My Epic Fairy Tale Fail (13 page)

There was a stunned silence as everyone stared at the spot where Ilda had just been.

Then people in the crowd started to scream while Sir Knight rushed forward to examine the stage. All that was left of Ilda was my mother's necklace, shining in the fading sunlight.

Ilda was gone.

“Where did she go?” said Sir Knight.

“The fairies,” I said, trying to process what had happened. Suddenly, I remembered the times when Ilda had mentioned that she wasn't the one making the rules, that someone would be upset if she changed the way things were done. Had she been talking about the fairies?

If the fairies really were behind my parents' disappearance, then what Ilda had said about my mom and dad literally vanishing in front of her eyes was true. And now, all these years later, they'd taken the witch too.

After I sank to the ground, I scooped up the necklace and clutched it tightly in my hand.

I still didn't know where my parents were, but at least one good thing had come of all this: I finally knew who had taken them.

•••

“But why would the fairies take my land's magic?” Princess Nartha asked after I'd recounted what had happened. She, Aletha, and the old servant were the only people who hadn't been at the festival. Of course, after Aletha had heard that Ilda was gone, she'd fainted dead away, and the servant had had to carry her to her room.

“I don't know,” I admitted. “But I'm going to find out.”

The princess nodded and went over to her usual spot by the window. “What will we do now? All this time, I thought we simply needed to be rid of Ilda to get our magic back. But now…”

“I'm sorry,” I said, wishing I could do more.

Princess Nartha let out a long sigh. “I suppose my people and I will just have to go on as we have.”

“Excuse me for saying so, Your Highness, but I don't think your attitude is really helping.”

She turned to me. “Excuse me?”

“If you're convinced that your kingdom can't function without magic, then it won't. But maybe if you try new things, find a way to live so that you don't need magic, your kingdom might be okay. You have to be positive, you know?”

“Be positive,” she repeated. “I-I suppose you might be right. It's just that my land has always had magic. When the magic started to disappear so soon after my parents were transformed, I didn't know what to do.”

I could understand feeling lost without parents, but that didn't mean the princess should just give up. “I know you can do it,” I said. “You just need to have some faith in yourself.”

For the first time ever, the princess actually smiled. “That is something my father used to say to me. He felt I didn't have enough faith in my ability to be a ruler one day.”

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Then it opened and the old servant poked his head in. “Your Highness, you have visitors.”

“Visitors?” she said, clearly surprised. “Who are they?”

“It's only us!” I heard Anthony say a second before he pushed past the servant and marched into the room. Behind him were Melissa and Trish. All three of them bowed to the princess.

“What are you guys doing here?” I said.

“We thought you might need our help,” said Melissa. “You know, now that the magic is really gone.”

Trish stepped forward. “Your Highness,” she said. “We're offering you our services.”

“We might not know how to use magic,” Melissa explained, “but we're really good at living without it. Heck, we've been doing it all our lives. That means we're naturals.”

“For example,” said Trish, pulling a teakettle from behind her back, “we're happy to show your people how to boil water without magic. It's actually pretty easy!”

I glanced at Anthony. “Was this your idea?”

He shook his head. “I wish I could take the credit, but your friends were the ones who thought of it. And the Committee even approved it after I persuaded them.” He winked, and I had a feeling he'd bribed the old women with Tootsie Rolls again.

“But what about returning to your world and to your families?” said Princess Nartha. “Would you really want to stay here and help us?”

“For a little while, anyway,” said Melissa. “Our parents just think we're away on a school trip. And Anthony said he could use some magic to make sure our tests are passed and stuff.” I could tell the idea of not having to study or do homework was especially appealing to her.

“It could be an exchange of information,” said Trish. “We'd teach your people what we know about living normal lives, and you could teach us about your customs. Deal?”

The princess looked at me like she was asking for my approval.

I turned to my friends. “It might take a while before the villagers are okay without you.” I glanced at Trish. “What about your English paper? What about the essay contest?”

Trish grinned. “Who cares about an essay when I'll have enough material to write a whole book?”

“What about you, Melissa?” I said. “Won't you miss your music?”

