.

He put his finger on my lips to stop me

from talking.

“Not right now, Red. Later. For now, can

I just enjoy being here, with my arms

around you?”

I nodded. I was enjoying it, too.

“If you want to sleep, that’s fine. Close

your eyes.” I did and he started humming

again.

I listened and kept my eyes closed. I

knew he could beat box like a boss, but I

didn’t know he could
sing,
sing. Dusty

Sharp, man of many talents. I let myself sink

into his voice and his arms, because soon, I

would have to find some way of getting out

of this. But for now, I was going to savor

this last moment of perfection. It would

have to last me for a long time.

“Oh, shit, look outside,” Dusty said when

I woke up. I’d fallen into a deep and

dreamless sleep and woke when the light in

Hannah’s room had turned dark. I glanced