Moon Chilled (13 page)

Getting to my feet, I went outside to greet the new day. I saw others doing the same, many of them without clothes as well. When a young girl smiled at me, I smiled back at her, surprised to see such emotion from one of the girls that had most certainly been a victim of Ray's. I wandered around the town for a bit, catching gazes and nodding at those who nodded at me first. I was used to being nearly invisible in this pack but found that I didn't mind the attention now.

My wolf was a constant presence in my mind, a familiar friend that had left with a nearly audible promise to come back as soon as I needed her to. I didn't doubt her promise. I'd felt her the previous night, and she'd blocked most of the pain of the shift. I knew this because I could feel the pain, dulled through the shield she'd become, but it was most certainly there like sandpaper against my skin. It was if I were outside of myself, understanding that bones were breaking but not that they were necessarily mine. And I was grateful for her taking that darkness of the experience from me. I wished that I could speak with her, to share in her wisdom and tell her how grateful, and especially how sorry, I was. But my words had little meaning for her, at least from what I could tell.

I found myself kneeling by the river and splashing the icy water over my face. Leaves rustled behind me and my heart began to race, but my wolf worked to calm me as instantly as the fear had come. I was safe; I could tell that by our connection. Just not in so many words. It was more of a feeling, a knowing that nothing in this world could hurt me again. Because she was there for me, and Shae was with us now as well. Shae to me, the dark wolf to mine. They had no names, only feelings. I turned to look over my shoulder as a small, reddish wolf crept closer. It had been so long since I'd seen any of us shifted that I did not recognize this werewolf, but I knew they weren't a threat to me as they crouched at the water and took a drink beside me. When they were done, they laid down beside me, their stiff fur brushing against my thigh. They weren't asleep but they hardly moved, and I didn't have the heart to tell them to go away.

Slowly more wolves began to join us by the river as if somehow called. Some drank; some simply lay down around me. I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't move, too afraid that they would scatter as unexpectedly as they'd arrived. Shae's wolf joined me an hour later with Gavin perched on her back as if she were a pony. He slid off when she got close, and I was surprised to see the wolves around us make a path as she approached me. There was no noise, no fighting, just the simple movement of a group of werewolves parting as if in a wave to make room for their alpha. Seeing this, how they all reacted to her and respected her, I couldn't believe Shae still didn't see her place here on this mountain. With all of us.

I touched the fur on her face and took Gavin into my arms. Shae was there somewhere within the wolf's mind, but the animal in front of me was part of her too, just as her mate was part of me. "Hello," I told her, wishing that we didn't have an audience as I wanted to say everything that I was feeling, every little thought that was currently running through my head at a wildly galloping pace. I wanted to thank her for holding me through my first shift in years, for coming back to me, for accepting Gavin into her life, for bringing my own wolf back from whatever dark hole I'd put her in.

This wolf needed to know all of this and so much more, and I hoped that she did, or at least could someday. "Do you see us now? How much we need you? How you couldn't be anything but our alpha?" I whispered to her, knowing that the wolf could hear me and that Shae was likely listening as well as I cupped my hands on her dark gray cheeks. We needed her, all of us, but me most of all. Shae was my mate, and I'd gone too many years without having her by my side. I'd do whatever she needed me to, pay whatever price she asked, if she just remembered that simple fact. This was my mate, she was my family, and she was needed here.

My Shae slowly emerged from the wolf in an impossibly fast shift that left her breathless and me aching for the pain she must have been through. My hands slipped to her shoulders, and Shae looked up at me, her amber eyes wet. "Don't you see though, Maiki, that there are too many memories here? And, even if there weren't, I'm not alpha material. I don't know how. I don't know the first thing about taking care of someone else. I've never had to."

The people around us began to shift as well. Those closest, anyway. The outer circle remained as wolves as they stood watching us. I had the idea that they were somehow protecting us, guarding those of us that were vulnerable because we were wearing our skins for the moment, while they kept a look out for anything that might try to hurt us. I hadn't expected such protection from the people of Elderthorne. Perhaps I hadn't thought highly enough of them.

