Moon Chilled (10 page)

"You're so strong, so powerful. And I'm a hindrance to you," I said softly, choking on my tears as the truth of my words came bubbling up to the surface. That had always been the problem in our relationship. I didn't deserve her. I hadn't when we were children, and I certainly didn't now.

Shae smiled and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. "No, you're not. And you never were." She rose up, bracing herself on her hands above my prone form. "How's your wolf?"

I frowned up at her. "My wolf?" Nodding, Shae's smile grew as I watched as her eyes changed, becoming brighter. I gasped and reached up to touch Shae's face, her brown hair tickling my wrists as it fell against my hands. With Shae's wolf looking down at me, my own wolf slowly came to life from the deep, dark place I had hidden her in. "She hasn't been out in a long time," I warned her.

Shae's smile slipped into a frown. "Why not?"

"Not allowed. The alpha doesn't want us changing. We can't," I said quickly. My wolf didn't understand why I wasn't putting more room between us so that she could shift. Now that she was awake, the animal wanted to be let out, to play with the charcoal wolf that was her mate.

"That changes right now," Shae growled. The words sounded far away to my ears. "Everyone needs to shift. Everyone. It's not a choice. It's an essential part of us. Like breathing or hunting."

I shook my head, human words failing me as my wolf clawed its way to the surface of my mind. Pain erupted at my temple, and my eyes shot open, taking in a world that was much too bright. Shae rolled off me, but she didn't go far. My wolf coming to the front of my mind happened blindingly fast, and moments later while pain continued to burn over my skin, Shae's wolf looked down at me. When my change didn't fully come even as my muscles contracted and fire shot through my veins, the charcoal-colored wolf whimpered at me. She licked my sweat-slicked face as I lay trembling against the grass in the fetal position. My breath came out in weak gasps as my fingers curled into the soft dirt. I closed my eyes, begging my shift to come and ease the pain. The wolf wanted out, she was ready, but my bones didn't remember the form and my muscles ached from disuse.

"Easy," Shae whispered, her hand warm against my shoulder.

I opened my eyes to see her kneeling over me, the wolf reflecting back in her eyes despite the form her body took. I shut my eyes tightly, unable to look at the wolf's beauty when I was still in such a weak form.

"Stop, mate, stop." Her voice was hoarse, rough from the shift and full of something even darker than that.

I forced my eyes open, unsure if I could trust what I believed. Shae bent her head and licked my temple. Her nose dragged over my cheek, then her tongue flicked out to touch my chin. "Rest, my mate," Shae said. Only it wasn't Shae talking to me. I slowly nodded and breathed deeply as Shae's wolf stared down at me.

"How?" I gasped, my mouth dry.

"Asked and woman agreed. Want talk to my mate," the wolf said.

I frowned up at her as I pulled deep, ragged breaths into my lungs. "You are. I'm Shae's mate."

The wolf shook her head, sending her brown hair flying around her face. "No. My mate. Now. We talk now. No human. My mate," the wolf demanded. "You give me her. Now." Her words ended on a growl, letting me know there would be no arguing with her. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to accomplish what the wolf wanted, but my wolf was more than ready to do whatever Shae's wanted her to. They were mates, and the bond was much deeper than I could have ever known. I slowly nodded and tried to relax, though it proved to be a difficult task with the wolf's amber gaze staring down at me expectantly.

"All right. I'm going to try to bring her up," I said as I rolled over onto my back. "But I've never had my wolf speak through me. Didn't even know it was possible. And it's weird. So just ... I don't know. Be patient, maybe?"

The wolf stared at me, but said nothing more as I tried to work out how to bring my wolf to the surface without letting her take over. It'd been years since I'd even really spoken to my wolf, and I was surprised how weak the link between us had grown.

"I'm sorry, my wolf," I whispered as tears leaked from the corners of my eyes. I'd hurt her, I could feel that now. The animal should have never been locked away. It was cruel to cage her in the darkest recesses of my mind like this. And I'd done it all on a command that should have never been given in the first place. I sobbed and quickly covered my mouth to muffle the sound. I'd done so much for him, so much more than I should have.

"I'm sorry I didn't run away with you," I whispered brokenly. The wolf blinked down at me, giving nothing away as I continued to cry. "I should have. Then maybe ... maybe this wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't be here now. He wants to hurt you. He will, too. If you let him." The wolf nodded and touched Shae's nose to my shoulder.