She shrugged. “I'll have plenty of stuff to write about while I'm here. And Sir Knight says his younger brother is a musician. He's going to introduce us. Maybe the two of us can even write a duet together.” She waggled her eyebrows so enthusiastically that they looked like they might come off. Then she reached into Trish's backpack, pulled out her hockey mask, and plopped it on her head. “See? I'm ready!”

“So am I,” said Trish, putting on her bike helmet. “We really want this, Jenny.”

I laughed. “Then I guess it's a plan. And while you guys are here, maybe you can check on Jack once in a while. And look in on Irwin and Nessie too, and make sure they're okay without magic. You might want to leave that headgear on just in case. Or bring Sir Knight with you.”

“Speaking of Sir Knight,” said Trish. “I think we might have come up with a solution to his little problem. At least until we find a way to undo the curse.”

“Which problem?” said Princess Nartha. “I could make a list.”

“His noise pollution problem,” Trish clarified. She opened the chamber door and Sir Knight strode in, totally soundlessly. He was still wearing his armor, but it was now wrapped in a layer of foam padding and duct tape.

“Now you and Princess Aletha can finally be together,” Melissa said with a wistful sigh.

“If she will have me,” said the knight.

“Of course I will!” said a voice from out in the hallway. Then Aletha swept into the room and threw her arms around Sir Knight. “You're so soft and squishy!”

It was like a scene straight out of a cheesy fairy tale, which normally I would have found sickening, but I couldn't help grinning at the sight. Even though so many things still needed to be set right in this land, at least Aletha and Sir Knight could finally be happy. Even Princess Nartha looked almost pleased.

“See? My friends will be a huge help to your kingdom,” I told her.

“Very well,” Princess Nartha said. “With their aid, I'm sure I'll be able to make my kingdom something my parents could be proud of again.” She glanced at the rug and chair in the center of the room. “I only wish I could bring them back. Do you think there's any way…?”

I bit my lip. I wanted to reassure Princess Nartha that we could change her parents back, but with Ilda gone and the magic drained, I didn't know if that was possible.

“Once I track down my parents,” I said, “we'll come back here and fix everything.”

The princess nodded. “Thank you for all your help, Jenny.” She still looked sad, but there was genuine warmth in her voice.

“You have done our kingdom a great kindness,” Aletha chimed in. Luckily, she'd forgiven me for allowing Leonard to run away. She had faith that he would find his way home eventually.

“I'm just glad your people don't hate adventurers anymore,” I said. And don't blame my parents, I silently added. “Oh, and I have something for you.” I rummaged around in my bag and found Ilda's first two objects. “Maybe you can burn them. It might make you feel better.”

Princess Nartha glanced at the one that looked like a fly swatter. “You're giving us a carpet beater?”

I turned the object around, realizing she was right. I remembered Dr. Bradley showing me all kinds of antique objects he'd found in the basement of his new house. One of them had been for getting the dust out of carpets. That's why the object had looked so familiar.

“Why would Ilda hide this?” I said. Then I realized what a silly question that was. Ilda was insane. There didn't need to be a reason. Unless…

I glanced over at the carpet in the middle of the room, then at the rocking chair. I grabbed the spray bottle out of my bag and sniffed the contents again. This time I could place the smell: furniture polish. Of course!

I hurried over to the carpet and aimed the metal stick at it.
Thwack!

“What are you doing?” Princess Nartha cried. “Leave my father alone!” She tried to wrestle the handle away from me as the old servant rushed over to help her.

“Jenny-girl, are you crazy?” Anthony yelled.

“Trust me.”
Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.
“I know what I'm doing.”

Princess Nartha screamed and managed to yank the carpet beater out of my hand. Then she fell to her knees as if she wanted to give the carpet a hug. “Father, I'm so sorry!”

Not surprisingly, Aletha's eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted from all the commotion. Luckily, Sir Knight was there to catch her in his newly cushy arms.

The servant looked ready to throw me in the dungeon while my friends stared at me with their mouths gaping open. Before anyone could act, Princess Nartha screamed again.

“What's happening?” she said as the rug began to move on its own. It was morphing from flat and square to round and thick and person-like.

Finally, the rug finished transforming. In its place stood a stooped older man with a crooked crown on his head.