"You can't think of going," someone close to us told Shae.

It was the wrong thing to say to her; I knew that instantly as Shae's gaze narrowed in the direction of the weak voice. "I do what I want," Shae challenged.

But the boy that had spoken rose from his prone position on the sandy riverbank and, his skin soaked with sweat from his shift, stepped around those that were still in the middle of their changes. He was no more than fourteen, an age I tried not to remember, but his gaze held none of the fear and anxiety that I knew mine had back then. "You're our alpha," he said as he came and sat down next to us, crowding against Shae and touching her back. Touch was a familiar thing, especially to children, and I was glad to see that Shae accepted his affection without pushing him away.

More people began to add their voices as well, telling Shae how much they wanted her to stay, how much they needed her, how she was theirs now. I saw the trepidation and uncertainty etched into her beautiful face and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her mouth. "I will follow you anywhere," I told her as I pulled away. Shae nodded, and a tight smile came to her lips. "But—"

She raised her nearly black eyebrows. "There's a but?"

I smiled at her. "Sometimes there is. But, these people need an alpha. Please, consider it."

One of her shoulders lifted in a delicate shrug, and she pressed her forehead against mine. "I am glad to see my Maiki back."

I blushed and enjoyed the feeling of her hair brushing against my cheeks. "She's not, not completely, anyway. But you and your wolf gave me back my wolf. Your strength gives me strength, your hope is mine."

"My love?" Shae asked me, taking my hands from her shoulders and pressing her palms against mine.

My blush deepened. "I have always loved you, ever since I realized who you were to me, but you being here allowed me to show it again. To feel it again. For too many years this pack lived in darkness. You brought us light. Please stay with us here. Elderthorne could be a place of beauty again. The memories could be melted away with the thawing of the spring snow."

She pulled away and gave me a considering look. "You've seen it?"

I shook my head. "I have not had a dream since the last. But I believe it. And I think your wolf does too. At least that's what mine seems to be telling me. We've got a long way to go before our connection will be healed again."

Shae nodded again and released my hands as she got to her feet in the middle of the small pack. She turned in a slow circle, looking at each of them as I watched her just as everyone else in the pack did. "I am not an alpha, I have never wanted a pack, and I will not command you all. But if you are willing to put in the work to make this place a home, a real home, and to erase the horrible things that were done here, then I will stand with you."

There were happy murmurs and words of gratitude. I smiled up at my mate, my alpha, and looked forward to the future for the first time in years.

~
~*

Our first test as a newly formed pack came only a few hours later as the sun began to set behind the mountains to the west of us. I found myself lounging on a rug in front of a fire surrounded by the other members of the pack. We'd spent the day going through the abandoned houses and getting rid of any of the personal items left by those that had fled with Diane. Some people thought it was cruel to burn their things. But more of them agreed with what Shae had said. About how they had sided with her and no longer mattered in the pack.

As I watched the men's things burn, I found myself agreeing with the sentiment. Though Ray had long since grown tired of using me, these men had not, and I felt my deeply buried anger coming back to me as I remembered things better left forgotten. Some of the girls cried along with me. Others screamed. And all through it Shae held my hand, an ever-silent support to show strength to my fear and hope to the constant worry that had seemed to grip my gut like a vice. The men that had used us no longer remained and after that evening their things didn't either.

With our pasts pushed to the backs of our minds, we lay together as a pack with the last of a family album in front of us. We didn't speak, and in fact most of us had barely said anything through the whole day as we went through what some of the younger werewolves were starting to refer to as the cleansing of the pack. I didn't call it anything so grand; more like taking out the trash. This was to be our fresh start. But there was still one loose end to tie up, so I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised when the first of the screams started.