"You rest. Sleep. Let her out," the wolf asked, her voice much gentler this time.

I nodded, wanting to obey her. I closed my eyes, trying to do as she'd said and relax. My wolf was getting impatient as she paced through my mind, eager to get out and play with her mate in a way they hadn't done since they were children.

And then it happened, and I felt warm and safe as the wolf moved forward to take my place. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. White mist circled me, comforting me like a soft blanket, and I laid back, smiling as a sense of peace I hadn't felt in years curled over me.

"Mate," my wolf whispered. She moved forward, ducking her head to lick at Shae's jaw.

Shae nuzzled her, sniffing her hair as the wolf breathed her familiar scent in as well. "Woman weak. Much trouble."

My wolf nodded and pressed her face against Shae's neck. "Bad times. Bad man. Safe now. Mate here."

"Mate has child," Shae's wolf said, turning to look in the direction Gavin had gone.

A spark of protectiveness flared up inside my wolf, and I gasped at the unfamiliar sensation coming through our link. "My cub. Ours." My wolf nudged Shae's shoulder.

Shae's wolf nodded. "Our cub. Not food."

I grinned from within my wolf's mind. I knew that teasing tone in Shae's voice, even if those weren't her words. My wolf pounced on Shae's, pinning her to the dirt. The move was dominant, but the thought behind it was not, and Shae's wolf appeared to recognize the difference as she gave my wolf a toothy grin and licked her nose.

"My mate," she said.

My wolf nodded. "Mine too." She lay down next to Shae, the chilled grass cushioning her head as she looked at her. I stroked her in my mind, petting her in an attempt to apologize. For so much more than just not keeping the connection between us open.

"Human sad," my wolf said with a puff of air that sounded like a sigh.

"Yes. Sad women. We should go. No sad," Shae's wolf said instantly. "Come. We go now." She got to her feet and I whimpered, indecision tugging at me as my wolf rose to her knees.

"He'll hurt us. Human scared," my wolf whispered, her gaze going to the farmhouse, barely visible through the thick bushes.

Shae's wolf pulled her lips back and growled. "No. He won't find. Never find. We run. We go now," she repeated urgently. "Take cub. Go now."

My wolf nodded and slowly stood next to Shae. "I teach human to shift again. Will take time. Weak bond. But will do again. We slow without shift. Must get cub. Then go."

Shae nodded and licked my wolf on her cheek. I felt something untangle inside of me as my wolf made her decision. I hadn't been asked, but then again I wouldn't have wanted to be. My gut reaction had been to say no, to stay. It was too dangerous to leave. Leaving meant he'd come after us and find us. Things would be so much worse when he found us again. But my wolf had figured that out as well, and her decision had been the opposite of mine. She trusted Shae to protect them. And Gavin too. And so her decision had been instant. We were going, and I felt better for having let her decide for us both.

"Daddy!" a high-pitched voice squealed across the clearing. Her wolf shivered and I sat up, panic taking hold of me inside my wolf's mind.

"Cub," my wolf whispered, sounding alarmed.

Shae nodded and growled. "We get cub. Then go." She stalked forward, her arms swinging loosely at her sides as my wolf struggled to keep up. I watched, trying not to send fearful thoughts to her wolf as we approached the alpha and Gavin. When we were within a few yards of him, Shae stopped and her wolf moved in front of me, shielding me from the alpha's gaze.

"Give cub. We go now," Shae's wolf demanded.

The alpha narrowed his gaze at us, and my wolf's gaze widened as she saw his hand tighten on Gavin's collar. "No, don't hurt," I whispered. Shae reached her hand back to comfort my wolf, but it did little to calm me as I paced fretfully inside of my wolf's mind.

"What the hell have you done?" the alpha demanded, stepping closer and dragging Gavin with him. "Your eyes ... What the hell?"

Gavin twisted in his hold and I tried to go for him, but my wolf stopped me, holding me back behind Shae. There were no reassuring words, nothing but the wolf's strength and stubbornness to stop me from going to my son.

"Daddy!" Gavin cried, grabbing onto his wrist with both his hands. "Let go! Hurting me! Mommy!" He kicked out, but the alpha shook him.

"Hold still, you little brat!" he snarled down at him.

Gavin went quiet for a moment before his loud wail split the silence of the clearing. Big, fat tears streaked down his face and the sight of my child crying broke my wolf's hold on my mind. My consciousness rushed forward, and I stumbled around Shae's legs, motions jerky as I reached for Gavin.