“Father?” Princess Nartha whispered.

The man was clearly confused, but his face lit up when he saw his daughter. “Nartha, dear,” he said. “I'm feeling a bit peckish. Do you know if dinner is ready?”

“How…how did you do this?” Nartha asked me.

“You think that's impressive? Watch this!” I grabbed the spray bottle and spritzed the rocking chair. Almost instantly, it started to stretch and change. A few seconds later, the queen was in its place.

“Goodness,” the queen said. “I have such a crick in my neck. And who are all these people?”

Princess Nartha laughed and threw her arms around both her parents, while the servant sank to his knees with tears in his eyes. Meanwhile, Sir Knight cradled the unconscious Aletha in his arms. No doubt she'd wake up, see her parents, and faint all over again. But eventually, she'd be able to share in the happiness too.

I watched the scene feeling both glad and oddly hopeful. For the first time in my life, I was sure my own parents were within my reach. They were alive. I was almost certain of it, and I was going to find them.

“I know what we need,” Melissa announced, rifling around in her pocket. She pulled out a fortune, cleared her throat, and read: “‘The first step to better times is to imagine them.'”

I couldn't agree more.

When I got home, I couldn't help shuddering at the sight of Aunt Evie giving her ostrich patient a therapeutic massage in the middle of the kitchen. The oversized ostrich beak brought up memories of giant birds that I knew would give me pecked-to-death nightmares for weeks.

Aunt Evie smiled when she spotted me in the doorway. Then her face changed, and I realized she was looking at the necklace around my neck. “Wasn't that your mother's?” she said. “I haven't seen that in ages. Where did you find it?”

“It's a long story.” I wished more than anything that I could finally tell her the truth. And one day I would, I decided. When I found my parents and brought them back, the three of us would tell her everything, no matter what the Committee said. After all she'd been through, Aunt Evie deserved to know the whole story.

“Maybe you can tell me over dinner?” she asked. “I'm planning on making your favorite: fish casserole.” She pointed to some cat food containers stacked on the counter.

“Sorry, I wish I could, but I have to go.”

“When will you be home?”

I hesitated. Who knew how long I would need to track down my parents in the fairy world? It could be hours, or it could be days or even weeks. “I'm not sure,” I said finally. “But I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise.”

I hurried out the door and around the corner to Dr. Bradley's house. I expected to find the doctor rummaging through piles of trash like usual, but instead he and Anthony were sitting in the living room with somber looks on their faces. Those looks were a far cry from the big grin that had been spread across Anthony's face when he'd dropped me off at home only minutes earlier.

“What's wrong?” I said.

“You disobeyed the Committee,” the doctor said. “And you tricked Anthony into helping you.” For the first time I could remember, he sounded upset with me.

I swallowed. “But it worked out in the end, didn't it? I got rid of Ilda and saved the king and queen. Wasn't it worth the risk?”

“The Committee members don't see it that way,” said Dr. Bradley. “They are furious with you.”

“What else is new? I've decided to stop caring about hurting the Committee's feelings. It's not worth the stress.”

“This is serious, Jenny-girl,” said Anthony. “Dr. Bradley said they're talking about kicking you out all together, stripping your adventurer title.”

Yes, I'd disobeyed the Committee members, but only so I could follow my adventurer instincts. How could they not understand that? “You talked them out of it, right?”

Dr. Bradley sighed. “They've agreed to let you stay on for now, but you're on probation. One more misstep and—”

“Okay, I get it. I'm sorry. I won't do anything like that again. I can't believe we're even talking about this when I finally have a lead on what happened to my parents. Ilda said they were taken by the fairies to their home base, wherever that is.”

“Fairy Land,” Dr. Bradley said with a thoughtful nod.

“Fairy Land?” I repeated. “That's even worse than Merland. It sounds like an amusement park, not a place where evil fairies live.” I expected Dr. Bradley to at least crack a smile, but his face stayed somber. “Why aren't you more excited about this? My parents are alive! We know who took them. This is the lead we've been waiting for.”

“The problem, Jenny,” said Dr. Bradley, “is that I'm afraid the Committee members won't allow you to go.”