Shae, the first of us to shift, bolted out of the house as soon as gray fur covered her body. My wolf wanted to run with her, to fight with her mate, to protect her, but I knew that our bond wasn't nearly strong enough for me to shift as easily as Shae was able to. It would take time, the rest of the pack had told me, but my wolf was impatient, and I was barely able to contain her as I clutched Gavin to my chest and tried to comfort those most frightened members of our pack around me. There were whispers and mumbled prayers, but as the first sounds of fighting erupted on the main street just in front of the house everyone grew quiet until the only sounds I heard were of the rapid, frightened heartbeats of the people pressed tightly against me.

I turned and faced the door, pushing Gavin behind me as my wolf continued to fight me for control. She was worried for her mate. I was worried about Shae. A shadow moved across the curtained window, the hulking body of a man in mid-shift, and I heard what sounded like it might have been a wolf in pain. That simple sound that screeched against my ears was enough to break my concentration and let my wolf out. From one heartbeat to the next, I found myself pushed back as my body crumpled to the ground.

"Maiki!" one young girl said, coming up to me and grabbing my arm. But it was already too late; I couldn't make my body respond, as my wolf had taken over my throat. She shifted as fast as she was able to, but I knew that even that bone-aching speed was too slow for my worried wolf. I could feel her frustration as a pulse through my veins while she clawed her way through my body until the only parts of me were left at the back of her mind, aching and crying out in silent pain as we fitted our broken bones back together. I knew she was in pain too as she got up on unsteady legs and took the first few shuffling steps to the door. But she'd never been this strong before either. At least, I'd never felt her like this before, and it frightened me to think of the power she wielded over me when she wanted to. She sent me comforting thoughts and I let them ease me. She meant me no harm, but her mate was in trouble. I had to understand that.

Only I did understand. I was weak where my wolf was strong, and though I'd wanted to go out there and help Shae, I hadn't been capable of it. Others began shifting behind us, and my wolf turned to give Gavin a quick nuzzle on the underside of his chin before she took off through the back door one of the children was holding open for those of us that had decided to shift. Some stayed behind, I was glad to see, and I felt that my wolf agreed as well as she turned and gave the large wolves blocking the open doorway a nod of approval.

She trotted away on light steps until she came around the side of the house. Still hidden in the shadows, my wolf watched two wolves fighting nearby but quickly lost interest when neither one of them were her mate. She kept walking, her mind on a single driven purpose, as she sought out the charcoal wolf. I could feel her worry growing as she searched for Shae's wolf until she caught a sound almost too faint for me to hear. Her ears picked it up instantly, and her head snapped in the direction of it. She was running before I'd even realized that the sound was that of someone crying.

We found Shae in an alley with blood on her hands and smeared across her mouth. A body lay at her feet, but we ignored it in favor of our mate. My wolf pressed her face against Shae's bare arm before licking at her chin. Though I was in the back of my wolf's mind and completely cut off from the outside world, she let me feel what it was like to have Shae hug her a moment later as her arms came around my wolf's shoulders and she buried her face in my wolf's neck.

I'd never seen her cry before, not even when we were kids during the worst parts of our lives. She was stronger than that, I'd thought, but as I heard her muffled sobs against the wolf's neck I wondered what could have broken that last part of herself. I didn't blame her for her tears; in fact if I were in my skin I would have been crying as well simply because she was. I asked my wolf for my body back, but she quickly denied me.

I was hurt and ready to argue with her that Shae needed me as a woman and not as a wolf right then, but then my wolf sent me images that I couldn't deny. We had to be in her form right now because she was stronger than I was. She could protect Shae, who was vulnerable. And there were children to protect. I sent her back images of Shae shifting faster than I'd ever seen anyone do before, but it was an image of Gavin alone and needing help that swayed me to her side.

She was right; we needed to be strong in case he needed us. And so I moved into the back of her mind and let the mist swirl around me as I stared out through her eyes at the woman that was my mate. Shae pulled away and wiped roughly at her cheeks before taking a deep, shuddering breath that seemed to rake through her. My wolf laid her head on Shae's shoulder, and I tried to ignore the fighting that was going on right nearby.