"Leave him alone!" I cried, going for him.

Before I could reach him, the alpha brought his fist down on my cheek, sending me sprawling to the ground as pain split my face. I sobbed, covering my bleeding face with my hand as I reached for Gavin. His little fingers went out for me too, nearly touching me.

A fierce growl added to my cries, and I looked away from Gavin for a moment to see a large charcoal-colored wolf standing over us. The wolf stepped closer, her ears back, her teeth bared.

"Fucking bitch. I'll teach you to growl at me," the alpha snarled at her.

He tossed Gavin to the side, but I grabbed him, bracing his fall as I pulled him into my arms and hugged my body around him. I trembled as I waited for the yelling I knew would come. My mate needed me, and all I could do was shake as I held my son. I really wasn't worthy of her. At all. I buried my face in Gavin's bright blond hair and held him tightly as I waited for the confrontation to be over. The alpha needed Shae. He wouldn't really hurt her. He couldn't. He wasn't strong enough without her, and there was something coming. I didn't know what it was, but I remembered the look in his eyes, the way he'd seemed when I'd told him. And I knew he was afraid too. And though it was horrible, the knowledge that he needed Shae and wouldn't hurt her because of that very reason was the one thing I had hope for. I wished I could ask for more than that, but there was no way the alpha would allow her to get away completely unharmed.

I sobbed. I was a horrible mate. I knew this. Of course I was. I couldn't even bear to watch my mate be hurt by my alpha. If I were a good mate, if I were a strong wolf like Shae was, I would have been right there with her. I would have been able to shift. I would have left with her all those years ago. But, I realized with a shaking breath, if I had left when Shae had first asked me, I wouldn't have Gavin, and the precious little boy in my arms was someone that I loved dearly. Despite the events of his conception and birth, neither of which he had any fault in. I kissed his forehead and chanced opening my eyes, wondering at the silence that had fallen over the big back yard.

The dark gray wolf stood motionless in the middle of the yard, the alpha a few yards away from her, his body bent and crooked as he tried to shift. I felt his urgency, his call in my blood, but I refused the cry. Others would come. I was sure of it. And Shae must know that as well. But then why wasn't she attacking him now? He was weak as a human. As a shifting beast he was even more vulnerable. Why wasn't Shae going after him now?

"Kill him," I hissed, hoping she could hear me. "Kill him now!" She didn't seem like she could hear me though, though. Shae continued to stand there, watching the alpha's change until it was complete and a shiny white wolf lay on the grass, trembling at her feet. Only then did Shae move back, giving him more room.

I saw them come before Shae did. Men, women, and children began arriving all around them, circling them. I sat up and held Gavin against my chest, unwilling to let him see what was about to happen. Especially since I had no idea what was going to. But whatever it was, the whole pack had gathered to witness it. I closed my eyes, unsure if I wanted to see a fight between my mate and my alpha. But in the end I knew that I had to watch, even if it was just to be a witness to what was about to happen. Shae deserved that much. She had attacked him to defend me, after all. I owed her my attention for that act at the very least.

The alpha circled her, his head down and his teeth bared. Still, Shae didn't move. I frowned at her, wondering what she was waiting for. Had she lost her nerve? Had she given up? What was going on?

But then the alpha lunged at her, going for her front ankle and missing as Shae side-stepped him with a growl. She attacked him then, and the attack must have caught him by surprise because his much larger wolf was forced onto his back instantly. But her success didn't last long. She was pushed back off of him and tumbled into the dirt a few feet away. Shae got up quickly, though, much faster than he did, and she was back on him within the span of a heartbeat, her mouth open and her teeth bared for his throat.

I forced myself to watch, to ignore the men behind me as the wolves tumbled together in a mess of dust and snapping teeth. Dark blood matted the alpha's white fur, and I looked to see if Shae had been hurt as well, but her coat was much too dark to tell. Gasps broke the silence of the gathered crowd, but no one moved forward to help on either side. I was glad that none of the men jumped in to help the alpha, but I wished someone would help Shae. I started to understand why not, though, why no one would or could. This was honorable, though I hadn't seen something that resembled that description for many years. Not since Shae's father had lost his life in a fight much the same as this one. I tried not to think about that, not of his cries as the alpha had torn into him or his blood as it soaked into the ground. Shae needed me to be here, in this moment. And I would do my best to make sure I stayed that way. For Shae.