I gawked at him. “What are you talking about?”

“They believe it's too dangerous.”

“So, they just want to let my parents rot in Fairy Land?”

“Of course not,” said Dr. Bradley. “But perhaps the Committee is right to be cautious. What if the witch was lying? What if your parents weren't taken by the fairies?”

“Ilda had no reason to lie! The fairies stole her magic and betrayed her. And they tried to silence her when she started to tell me the truth.”

“I'm afraid the Committee has already made up its mind.” Dr. Bradley shook his head slowly. “The members feel they can't allow you to go into a land we know so little about.”

My blood felt like lava in my veins. “So that's it then? Case closed?”

“They'll study the matter further,” he said. “Maybe one day they'll know enough to be able to put a plan into action.”

“One day?” I said. “I've been waiting seven years. My
parents
have been waiting seven years! Don't they care about that?”

“Of course they do, Jenny-girl,” Anthony jumped in. “But they also care about you. We all do. Do you really want to rush into danger when you don't even know what's waiting for you?”

“Isn't that what I always do? Isn't that what being an adventurer is all about?” As I said it, I realized Jasmine would probably disagree with me. To her, being an adventurer was a job, but for me it was my life. And finding my parents was so much more than just another adventure. It was one mission I could never give up on.

“Sorry,” I added. “There's nothing the Committee members can do to convince me. I'm going after my parents, with or without their help.”

Dr. Bradley let out another long sigh. “I was afraid you would say that.”

“Jenny-girl, think about this for a second,” said Anthony. “They'll fire you. You won't be an adventurer anymore.”

I should have felt shocked or hurt or angry at the thought, but I just felt nothing. The truth was that if being an adventurer was going to stop me from getting my parents back, then it was no good for me anyway.

“Then they'll fire me,” I said flatly.

Silence buzzed through the room, wrapping around all three of us.

“Are you really sure this is what you want?” Anthony finally asked.

“No,” I admitted, sinking into an armchair. “But if the Committee members are willing to give up on my parents so easily, then I don't want to work for them.”

“So what are you going to do?” said Anthony.

“Go to Fairy Land.”

The gnome shook his head and chomped into a cucumber. I had to admit, he was starting to look a little leaner. “That's it, Jenny-girl?” he said. “That's your whole plan?”

I couldn't blame him for staring at me like I'd completely lost my mind. Maybe I had.

“How will you get there?” said Dr. Bradley.

“I-I don't know,” I admitted, realizing that yet again I was charging into things without thinking them through. In truth, I had no idea where Fairy Land was. And since I had no magical abilities, I had no way to get there on my own. Unless I could steal a spaceship or something. “I don't suppose either of you would be willing to help me?”

Anthony and Dr. Bradley looked at each other. I watched another one of their silent, head-nodding conversations. No doubt they were working out a way to lock me up in a mental institution.

Finally, they turned back to me.

“Of course we'll help you,” said Dr. Bradley.

“Really? But what about the Committee?” I turned to Anthony. “What about your reunion? We probably won't be back in time. All that dieting will be for nothing.”

“Don't even worry about that, Jenny-girl. Bottom line is that we agree with you. The Committee is being dumb about this whole thing.” He shrugged. “Besides, I've realized I kind of like health food.” He bit off another hunk of cucumber, and for once, he didn't even cringe.

“We loved your parents,” Dr. Bradley added. “If there's any way to get them back, we must at least try. Even if the Committee doesn't approve.”

I rushed over and threw my arms around Anthony. Then around Dr. Bradley. “Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Dr. Bradley let out a sad chuckle. “Don't thank us yet. We can take you to Fairy Land, but I'm afraid we might not be much help. The Committee was right about some things. We know very little about the fairies.”

“We'll figure it out. We always do. I promise you won't regret this.” I ran my fingers over my mother's necklace and then glanced down at my bracelet, which I had decided to wear again. Both pieces of jewelry seemed to be humming with excitement, just like I was. My parents had never felt so within my reach. “When do we leave?” I asked.

Anthony shrugged. “How about now?”

I couldn't believe it. After all these years, this could finally be my chance to get my family back. I smiled. “Now would be perfect.”